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male
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anonymous
writes: We have been married for 6 years and we have a 5 year old daughter. This is my 2nd marriage and my wife's 3rd marriage. Our ages are 42 for myself and my wife is 38. The first 5 years of our marriage was simply put was outstanding! This past year has been real tough on the both of us, with my wife refusing to get any help with our relationship. We just moved to another state, changing jobs and a new school for our daughter. Before we moved, my wife had called her ex-husband because she was lonely and depressed as she stated, never talking with him but leaving her phone number on his answering machine. Then she started sneaking around the house smoking and drinking, as a 16 year old. She would try and provoke me with so much anger that I would hit her, but I would always walk away. She seemed to take her anger out on me, always in a bad mood. She was even taking her anger out on her step-mother and blame it on her genes. We had figured if we went ahead and moved this would help my wife with her anxiety and attitude. After we move to Florida, things were good at first but now the she's unhappy everthing about herself, getting older and gaining some weight ( she is a very beautiful woman). She hates for me giving her comments about her appearance or how beautiful she is. All it produces is pissed off wife, she stating she does not want any comments about her appearance! Just this past week, she informed me that shes hates having sex with me, hates the way I kiss her and way I eat and drink around her!! There are times she hates for me to touching her and now she will not let me see her naked! That there is no passion in our marriage and that she fakes her emotions in the first years of our marriage and she used sex to get my attention. She all seems to change the focus our arguments on me, something I did years ago or my personality. Never does she apologize for harsh statments! She always said I want her to leave, so she packs her bags and leaves, but after a few hours she comes back home. But this last time she left, she was in a parking lot drunk and sleep in the car. She felt after a few days, things are all good again. One of the reasons we moved to Florida was being near the ocean which was one of her heart's desire. But now she feels as though she has no desires, hates her job and hates herself for all past mistakes. Her statement about our marriage is nothing wrong and we will get through this. I love my wife with all my heart but she is draining our marriage of all its life! I love leaving her love notes all over the house or buying her something special without any reason! She hates all of this! Cannot stand to be pampered by me! We need help!!!
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 January 2006):
 I really found this one tricky to answer because your wife's change seems to be without cause. The big question this situation poses is what caused her to change? If you knew that then you might be able to find a solution to her problems.
Normally I would suggest that it would take a severe trauma of some kind to cause such a drastic change or at least an event to act as a catylyst. Has she been to her doctor? Blaming her genes might not be far wrong if there is a history of depression in the family. To be honest it sounds to me like her has acute depression as things stand. However a medical solution will only work if you get to the root of the problem. From what you are saying here you are doing everything right. I am sorry i cannot be more specific. I hope you both get through this.
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