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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Should I accept the love I was longing for 4 years or should I keep up my words to my future life partner.. ?
Q. I was in love with a guy for the past few years....though he loved me too he denied the fact that he loves me too after passing 1 year if our love.......he advised me to be good friends forever....though it was diffiult to me at times I atleast ...
A. 31 August 2007: Well Im not sure who it is that you dont trust but if it is this guy who you were longing for then im not sure what he has done to earn your distrust. He could well have only realised what he had when he lost it and that is often the way.
I thi... (read in full...)
We split a month ago and I've tried dating someone else but cant get my ex out mr head!
Q. So me and my boyfriend broke up like a month and a half ago. we dated for a little over 6 months. I just cant seem to get him out of my mind. i started talking to one guy and he was really nice but everytime we were together i just couldnt get ...
A. 27 August 2007: To be honest a month is a relatively short space of time, especially if the relationship was long-term and meant alot to you. You are not going crazy and thinking you are is what is gonna drive you crazy. Getting over an ex can take along time and ... (read in full...)
I've been seeing him 4 months but he had recently split from someone else and doesn't seem ready. Should i just leave?
Q. Okay so i've been seeing this guy for four months now. He has only been in one serious relationship and they recently broke up (5 months) before i came along. She treated him like shit ie cheated on him used him ect. They have a child together so ...
A. 27 August 2007: Well I would tend to see what he said as a reflection of low self-esteem which is understandable given his past. I wouldnt necessarily take it as an indication that he is not ready or that he wants more space.
I think you should try and talk to ... (read in full...)
I lied to him in the past, now he doesnt treat me well!
Q. hello out there..my ? is this..we have been 2gether 2 yrs I love him, but i have lied in the past (not anymore) he says we are done. He knows the lies, for awhile i used drugs, i was caught by him, they were to take away the pain of him reje...
A. 26 August 2007: I think to be totally honest you need to get your own life in order first off especially as you have a child. Personally although you were wrong to lie I do think he has taken things too far in return.
You have to get back on track for the sake... (read in full...)
Can you love two people at once?
Q. Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? I have a b/f of 17 months, I think I do love him and like being in his company but we have recently began to argue and not get along so great as we used to. now I find myself confused ...
A. 25 August 2007: I think its natural when things are far from ideal with one person to start looking around at other people. Obviously you and this guy have been close as friends so its only natural you are prehaps going to be drawn towards him. I would stop beating ... (read in full...)
Having problems with my family! Any advice?
Q. hi ya at the moment im feeling that my family have been treating me like they hate me!! me my mum and dad always argue over silly things and i feel like are trying to start a arguement with me on perpose. plz help i used to get along with them b...
A. 23 August 2007: Well I find myself with little to add to Smeedle on this one. The important thing is that you communicate how you are feeling to them. Seems like the move-in has caused some extra stress but that is only natural.
You are also of an age where so... (read in full...)
Has my fiance cheated?
Q. Has my fiance cheated? My partner works away a lot and I recently found out that while he was away he went to a strip club and didn't tell me. When I found out he denied it at first but then admitted to me that he did go and all of a sudden came ...
A. 22 August 2007: Obviously what has caused you to think this is that he refused to swear on your daughters life the second time around over cheating whereas he did over the strip club and not enjoying it. I wouldn't say you are paranoid because on some level you ... (read in full...)
I just don't feel my boyfriend loves me, but he keeps on saying it over and over but I don't know if I believe him...
Q. I just don't feel my boyfriend loves me, but he keeps on saying it over and over, but simple things he does makes me think and wonder does he really loves me. I've been hurt very bad with my previous boyfriend but I still thinks about him each and ...
A. 22 August 2007: What are the things that he does that makes you doubt how he feels? It's possible that the grounds you have for doubting what he feels maybe genuine but its also possible that you doubt him because of your confusion about your own feelings and how ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to masterbate to help me get over him?
Q. Hi im sixteen and am really confused. I always want to txt this guy friend of mine and i always want to fool around with him, but theres been some problems in the past and he wasnt very nice, and i know he'll probably hurt me again. So ive been ...
A. 21 August 2007: I agree with Flower. It seems to me like the best way to vent your frustrations without having sex and potentially putting yourself in line for alot of heartache and emotional damage. I actually think that in the situation it's probably the most ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to masterbate to help me get over him?
Q. Hi im sixteen and am really confused. I always want to txt this guy friend of mine and i always want to fool around with him, but theres been some problems in the past and he wasnt very nice, and i know he'll probably hurt me again. So ive been ...
A. 21 August 2007: I agree with Flower. It seems to me like the best way to vent your frustrations without having sex and potentially putting yourself in line for alot of heartache and emotional damage. I actually think that in the situation it's probably the most ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated, but now he is back and I am confused
Q. Hey all, I met the love of my life when i was 19. He was everything i had every dreamt about and much more. We were 2gether 3yrs when he went out 1 nite got drunk and slept with some1 else. He came straight home and told me wot he had done askin 4 ...
A. 21 August 2007: I think you need to somewhat go with the flow here. You have said that you were getting on better and were probably going to end up friends. Obviously it is going to take time for the you to be able to trust him again and you shouldn't rush into ... (read in full...)
His excuse for not wanting to be with me anymore was because I was not affectionate enough!
Q. Hello. My boyfriend has broken up with me for a bit over a month. We were each other's firsts and I'm really baffled of how he ended things so fast when everything still seemed fine within the same of week after we broke up and before that from ...
A. 19 August 2007: Did you ever initiate that kind of contact? From what you say of your background its possible that you didnt and from my own experience I can say that although you might not have refused it is sometimes nice for the other person to initiate. If they ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to have a baby with me but I'm only 15!
Q. Hi, I am 15 and my boyfriend is 19 and he wants to have a baby with me, I also want one but I feel that I am too young. please help me. ...
A. 16 August 2007: Well I think you already know the answer to this one. You are too young and I for one think its very responsible of you to come right out and admit that. However one thing that struck me when reading this was why? Why would your bf ask this of you? ... (read in full...)
I feel very insecure about myself just now and worry when my boyfriend goes out of town with his job...
Q. Hi, me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years and we have a son together. I have gained weight. He has a job that means he works out of town a lot and I know when he is out of town, he goes out with the people he works with. He is a very fli...
A. 16 August 2007: Well unless there is a concrete reason too then I would have to say no because it seems to me that there is nothing abnormal about his behaviour and that should give you cause for undue concern. You have been with this guy a long time and you need ... (read in full...)
Freindship problems stemming from blaming others and telling lies. Any views?
Q. I have been friends with this girl (i'll call her friend A for this might get complicated!!) for three years and she has always seemed so wise and together. She knows what she wants and doesnt let anyone trample on her. I thought she was great and ...
A. 14 August 2007: I think there are numerous possibilities. One of the main ones I would say given what you have described of Friend A's nature its possible in her eyes she hasnt lied at all because as far as shes concerned she was the one in the right.
You a... (read in full...)
Why did she respond as she did?
Q. Hello everyone, I had not initiated contact with my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me, for seven weeks, when she started to instant message me everyday for eight days in a row. They were not just brief messages, as we would talk for 30 minu...
A. 12 August 2007: I dont know the circumstances of your break-up but to me it says there are unresolved issues and maybe it was a bit too soon to suggest something more intimate than a chat. I would say it touched a nerve because she may well know you still have ... (read in full...)
Did I do anything wrong?
Q. Did I do anything wrong? The other night my fiance took me out to bar but didn't talk to me. He said he was waiting for me to answer his question of why I only drink with my friends and not him lately. I told him there is no answer, I simply d...
A. 4 August 2007: I would tend to agree with the thrust of the other two answers. I think there is little wrong with you and alot wrong with him. Nobody has the right to form your behaviour in the way that he wants too. Partnerships should be about things shared but ... (read in full...)
How can i stay with him if he cant be honest with me?
Q. My boyfriend is in the army, he has just returned from Iraq. Im finding our relationship stressful. I love him so much, but cant help thinking he's cheating. All my friends have warned me about dating a squaddie. He admitted to kissing a girl at the ...
A. 4 August 2007: I'm sorry to sound harsh but I think the honest answer is that you can't purely because you will always have to deal with that nagging voice. I could, for example, understand him wanting to conceal aspects of his job from you given what it is but ... (read in full...)
My wife has health problems and is totally dependent on me..I feel trapped! Any advice?
Q. ok so i'm 39 and have been married for 7 years and have a 15 year old step daughter. we've had our share of ups and downs. thing is because of health and mental health issues with my wife, she's completely dependant on me and i feel trapped and i'm ...
A. 29 July 2007: I think the real issue here is that you need to find some way of getting some time out of caring for your wife. It sounds to me like you have compassion fatigue. I wouldn't blame yourself too much for maybe wandering a little.
If you take tim... (read in full...)
A while ago I found out my girlfriend kissed another guy at a party, she didn't tell me about this, I found out through a friend.
Q. A while ago I found out my girlfriend kissed another guy at a party, she didn't tell me about this, I found out through a friend. She said he kissed her and she didn't kiss him. I'm finding it hard to believe because she didn't tell me about this, I ...
A. 28 July 2007: I agree that its probably as much the non-disclosure as the kiss because although you may not admit it you are probably wondering what else she can keep from you now. Having said that things may well be exactly as she describes them and her intent ... (read in full...)
My ex contacted me saying she had made a terrible mistake, thing is I still love her but can't hurt the new girl I'm with.
Q. I wrote in a while ago because my ex fiancee and myself split up, we was together for 3 years and I still very much loved her and I was advised to give her space because the split was her choice. In the time apart we still spoke to each other but I ...
A. 28 July 2007: I think you have to follow your heart to be honest. If you stay with this new girl out of a sense of just not wanting to hurt her that doesn't seem to me to be a solid basis on which a relationship can flourish. On the other hand it may...its not ... (read in full...)
When she said 'luv ya' in a text, did it mean something?
Q. Hi, my girlfriend and I have known each other four years now. We tried dating a few years back when we worked together but she had a b/f one time and then she was my supervisor the second. Now we live 7 and a half hours away and have been dating for ...
A. 10 July 2007: In any normal circumstances id advise against reading too much into it but in these it seems she was testing the water. Obviously she got close to you towards the end of your stay and this has stirred some feelings. She was drunk so that gave her ... (read in full...)
He says I am too unstable, but he has got a negative side too
Q. Hi...I fell in love with a man...our first dates were all drinking....he was so real...into me...the most positive guy I had ever met....then he showed a very negative side...and he said I guess now you know the real me...he is always making ...
A. 10 July 2007: In short I think yes you should wait for him to call. In the meantime you need to carry on working on yourself. Also, what do you mean by a 'very negative side' that he showed? The thing is that we all have positive and negative sides and in a ... (read in full...)
He is abusive and possessive, but he says I overreact--please help!
Q. I'm sorry this is so long but really feel the need to spill all. I have been living with my partner for 8 months. About one month after I moved in he started to become very jealous and possessive. He wanted me to stop seeing my single friends...
A. 8 July 2007: Well I dont think it stems from jealousy as much his own insecurities. As such its really something he needs help with maybe even from a proffessional source. If he isnt willing to get that or at least attempt to control his temper then you really ... (read in full...)
I'm hearing stories about him and I don't know what to believe
Q. Hi, I really need to know what i should do.I'm in a 9 month relationship with a guy that is older than me.I have done the last hing for him. At first my parents didnt approve of our relationship (our families had a fall out) and i ran away from home ...
A. 3 July 2007: Alot of people will say there is no smoke without fire but I tend to disagree. There can be and often is smoke without fire. My line with all these things is pretty much always that you have to stick to what can be established in fact, that is until ... (read in full...)
I just really want to know why i'm having them dreams and what do they mean?
Q. Hi I wrote up here yesterday and this was my question. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-cant-stop-thinking-about-my-teachernow-im.html. If you wanna know more about what I'm on about. Thanks for the reply I got, I forgot who it was off now but ...
A. 3 July 2007: This is tricky but in general dreams can reveal many things that are hidden. In general they are the bubbling to the surface of our conscious mind things that are kept within the subconscious. In this case it could be something about your own ... (read in full...)
I caught him with an "old friend"--what does it mean?
Q. OK, bizarre story. Boyfriend of 6 months told me he was going away for the wknd for work. No big deal, I travel for work too. I was driving to a friend's place on the weekend - I see my BOYFRIEND walking with another girl, and her dog. Not hol...
A. 2 July 2007: Well yes it does sound fishy but the operative word is 'sounds'. In other words I think it would be unwise to jump to conclusions ahead of the established facts espcecially as you freely admit there were no visible signs of anything other than a ... (read in full...)
After we broke up, he got close with my sister--now he wants to get back together!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago and now he wants to patch things up but I dont know if I should let him back in my life because he has gotten close with my younger sister and he knows that my sister and I are not on speaking terms ...
A. 2 July 2007: Well I guess rebounding to a sister is not the most illogical thing. It sounds like a classic bounce thing to me. What you do is really up to you though. If you do want to patch things up i would think youd be well within your rights to insist he ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend treats me badly when he's upset or stressed
Q. I need some help. My bf is soooo stubborn and selfish when he is upset/angry/stressed. I can't handle how he behaves when he doesn't get his way, or isn't in a good mood because I feel like he takes it out on me, and he withdraws from me which leads ...
A. 2 July 2007: I am going to disagree with Midge, with some caveats. Some people are under the impression that love is all choclates and roses and anything less is henious, love is also messy complicated and stress and strain and and sacrifice.
Howev... (read in full...)
I help people as much as I can, but I am not happy--any advice?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 7 months tomorrow and I don't feel happy at all! Since I have been going out with my girlfriend she has cheated on me 3 times and I even caught her giving one of my "friends" a blowjob in a toilet of a discotech. ...
A. 2 July 2007: Sadly I suffer from the same thing although in mitigation I have friends and good ones at that. I cant help but agree with flower girl though in general. It seems to me that you are her older 'banker'ie the person who she can rely on to always be ... (read in full...)
I might be a little bit taller than the guy I like--is this a problem?
Q. I met this guy yesterday and I really like him. I think we may be the same height or I'm just a tiny bit taller. But people always say that it looks stupid when the girl is taller than the boy. I'm really worried that I'll grow even more, and beco...
A. 24 June 2007: How old is he? He might not have stopped growing either. It doesnt seem that the height difference is that great from what you say here so I really wouldnt worry about it. Even if it was I really dont think these kind of things should play any kind ... (read in full...)
Was he just trying to get back at me?
Q. hey cupids, i like to get some advice from the males today please, (females welcome too) apologies as its long winded! i dumped my ex bout 3 years ago id been divorced the year before so wanted to play the field (didnt cheat on him) he has always ...
A. 24 June 2007: I think you are both tieing each other in knots here and what we are seeing is that. I think he probably thought better of going all the way with you because he didnt want to give you the impression thats all he wanted. He thinks you think he only ... (read in full...)
We don't feel in love anymore--but we want to. Is there any hope?
Q. I need help. Me and my boyfriend dont think we are in love anymore but we want to be together to see if there is anything we can do in order to rekindle what we had, we've had alot of problems in these last few months but we both think we could get ...
A. 20 June 2007: Well the good news is I think yes there is a chance, a very good one in fact since you both want to work on it. I think you need to start by taking some time out for yourselves just to chill basically and forget the problems you have been having. ... (read in full...)
I have a massive crush on my maybe married teacher!!!
Q. I have a MASSIVE crush on a male teacher at my school, he's like the fittest person ever, however this is the cause of uncontrollable consequences... For starters, recently i've noticed that whenever i stare at him he looks back - I love this eye...
A. 19 June 2007: I think you have been very mature in admitting this is a crush. I think you are enjoying the attention of a man who you obviously find attractive and thats all natural. Your reaction to him being with somebody else is again natural and I think the ... (read in full...)
Torn between my best friend and the first girl i've loved in five years!!!
Q. Dear Anyone, Well here goes, I'll give you a little background first. I'm 25 and I have only been in love with one girl this was when I was 17, I was with her for 3 years and then we parted separate ways. Since then, I can honestly say that I have b...
A. 19 June 2007: Id broadly agree Jendorset. The bottom line is that from what you are saying although he maybe your friend but Sam isnt exactly treating Gina honourably, and you know it. He's being possesive and territorial and ultimately he has no right because ... (read in full...)
What is he trying to tell me? Is he going to be back?
Q. I ended the relationship with a much younger man. It was a long distance relationship and we both travelled to see one another. He told me frequently that he was moving to where i live and seemed sincere. I then sent an sms to say that this move ...
A. 16 June 2007: I agree with Yummy. I think alot of the time people drift apart not because they feel any less for the person but because they run away from the situation not the person, if that makes sense. It's also possible from what you say that he was feeling ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to keep work life and personal life seperate?
Q. Is it possible to keep work life and personal life as completely separate? I am quite paranoid about the intermix of the two as i consider the colleagues at work to be a kind of threat for my personal life of family. Please advice.. ...
A. 15 June 2007: In what way is your family threatened by your work collegues?? Are you feeling attracted to one of them? Do you feel that your work will take over your life to the detriment of your family??
In general I dont see why people can't balance the two.... (read in full...)
Am I being overbearing?
Q. I think i am nagging my boyfriend.my sisters say that i am obsessed with him.according to them i ask him too many questions.i cant stay without him and don't want to loose him.please help......
A. 15 June 2007: I think this question lacks a little detail as to more examples of how you are overbearing other than asking alot of questions. However, I am assuming you maybe feel a little insecure in the relationship.
The thing that you need to remember... (read in full...)
Does he like me or is it just the drink??
Q. Complicated... Here's the situation I've known this guy through his mom for like 6 years. (I work with his mom) We are friends. We hung out last year for a concert and we ended up making out (we were both drinking). I think we both have a crus...
A. 14 June 2007: I think alcohol removes peoples inhibitions and that is why it appears to 'bring out true feelings'. So, in this case it would appear that your friend is actually attracted to you but is too shy/possibly scared of rejection/ to act on the attraction ... (read in full...)
Is this RAPE???
Q. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. A few nights ago when I came home from work, he asked to have sex but I was too tired. He seemed understanding so I just went to bed. I woke up during the night to find him thrusting his penis in and out ...
A. 10 June 2007: I think yes it has to be because he had sex not just without your express consent but also against your stated wishes. However, if you take it to court then I would expect it to be a bitterly contested case with not 100% gurantee of a conviction.
... (read in full...)
He told me it would be ok but I didnt want to do it and now I feel dirty!!!
Q. I have gotten my self into a real pickle and dont know what to do next!! I have been with my boyfriend now for a year and although i havnt slept with him, i love him. I was 15 in may and he was 16 in january and we have like i said been together for ...
A. 9 June 2007: You havent done anything wrong but he clearly has. It looks like what happened is that he got carried away with the moment, in other words got over-excited, and that is being a little generous to him. You clearly withdrew your consent twice well ... (read in full...)
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