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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Are YOU in love with your partner or do you just lust for them?
Q. Are you in love with your partner... or do u lust for them? (there is a difference)...
A. 6 May 2006: No I dont think it is because love can sometimes, but not always, grow out of lust and, as has been said, they can complement each other.... (read in full...)
Is it best to ask him out face to face or by text?
Q. hi i am 15. is it best to ask a boy out face to face or text? would it make a boy feel shy and awkward if i asked him face to face or would it make him like me more? plz answer this, i really want to ask face to face cos will it boost my confiden...
A. 6 May 2006: Speaking personally I would prefer face-to-face. I have never liked doing important things by txt because the problem is words can easily be misinterpreted but if you go with face-to-face then you get the whole package and can see each others body ... (read in full...)
He and I have power struggles and he never wants to make the efforts in this relationship. Help!
Q. Me and my boyf have been together 18 months. We love each other but hes so stubborn. If we get invited to events as a couple he often says no. Its like theres a power struggle, he doesnt want to do what i want all the time. Sometimes we arrange a ...
A. 6 May 2006: Yes he is Zen, sorry to hear that. Hope it all pans out for you ok.... (read in full...)
Is my ex going to come back to me after her rebound?
Q. Hey guys, It's becoming clearer and clearer to me that my ex and her rebound guy won't work out. You know how you can kind of tell when a girl really digs a guy or not? I feel like she's just kind of using him to get over me, it's just a matt...
A. 6 May 2006: I would say there is a chance but dont bank on it. She may get really into this guy even if hes initially a rebound or she may split with him but not come back to you. This is probably the answer you dont want to hear so sorry for that but....
... (read in full...)
I'm engaged to a man whole calls me a "slag"... What do I do?
Q. I am engaged to a wonderful man, well he used to be wonderful. He has recently started being really nasty to me calling me a slag and rough. I have never cheated on him. He always apologises the day after but I can't take much more of it what do I ...
A. 6 May 2006: Well I think you need to comfront this behaviour straight away to be honest. Is there any reason he could be doing this, do you think he has unvoiced suspiscions for any reason? Has he been under alot of stress recently? Have you talked about his ... (read in full...)
My best friends have a baby, but they argue all the time and I'm stuck in the middle!
Q. two of my best friends had a baby in september 05. they get on well most of the time, but there are arguments as they are both as stubborn as one another. the recent arguement is whether the father can bring his best mate to the christening. the ...
A. 5 May 2006: This is a really horrible situation to be in and I think you need to talk to both of them, seperately to sort this out. Dont betray any confidences but explain your position, that you are both there friends and although you are there for both of ... (read in full...)
I think she's scared of commitment, what can I do to help her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both 19, i've had quite a few girlfriends in the past and she hasn't had any serious boyfriends. It hasn't been going very long and we have just had 3 weeks away from each other because of work and holiday, this means surely ...
A. 5 May 2006: I think in this instance the space signifies nothing more than what she says. As you have observed she is probably scared and she needs the space to get her head around things. Give her that space. Keep in touch but keep it light-hearted and maybe ... (read in full...)
We broke up because he said I was cheating on him, what should I do?
Q. I had been in a relationship with a classmate of mine and he called it quit alleging that I had been cheating on him with a close friend and a fellow classmate which is not true. In as much as i would say that I have let go, I don't know how to ...
A. 5 May 2006: Well I dont think you should drop your friends for his benefit. If you isolate yourself then you will be lonely and most likely more miserable. I think you need to see how things go between you two when you meet again, sometimes the anticipation of ... (read in full...)
He and I have power struggles and he never wants to make the efforts in this relationship. Help!
Q. Me and my boyf have been together 18 months. We love each other but hes so stubborn. If we get invited to events as a couple he often says no. Its like theres a power struggle, he doesnt want to do what i want all the time. Sometimes we arrange a ...
A. 4 May 2006: I agree with you....stand your ground and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love over the net?
Q. I am currently involved in an online/long distance relationship. Can you fall in love over the net? Is it expecting too much for me to want him to restrain from chatting to other women, especially ex's or girls who he had a previous interest in?? ...
A. 4 May 2006: Well, exs maybe the past but the past is part of who we are. I keep in touch with several exs but there is nothing more to it than friends and I would be deeply displeased if anybody tried to force me to lose them from my life, and I would say its ... (read in full...)
I really like this girl, but she's ruining her life. What can I do?
Q. There is this girl I really like but she seems to be intent on ruining her life. She had a bad time in the past with her last boyfriend who treated her badly. And now I think she has low self esteem and is insecure about herself. For the last y...
A. 4 May 2006: I think you need to keep showing you care and make little gestures that show her how special she is to you and ultimately you may have to be prepared to tell her how you feel. Buy her something she would like maybe and tell her how you feel.
... (read in full...)
Our relationship has gone long distance, now all we do is argue!
Q. i am 21 years old and i am in a long distance relationship my boyfriend i love him but we get into rediculous arguments i think becuase he is immature it wasn't always long distance but i am use to it now. i get very stressed out after an argument ...
A. 4 May 2006: Ok I think we need to start with what is causing the arguments. Is it his insecurities about being away from you? I think the the first thing you need to do is set aside some time for some serious but calm chat, say that you dont want an argument ... (read in full...)
Feel like new man is controlling me, What should I do??
Q. I have just turned forty and met the most amazing man. My daughter, family, friends and work mates all think he's wonderful. The problem is I feel smothered by him although he lets me do as I wish. He wants to spend 24/7 with me. What is wrong ...
A. 3 May 2006: I think the important thing here is that you set firm boundries and define your own space; explain to him that its not about anything other than your own space in a caring and reassureing way then he sould understand.
The reason you are not happ... (read in full...)
Will my ex want to hear from me?
Q. i don't know what to do, i broke up with my ex nearly 9 months ago and since him i've come across some really nice guys but i just don't fancy them. i'm still totally hung over my ex. my ex was my best friend aswel, but my friends have told me to ...
A. 3 May 2006: Well I think it does carry that risk but on the other hand in alot of ways the old feelings and emotions are still there already. Without knowing the circumstances of your break-up its impossible to know if he will be pleased to hear from you or ... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love over the net?
Q. I am currently involved in an online/long distance relationship. Can you fall in love over the net? Is it expecting too much for me to want him to restrain from chatting to other women, especially ex's or girls who he had a previous interest in?? ...
A. 2 May 2006: I have been involved in numerous net relationships and yes I think its possible to fall in love but you have to realise that until you meet, part of that love is a mental construction. Sometimes when you meet that part of the love you felt is what ... (read in full...)
Would like a separate life from boyfriend, What should I do?
Q. I lived with my boyfriend and he threw me out of his house, entirely devastating me. He said he couldn't handle being with me. I can never forgive him for what he did but we do still see each other. I have ended up living some where I don't want to ...
A. 2 May 2006: Well I think you have taken a few tiny first steps. The key things I would say are:
1) Your own social circle. Even this is people from work who you like to hang out with then that is a healthy start. That way you gain friends who can play an ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between "loving" and "being in love with" someone?
Q. Hi, My partner and I had a discussion on 'just loving someone' and 'being in love'. He doesn't see a difference. He believes that when two people are in a relationship and they love each other then they are 'in love together'. This came abou...
A. 1 May 2006: A good question. I think the point has been well made here; the difference is almost organisational in the sense that the 'in' bit of love 'in love' means being in a relationship with your lover.
I think you are in danger of elevating form ove... (read in full...)
I seem very emotionally over wrought at times...so unlike me. What's going on?
Q. Why am i so emotional all of a sudden? Hi, im 19, and have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months now. The last 4 months of my life have been the most emotional ever, i've had some highs, and some very low, low's too. Sometimes i can...
A. 30 April 2006: Well its not a weird question at all to my mind. I think you need to think about what has been changing in your life and what could have caused this. Do you love your gf? Has this triggered some deep seated fears? Is this your first serious ... (read in full...)
The sex life has dried up..do I leave or just have an affair on her?
Q. help me i am married. have been for ten years have two children 2 and 5 we have a ok marriage the normal ups and downs but the sex life has dried up so help what can i do. i feel like leaving her or having an affair...
A. 30 April 2006: Or you could try and work things out which is what you should do if you really care for your wife. Talk to her about your mutual fantasies and try and fufill them. Plan romantic and erotic evenings, get babysitters for the kids so there are no ... (read in full...)
He and I have power struggles and he never wants to make the efforts in this relationship. Help!
Q. Me and my boyf have been together 18 months. We love each other but hes so stubborn. If we get invited to events as a couple he often says no. Its like theres a power struggle, he doesnt want to do what i want all the time. Sometimes we arrange a ...
A. 30 April 2006: Does he give reasons for his refusal?? Does he plan outings himself? I think this is behaviour you need to comfront to be honest because it is not good for the relationship at all. If he is trying to assert his independence and his own space then ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but is not in love with me!!
Q. Hi, im 19 years old and i have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years. But now he has broken up with me. He says he feels different, that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. Help! What can i do to show him that we are meant for each ...
A. 29 April 2006: I have heard this so many times and not just from guys though. The best definition i can get in my own head is that it means that the person still cares but for whatever reason no longer wants a relationship. I have to be honest, there are no ... (read in full...)
He needs space to deal with his grief but I am losing my paitence!!
Q. Well i was going out with a guy until recently when he said that he needed space since his great nana has just died and we dont know each other that well. I've been careful to let him make all the flirting and communicating and ive had to learn to...
A. 29 April 2006: This is a tricky one because grief can throw even long-established relationships into serious question. In losing something that has been with you throughout your life you a losing a person but also alot of certaintity about the world around you. ... (read in full...)
For the men: If you could cheat and get away with it... Would ya?
Q. just a question for the male's, if you could get away with it ,would you cheat on your girlfriend/wife?...
A. 28 April 2006: No I wouldnt. If I was with somebody i would care for them too much to do that too them and if i didnt care about them that much then I shouln't be in a relationship with them. As for porn, I see it as one of those grey areas, it is one of those ... (read in full...)
Help me understand what kind of person am I to cheat on my bf?
Q. I am a 20yr old mother of one eight month old.My boyfriend works all the time and mostly has interest only for his son when he visits us.I thought I had lost interest in sex till I was told by a guy that I worked with that he was attracted to me.I ...
A. 28 April 2006: Well I tend to agree with Lisa. There is obviously huge problems in your relationship with your bf that you have not faced up to. Your way of dealing with it wasnt the best or the most commendable but what we do doesnt always define who we are, ... (read in full...)
We're friends and I want more, but I am clueless on how to move it forward.
Q. Hi I really need some advice, when it comes to men I am 100% clueless, I really like this guy and I think he likes me and I want to take the initative and ask him out. The thing is we are friends and see each other quite a lot and so I was wonde...
A. 28 April 2006: I wonder if you could plan an outing with you,him and a group of other friends. That way there is less pressure on him as it is not technically a date but when you get out you can get to know him better within that less pressured context. Maybe then ... (read in full...)
I'm falling asleep on the phone and she thinks that I don't listen!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going strong for 9 months now. It's long distance since I'm at school, so we are on the phone late at night a lot. On several occasions during these late at night conversations, she'll be talking for a while and I'm ...
A. 28 April 2006: I have had long distance relaionships and done exactly the same as you, i have plain out fallen asleep on the phone. I think the only thing I can really suggest is that you avoid going to bed totally when you are on the phone with her and/or make ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend was acting strange, Now she has left me, What Should I do?
Q. Hi, I'm a 21 years old guy. I met a girl about 2 and a half years ago and we fell deeply in love. We used to do everything for each other and we got really serious. I even told my mum and my family about her after about 2 years down the line. She ...
A. 27 April 2006: While I agree that you were author of your own demise here, she did warn you and give you a chance to change after all, everybody deserves a second chance. As has been said you have to give this time, you have to prove to her you have really ... (read in full...)
Has my long distance relationship any hope?
Q. my fam and i had a vacation in baguio. imet this guy andended up having a long distance relationship with him. am i just wasting my time? it seems that he doesn'thave any plans of us being together....
A. 27 April 2006: There is some detail missing from this which makes it hard to answer: for example, how long has this been going on? Not alot of people would consider making plans to move long distance after something like a month but your concern maybe more valid ... (read in full...)
Is it really possible to have sex with someone by mistake? Do I believe this excuse?
Q. Okay this may seem like a stupid question but I need to hear some other peoples opinions. Is it really possible to have sex with someone by mistake? Recently I found out my girlfriend slept with my best mate 6 months ago. They both say it was a ...
A. 26 April 2006: Yes it is and no it isnt. Alcohol makes alot of people horny and disminishes there judgemental functions. In a court of law this would be a guilty under diminished responsibility. They knew what they were doing at the time nd obviously wanted it at ... (read in full...)
I told her I fancied her, she turned me down, but now we upset eachother! Should I avoid her?
Q. Help, I told a friend i fancied that i was interested (which is a big thing for me) a few months ago, and i definately thought there were signs, as did most of my/her friends. Unfortunately she just brushed me off saying she doesn't find me at all ...
A. 26 April 2006: I would say that the cause of upset could very well be surpressed or hidden emotions here. Obviously you were a little hurt over the rejection and she maybe surpressing feelings of her own.
Avoiding her is one option or sitting down and talking ... (read in full...)
Do I risk my good friendship with her and tell her my true feelings or not?
Q. I've been friends with this girl now for a few years. Over the past year we have gotten very close to where i am her best guy friend and she is my best girl friend. I have feelings towards her but not to the point where if she goes out on a date i ...
A. 26 April 2006: Well, the thing with this situation is that both the stakes and rewards are high. Having said that it seems to me as if you are unsure of your own feelings so looking at it that way you are taking a huge huge gamble. I think the first thing you need ... (read in full...)
If there is abuse, can a relationship work out?
Q. My question is does a relationship have a chance if you fight a lot and there is abuse in the relationship? We try to out do each other and we often end up in a fight. We are passionate when we make love. We both love each other deeply. Do we have a ...
A. 25 April 2006: I would say there is always a chance if you do truly love each other but the abuse has to stop and so does the fighting. You have to get to the root of what is causing these problems and most likely you will have to have some form of professional ... (read in full...)
What is love for??
Q. What is love for? Why ppl are chasing it? Doesn't that mean that we want love because we want to be happy? Tell me if you know that................ To love or not to love -----dilemma.............
A. 25 April 2006: Well I certainly dont think it is chemical. Certainly there is a biological side to it in 'sexual chemistry' but that is not the entire story. I am not altogether sure its something you have a conscious choice in to be honest, it is something that ... (read in full...)
Met a nice man... Now he says he wants to be friends untill he sorts himself out, What should I do?
Q. I met a guy just b4 i went to work india for 4 months he said hed wait for me. we were in constant contact while i was away then after 3 months he had a bad car accident, his business went downhill and his mother died. when i came back i met up with ...
A. 25 April 2006: I think the odds are he means what he says. What happened to him would be enough to try anybody and seriously scramble his mind. It seems to me that he probably feels he has got alot on and cant give you his all until he has got back on his feet.
... (read in full...)
Urgent advice needed.. Should I move on ar stay with my troubled partner?
Q. I'd like some advice, mainly from guys, but any girls in my situation too. My boyfriend is 28 and under a lot of stress at the moment. He doesn't have a very high sex drive and, because of this, and alcohol from time to time, he sometimes doesn'...
A. 25 April 2006: Well maybe the fact that he has feelings for you has added extra pressure and this maybe contributing. From what you are saying here it does sound like he has a drink problem which changes things a little in my eyes but without knowing the specifics ... (read in full...)
Have alot of personal issues, How can I find a happy medium with my current partner?
Q. I'm still dealing with a lot of issues that have affected or bothered me throughout my life: namely weight and body image, self-esteem, and stuff similar to those things...I ahve been seeing a counselor about it, and it's helped, but sometimes I ...
A. 24 April 2006: Well I think you know your partner better than I ever could reading off a screen and I think you know deep down how much he can take. Go with your instincts not your insecurity on that one. Opening up is one of those things where there is no right ... (read in full...)
Urgent advice needed.. Should I move on ar stay with my troubled partner?
Q. I'd like some advice, mainly from guys, but any girls in my situation too. My boyfriend is 28 and under a lot of stress at the moment. He doesn't have a very high sex drive and, because of this, and alcohol from time to time, he sometimes doesn'...
A. 24 April 2006: His low sex drive and lack of performance are most likely due to the stress and alcohol - something you admit yourself. You then go on to say you feel its because you can't satisfy him which is a direct contradiction of what you say early on about ... (read in full...)
All we do is argue, Is there hope for us?
Q. I have been with my boyfreind who is 15 years older than me for 3 years- i moved to another part of the country with my daughter to be with him, he has severe sexual problems (premature ejaculatuon) we do nothing but argue and i am feeling like do ...
A. 24 April 2006: I think there are different issues going on here and we need to seperate them. Also, a bit more detail is needed on what is causing the arguments. You mention that he has problems with premature ejaculation, is this the root of the problems? Are you ... (read in full...)
All we do is argue, Is there hope for us?
Q. I have been with my boyfreind who is 15 years older than me for 3 years- i moved to another part of the country with my daughter to be with him, he has severe sexual problems (premature ejaculatuon) we do nothing but argue and i am feeling like do ...
A. 24 April 2006: I think there are different issues going on here and we need to seperate them. Also, a bit more detail is needed on what is causing the arguments. You mention that he has problems with premature ejaculation, is this the root of the problems? Are you ... (read in full...)
Our relationship started as a fair tale... But now it's a nightmare!
Q. ..!!please help!!..My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 5 and 1/2 months now it started off as a fiary tale now its slowly falling apart. We see each other around 3 times a week which is not to bad as im still at school, when we are ...
A. 23 April 2006: I have to be honest and say I'm inclined to say hes not worth it. Controlling what you wear is not on and is way over the line of being a possessive partner. My partner looking good when she wasnt with me would in no way bother me at all. Also, if ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 23 April 2006: Hiya Softie and Carebare,
Thanks for your replies. I have stopped torturing myself over this to be honest, enough people have told me that im not wrong to be hurt and jealous for me to know im not overreacting. She told me he did try it on but n... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Irish,
I agree with alot of what you have said and recognise that it is something I need to do; it is baggage that we both carry and the thing is the baggage is different baggage and we are both in our own different ways letting it control ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Irish,
I agree with alot of what you have said and recognise that it is something I need to do; it is baggage that we both carry and the thing is the baggage is different baggage and we are both in our own different ways letting it control ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Willy,
He's just a friend. The thing with her first ex was pretty much resolved when we talked on MSN (me and him), I said if it would make her happy I would be happy for them both since despite what he did he is genuinely remorseful and ther... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Bridget,
Yes she is very insecure. Shes not really talked to me on MSN at all today to be honest. I guess we will find out in May??... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Just to clarify; the reaction provocation usually gets is a sprial of depression and self-loathing on my part lol, update is we are talking, just chatting but shes obviously angry. ... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Thank you Prunella :),
We have exchanged harsh words verbally in the past but I would never but ever dream of hurting physically or else abusing her in any way. I have said some hurtful things (like called her a user) which I regret very much but... (read in full...)
How do I stop our insecurities wrecking our relationship??
Q. Ok guys and gals, Im really counting on you for this one. Sorry for length. The situation is this: I started chatting to a girl about 6 months ago online, at the time that fell apart and a relative died. I helped her through this and we became c...
A. 22 April 2006: Hiya Rj :),
I think its alot to do with not having met and not being near at the moment. As regards the specific friend I'm not sure to be honest. The way he behaved over the flowers doesnt endear him to me as a person. Ive spoken to her first ex... (read in full...)
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