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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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She says it wasn't cheating because they weren't formally back together. Is she right??
Q. Is this considered cheating? My friend and his girlfriend were going through a tough time, and decided to take a break...the break literally lasted a day and they were back hugging and kissing and everything...then one late night, she looks at him a...
A. 20 February 2008: Yes and no. Now on other break questions i've said that getting with somebody on a break isn't cheating but this case is different. She behaved in a manner where it was reasonable for him to assume that they were back together. Sooooo although she ... (read in full...)
Do my friends not like me and should I turn to the teacher I love??
Q. I really need help as the situation is making my depression even worst. I feel like my friends dont actually like me as they only seem to talk to me when there is no one else. Also i feel like i am left out and ignored feeling like this makes me...
A. 19 February 2008: Well Dr Psych has given you good advice there except it's prehaps worth mentioning that your state of mind may well be affecting how you preceive your friends attitude to you. Having said that if they are truly not there for you that doesn't reflect ... (read in full...)
Is there a happy-medium when it comes to porn?
Q. I found out that my boyfriend had a porn addiction in the past after I had fallen in love with him and been with him for over a year. I couldn't stand it and we fought and he did it a lot less. He only got "sucked in" because he got them in his ...
A. 19 February 2008: I wish I could say there was a happy medium but i'm not sure on this one because you are totally opposed to it and she still does it. You have to decide if this is deal-breaker for you. On the plus side it seems he is not addicted anymore because he ... (read in full...)
Is Heartbreak An Illness?
Q. is heartbreak an illness because i have a lot of health probs at the moment and i think it could be to do with stress and heartbreak. i am in love with a teacher at my school (who i have NO chance with) and thinking that i will never be with him is ...
A. 19 February 2008: Yes I think you should before you start to feel any worse. Keep us posted :). ... (read in full...)
Is Heartbreak An Illness?
Q. is heartbreak an illness because i have a lot of health probs at the moment and i think it could be to do with stress and heartbreak. i am in love with a teacher at my school (who i have NO chance with) and thinking that i will never be with him is ...
A. 18 February 2008: Do you feel constantly tierd?? Do you cling to your bed? Do you feel generally uninterested in doing stuff?? Do you feel alone/miserable alot of the time??... (read in full...)
Is Heartbreak An Illness?
Q. is heartbreak an illness because i have a lot of health probs at the moment and i think it could be to do with stress and heartbreak. i am in love with a teacher at my school (who i have NO chance with) and thinking that i will never be with him is ...
A. 18 February 2008: Well there is some disagreement on this but in general yes it can be. Some people think it's rather a collection of symptoms than a specfic illness but there can be little doubt that the emotional stress can produce physical symptoms:
-A perceive... (read in full...)
Does he love me or does he love me as a friend?
Q. Valentine's Day was the worse. A long story but basically my boyfriend and I had a communiction problem with having our gifts brought out by personel or we would give them to eachother ourselves. I thought since we both work in the same department ...
A. 17 February 2008: I'm guessing that what threw you was signing it to a 'special friend'. It's hard to tell on what there is here because some people do consider their partner also their closest friend and the message he put in the card is warm enough to me. To me the ... (read in full...)
Seeking revenge over my boyfriend's cheating. What should I do?
Q. my bf cheated on me and now i wanna show him...i've revenge like feelings for him...i just wanna show him that he is the one who has lost something by cheating on me....otherwise it's goin to ruin my self esteem...we are in touch on day to day ...
A. 17 February 2008: I would tend to agree with Mandy. Revenge isn't going to get you very far at all and will most likely rebound on you although it is perfectly natural to feel the way you are feeling, revenge will not help you get your self-esteem back; in all ... (read in full...)
Husband doesn't want me to go to church.
Q. My husband doesnt want me to go to church, i want to so bad to fellowship, music and to just enjoy the presents of the Lord, i do free enjoy the presents of the Lord home. Why ? he says that they want to know where he is and that they will start ...
A. 17 February 2008: I am an atheist but I agree with the general thrust of the other posts; that your husband has no right to stop you from going to church and pursuing what is in essence a matter for your own conscience. Marriage is not a jail sentence and nor does it ... (read in full...)
How do I get over feeling so insecure?
Q. Whenever I'm in a relationship I end up always feeling down, sad, insecure and worry about lots of little things and fear the worst- me and my bf breaking up. I hate feeling like this as it totaly consumes me. But the thing is I dont know why I feel ...
A. 16 February 2008: Whatever happened in the past that you are so scared is obviously the route cause of this insecurity. Eve is quite right in what she says about this spilling over onto your partner and seriously damaging your relationship/s.
However, getting ... (read in full...)
How can I compete with the 'train wrecks'??
Q. Before I met my b/f he had a tendency to get involved with what I call "train wrecks", meaning women who were kinda bad, kinda bad for him, unstable, unpredictable, kinda wild, kinda raunchy, didn't have much of an education, sometimes didn't work, ...
A. 15 February 2008: Don't dump him...well maybe dont. The key question he is *WHY* does he feel the need to fix women, or why do you feel this the case with him? Is there anything you know about in his past that could explain this...relationship with his mother, with ... (read in full...)
My girl slept with someone else while we were on a 'break' and I cant get over it
Q. Heres the deal, my girlfriend of 4yrs and I had a break that lasted a month during the summer, during which we saw other people. When we got back together, I asked her if she had slept with anyone, to which she replied no.Recently she told me that ...
A. 14 February 2008: Well in the first instance you on a break in which you both, from what you write here, 'saw other people' - that one of these encounters led to sex for your gf is maybe unfortunate but in the first instance she wasnt wrong as it seems to be have ... (read in full...)
Should I go out with my ugly friend or hold out for someone better looking?
Q. my good friend bought me a valentines card and asked me out. i think hes ugly and am a bit embarresed by him but hes also sweet, funny and likes me for who i am on the inside. should i go out with him or wait for my ideal boy who would have my level ...
A. 14 February 2008: This is a hard one; i think deejuliet had it about right though. You may well find that people who you consider who are in your league are a tad full of themselves and possibly players too. I think its wrong to condemn you outright because physical ... (read in full...)
My husbands best friend is also my best friend. There is no romance involved, but people are starting to talk and my husband is upset. What should I do?
Q. Ok, this is a strange situation so bear with me. My husband is currently deployed in Iraq. His best friend was deployed with him too, until the guy had a seizure and the doctors decided that he wasn't fit to be overseas. They flew him out rapidly so ...
A. 14 February 2008: I would come out fighting with the people who are talking; tell them that nothing is going on and that you are just friends and that if any of this causes your husband stress then it is their responsibility not yours. I wouldn't tell your friend to ... (read in full...)
I want to redress the situation, but I can't physically take the pain she puts me through with her "I'm over you" attitude. Any point in persisting?...
Q. Hi there. My and my ex decided to mutually end our relationship 6 weeks ago. We would have been together 3 years tomorrow. We've had a strange relationship, sometimes it being long distance, and sometimes almost giving up our normal lives for each ...
A. 13 February 2008: I think for your own emotional well-being you need to seriously consider a spell of no-contact. It's hard to tell what her true attitude at this distance; it might be a front and it might not. Whatever the truth of her feelings you need to think of ... (read in full...)
Site News: We hit another milestone :-)
Q. For the first time we broke the 400,000 visitors mark over the past month! We had 412,222 people visit the site from Jan 13th 08 - Feb 14th 08 according to google analytics! Thanks to all the mods, the aunts and everyone who shares their pro...
A. 13 February 2008: Excellent news!!! I think the site has gone from strength to strength certainly since I have been here which has been a fair old while now :$...(succeeds in making himself appear old)....it also shows what potential the site has...think there is a ... (read in full...)
I can't shake the feeling of wanting to split up with him...should I stay or should I go??
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and have a 2 year old son but over the past few months have become very unhappy. I don't think i want to be with him anymore; i have told him how i feel and he says he loves me and doesnt want it to end but ...
A. 13 February 2008: You can smile again and I know the pull to simply cut and run must be strong but ultimately that is not the path to smiling again....you dont sound crazy at all..its good you are getting these feelings out in the open...now you need to channel them ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel really sad???
Q. Can somebody help me? I really don't know what's up with me. I feel so low and empty. I find myself wishing I could make everybody around me happy, to see them content - I know this is an impossible wish. Over the last 3 years my strong and bubb...
A. 13 February 2008: Well without knowing your entire life story I would say the most obvious candidate for the cause of this slide is the grief of losing your relatives. You say that this started 3 years ago, was this when you lost your grandad?? From what you are ... (read in full...)
I'm sick of men!
Q. Why do they always have to lead you on then break your heart? Please answer me that. I totally changed who I am for this guy. The way we met was weird but we've been seeing each other since August. Now he's been seeing some lassie(who is a total ...
A. 13 February 2008: It's worth pointing out that though it tends to be assumed that men are the worst offenders when it comes to these things women are quite capable of being just as bad and as hurtful. Each human being is an individual and their gender does not ... (read in full...)
He cut me down to size...but I want him back...will he come back??
Q. At first he asked for space, then he wrote me this after I wrote and told him that I was not handling the break-up well after he had kept blaming me for everything going wrong and wripped me down to shreds. I told him that no one had ever cut me ...
A. 12 February 2008: It is a convincing break-off letter and it sounds final I am sorry to say. You obviously are having problems dealing with this and it's not hard to see why; this whole situation sounds messy and obviously you will be emotionally all over the place. ... (read in full...)
I can't shake the feeling of wanting to split up with him...should I stay or should I go??
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and have a 2 year old son but over the past few months have become very unhappy. I don't think i want to be with him anymore; i have told him how i feel and he says he loves me and doesnt want it to end but ...
A. 12 February 2008: It seems to me that you are stuck in a rut and the relationship has just become routine and the distance is because you no longer challenge or excite each other as people. I think before you split up you need to talk things through with him and tell ... (read in full...)
I can't shake the feeling of wanting to split up with him...should I stay or should I go??
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and have a 2 year old son but over the past few months have become very unhappy. I don't think i want to be with him anymore; i have told him how i feel and he says he loves me and doesnt want it to end but ...
A. 12 February 2008: I'd tend more towards Sunset's point of view again having said that it's hard to tell mainly because you don't say why you are feeling unhappy. It's possible you are just restless but maybe there are other issues. I think you need to get to the ... (read in full...)
Is a week after a break-up too short a time to see a new guy??
Q. My boyfriend/baby's dad have been together for 3 years but all we do is fight so I told him we should try being friends because we really do fight too much and i can't take it...Is it wrong to go out with a new guy a week after..? Is it too soon? I ...
A. 12 February 2008: Well Sunset is kinda right; there is nothing wrong with seeing a new guy that soon but you were in a long-term relationship beforehand and you would have to think that there is a danger this is just a rebound thing, you saying you really like him ... (read in full...)
Does a cheater deserve a second chance?
Q. My husband had an affair with his best friend but he says it never got physical. He admits his fault and wants me back. Should I give him a chance?? How do I guarantee that it will not happen again??...
A. 11 February 2008: I agree with the above pretty much; sounds like he had an emotional affair if there was no physical consumation and that may well highlight problem areas within your relationship that you need to work on; maybe he feels unappreciated or unwanted and ... (read in full...)
I care so much about his feelings that I don't mention mine, thinking they'd turn him away. That is emotionally exhausting!
Q. The man i am dating has mentioned once that he doesn't want to get married. On the other hand i told him that i want to get married. After our disagreement before 2 months i haven't speak again clearly about this matter but he however mentions ...
A. 11 February 2008: Well the first question I would have is how long have you been dating?? If it's not that long then I can understand a reluctance on his part to want to marry right now. What are his reasons?? Why do you think it will turn him away?
I think wh... (read in full...)
Shall I carry on seeing him and break my parent's hearts or break his??
Q. Dear all, I would be so grateful to anyone who reads this, i appreciate I am one of many letters on this forum, but your advice would not just help me but anyone else in my situation. Thank you in advance for taking your time to read this.......
A. 10 February 2008: I'm sorry but it's not you causing this hurt and pain, its the prejeudice of your parents which is just flat out wrong. Everybody is entitled to a point of view but that entitlement becomes more questionable when that point of view starts messing ... (read in full...)
Why does he treat me so badly?
Q. My boyfriend has been treating me really bad and I don't know how to tell him how he's been treating me because whenever I try to tell him he gets mad. He never wants to talk unless we're having sex. If we're not having sex and I try to talk to him ...
A. 10 February 2008: I dont think he loves you at all; sorry but it just sounds like he is in it for the sex. He's just telling you he loves you to keep the sex which he probably does love. He is not respecting you as a human being with feelings at all, if he did he ... (read in full...)
My gf calls my best friend "hun," is that a form of flirting?
Q. hey just want to know what you guys think, i just got back, i was away from my gf for a year and 4 months; i was reading some of her msgs and that's when i seen msgs of her calling my friend hun, for example "hun dont worry about it" - would u say ...
A. 7 February 2008: Defiantly not. Everybody is different but hun is far too generic to be considered flirting; to me it expresses a kind of friendly intimacy, nothing more. It sounds like this friend is in something of a situation so shes probably just trying to ... (read in full...)
His mate tried to set me up and succeeded to turn my bf against me with his tramp? Did I do something wrong?
Q. ok this is for anyone but i need advice from as many males as poss please. its a long one. I was kind of seeing this guy ill call X. anyway i took his best mate somewhere as a favour as he can't drive, when i was dropping his mate off he rang X up...
A. 7 February 2008: I don't think the lack of sex is an issue here, what is an issue is that you giving his mate off triggered off an insecure response. X's mate really did a number on him because he knew exactly how to work him up; maybe there is some past between ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is lying about the places she goes and seems secretive
Q. Recently I found out that my girlfriend has been lying about the places she go to and when i ask she said she forgot to tell me, We have been in the relationship for four years, My question is whenever i ask for us to have a good time, she says she ...
A. 7 February 2008: I think it's a little premature to assume that though I can easily see why you would think that. Where is she going and what is she doing when she is lying?? Do you know she's not where she would say she is when shes lying? The bottom line is that ... (read in full...)
Nothing happend so why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?
Q. There's this guy, 18 (im 15), and I've known him all my life since the day I was born (let's call him Ollie). Hes been like a brother to me all my life and looks after me helps me etc. We've always been very close and would cuddle up on the sofa, ...
A. 5 February 2008: Because peoples chief topic of conversation is the doings of other people; no matter how old you are or where you go, sadly its part of human nature to take an interest in the affairs of others, its part of what keeps us bound together in a sense of ... (read in full...)
Bi-sexual and homophobic... simultaneously?
Q. what is the name for someone who is bi-sexual but is also homophobic ?? . I know someone who is bi but despises gay people. Strange any answers?...
A. 5 February 2008: I think heartsick is pretty much right, what they are doing is projecting their emotions about aspects of their own character onto other people, hence the fact that you occasionally find raving homophobes who are in actual fact gay. Forming a ... (read in full...)
How do I know if its right or wrong?
Q. How do I know a relationship is right or wrong? I've been with the same girl for 10 years, never felt the urge to cheat or stray, and still don't. However, I would be lying if I said things have been smooth. Sometimes things are rough, in th...
A. 5 February 2008: Well your relationship sounds fine and dandy to me. We all have rough patchs in even the most perfect of things and to me that doesnt make them shaky. I think there is something of a myth that true love is smooth and has no kinks in the road but if ... (read in full...)
He sabotages my efforts, and the time I spend with my kids! Is he abusing me?
Q. My boyfriend and I are having huge problems. I think he's abusing me.(not physically but emotionally)He's 50. And I am finding out he has some possession and control head problems. These issues seem to come out more whenever my family come around. ...
A. 3 February 2008: How much do you know about his past and particularly teenage years?? There maybe something buried deep from there or there maybe other things at play; your kids are obviously from a past relationship/s and in resenting your kids influence it is not ... (read in full...)
I hurt him all the time and don't like it
Q. okay..my relation ship is wonderful i tould him about me and his best friend and he wasnt as mad as i thout he should be,but that isnt my question..my question is i dont think im a very good g/f..i have cheated and argued with him..my past is very ...
A. 1 February 2008: Your past does matter sadly, if you have had bad experiences then they will inform your current behaviour whether you are aware of it or not. I think its important not to beat yourself up about it too much; yes you are in the wrong with the cheating ... (read in full...)
I need some major help... to deal with all the troubles.
Q. Everything seems to just be going completly wrong and i cant seem to just be happy. I'm usually an EXTREMELY outgoing person, can talk to anyone, make anyone laugh, but that part of me is just being eaten up. My parents are going to be divorced, my ...
A. 29 January 2008: I think the first thing is to try and deal with one thing at a time though life sadly rarely allows that luxury. The main thing I feel for you is that you must be feeling tonnes of different and sometimes conflicting emotions about these things that ... (read in full...)
I'm 16, I'm LATE, told my boyfriend, he's being mean,help me!
Q. Hey I'm 16. Me and my b/f have been together for almost 2 yrs. Well we've had sex quite a few times... we're each others 1st and only. We use a condom everytime... but I haven't had my period yet, and since I told him I was late, hes been mean to ...
A. 29 January 2008: Can't really much add to what's been written here, he's being mean because he's scared, just reassure him that you may not be pregant but don't allow him to get away with being mean but try and avoid a confrontation which is just going to pile on ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me he likes me, but he won't ask me out. WHY?
Q. I need help so badly right now. I am a college student and the guy I have liked for a year is graduating in May. I have known him for a year but we never really started getting to know each other until a few months ago. We flirted a lot and we ...
A. 29 January 2008: Or maybe he just doesnt want to gamble the friendship which is the odds on favourite here I would say. He may well feel that getting into a relationship with a relative unknown is a big gamble but to also lay a friendship on the line is an even ... (read in full...)
My head is telling me it is not working. What should I do?
Q. my boyfriend thinks the relationship is working but i really dont. theres like a voice saying 'its not working!' i need help. what shall i do?...
A. 28 January 2008: The most obvious question here is why don't you think its working. If you don't already know then you need to get to the bottom of that and then the next question is how broke is it and can we fix it? Also you need to ask if you really want to ... (read in full...)
Why don't I fancy anyone anymore?
Q. about a year ago I really fancied a guy but he didn't even know i existed in that way. A little while before that I had a huge 6 month long crush on a fit mate and he never liked me or even considered me. Before that I have had crushes on countless ...
A. 28 January 2008: Maybe you don't fancy anybody anymore because subconsciously you are expecting to be rejected; it sounds a little that way when you say 'no-one ever fancies you'. I don't think there is a magic formula to getting guys to like you, there are people ... (read in full...)
Am I talking too much to his parents about his affair?
Q. My husband of ten years had an affair with a woman for 10 months. She works 2 blocks from his office and they see each other daily. I caught him and he confessed and so did she. Both of them told me that it was over and that it was merely sexual ...
A. 27 January 2008: Sounds like what he is really angry at is his own humiliation which realistically he has only himself to blame for; as regards his parents your intentions were good, i'm not sure it was wise but I don't think it was particularly wrong either.
... (read in full...)
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