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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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I'm planning to date my friend's ex....
Q. Im really worried beacuse my friend broke up with her boyfriend just over a month ago because she dumped him because she realised she didnt actually fancy him. Anyway so since then we have become really close and have been texting and i really fancy ...
A. 5 June 2006: I think its really good and really decent of you to tell her. Firstly you need to relax, shes hardly likely to flip since not only did she dump him but it seems she has no interest in him whatsoever because she dumped him for not fancying him. Given ... (read in full...)
Married but exchanging erotic emails with another women
Q. My first cousin's wife and I have been exchanging erotic mails. We are both married and we discuss about sex lives and likes and dislikes. She has kids and I have none. There is a huge age difference between us but she seems comfortable about that. ...
A. 3 June 2006: I agree with Dr Pete, if this is just exchanging information and chatting then I dont see an harm in it. Its a little unclear what you mean by erotic emails, if you are talking heavy sexual flirting then I think its a problem and this is more than ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with a break-up?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for about 12 years and he has just split up with me i feel like my life has just ended help!!!!...
A. 3 June 2006: Well its only natural you should feel that way since this guy has been a huge part of your life for along time. I agree with what was said above and also think that it is important you give yourself time to heal. I think that although he was a big ... (read in full...)
My online guy won't ring me, only chats with me on IM!
Q. I met a guy off the internet about 3 months ago. He lives in GA, and I live in NC. It's about a 3 1/2 hour drive to see each other, but so far the distance hasn't been a problem because after talking to each other on the phone for a month or ...
A. 31 May 2006: Im not sure there is anything wrong with not wanting to turn the tv/stereo up too loud so as not to disturb this neighbour and it certainly doesnt indicate there is anything more to it, despite his feelings. Also I am a little confused because you ... (read in full...)
I made out with this guy from work and now it seems weird being around him. Should I just quit what I'm doing?
Q. Hi, I have started working in this business for about 2weeks, i love my work but there's this guy who works with me. He's not in my department but I see him most of the time. For the two weeks i've been there...we started talking alot. Everyone...
A. 31 May 2006: Work is where alot of people meet future patners and hook up with others because its somewhere we spend alot of our lives. I dont think you are bein unprofessional as long as you dont let it affect your working life too much. Try and seperate the ... (read in full...)
How can I find a relationship where the sex doesn't leave me feeling disappointed?
Q. I met a guy really liked, but met him in a club. Met him several times, thought I could really talk to him. Eventually met him again at the club, this time tipsy. Went back to his place and had sex with him (protected). Got up next morning and felt...
A. 27 May 2006: I dont think it is you at all. Speaking personally for a second, although I am often tempted by something more casual, i find that sex in a committed relationship is better. I think one of the things is time here. You say you met several times and ... (read in full...)
I know he has a girlfriend, but I cant stop thinking about him!
Q. I met a guy who I was instantly attracted to and it was pretty obvious he was attracted to me (he wasnt subtle about it at all). I wanted to ask him out but then I found out he had a girlfriend and thought it would be a bad idea....but then asked ...
A. 26 May 2006: If he is unhappy with the situation then in all fairness to his gf he should sort that out before dating somebody else. He should leave if he doesnt want in the relationship not cheat with you. You did the right thing in not contacting him again. If ... (read in full...)
Made a mistake and visited when he said not to. Was I really that wrong?
Q. My boyfriend works every single day. He gets up at 4 am and goes to sleep when he gets home. One day he was home so I called him and asked him if I could come see him. He said no but I went anyways because I feel like I never see him. His grandma ...
A. 25 May 2006: Yes and no. Its not wrong to want to spend some time together and this is defiantly an issue you need to address if you are feeling neglected but you do have to consider his working patterns and the fact he needs rest.
It is right to say that you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to sleep with his friend
Q. I'm 18 and have been dating my 21 year old boyfriend for 6 months. He's a virgin, and surprisingly, doesn't want sex at all but suggested to me that I should sleep with his friend instead. I'm not a virgin; I've had sex once with my only other bo...
A. 25 May 2006: Has he told you why he wants you to sleep with his friend?? Is he saving himself and waiting until hes sure you are the one? Maybe he is trying to be unselfish and thinks while he doesnt need the sex you may or is it a voyeuristic fantasy?? Does he ... (read in full...)
Am I stuck in the dreaded "Friendship Zone" or do I have a chance with this guy?
Q. Not sure where I am with this guy who I’ve been close friends with for 5 months. I’d say I’m too cautious with men, and in some ways would like to overcome it. However, I want to know if this guy is a player, is confused, or being a gentleman. H...
A. 25 May 2006: I think you need to tread carefully, this is something you already recognise I think. You cant put a time scale on recovering from a break-up but if he was showing you this affection before he split with his ex then you can pretty much rule out this ... (read in full...)
Why can't I get over the "bad boy" I haven't seen for six months?
Q. I liked this guy for so so long. He has loads of different girls. I slept with him twice cos I naively thought that he would like me back. He txt me saying 'I've always liked you. I want you to take me seriously and I want us to have fun together...
A. 25 May 2006: I have to say I think you did right in not seeing him because at least on the surface it shows he has no power over you and he sounds like the type that would exploit your vulnerability to his own ends. It seems to me that you see something in his ... (read in full...)
Should I go for a younger guy ?
Q. I am 27 and have gotten really close to one of my brother friends - the only problem is he is only 17. We get on so well and he would be my ideal guy if he was older, he says he wants to be with me and the age thing shouldn't matter but I am ...
A. 24 May 2006: Whether age gap relationships actually work depends on alot of things, mostly if you have enough in common to keep the relationship alive. Certain people gel better with people different ages so its not impossible.
Its obvious it matters to you s... (read in full...)
Do guys wait to make a move?
Q. hey i was just wondering if majority of guys will make a move as soon as they like a girl or do they tend to wait like us girls until they make a move first and after they make a move do you just go for it without thinking?...
A. 23 May 2006: Speaking personally I usually make a move quickly - too quickly i guess. I think generally guys are expected to make the first move so they tend to but any number of factors can affect this. For example if the guy is insecure or shy then he ... (read in full...)
Is he crying and asking me to stay because he's in love or because he's upset?
Q. My boyfriend has been having a tough time lately. He moved out of his ex's home they shared with their kid. He says hes having trouble coping being away from his kid. He says he doesnt know what he want, he says he loves and cares for me but he ...
A. 23 May 2006: Well I think things are as he says and that he is pretty confused as to what he wants. Having said that, from what you write here, he is not missing his ex but just his kid so I think you should take heart from that. What you do is up to you but I ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is being offish.. How can I show her my true feelings??
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months now. About 2 months ago, I really upset her. She told me about her previous sexual experience and it freaked me out and I reacted really badly to it and said some really hurtful things. She was mad at me ...
A. 22 May 2006: Yes there is hope but she has to be willing to give it time and you have to recognise there is a chance that you are indeed chasing amy. Obviously the problem is not that you make her feel unloved or dont show you affection. You also have to accept ... (read in full...)
For the males... Being a dad, a privelage or problem??
Q. hello i just wanted a mans opinion, if a man decides to have nothing to do with you if they get you pregnant do they ever think about there child at all or do they have no feelings towards it at all...
A. 22 May 2006: Well to be honest I wouldnt think much of a man like that. It is possible they are scared and are running away and still do care about the child and even you but that doesnt excuse them leaveing you.
I would hope they have feelings but its hard... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with someone online, but he won't come and meet me! It's been a year already...
Q. Hi, I'm 26 female, and I really need help... I met someone online, and I know online chat is only for entertainment and not for a serious one, but this one I am serious. I met someone for the past 1 year and 7 months and I'm sure I love this guy, ...
A. 20 May 2006: Hiya,
I mostly agree with Country Women except it doesnt sound like he has asked for money and it sounds like he could have some serious emotional problems (the threatening to hurt himself).
The bottom line is that neither me nor you nor anyb... (read in full...)
His very special to me but he is so lazy!
Q. dear cupid,i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we are the BEST of friends..BIG problem he,s LAZY!!!!He makes excuses to not work and everytime i say something about working he gets upset.people tell me to DUMP him,but he,s very special ...
A. 19 May 2006: You may need to be preapred to dump him maybe or at least threaten it and mean it to move him. I would be interested to know what his excuses are so maybe we can see if there is something else behind this. Is he legthargic and bed ridden? Moody? If ... (read in full...)
Is my ex a friend or more
Q. I don't know how i feel about my ex. When we were together it was amazing, my best ever relationship, and i think because of that i feel as though i'm really close to him now. We're friends, but i don't think he realises how significant he is to me. ...
A. 18 May 2006: I think the only sure way you can know is to ask outright. Sometimes exs stay friends and sometimes they do not, there is no hard and fast rules, it tends to depend on how the break-up went and other things. Generally speaking it is true that an ex ... (read in full...)
Not pregnant but should I tell my boyfriend?
Q. need advice,i had a pregnancy scare last week, im not!! but do i need to tell my bf or is there any point in worryin him since theres really nothin to worry about? also the reason i was worried is because we had stopped using condoms (im on the pill...
A. 17 May 2006: I think I would prefer to be told. Make it part of your explanation for why you want him to use condoms in future -although I am sure you do not need a reason as you stated I am sure it will help him if he knows your reasoning and in general it is ... (read in full...)
Should i trust his cheating friend
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, but have known each other for some time now. Our relationship is great except for one problem, he is still cool with this girl who he helped cheat on her boyfriend. I am usually an understanding ...
A. 16 May 2006: I think Yos has pretty much hit the nail on the head here. All I would add is that it doesnt necessarily follow that because he helped her cheat he would cheat on you. I have to confess I have been the other person before but that doesnt mean *I* ... (read in full...)
Are soulmates destined to be together? How do you tell?
Q. Is it true that if two people are meant to be together, they will be together...like fate? Or is it all just rubbish? Is there anyway to tell if you're meant to be with someone?...
A. 15 May 2006: This is a really big question because its something that alot of people are looking for. I think the term is more 'soul-mates', I think there are a collection of people out there who orbit close to you, some closer than others. The future is a ... (read in full...)
Does my ex-girlfriend still care about me and want me back?
Q. So my ex and I were getting along fairly well as friends even though I still love her. The semester just ended (we go to the same college), and I went out to drink and celebrate. When I got back, I IM'd her and we were talking lightly, joking, ...
A. 15 May 2006: Yes I think its possible she still cares. On the other hand, and you probably wont like this but here goes, that doesnt mean she cares in a relationship sense or cares enough to get back with you. Nothing you have put here suggests anything out of ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend tries to make me jealous, can this be bad for the relationship?
Q. my girlfriend always try's to make me jealous. is that bad for our relationship? she makes up stuff but i know she's lying is that good or bad what she's doing...
A. 15 May 2006: Its bad but it could also point to her wanting more attention of you and maybe not feeling wanted enough. I would think carefully about how you treat her and try and do things that make her feel more wanted not just emotionally but sexually too.
... (read in full...)
Our relationship has hit the rocks...
Q. well me and my boyfriend was living together and now he decided that i move out as we was arguing so i live with his mum now he lives with his mate and there are lasses there and we arnt engaged no more and he wants to take it day by day and he wont ...
A. 14 May 2006: Well I think we need alot more detail in order to answer this properly to be honest. Did he say why he wanted you to move out? What was causing the rows? Do you think its possible he just wanted space and felt that moving in together crowded him ... (read in full...)
There shouldn't be any rush to be in love, should there?
Q. I am confused as to what real love is and maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself and my bf to feel it or have it between us...maybe I'm expecting too much...I told my bf I loved him on Easter and since then I've been second guessing as to ...
A. 14 May 2006: Paying is one of those things that each individual has different views on - I have had gfs who absolutley wont let me pay anything other than half and others who dont mind. Personally I would say halves is the ideal - after all a partnership is ... (read in full...)
My husband had an "email affair" (maybe more?) and not sure I'll ever get over it...
Q. This happened a few years ago but there are times it comes back to haunt me. My husband had an 'emotional' affair. This all started happening when our kids were 6 and 2. He always talked about "Kim" at work...she's so nice, blah, blah. I always ...
A. 12 May 2006: If you were looking around in his emails I would say you definatly didnt trust him deep in your mind somewhere was always a nagging doubt - thinking he wouldnt do this was what you wanted to believe on the surface.
I think you need to comfront... (read in full...)
I want to be with one guy, but I don't want to hurt him because of the other... I need help!
Q. there are two guys - one of whom (guy a) has been a kind of "friend with benefits" for a while, the other (guy b) i am totally in love with and we hook up occasionally but nothing ever comes of it. the thing is that everytime im with guy a i gen...
A. 12 May 2006: I think you have to be quite hard on yourself. Obviously there are some unresolved issues with guy b and resolving those is the first thing you need to do. I think you need to tell him how you feel. If nothing comes of it then you at least you have ... (read in full...)
Should I stay here or move to be with my boyfriend when he goes overseas?
Q. My boyfriend of 18 months is soon moving overseas. It was something he had planned before we got together,and I guess he wants to experience the world by himself, and gain freedom and independence to see what it's like. However, I hate the thought ...
A. 12 May 2006: Hmm this is tricky. Either way you risk something, if you let go you run the risk that you wont be able to get closure knowing that there was a possibility it could of worked out, if you bank on him asking you to join him then you run the risk he ... (read in full...)
She doesn't return my calls, and now she wants space to reorganize her life! What's going on?
Q. I am in a relationship where both of us are recently divorced. The relationship has been long distance for them most part I has been on active duty in a different state than her. Every thing was going fine until about two months ago. She has a very ...
A. 11 May 2006: If you dont want to walk away then take the middle road. Stop emailing and calling her and even asking too. If you think about it before when you gave her space she came back to you and the odds are that if you do the same you will get the same ... (read in full...)
Do guys like it when girls ask them out or not? Wha do you think?
Q. i have a real problem. this one guy flirts with me and he acts like he likes me. he looks at me and when i look at him he looks away. i really like him and dont know if he likes me back. is he playing the flirting game or should i ask him out? and ...
A. 11 May 2006: Well, to start at the top, he may well be playing the flirting game but that doesnt mean he would say no. All the things you mention suggest that there is at least some interest there. How you build on that you need to play by ear I think.
I thi... (read in full...)
He got an email from a dating site, but he says it's just junk mail. Do I believe him?
Q. I've been in a relationship for 4 years and we have a 16 month old son together, he keeps thinkin that hes not his. Year ago got a email on these internet phones from this cupid dating agencies, every time i mention it he keeps saying that there ...
A. 11 May 2006: I am a little unclear as to the connection with the phone. Its certainly possible that it's junk mail because even after you cancel membership or in some cases never apply for these things they continue to spam you. I have even had emails saying i ... (read in full...)
I can't remember the last time he said "I love you"...
Q. i have been going out with my boyfriend for two anf a half years now and hes starting to go distant on me. We broke up about a year ago because he got back with his ex that didnt last long and he realised it was me he wanted. But now he says im ...
A. 10 May 2006: He seems to have something on his mind and it maybe that is nothing to do with your relationship. I think you do need to get to the bottom of this but you obviously cant try the direct approach, so give him the space but make sure the time you spend ... (read in full...)
My partner is emailing other women!
Q. my partner 34 whom i have lived with for 5 yrs has been emailing another woman. i found this out when i looked at his emails. (he never told me)i confronted him and he confessed to emailing her for the past 3mths however insists that its just ...
A. 10 May 2006: It is a good sign that he has promised to respect your feelings on this. I wouldn't pretend to be him. If you have seen the emails then you know what the content is and you can make a judgement on that.
Also I wouldn't question your relation... (read in full...)
Worried that one of my friends has been calling my guy...
Q. Hi i am a 17 year old who is going through a rough time with my boyfriend. A few weeks ago i moved away from my boyfriend and it has been the hardest time ever. My boyfriend and I are very much in love and this past weekend i went to visit him. Well ...
A. 10 May 2006: Well it would appear that something is being hidden here between the two of them and you do need to get to the bottom of it. There is nothing wrong with calling in my eyes as long as its platonic. To a degree, if he is missing you, it maybe a ... (read in full...)
Has this relationship run its course?
Q. i need help with my relationship , we have been together for 2 yrs now and at first it was great . we both wanted a child i already have 2 he has 1 , and to also get married but all this has changed he doesnt always come to bed he says he just falls ...
A. 9 May 2006: It may have. I think you need to choose between confronting your partner and telling him whats what or ending it. If you dont end it or sort it you will most likely end up cheating and then the whole thing will be a downward spiral.
Which... (read in full...)
Is our relationship coming to an end??
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and although I love him very much I feel a bit trapped in the relationship. He is 10 years older than me and I feel as though I am living the life of a much older woman and missing out. But i do love him...
A. 9 May 2006: If somethings dont change then the answer has to be yes. Obviously this other guy has/is giving you something that you dont have in your current relationship. Your choices now pretty much fall into two options:
1) Try and fix your current relation... (read in full...)
I don't think I'll beable to deal with it when we break up, I love him sooo much...
Q. hi, i have a boyfriend who i have fallen in love with, the problem is, all i can think about is when we actually do break up, we have been close to breaking up quite a few times and just carried on when the arguements sorted them selves out. But...
A. 9 May 2006: Fear, if it is powerful enough can become a self-fufilling prophercy. In other words your fear of breaking-up could be leading to act in ways that cause crisies in the relationship thus making it more likely you actually break-up.
I think wh... (read in full...)
How and when should I get back together with her?
Q. I was dating this girl for about 6 months until things started to get rough. Before we were totally in love and thinking our love will last forever. Then we saw each other all the time, every day, and i started losing my friends. So did she. I ...
A. 8 May 2006: Well the first thing you need to do is open the channels of communication, so a txt or an IM on Messenger would start the ball rolling. Dont launch into it, just chat, ask how shes been do all that stuff and then see where the flow of the ... (read in full...)
Why am I afraid to communicate with my partner??
Q. i have problems communiating with my partner and not sure why. i know i am scared of being hurt but i know if you dont take the chance you will never know if that could have been the one. but my question is why am i so afraid to communicate with ...
A. 8 May 2006: I think you answer your own question here - you are scared of getting hurt so that is what is holding you back. Telling somebody you love them is a big commitment, its like giving a part of yourself to that person and you are investing an awful lot ... (read in full...)
Are YOU in love with your partner or do you just lust for them?
Q. Are you in love with your partner... or do u lust for them? (there is a difference)...
A. 6 May 2006: No I dont think it is because love can sometimes, but not always, grow out of lust and, as has been said, they can complement each other.... (read in full...)
My husband had an "email affair" (maybe more?) and not sure I'll ever get over it...
Q. This happened a few years ago but there are times it comes back to haunt me. My husband had an 'emotional' affair. This all started happening when our kids were 6 and 2. He always talked about "Kim" at work...she's so nice, blah, blah. I always ...
A. 25 January 2006: I agree that you shouldn't torture yourself over this. You have been the model wife and if you torture yourself it will only make you feel worse. I am glad you are considering counselling and hope it helps and hope that he has the decency to support ... (read in full...)
My husband had an "email affair" (maybe more?) and not sure I'll ever get over it...
Q. This happened a few years ago but there are times it comes back to haunt me. My husband had an 'emotional' affair. This all started happening when our kids were 6 and 2. He always talked about "Kim" at work...she's so nice, blah, blah. I always ...
A. 24 January 2006: Well it is totally understandable in my eyes that you are not able to get over this. He told you allot of lies and if he is continuing to conceal his relationship with this women, even if it is in fact purely via e-mail, then it is debateable ... (read in full...)
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