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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 23 April 2006: Hiya Softie and Carebare,
Thanks for your replies. I have stopped torturing myself over this to be honest, enough people have told me that im not wrong to be hurt and jealous for me to know im not overreacting. She told me he did try it on but n... (read in full...)
Fear of rejection came true, What can I do?
Q. Hi I asked a girl out but she said no (though not exaclty like that) and that it wasn't me the reason why. My assumption is that it is me which is the reason why she wouldn't go out with me even though she said it wasn't. Is this correct?...
A. 23 April 2006: Well, I think its highly likely your assumption is in fact based on your previous fear to be honest. The way people feel about each other differs from person to person and some people simply dont fit together either as partners or as potential ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has started claqmming up, What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend is usually really open with me and will tell me everything that's going on with him or bothering him, but lately he has been a little moody or lackluster...like his usual bright mood has been dampened, I did ask him what's wrong and if ...
A. 23 April 2006: This is quite a confusing question because it is prefaced by saying that your bf is normally open but then says this has happened before and suggests this is not always the case. In general I think it would be fair to say you have communication ... (read in full...)
Scared of commitment, Just want to be friends...
Q. I have been seeing this guy for about a month. He is realy nice and kind, but I can't help having the feeling that i am not sure about our relationship! He is very possessive of me, and he has told all of his friends about us and all of the people o...
A. 22 April 2006: I think you do have to tell him how you feel before this gets out of hand to be honest. Going out with somebody so as not to upset them is not a good basis to start things. The grim truth is that the further you let things progress, the deeper he ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Irish,
I agree with alot of what you have said and recognise that it is something I need to do; it is baggage that we both carry and the thing is the baggage is different baggage and we are both in our own different ways letting it control ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Irish,
I agree with alot of what you have said and recognise that it is something I need to do; it is baggage that we both carry and the thing is the baggage is different baggage and we are both in our own different ways letting it control ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Willy,
He's just a friend. The thing with her first ex was pretty much resolved when we talked on MSN (me and him), I said if it would make her happy I would be happy for them both since despite what he did he is genuinely remorseful and ther... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Bridget,
Yes she is very insecure. Shes not really talked to me on MSN at all today to be honest. I guess we will find out in May??... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Just to clarify; the reaction provocation usually gets is a sprial of depression and self-loathing on my part lol, update is we are talking, just chatting but shes obviously angry. ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Thank you Prunella :),
We have exchanged harsh words verbally in the past but I would never but ever dream of hurting physically or else abusing her in any way. I have said some hurtful things (like called her a user) which I regret very much but... (read in full...)
If he chested on other girlfriends does it mean he will cheat on me?
Q. Hello!I am a bit worried because in the past my boyfriend has had a lot of girls before me and he has often cheated on them.We've been together for 4 months and he says he loves me and that he's 30 and mature and his past is behind him,and he ...
A. 22 April 2006: I agree with Prunella. I think you do have to give him a clean-slate first off. It comes down to innocent until proven guilty. Having said that if he gives you reason to suspect something then dont hesitate to speak to him about it.
One thing I ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Rj :),
I think its alot to do with not having met and not being near at the moment. As regards the specific friend I'm not sure to be honest. The way he behaved over the flowers doesnt endear him to me as a person. Ive spoken to her first ex... (read in full...)
Love Triangle?
Q. i don't understand...i love my boyfreind to death but sometimes it seems like we have nothing in common like sumtimes we would be tallking for hours on teh phone and then the next night most of teh converstaion is us listening to each other breath. ...
A. 21 April 2006: Well the problem here could be overkill on the phone conversation. I am assuming this is a long distance relationship because you dont mention going out; if it isnt then try doing something that will stimulate conversation like go to the pictures. ... (read in full...)
This is graphic and gross but I need to know if it is WRONG - we get married in a month!
Q. OK... now, this might get a bit graphic (and gross!), sorry. But, I really want to know if this is common with men. I'm 24 and by boy friend is 25. We are in a relationship for the last one year. We are going to be married soon (in a month or so). ...
A. 21 April 2006: I used to give my ex wet dreams by doing something similar. Even stroking her neck and face aroused her, both of which could reasonably be considered non-sexual expressions of affection. As I understand it from my past and from talking to female ... (read in full...)
I think my bf is cheating and he is always angry at me!!
Q. hey, I dont know what to do in my relationship i think my boyfriend is cheating on me i have been with him for a while now and i cant seem to ask him a question without him being angry with me and he does try to get me out of his house. plz help ...
A. 21 April 2006: As Danielle kind of implied, unless you have other reasons for feeling this way or concrete proof, I would avoid thinking he is cheating. Especially dont bring it up to him unless you have the above since a false allegation of cheating is hardly ... (read in full...)
I want to be with him but I want my freedom!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and i am begining to feel trapped in our relationship and can never do what i want to to. I feel as though he doesn't trust me. His sister is my best friend and ever since we have been together i haven't ...
A. 21 April 2006: I think you need to be upfront and tell him how you feel, I can understand being insecure but the notion that you would do something while out with his sister is a little absurd to be honest.
Controlling behaviour does tend to be a symptom ... (read in full...)
After three loving years something has changed and now she's not sure we're meant to be...
Q. Hi All, Sorry this is going to be a long post... I've been in a deep and passionate relationship for a little over 3 years now. Within the last couple months something has changed and when we talk about it, she says she cant put her finger on ...
A. 21 April 2006: Things like this do not simply change overnight for no reason, even if your gf isnt consciously aware of it then something, on a sub-conscious level has caused this shift.
In that sense, this trial seperation may be benificial in that, given sp... (read in full...)
Can I help her through her depression of should I just leave her alone?
Q. hello people once again i'm after advice or in some sense reasurrance, my relationship has it breaking point my girlfriend says she is not happy with life but although she loves me and says i've done nothing wrong she says she don't know if she can ...
A. 20 April 2006: First things first I think it is only natural to feel rejected in your situation but although it is hard and easy for me to say this you do have to try and stay strong. I would recommend you try and create your own support network of people you can ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of my pattern of low self esteem and not feeling worthy enough?
Q. I am in a relationship with a woman that I love and respect dearly. She is an amazing person to say the least. I have a low self-esteem especially when trying to feel 'worthy' of being with her. She is very easy to get along with and there rea...
A. 20 April 2006: There must be some reason you are unable to let go; normally in these cases the reason is something from your past that you feel responsible for but in all reality was probably not your fault. I think you need to think if there is anything in your ... (read in full...)
How can i support my bf through tough times??
Q. hi...i have a really weid question..my boyfreind had been going though sum hard times and he wants a shoulder to lean on and i wanna be that shouldr yet dun't know how..i don't know what to say. I mean he made those choices and now he has to live ...
A. 19 April 2006: Hiya,
Sometimes its not what you say but its all about what you do and just listerning. People dont always want advice; sometimes they just want to vent their emotions. While it is true he made those choices and he does have to accept the conseque... (read in full...)
Should I dump my needy, clingy girlfriend first before I hook up with the new chick - or should I "overlap" them!?
Q. I'm in a sort of complex situation and I'm hoping to get some outside advice on the situation. Lately, I've started to lose the feelings I've had for my current girlfriend - she's become possesive and needy and is constantly depressed. I've already ...
A. 19 April 2006: Well it seems to me that your change of feelings is a reaction to your gf,s neediness. It's a natural reaction in some ways and comes down to something like cause=effect. She is pushing for your attention and time and you are finding that too much ... (read in full...)
Was what I did cheating?
Q. Did I cheat on my ex boyfriend? I went out dancing with friends once and danced with this guy kinda close (but i had no feelings for or attraction to). Later on in the relationship i broke up with him, and a few days later we got back together. ...
A. 19 April 2006: Imho what you did was not and never will be cheating. In some cultures a kiss on the cheek is a standard greeting and so can be considered platonic. Even the lying was justifiable in your position.
You never did anything to deserve what your boy... (read in full...)
Why he is not jealous?
Q. I have been dating my bf for almost half year, he rarely looks jealous. He liked to party, to revenge, I went to party this weekend and two guys walked around to ask my numbers, I told him later on, he just asked, "did you give it to them?" My ...
A. 18 April 2006: I am not sure wanting your partner to be jealous is a good thing. He asked if you gave it them and that showed he was bothered. Maybe it is a good sign that he feels secure in the relationship and settled.
With regards to the question of partying... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared!
Q. Hello, I'm really getting conserned. I've written recently about my bf who came from New York on Thurs, but hasn't bothered to call me nor text me as his phone is off. Now I find myself worried because he has basically disappeared, he sent m...
A. 17 April 2006: Hiya,
While moderating I came across the following in the 'questions' section. I think it belongs here so I thought I would cut and paste below so people can still see it. Can I just ask the questioner to make sure they respond in the answers ... (read in full...)
My bf cheats and verbally abuses me but I am worried our daughter will resent me!!!
Q. My Bf and I are on the verge of splitting up, he has been cheating on me and although promises it's all finished, I dont see how we can get through this. The problem is, we have a 10 month old daughter. And I'm so worried in later life she'll r...
A. 17 April 2006: Hiya,
I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. Ultimately you have to look out for your own happiness because if you bring your daughter up in this enviroment then it is likely to damage her than if you make a break from this guy. Also, it... (read in full...)
How can I get back at my boyfriend, but not destroy the relationship?
Q. What is the best way to get back at your boyfriend for hurting you, lying to you, making you feel as though you are not important enough? But just enough for him to see what he has and take better care of it, and respect it, and the relationship, ...
A. 17 April 2006: You are probably not going to like this but if you take the revenge route then there is every chance the relationship will end in a spiral of tit-for-tat reprisals. If you were outside a relationship but being played id suggest you make it clear ... (read in full...)
How can I get back at my boyfriend, but not destroy the relationship?
Q. What is the best way to get back at your boyfriend for hurting you, lying to you, making you feel as though you are not important enough? But just enough for him to see what he has and take better care of it, and respect it, and the relationship, ...
A. 17 April 2006: You are probably not going to like this but if you take the revenge route then there is every chance the relationship will end in a spiral of tit-for-tat reprisals. If you were outside a relationship but being played id suggest you make it clear ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend only with me because his ex rejected him?
Q. Hi im in a bit of a tricky situation and I really need some advice before i drive myself crazy. Ive been seeing a guy since last august n its now starting to get serious. The problem is his ex. He was with her for nearly four years and I actually...
A. 17 April 2006: I have to agree with Smeedle here. He doesnt sound totally over her. Keeping momentos is sometimes ok and doesnt always mean that the person on question is treasureing some fond times but the fact that she still holds sway over his actions would ... (read in full...)
I cheated ten times with a guy I don't even want a relationship with... I feel terrible!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years. Around this time last year we we're going thru a rough patch. A uni friend (mr x) at the same time had just split up from his girlfriend. One night whilst out with friends, mr x confessed to me that ...
A. 17 April 2006: Well I think you have to address the problems in your relationship with your bf if you want to make things better. Obviously Mr X gives you something you bf doesnt be it sexually or emotionally and this is why you keep cheating.
You said that the... (read in full...)
What new features do you want to see?
Q. Hi guys Last time I asked what new features people would like on here, they replied "private messaging" and "forums"... Well, now they exist, what *next* ? Anything? Online dating? Online chat? Cuter "look"? Online journals? Article...
A. 16 April 2006: I think a chat room would be good but as long as it was hosted,i think it would also add to the lighter social side of the site that has kind of been developed with the forums. As for design, i think i have seen a alternative 'lighter' one which i ... (read in full...)
Without TV or movies, I don't think my boyfriend and I would interact at all!
Q. I care for my boyfriend a lot, but I think there a lack of communication and it does not seem to flow so easy, which find hard to believe because were been with each a quite a while: 7 months now. I talk to him mostly every day, but online I...
A. 16 April 2006: Do you ever talk to your bf about your day? Tell him what he did or ask what he did? What interests do you both have? Specific band? Reading? Books? Sports? Do you ever talk about 'big' things like future plans, dreams?
All those are things y... (read in full...)
Was our sex consensual or was I sexually assualted?
Q. I want to know if I was indeed sexually assaulted by my ex-boyfriend. I was sleeping at his house (we had done this several times but I had never had sex with him), and I woke up to him starting to finger me. He also gave me oral sex. I was surp...
A. 16 April 2006: Hiya,
Just to clarify I did mean the fact that you stayed with him afterwards and had sex *on subsequent occasions*, sorry if that was unclear. As has been said, it doesnt chnage what happened on this first time but it would be used to muddy th... (read in full...)
My parents aren't keen on my relationship (different race, faiths) and that they know we're incompatible anyway!
Q. I am a 20 year old girl, with a boyfriend of the same age. We've been seeing each other for a little over a year now.. Thing is.. i really really like this guy, and we are very happy together. However, we are of different race, religion, and cu...
A. 15 April 2006: It's a cliche but ultimately it is your life. If you really like and want to be with this guy then the trade-off may well be that your parents are upset even for a time. However, if they see that he is making you happy and treating you well they ... (read in full...)
Was our sex consensual or was I sexually assualted?
Q. I want to know if I was indeed sexually assaulted by my ex-boyfriend. I was sleeping at his house (we had done this several times but I had never had sex with him), and I woke up to him starting to finger me. He also gave me oral sex. I was surp...
A. 15 April 2006: Because you said 'no' then the sex was clearly not consensual so yes you were in the correct and also legal definition of the offence, raped. However as others have said you are going to have an awful lot of difficulty convicting as it appears you ... (read in full...)
Can a girl love a guy she has asked for a break from??
Q. My girlfriend recently asked me for a break to reasess the relationship and her feelings. We have been arguing alot lately.Is it because her feelings have changed and she doesnt love me anymore, or because she does but is just frustrated? Can a girl ...
A. 14 April 2006: I think the answer to this one is yes, no and maybe. It really depends on the underlying cause of the request for a break which could be many. For example, maybe she has suffered a traumatic even recently and that has undermined her faith in her ... (read in full...)
We just don't talk or do anything anymore and I don't know why his feelings changed!
Q. This is completely ridiculous...me and my boyfriend for almost a year now are really shy when it comes to each other...well kind of. It took us about 7 months before I got the nerve to ask him to do something (just the two of us because we usually ...
A. 14 April 2006: I dont think his feelings for you changed, what is more likely is that seeing you get in that car traiggered some deep-seated insecurities. It sounds to me, reading from the screen, that you are both insecure.
I think you need to work on breaking... (read in full...)
I was so sure she liked me but she said 'no'. Is she surpressing her feelings??
Q. Hi. I've had a crush on a girl who used to go to my old school since she returned from Italy (she went for 2 years). I decided to ask her out over MSN; I couldn't take it anymore. She said no, even though I ewas so sure she liked me. Her friends ...
A. 13 April 2006: Sadly for you I have to agree here with the other answer here. The kisses mean almost nothing and could simply be an expression of friendly affection. Being friends with her brother may make you a little 'close to home' maybe to much so for comfort ... (read in full...)
It doesnt feel like he is committed to me. What do i do??
Q. I was meant to be seeing D this thurs or fri as i never saw him last week as he worked late. He only see's me once a fortnight and im getting a bit fed up with it all. I like him an awful lot and we get on well, we're great friends really but we d...
A. 13 April 2006: I kind of agree with the other answer. Reading off the screen it seems to me that he is giving you all he can right now and I think that although you recognise that it is frustrating you a little?
I think if you push him directly for more it ... (read in full...)
If I travel with him will he think I'm needy!!!
Q. I'm not sure if I really want to take a trip with my boyfriend. A friend of mine and a guy are also travelling with us. I offered to stay with her and wanted both the boys to stay together, but she said she wanted to stay with her guy. I'm not sure...
A. 12 April 2006: Hiya,
No worries. I have to be honest and say it doesnt seem good at all. Have the issues that caused the break-up really been resolved? It seems to me just reading off the screen that you and your bf have alot of work to do on your relation... (read in full...)
Can i hurry him to confront his feelings??
Q. I need some advice. I split from my boyfriend two months ago and I hope a reconciliation may soon be on the cards. Although he is seeing someone else at the moment he says things aren’t going as planned and that he still feels a lot for me. He is cu...
A. 12 April 2006: I think the short answer is no, you cant hurry him. If you do you run the risk you will have the opposite result to the one you intend.
Your best plan of advance is to subtly remind him and reassure him of how you feel. Exert pressure but in a gen... (read in full...)
I'm really depressed and need good advice on how to help myself!
Q. I split up with my girlfriend 4 months ago - im 27 and feel chronically depressed at the moment. On top of feeling like I want my ex back, even though she is now seeing someone else - I feel like im going to be 'left on the shelf' as most of my fr...
A. 12 April 2006: I would agree with Mystic. Chat rooms might help a little but I would advise you to be careful of them as they can be a bit of a minefield if you are feeling a little emotionally vulnerable.
Try and widen you circle of friends with the aid of t... (read in full...)
If I travel with him will he think I'm needy!!!
Q. I'm not sure if I really want to take a trip with my boyfriend. A friend of mine and a guy are also travelling with us. I offered to stay with her and wanted both the boys to stay together, but she said she wanted to stay with her guy. I'm not sure...
A. 12 April 2006: Personally, it wouldnt bother me but although I am a guy I am not your bf. Does your friends guy have a problem with the arangements she wants? I have to ask why you almost split up, did he feel you were too needy?
It seems to me that you have... (read in full...)
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