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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Am I talking too much to his parents about his affair?
Q. My husband of ten years had an affair with a woman for 10 months. She works 2 blocks from his office and they see each other daily. I caught him and he confessed and so did she. Both of them told me that it was over and that it was merely sexual ...
A. 27 January 2008: Sounds like what he is really angry at is his own humiliation which realistically he has only himself to blame for; as regards his parents your intentions were good, i'm not sure it was wise but I don't think it was particularly wrong either.
... (read in full...)
Changes in our Long Distance Relationship
Q. .. Me and my gf from Ghana, West Africa have been in communication with each other for fifteen months now. I tried to go over to Ghana, West Africa in November last year. Anyway, when I got there, the Ghanian Government refused me entry and sent me ...
A. 27 January 2008: I would agree with Laura, I think what is at the root of this is it's the change in routine that is upsetting you and in LDR's routine is important because it takes the place of what would be normal dating behaviour; routine also provides some ... (read in full...)
Can you break a penis?
Q. I know this sounds totally ridiculous, but can you break a penis? Is this possible? Just seen as you can break an arm or a leg, why shouldn't you be able to break a penis?...
A. 25 January 2008: Lol Phil, just as a point of clarification when somebody tells you there arm or leg is 'broken' what they mean is bones are broken so thats why the penis being boneless makes it impossible to break in any clinically correct sense of the term. ... (read in full...)
Can you break a penis?
Q. I know this sounds totally ridiculous, but can you break a penis? Is this possible? Just seen as you can break an arm or a leg, why shouldn't you be able to break a penis?...
A. 25 January 2008: Err no you cant the reason being because arms and legs have bones in them and a penis doesnt; its held erect by it filling with fluids and not by a bone structure, i suppose its possible to rip it off (somebody was recently jailed for ripping a ... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex cheating??
Q. Is cyber sex cheating? I have a bf but i ended up having cyber sex just once with one of my friends i met online. Should i tell my bf? My bf and i have been together for 2 months now, we havent told eachother we loved eachother, so it hasent g...
A. 25 January 2008: Well since all the repliers so far have been female I thought I would add a male perspective. I can kind of see both sides on this one; to me there is an 'intent to do' in cybersex which isn't even present in pornography, after all you *watch* porn ... (read in full...)
We're trying to rescue him. Any ideas what we could do?
Q. I am the oldest of 3 (22), but I get on really well with brother who is the youngest (18). I know it sounds weird coming from his brother but before I left for my year backpacking this time last year, he was a really nice and caring person who ...
A. 20 January 2008: This is a hard question to answer, obviously he feels deeply angry at what this girl did (with justification) and is projecting that emotion onto other people. It makes me wonder if he has ever really told her how angry he is; probably not because ... (read in full...)
Is he looking for a polite way to leave me?
Q. hi. I have been dating the most amazing man I have ever met for five months. He is very sincere and upfront about his thoughts and feelings. He has told me he loves me, that he couldn't see himself with anybody else ever, that I can trust him and so ...
A. 20 January 2008: Ps, in the meantime make sure you find somebody who you can talk too and lean on them for the time being and get your feelings off your chest; even if it is just in an email or something. ... (read in full...)
Is he looking for a polite way to leave me?
Q. hi. I have been dating the most amazing man I have ever met for five months. He is very sincere and upfront about his thoughts and feelings. He has told me he loves me, that he couldn't see himself with anybody else ever, that I can trust him and so ...
A. 20 January 2008: My answer to this would depend on what you mean by sever and whether he has been around when you have been that bad before. If this is the first time he has seen you that bad then I would think its totally possible he is just in shock and needs some ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my new girl I have just come out of a big relationship??
Q. I just broke up with my long time girlfriend about 2 weeks ago. And although we've been together for a very long time, i fell out of love with her for about a month now. Now, i have gone out on dates with this other girl that i really like, an...
A. 13 January 2008: Well I would agree that whether you have moved on maybe a little debatable purely by the fact that you asked this question and its still on your mind but be that as it may, i don't see how not giving full disclosure is lying. New relationships take ... (read in full...)
How can I become a more socieable person without being too happy-happy?
Q. Seven months ago I had a social life, a girlfriend and things were going well. Sort of. Beneath that, I was always rather discontent. The relationship was turning sour, and after high school ending my old best friend and I were drifting apart. S...
A. 13 January 2008: Well whether drinking is a good idea depends on what effect drink has on you, its possible it will make you more morose and introverted (personally, i find what effect drinking has on me depends on what mood i am in when i'm start drinking) and ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife I saw her holding hands with someone else?
Q. Okay, I've been wanting to ask someone about this since it happened, but there's no one I could really bring it up to, so I guess I'll use this forum. A few weeks before Christmas, my wife, a good friend of ours and I went Christmas shopping. My ...
A. 13 January 2008: I tend to agree with the bulk of what has been written, you've reacted well to this but obviously is bugging you and I would tend to think that if you leave this then it will eat away at you so you do need to clear the air. Sit your wife down but ... (read in full...)
I dumped him over his smoking. Was I being too harsh?
Q. My boyfriend made a big song and dance about quitting smoking because i'm very anti it. He said things along the lines of: you're my inspiration for quitting, i quit for you, etc. All lovey dovey stuff. But then a few weeks later we're at his mate's ...
A. 10 January 2008: I agree with Reebe, if youd out and out dumped him for just smoking then my answer would have been YES to being too harsh but he made you look a fool and was spiteful and openly flouted the fact he was disregarding your feelings; you did the right ... (read in full...)
We have been intimate and become close, but we're not officially a couple. Am I his girlfriend or... a mate?
Q. well, em recently (lke 2 weeks) been seeing this amazing guy which i am very very attracted to. we have been intimate and become close. but in front of his mates and people when he is chattin to them on the phone he says " oh i'm with a friend a...
A. 9 January 2008: Or somewhere in between...it seems to me you are in quite a grey area. From what you are saying he isnt playing hard to get because it seems to me like he has commitment issues that have existed before you; maybe, assuming he is the same age as you, ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that I'm not as knowledgeable as him?
Q. Dear Cupid: I met a guy at my college about 9 months ago. He is very well spoken and knowledgeable about a lot of social issues. He's quite an activist and I love that about him. Good signs right? The problem is that he intimidates me. ...
A. 8 January 2008: This is tricky to answer without knowing the guy, some activist types can suffer from something of an elitist mentality which I guess is where your concern stems from. However that is not true of all and from the fact that you are able to talk it ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to dump him?
Q. need advice on how to dump my current boyfriend. I want to just be single for a while. hes cheated on me once with his ex, hes got a child, ive read messages in june-september to his ex ... i jsut never really had the balls and she confirme...
A. 8 January 2008: I think in these situations honesty and directness is usually the best policy. Often people look for an easy way and end up making it worse because they are looking to somehow cusion something that cant be cushioned. It sounds to me like that you ... (read in full...)
Happy Xmas from DearCupid
Q. Happy Xmas everyone :-) The aunts who share their wisdom, the people who share their questions and the team of moderators who keep everything flowing onto the site! Plus the 350,000 people who visit each month Have a great Xmas! Feel free t...
A. 25 December 2007: Happy Christmas everybody...yes its nearly three in the morning so santa will be missing me!!
Hope everybody has an amazing and heartache free 2008 too!!... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 19 December 2007: Why not?? Ok so at least you know where you stand...beleive me I know how you are feeling right now....I am quite concerned you are going to do something endanger your own life and you desperately need to talk to somebody about how you feel. Mail me ... (read in full...)
In relationship with best friend....need advice badly
Q. What do you do when you're in love with your best friend who loves you back but she is doesn't want to commit to anything because she is confused about how she feels? I know she loves me back but she says there are bits missing and that she is not ...
A. 13 December 2007: Well it seems that she has doubts of her own and I wonder what is causing those?? Has she recently had a bad relationship experience? Is she still grappling with her sexuality? Is it simply a question of being scared of risking the friendship?? You ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure I want to be friends with this girl anymore but I'm scared of what she will do.
Q. Hi all, A few months ago i had a one night stand with this guy, and the next weekend when me and all my girly mates were supposed to go out one of them cancelled on us saying she was going to this party. Later on i found out from another friend t...
A. 12 December 2007: I agree with some that has been written but not all. Firstly, I do agree that you have little cause for complaint over this boy, it was a one-nighter and well...if this was your bf then obviously you would be entitled to be upset or else if you were ... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 12 December 2007: You might want to edit it a bit...but I guess I might be too late in saying that, sorry, I had work on stuff on, let me know how it goes. ... (read in full...)
My current girl doesn't like me being friends with my ex from 5 years ago
Q. Hi. I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriend from 5 years ago and like to go to clubs with her a few times every year because we like the same music (it might be worth mentioning that I don't get drunk or take drugs or anything, we just go for the ...
A. 6 December 2007: I'm going to buck what I am guessing will be the general trend here and say I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Having said that I think you do need to appreciate your gf's point of view; I don't doubt you would be understanding if the ... (read in full...)
16 and never had a relationship. My friends say it's because I'm "Too nice", is this possible??
Q. I'm 16 years old, And to be honest have never really had a proper relationship.. Ive had a lot of lasses like me and ive liked them only to find my heart be broken at the last minute.. Lots of lasses tell me that im too nice.. Is this possible?? ...
A. 6 December 2007: Ye sadly I think it is possible. You tend to get put in the 'friend zone' quite easily and that tends to make things a little hard. I think assertiveness is the key and realising that you can be assertive without being 'nasty' as such.
What ... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 6 December 2007: Well I guess it is kind of an excuse, i suspect that deep down you are scared of rejection. Its also worth remembering that it is a valid excuse.
Bit of both I would say, them already having bfs makes rejection alot more likely but I wouldn't... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 6 December 2007: Very rational and commendable.....is that the real reason you cant pursue them? I think its fair to say from what you write here that you recognise you need to work on yourself and your own emotions? ... (read in full...)
How long should I be with my gf before we sleep together?
Q. i'm kinda a fish outta water when it comes to relationships, being that iv only had one, ever! which im still in, im jus wondering how long should i be with my gf before we sleep together?...
A. 5 December 2007: How long is a piece of string? There is no set time frame...get to know each other...maybe kiss and cuddle and get comfortable with each other then, when you are both ready, go for it. good luck.... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 4 December 2007: I dont think its eccentric; I think you keep your sexual desires boxed up and portioned away from your real life thus avoiding and any kind of real intimacy; thus its a self-defence thing. To be honest I am not sure hoping it will go away will ... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 3 December 2007: I don't think you are a monster but you clearly have alot of emotional issues that need confronting and dealing with before they become worse. Obviously your past will have caused alot of feelings (anger and resentment amoung them) which it is only ... (read in full...)
Is my husband hiding an affair??
Q. My husband is hiding something. We have been married for 16 months and I have had a horrible gut feeling for almost year. He is the kindest, loveliest man you can ever imagine meeting but some things just dont add up and his mood is tempramental. A...
A. 3 December 2007: I think you already know the answer to this one but for obvious reasons dont want to admit it. When we are faced with a painful truth we often create other possibilities to shiled us from the pain, its a self-preservation reflex but I really can't ... (read in full...)
What do guys actually like/look for in a girl?
Q. What do guys actually like/look for in a girl? Does it really appeal to a guy when a girl cakes on makeup? Loads of foundation and blush, and black eyelinered eyes? Do they care of a girl is on a diet? Do they care if she is a size 8 with a f...
A. 3 December 2007: Speaking personally, personality is very important and I think one thing that is often neglected is the connection between personality and looks; to me somebody with a crap personality would struggle to look stunning. I would go with the loyalty, ... (read in full...)
Once you cheat will you cheat again??
Q. OK, a poll: Do you think once you cheat you will always cheat? Even if you found your soul-mate, married and are happy with each other and both agree that finding each other was the best thing that ever happened to you? I cheated and know it was w...
A. 2 December 2007: Some will and some won't, it depends on the individual. Some people are really insecure and/or are players; these type of people will tend to be serial cheaters. Others just cheat because their particular relationship isnt fufilling and they won't ... (read in full...)
We can't communicate because she's scared I will get mad.
Q. My gf and i are having communication issues and it's because shes told me things and ive gotten mad. It's because she tells me way after it happens and she gets afraid because she has an abusive father and stepfather so she is afraid to make me ...
A. 1 December 2007: I think the only way you can go about this one is to practise some self-restraint; hard though that maybe at times. You have to build up to an enviroment where you gf feels comfortable with expressing herself to you and that will take time and alot ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help me to get out of this depression?
Q. Hi, I really need some advice right now. I am a complete mess. I have depression, have been on anti-depressants for several years. I have ups and downs, have had boyfriends who hurt me, but now i am with someone for 1 year that is truly fantastic. I ...
A. 30 November 2007: I think you need counselling to be honest. Your depression actually seems to be linked to some kind of anixety disorder and it maybe that your anti-depressants are not entirely helping your situation. Something must have obviously caused this, ... (read in full...)
How long will a guy wait for sex??
Q. So heres just a general question to see what everyones point of view is. How long is a unreasonable amount of time to expect a guy to wait for sex? What I mean is, say a girl isnt ready to have sex with her bf (whether she be a virgin or not) but...
A. 28 November 2007: I think Rick is right except im 26 and would be prepared to wait for a couple of years...like I said it depends on the individual. In response to the next question, i think IN GENERAL girls prefer to establish a certain level of emotional intimacy ... (read in full...)
Is love worth waiting for??
Q. In relation with my last question... i do know he still loves me its one of those things you just know but is love really worth waiting for? I mean even when you got to go through a bunch of crap?...
A. 28 November 2007: Moderators Note:
I think this is the question referred to by the questioner...please correct me if i am wrong :)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-said-we-would-be-together-forever-.html ....... (read in full...)
How long will a guy wait for sex??
Q. So heres just a general question to see what everyones point of view is. How long is a unreasonable amount of time to expect a guy to wait for sex? What I mean is, say a girl isnt ready to have sex with her bf (whether she be a virgin or not) but...
A. 28 November 2007: How long is a piece of string?? Seriously, its one of those questions that doesnt have a 'right' or 'wrong' answer its all a question of personal preference. It's not so much how long will a decent guy will wait as there is nothing wrong with being ... (read in full...)
A poem for christmas? What do you think?
Q. I would like some opinions on an idea for a gift this Christmas...it is for a special guy that I have my eye on, but as circumstances have us living far apart, I have been trying to come up with something that is original and kind of sweet in a ...
A. 28 November 2007: I think you can definatly tell its from the heart and that's always a good thing and I think your gift idea is amazing and I would love to receive something like that; I think that it is a little serious and you might want to inject some levity into ... (read in full...)
Taking nude photos of her while making love. Is this a good idea?
Q. I would like to takes some nude photos of my woman. Perhaps I would also like to take some while we are making love. What advice do you have about doing this? ...
A. 27 November 2007: Most obvious piece of advice...ask her first and make sure its ok with here...if you do it behid her back then you are betraying her trust and could ruin the relationship....if she says no then i think its something you have to accept. ... (read in full...)
Is love selfish? Opinions please!
Q. My question: Is love selfish? does someone only love because it makes them happy inside? would someone love a person who doesn't make them happy? look at these questions while you answer my question. - why do people stop loving a person? when the...
A. 25 November 2007: Further to this...i produced a blog on the topic...is below
Is love selfish??
As my readers on here are probably not aware, I am part of a moderating team for a relationships advice site. An interesting question was posted the other day from a... (read in full...)
Is love selfish? Opinions please!
Q. My question: Is love selfish? does someone only love because it makes them happy inside? would someone love a person who doesn't make them happy? look at these questions while you answer my question. - why do people stop loving a person? when the...
A. 24 November 2007: Firstly, well done on constructing a very credible argument. I think your question is one of those ones where there is no definitive right or wrong answer just many different points of view. I dont think there is one absolute 'true' answer just ... (read in full...)
Why am I so scared?
Q. i have a thing about pushing guys or actually every body away and my boyfriend is trying so hard to get close to me and every time he does i always do something to mess it up or make him feel bad i think he's falling hard for me and i cant stand it ...
A. 23 November 2007: This would normally be due to a bad past experience either with a partner or else maybe you felt rejected as a child be one or both of your parents (normally the father). Whatever started it, it is a defence mechanism and it is in place for a ... (read in full...)
She seems to be turning me away.
Q. Hi DearCupid. Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months now and its finaly official. Problem is we started out great going over to eachothers place ect ect. Now everytime i put an idea forward to go over to her's she says yea no probs the ...
A. 23 November 2007: It's hard to tell really, it could be any number of things, one possibility is that now everything is official she is having some commitment issues? Maybe she thinks that if you go into her home it will lead somewhere she is shy of... Is there any ... (read in full...)
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