| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: is the saying once a cheat always a cheat true? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I truly believe that everyone is capable of cheating but some of us have more control over ourselves than others. There is no point in saying sorry once you have broken the trust, if there is any way not to disclose your betrayal then that is more important than to tell the person you have cheated on them as lets face it, unburdening your guilt on a loved one only adds to the pain, so don't tell if you have done it and it was a 'one off' unless you have been stupid enough not to wear contraception!!!
Once a cheat frankly I know from experience that once you cross that boundary, there is nothing to stop you doing it again as the first time is the one that shocks even you that you did it, the second time etc is always easier as you blame the person you cheated on for not trusting you and so the cycle continues!
Let this be a warning to you.........I had a fantastic marriage, we both had great jobs, we both enjoyed holidays, great sex and had brilliant friends both individually and separately......I was cheated on my my husband, he lost his job as he could not cope what he had done, it was with my bridesmaid, she fell pregnant and they hid it from me. I had not spoken to her prior to this for around 6 months so was not aware they had even talked since then. He built up debt hiding his job loss from both me and his slapper and I lost my house, he took out credit everywhere he could to keep up the pretence that he was a faithful hard working loyal husband to us both!!! He lived evenings with her and pretended he was working away to me. The kid was 6 months old before I finally managed to get the cheat to tell me what he had done, only after I lost my house and started adding together all the signs I had brushed aside. My life was a nightmare,I had worked throughout and was admitted to hospital for exhaustion. I have never stopped working for fear of wanting to end my life. I had nothing to live for, I just could not see what had been so wrong in the first place to have made him want this other person.
It has taken me 6 years to be able to talk about it, he has finally started to work again but has lost all his friends as he also decided to become a wife beater prior to our final ending and we are not able to look at each other in the street. He keeps asking for us to try again, but look at the spiral of rust being broken...at any point he could have stopped and so could you. Dont break hearts when they have no reason to be broken.
We were childhood sweethearts.........and look how badly our well mapped out life ended!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): i have just cheated on my bf and i have never felt so bad in my life he is the1 i want to be with for the rest of my life but i dont know how i can rectify what i did i didnt sleep with the guy it was a kiss that never should have happened and i now dont know what to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): my partner has cheated on me and i always believed once a cheat always a cheat! he hasnt cheated again BUT i dont trust him its never the same again! soo get rid when a guy cheats on you not worth it!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): No,I don't believe that saying to be true at all.I have to admit,however,I have used that saying in the past-and truly believed in it too-until my adult years,I now stand on the other side of the stream.
To make a long story short...I cheated on my bf,and the mistake I realized I had made!!!Never before had I cheated on any prior bf's,so why now?Well,everything happens for a reason,but does that mean I don't consider that a mistake?Of course I do!!!Ultimately,I ended up paying for my actions-losing him.Just to mention,he stood by me for another year,after finding out about my affair,but our relationship was conflicted from other issues as well.
Anyway,my point of this being...I never thought I would be the CHEATER...and def not proud to be one!!!If I could,
knowing then,what I know now,I would have choose the other path not taken.He was a good guy,probably the best I'll ever have...even if not-he showed me how to realize and appreciate a good thing when I have it.I think we learned a valuable lesson from eachother.Do I wanna ever cheat just for the thrill or excitement of it---OF COURSE NOT!!!
Do I intentionally wanna plan on cheating on any of my potential future partner...NO!!!I guess the saying can apply to some and not all...everyone is an individual-although with similiar,yet very different circumstances.
No one should judge anyone.
...............................
A
male
reader, seanonel +, writes (3 June 2007):
I think the statement is a good 'rule of thumb' although not an absolute truth.
I was cheated on by a girl with whom I had been with for a long time. I wished to remain celebate for marriage and she was a jealous person. I lost most of what I had worked for in life to her because of her cheating. Now that I have found a new girlfriend, she is all upset and trying to get back together with me after she has stuck a knife in my back for the last 10 months....
The thing is I won't cheat, even if she tries to make me to and even if my other partner is cheating. I think it is called projectionism when a person tries to make you feel guilty for their behaviour.
In her case, as much as I want to trust her, I know I cannot. It is not a decision I have made, I just can't. Actions speak louder than words...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): i was cheated on multiple times by this guy i was with for three years being a dumb ass i would believe his stories and getr back together with him for the people that say its because of something the relationship lacks not true i was there for him in every way and was always down to do whatever he still to this day is trying to call me as much as i want to answer i cant becuase i know he will never change i heard he was kinda with this other girl and he called me one night to hang out not knowing he was with her we spent the night together he was cheating on her!!!! i truly believe with most cheaters that they will never ever!!!!!change so if you suspect that your man or woman cheating get the fuck out and never look back i promise it might hurt for a while its only natural but once you do youll be so much better off
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Well, my fiance of two years cheated on me. We have a kid together and one on the way. I am a Christian and wanted to stay celebate until we married. He always accused me of cheating. His reasons was that I don't give it to him so I must be giving it to someone else. I even told him I would get a lie detector test. That was his reason for justifing why he cheated. That I was doing it. He tells me that once I have the lie detector results, he will work things out with me. The only thing is, I don't think I want to work things out after the results because he should have never done it in the first place. I can't see myself trusting him. The results would just prove my innocents so that I can move on knowing he knows the truth and that he messed up a good thing.
So I don't think they change. Once a cheat always a cheat OR atleast that's what the innocent partner will always think.
The relationship will never be the same.
You just shouldn't cheat.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): I cheated on a bf whom i was in a online relationship with, he as crazy he told me that i was to ever leave him that he would kill himself, so i was sorta stuck, but he once told me that if i was ever to cheat on him that he would leave me, so i cheated as i new that atleast he would leave me and he would not harm himself, i feel very guilty for what i did but i had no way out at the time, but i would never cheat again and never have cheated again, i have been with my bf for over 3 years and have not even looked at another guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2006): i cheated on my wife and regret what i did. it was immature and done without regard to who it was going to hurt in the long run. my wife is stuck on this saying. how-ever she has cheated on past boyfriends but the saying dosent hold true for her. yes people can change when they realize what they have done and how bad it affects thier life. it is a battle and i feel i am losing. but i wont rest until she realizes that i am deeply sorry and want to be with her now and only. RK W/B N.J K.K i am sorry
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Steve +, writes (25 February 2006):
The question is once a person cheats on another, how can they ever be trusted again. If they say they are at the supermarket how do you know this is true. Losing the trust is the hardest part. Can you live with someone not knowing if they will do it again. Most leopards never change their spots, find yourself a bagpuss.
...............................
A
female
reader, running girl +, writes (24 February 2006):
Men who cheat are looking for something that is lacking in themselves, their life or their partner. Unless they are happy and sorted - they will always be weak and desire for sex and affection will comfort that weakness. Once a man has cheated or a girl for that matter, it will remain with them like a scar, even when its all over and done with, healed, no guilt, moved on.... the fact is a scar and should be treated with awareness. If you have a partner that tells you they have cheatd before, remember it will always be a seed of doubt in your mind as to whether they will or could do it to you and that doubt unless communicated and worked on in the relationship when times get difficult then its all to easy to retreat to what you know felt good once. Its like anything thats not good for us it remains a weakness but that doesnt mean we have to give into things that are not good for us. We are only human in the end.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): I don't think this is always true, I think that some guys/girls cheat once and regret it for ever. It usually doesn't happen unless there's something fundamentally wrong in the first place. However, sadly there are some people who will never change and do it for the thrill of it, it gives them a buzz. But most people I know that have cheated regret it very much.
...............................
A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (16 January 2006):
 It's not totally true. People mostly cheat when they're not happy in their relationship or they're not getting the affection they expect and go elsewhere to look for it. Some people just do it for the fun of it. It just depends on the person and how serious they are about a relationship. I admit I have cheated on past boyfriends, but I wasn't satisfied either. I have a boyfriend now that I've wanted forever and I'll be damned if I'm gonna mess this one up. Thoughts like that never pass my mind because I'm extremely satisfied in the relationship I'm in now. It just depends I suppose.
...............................
A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (16 January 2006):
 I believe that some people can learn from their mistakes, and it makes them a better person the next time around. It truly depends on the individual, and if they have a conscience. If you feel guilt and regret, theres a good chance you don't want to repeat the same mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, Angelface +, writes (15 January 2006):
No. I once cheated on a long term boyfriend and totally regretted it. I have been with my new boyfriend for a year and the thought hasn't even entered my head. It just depends on the situation x x
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (15 January 2006):
Not necessarily because people cheat when they are not getting the happiness they are looking for in a person. Once they find the right person, they suddenly stop all the cheating and settle into cosy domesticity to the surprise of all those that know them.
Its also possible they are looking for perfection and thats hard to achieve unless they are willing to compromise a little.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweet_angel +, writes (15 January 2006):
Yes that is true ...once they cheat they will always cheat...No way of changing a cheater.
...............................
A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (15 January 2006):
 Generally, historical behavior is a pretty reliable indicator of one's future actions/behavior. But in some cases, there are too many other variables to consider before believing such a broad generalization. I think it depends on the age and maturity of the person at the time, how long ago it happened, how many times it happened, and what their attitude is in regard to infidelity now. Do they continue to justify their actions or have they reached the conclusion that it wasn't the best way they could have handled their situation? Anyone can 'mess' up once. Particularly when they're young, inexperienced and naive. But I think if the person in question is an adult, then one has to be wary and really look hard into the mindset/character of that person.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  + ♥, writes (15 January 2006):
 I would say no. Nothing so absoloute can always be true. I would say if a tendency is there then it mite make somebody predisposed to do it again which isnt the same thing as saying it definatly will happen.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): Most likely.
...............................
|
