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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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Not sure of his intentions towards me and not sure whether to let go ?
Q. I've been carrying a torch for someone I go to uni with for well over a year now, but it was always easy to push my feelings aside because both of us were involved with other people. We are both currently single at the moment and a few weeks ago ...
A. 9 September 2006: I think you can maybe take some comfort from the fact you didnt have sex; if he was stringing you along then he would have probably wanted full-blown sex and then acted cold. You have obviously known this guy for a while and I think its fair to say ... (read in full...)
Will I just be wasting my time as he already has a girlfriend ?
Q. i'm in my 20's and for the first time ever have fallen for a guy with a girlfriend. he works with me and has been with his girlfriend for a couple of years. i know one of his friends who has told me that he has liked me for a while. i have been ...
A. 8 September 2006: Well here is a moral dilema if ever there was one; it is possible to love two people at once but ultimately society only permits or finds it acceptable for you to have a relationship with one. The danger of saying yes and encouraging him is that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says hes thnking of leaving me as hes constantly having to worry about how I am!!
Q. i am 17 and my boyfriend is considering leaving me because he feels he is always spending his time worrying about how i am and if i am ok. we ve had such a good relationship and i dont want to lose him....
A. 5 September 2006: Does he have any reason for this constant worry or is it something that is 'from him' as it were? I mean is it something that there is really no cause for him to do. Obviously he cares about you very much and maybe because this is the first time he ... (read in full...)
He dumped me after 6 1/2 years as he was depressed, a week later he has someone new!!
Q. i'm 24 and was dumped by my partner of 6 1/2years, 7 weeks ago, who said it was coz he was depressed at the time, he also said that he doesn't want a g/f or to go straight into another relationship. he didn't even want to try and work through any ...
A. 4 September 2006: Its impossible to tell if things will last with this new partner but since it looks like the relationship wasn't establisehd before you split its possible that it's a rebound in which case the odds are it won't. I suspect the unspoken feeling here ... (read in full...)
Was cheated on in the past, Now I'm scared this will ruin my great relationship, due to my insecurities
Q. I was cheated on relentlessly by my boyfriend who I went out with between the age of 17 and 21. He lied constantly and i caught him with other girls on a few occasions - stupidly i kept taking him back because it was a bad time of my life and i ...
A. 4 September 2006: I think what you have to remember is that no matter how irrational these feelings may seem to you they stem from your very real experiences and you have to recognise that for human beings experience is a very powerful learning tool. These feelings ... (read in full...)
Does he just think I love him as a friend, or is it because he doesnt feel the same way ?
Q. i posted a comment before about being in love with my best (male)friend and not being able to tell him, well i sent him a txt message and said, 'earlier u sed i was mean so heres a list of all the nice things about you!! you are a talented musician, ...
A. 3 September 2006: I think you could be right, that he only thinks you feel for him as a friend, when we feel something strongly we assume that the other person sees it because its so clear for us but that doesnt necessarily mean that they notice any change at all.
... (read in full...)
Online guy I like stopped contacting me! What's going on?
Q. OK I feel like I was never meant to be with a guy, and it will ALWAYS be that way. Well, I'm not going to go through all the problems I've had with guys, but over the summer I was kind of experimenting with meeting guys online and virtually chatting...
A. 2 September 2006: Well I think that the first thing to say is that it is impossible for us to second-guess what is going on with this guy from here. You see the thing is that it could be as mundane as him having had his internet cut off or, granted, it could be ... (read in full...)
Strippers, porn...what's wrong with women saying that we will not accept this rubbish in our relationships?
Q. I just read a post about a woman who was upset her partner is going to a strip show...I was appalled to see the advice that'''oh you should trust him' 'all men do it etc' To me this womens feelings are completely justified and she is demonstr...
A. 1 September 2006: I don’t think there is anything wrong with women saying that they don’t want their partner doing this at all. Also I feel that if this is how your partner feels then as a man you should respect that and put these things aside.
Having said tha... (read in full...)
He wants me back...so if he loves me so much, why wouldn't he make a bigger effort?
Q. Hi, I have just split with my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. We split up 1st time this time last year after he kissed another girl on a stag do and arranged to meet her back in the UK when we were still together. I found he had also done this b...
A. 31 August 2006: I think the thing you have to remember, especially when you are low, is that this relationship was obviously not making you happy. Indeed from what you say it didnt seem to be making either of you happy. Breaking-up, in whatever circumstances, is ... (read in full...)
I feel more towards her than just friends, what should I do ?
Q. hi there is this girl i konow we r realy good mates but i feel a lot more for her but i dunno what to do plz help me Thanks ...
A. 26 August 2006: Basically you have a descision to make; either you are going to tell her how you feel or you are not. If you tell her then you risk altering the friendship and putting strain on that. T hings really will never be the same again. If you dont then you ... (read in full...)
Am I being insecure or jealous or is he up to something behind my back?
Q. Hi all, I hope I am not taking up too much of anybody's time! I am worried sick and I think I am myself insecure and jealous and I wish to stop being this way! I had a long term relationship and recently moved in with my partner. Things we...
A. 16 August 2006: Well you need to stop torturing yourself for a start. How you are feeling is to be expected if he has cheated on you with his ex before; far from being irrational as your feelings seem to be to you they are very rational; based as they are on your ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I need some time to myself?
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months seems to want to spend every second with me, everyday. I enjoy spending time with him but it seems like we dont do anything, we just hang out. How can i have my own space, but still spend time with him? And how do i tell ...
A. 16 August 2006: I think you need to be firm and clear. You obviously know this guy better than me or anybody else but its possible he is very insecure. As such you need to be gentle and subtle as well as asserting yourself encourage him to take up and do things ... (read in full...)
He's scared of commitment but he gave me a diamond! I'm confused!
Q. My boyfriend is scared of relationships and commitment but he got me a diamond ring for our 8 month aniversary. He says it's just a gift, and only means he loves me and nothing more. We are only 20. Could the meaning of the ring have a any other ...
A. 16 August 2006: I think you have to take what he says at face value. Obviously its not a proposal or else he would actually have proposed. If he is scared or shy of expressing his feelings verbally then it is probably his way of compensating for that, of showing ... (read in full...)
I feel afraid of making a final commitment, anyone have any advice ?
Q. I've been in a relationship for the past couple of months. Things have been pretty intense and we have a very good connection. We've talked about a long term future together - marriage, family, etc and I've enjoyed these conversations. My problem is ...
A. 31 July 2006: I am wondering what you mean by 'the final step' here, do you mean asking her to marry or saying you love her??? You are in a relationship; you have made a commitment. Its more than likely to early to marry or even think about it realistically so ... (read in full...)
He's afraid to love again, should I hand in there or move one ?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. He has had a bad experiance in the past (about 4 years ago) where he was in love with a girl, and was going to marry her. However she cheated on him with one of his best friends, they broke up ...
A. 31 July 2006: To be honest I dont think its fair to expect him to be over this by now. Some scars time doesnt heal, it just scabs over and obviously this was one of those big scars,the kind that cut really deep and endure. Not only was he betrayed by the ... (read in full...)
He slept with his ex.... Now she says shes pregnant!!!
Q. hi i have been with my boyfriend for three years now ,he loves me and i also do. Lately we have a problem which is fading my love for him but he still loves me The problem is he saw his ex girlfriend and due to lust he slept with her, and n...
A. 31 July 2006: Well I think you need to do what feels right for you and not accept his diktats on what you do and how you feel. Obviously there are ways and means on for him to support his child without being in a relationship with his ex.
If you feel you can ... (read in full...)
Im really worried about my boyfriend going in the army, I keep having nightmares about it!
Q. hey guys im 16 and my boyfriends 16 and hes joing the army in september and im really worried about him getting hurt i havent slept for almost 2 weeks and when i do finaly doze off i have horrific nightmares about his death and i have to watch it ...
A. 19 July 2006: Well I think you have taken a good first step by getting your fears out in the open here. However, you may want to talk to somebody closer how you are feeling. You also need to do things to relax before you sleep, not just activities but maybe see ... (read in full...)
Could he be seeing someone else, or am I just paranoid?
Q. With my b/f for over a year--he has his own place but stays with his mom at her house close by--I guess to help her out if she needs and just to be there. This has never happened--we were talking on the phone at 11pm and he mentions he migh...
A. 18 July 2006: I think on the facts you have avalible it is a very long stretch to assume he was with another girl. Just because something has never happened before does not mean the circumstances wont arise where it will happen. His explanation sounds plausible ... (read in full...)
Could he be seeing someone else, or am I just paranoid?
Q. With my b/f for over a year--he has his own place but stays with his mom at her house close by--I guess to help her out if she needs and just to be there. This has never happened--we were talking on the phone at 11pm and he mentions he migh...
A. 18 July 2006: I think on the facts you have avalible it is a very long stretch to assume he was with another girl. Just because something has never happened before does not mean the circumstances wont arise where it will happen. His explanation sounds plausible ... (read in full...)
Am I just looking for reasons to break up with him before he joins the service?
Q. My bf is kind of egotistic sometimes and it makes me so upset. I mean, I know that everyone has an ego once in a while, but it really bothers me. And see, it never bothered me before until recently, basically since I figured out how little time we ...
A. 12 July 2006: Well I think that there is a chance that you are looking to break up with the guy subconsciously. Being in the army is dangerous regardless of the situation in the world at large but its understandable you would have this anxiety given how the news ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to hook up with a guy who has been with your best buddy?
Q. is it wrong to hook up with a guy that your best friend hooked up with last year? she only hooked up with him 3 times, and not sex just messing around. she should have never done it because he was clear he just wanted sex, which is all i want as ...
A. 5 July 2006: Well my assessment would be 'no' because as she points out she has no claim over him. On the other hand its clear to me from what you say here that she actually wanted more than sex but obviously sex as well so the most likely cause of your friends ... (read in full...)
Does true love mean you can forgive your lover for *anything* !?
Q. Does Love, I mean Real Love mean that you can forgive your lover for anything and be able to move on together and make that love work or does it mean just love while things are good and when they are bad you just up and run?...
A. 5 July 2006: In the biz this is what they call a 'loaded' question. Of course in an ideal world love would be forgiving of anything but back in the real world there are somethings that can't be forgiven and to be honest this is as it should be.
I suspect ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is heartbroken that England are out of the World Cup!
Q. My boyfriend is absolutely, totally and utterly gutted now that England are out of the World Cup. He can barely speak and I can't seem to make him see that it's summer, life is good, and that there's still fun to be had. Anyone got ideas how to lift ...
A. 4 July 2006: I think alot of people are gutted not just that they are out but at the manner in which they went out. I agree telling him its just a game wont help. Rather than seem like ur imposing this on him why not plan something you know he will enjoy...and ... (read in full...)
With a new guy, don't love him... Keep thinking of the ex
Q. Okay so where to start...Well i'm back in a relationship with a guy I was with for two years before but we've only been back together a month and theres a problem I split up with my ex 6 months ago and still love him as many of you who have read my ...
A. 1 July 2006: I'm confused here which is probably apt because you seem to be too. The guy you are with now is one u had been with for two years previously but in between that you had another relationship which broke up 6 months ago and you are still in love with ... (read in full...)
I am confused about my family friend
Q. I’ve written on here before. Just to recap - I am 30 and known this guy all his life. He is 22. Our parents are best friends. We started hanging out together at the start of the year and became very close. I have fancied him since we started to ...
A. 27 June 2006: Well I agree with your mum because there seems to be alot to untangle here. He does indeed seem very mixed-up and you do have to bear this in mind. Being attentive when you have been out to me is a sign of insecuirty but it could also be the ... (read in full...)
Do I ask out the friend I've become attracted to or will she reject me?
Q. I am having trouble working up the courage to ask a friend of mine out. I have known this girl for slightly over a year. I met her at my 19th birthday at my house when she came with a friend of mine that she was seeing at the time. However th...
A. 27 June 2006: If its hard for you to second-guess her feelings then its impossible for us too. Fear is just that, fear, it doesnt tell you what her answer would be but it is also based in rational deduction and experience. I think you have to try and clear your ... (read in full...)
Why has the sex dried up.. ?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months but have been having sex off and on for about 2 years. In the past 8 months we've been having sex 2-6 times a day. I went away for 6 days and when I came back he was all over me. a couple ...
A. 23 June 2006: I think quite a pertinant question here is what do you think is going on? Obviously you feel that something has happened and thats in no way unreasonable given the suddeness of the change. There could be numerous reasons none of which we could guess ... (read in full...)
Are we growing apart?
Q. We're growing apart........pls help!!!! My bf and i have been together for about 4 months. but since summer started we've only been able to see each other once, and we've really only talked on the phone for a whole 2 or 3 times!! Sure, I talk to ...
A. 23 June 2006: Its hard to tell whats going on here but maybe you should try for the less means more approach. You say that you have some form of contact every day. Do you think its possible he feels crowded out and that hes not able to have his own space? If this ... (read in full...)
Breaking up with my boyfriend
Q. Last night I broke up with my b.f. of 1 yr. I’m very confused about the way I’m feeling right now… I know why I chose not to be with him. In a lot of ways I realized that we were not compatible, we didn’t want the same things for our future, I ha...
A. 19 June 2006: I think its only natural to feel this way even if you have split for clear and good reasons because not only are we talking about the end of a relationship but also the end of your hopes and dreams and the dissapointment of your expectations.
... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is contacting girls on the net
Q. Pls help me on this one men/woman: should I stay or should I go? My boyfriend and I have been in a 2 year relationship, he is the man of my dreams, treats me and my family like gold, very loving, kind etc. but recently I checked his my space account ...
A. 17 June 2006: Well I think you could possibly tie two things together here; we know hes not got the best judgement from what you write here so its possible this emailin thing is another lapse in judgement. It seems to me that there are underlying issues in this ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend, but fancy her sister, what should I do about it ?
Q. I fancy my girlfriend's sister but i still love my girlfriend what should i do about my feelings? ...
A. 15 June 2006: I think you need to realise that your feelings for your gfs sister seem to be purely lust and that what you have with your gf isnt worth throwing away for that. Just imagine the pain you could cause your gf if you did anything at all.
Rathe... (read in full...)
I really like the guy I slept with on holiday, I regret not getting his contact details, I know what Uni he goes to, should I try and contact him there?
Q. im 19 and in march i went on a girls holiday to tenerife, i met a guy who was 20 and he was with friends from uni, we got on really well and both really liked each other. we were staying in the same hotel and we ended up going back to my room and we ...
A. 15 June 2006: I think you need to go with your gut. I think your friends who are advising you against it are only trying to protect you from getting hurt and being dissappointed and I think you have to ackowledge that because there is a danger that both will ... (read in full...)
Found my fiancee's porn collection... I believe it's a form of cheating!
Q. i hate the thought of my fiancee getting off on porn. i have found a collection of it on his computer and was nearly phsically sick. I know this is as people say normal. but it wasent normal 100 yrs ago when marraiges actually servived. When other ...
A. 14 June 2006: I think that was is important is how *you* feel about it not what has gone before or what other people feel about it. You definatly need to tell your fiancee how you feel and how hurt you are else if you just let this simmer then it will only cause ... (read in full...)
Worried about my boyfriends pregnant ex
Q. hi, i have just found out yesterday that my boyfriends x girlfriend is pregnant but she doesnt know if he is the father or someone else i am really crushed and dont know what to do because i love my boyfriend to pieces and dont want to lose him but ...
A. 12 June 2006: Just to clarify I wasnt suggest you blackmail him I was merely suggesting that you accentuate the positive aspects of your relationship because its something positive you can put your energy into rather than worrying about his ex. ... (read in full...)
Worried about my boyfriends pregnant ex
Q. hi, i have just found out yesterday that my boyfriends x girlfriend is pregnant but she doesnt know if he is the father or someone else i am really crushed and dont know what to do because i love my boyfriend to pieces and dont want to lose him but ...
A. 12 June 2006: This is a tricky situation because on one level there is not alot you can do. What you can do is be loving and supportive to your bf, make sure you have fun when you are together etc. This way you remind him of what he would be missing. Go all out ... (read in full...)
I really like this girl but not sure how to approach things!
Q. So i know this older gal. She is incredible. We connect on soooo many things. Its pretty amazing. The problem is shes 24 and I just turning 19 in a week. I've had a huge crush on her since I started talking to her 3 years ago. I've kept quiet ...
A. 12 June 2006: The bad news is I dont think there is an easy way to do this. However I think its unlikely you will lose her friendship and thats the good news. 5 years is barely an age gap at all so I wouldnt let it worry you.
I think if you are open about ho... (read in full...)
I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes, but for the wrong reasons. Can we still go out?
Q. So here it is. I have been hanging out with this girl for about almost two months. About three months ago, she got out of a year and a half relationship. So I figured I should wait a while before I ask her to me my girlfriend. Well coming up after...
A. 9 June 2006: It is more than likely that her hesitation was caused by the fear of another committed relationship so soon after the breakdown of her last one. A year and a half is a long time and obviously it was a significant relationship in her life and maybe ... (read in full...)
Fallen for another man, am going to really hurt my current BF...am I making the right decision?
Q. Hello, I have a small(ish) problem. I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for 18 months but we aren't that serious, we only see each other once or twice a week usually, but we do love each other and get along well. However another guy has asked ...
A. 8 June 2006: Hiya :),
Sorry I didnt mean to suggest you were going for just anybody but I was just wondering if this guy seems somehow easier because there are not the commitment issues there. I agree that ou shouldn't choose the first person for the sake of ... (read in full...)
Fallen for another man, am going to really hurt my current BF...am I making the right decision?
Q. Hello, I have a small(ish) problem. I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for 18 months but we aren't that serious, we only see each other once or twice a week usually, but we do love each other and get along well. However another guy has asked ...
A. 8 June 2006: Its a bit hard to say yay or nay sitting behind a computer screen. I have to say that dating for 18 months and using the L word sounds pretty serious to me regardless of how many times a week you see each other. I wonder if you are downplaying the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants sex, too, so why does she make herself "unavailable"?
Q. My g/f of 5 years says that she still loves having sex with me, and that she is disappointed that we have been having it less and less. The problem is, is that she constantly makes herself "unavailable" to me. She says she wants it, then she ...
A. 5 June 2006: Thats odd. Obviously there is something a little more to this than there appears to be on the surface because her actions are contray to her stated aim. I think you need to talk things through and get to the bottom of what is really happening here. ... (read in full...)
I'm planning to date my friend's ex....
Q. Im really worried beacuse my friend broke up with her boyfriend just over a month ago because she dumped him because she realised she didnt actually fancy him. Anyway so since then we have become really close and have been texting and i really fancy ...
A. 5 June 2006: I think its really good and really decent of you to tell her. Firstly you need to relax, shes hardly likely to flip since not only did she dump him but it seems she has no interest in him whatsoever because she dumped him for not fancying him. Given ... (read in full...)
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