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... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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My girlfriend has settled into life at our uni so wonderfully that it's taken a chunk out of our relationship...
Q. Hi, This isn't something I'd normally do, but then I guess its not a usual situation for me to be in either. My girlfriend and I had been in a happy relationship for almost 3 years. We started seeing each other when we were both at school; I'm a ye...
A. 21 January 2006: I think it is possible. Obviously your g/f has had a quite a radical change of perspective and her head must be spinning with all the exciting things going on around her. One thing as big as that can often knock us out of kilter on everything and ... (read in full...)
What are the "rules" for Internet dating? How soon should we meet? etc...
Q. Hi everyone. I really dont think anyone will be able to help but lets see. I joined a online dating site about two months ago. I have met ALOT of guys on there, all which seem nice, etc.. 3 guys want to meet me (we have only been talking maybe 2 ...
A. 21 January 2006: First thing is the guy who called you out was wrong to do so. 2 weeks is no time at all. It is in no way typical and cast's his motives in a less than positive light.
Besides one golden rule is to proceed at a pace you are comfortable with. Do... (read in full...)
Don't feel that I'm good enough for my boyfriend, so I get jealous too easily! Help!
Q. Jealousy is a problem for me. It seems that I get mad at the slightest attention my bf gives to any girl around. I don't understand why I am like this, but I am and it seems that I cannot help it. I know this will ruin our relationship in time if ...
A. 21 January 2006: Are you saying that you had self-confidence before you got together but not now? If you are then I am wondering if the root cause of this problem is the fact that you are not used to a stable and comfortable relationship. Have you in the past had ... (read in full...)
I like the same guy that my friend likes. What should I do?
Q. Hi...I am a Junior in High School and I am 17 and I like this guy who is 15 and a Freshman in High School! But so does my friend who is in his grade! I don't know what to do! I am friends with him but I want to be more! What do I do??...
A. 20 January 2006: I would advise you are open with your friend who likes this guy. She will be a bit miffed if something does happen and she doesn't even know you were interested. It will look like you were going behind her back.
Try and make light of it. Don't tu... (read in full...)
Whenever I can't be with my long-distance guy, he gets unhinged and insecure!
Q. Need advice. I had been in a long distance relationship with my bf for one year. I travel a lot to visit him, but it seems that every time I depart (back to my hometown) he immediately becomes this insecure guy and wants to break up with me. H...
A. 20 January 2006: If you really love your boyfriend, and spending a year together would suggest you do, then there are solutions short of a break-up. I don't know the precise circumstances or the distance involved but nonetheless i think there are things you can ... (read in full...)
He cheated and we worked through it. Then I cheated too and my husband walked out!
Q. I really need your advice. My life is such a mess. I'm married to the man of my dreams but we have been seperated for about two months. The seperation was hard for me to take and still is, to the extent where I tried to take my own life. I even saw ...
A. 20 January 2006: I am so sorry you feel this way. Reading between the lines here I think there is alot of self-torture you are doing to yourself which you need to stop. Cheating is never justifiable but soemtimes it is understandable. What you did was undersandable ... (read in full...)
Did he understand what I was telling him in my message? Or did I not understand his reply?
Q. Hi, I have always like this guy and he's going overseas so I decided to let him know of my feelings. I said I've always cared for him and that I guess he's my only dream that I could never have. But I guess he hasn't interpreted it well or didn'...
A. 20 January 2006: Well to be a judge of the message I would need to see the message itself. He may have got the right message but not wanted to have committed with going abroad. Is he going abroad for a long time? If that is so then it is possible that he does not ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my married co-worker. I don't think she'll leave her husband, and I don't want to ruin our friendship. Help!
Q. I have fallen in love with the woman i work with. We chat a lot and we can tell each other anything. She knows things about me that i've never told anyone else. Problem is she's married. Things are not that rosy between her and her husband, but i ...
A. 20 January 2006: Sadly for you there may be little choice but to sit on your hands for the time being. If you declare your feelings now you are only going to add pressure to a already pressure cooker situation between her and her husband. Something that she may not ... (read in full...)
I still love him but he's distant and sex is a no-go. Is it time to end it, despite my love?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost two years- he is 10 years older than me. Over the past month or so, he's been very distant with me, bringing his work home with him, having little digs at me and generally not the man i fell in love with. ...
A. 19 January 2006: From what you are saying what is happening at work seems to be the problem here or could it be your financial situation? I would say that is the most likely cause of his distance. I think you need to find out what is going on here as it seems to be ... (read in full...)
It's even harder to tell my friend that I'm beginning to fancy her, because she works overseas so often!
Q. 18 months ago I met a girl who works abroad for 9 months of the year. We keep in touch and meet up when she is back but I'm unsure as to tell her just how I feel about her. I have tried in the past to show how I feel this and was met with the ...
A. 19 January 2006: If she is back for good in 3 months then maybe you have to play the waiting game a little. Keep in touch and be affectionate but don't push the issue until she is settled back. It is possible she has alot on right now and so if you do push then this ... (read in full...)
Can I win back my pregnant girlfirend's heart?
Q. She is 26 and I am 31. When my girlfriend of 18 months found she was two months pregnant with our child I freaked out and finished the relationship. Shortly after this I realised what a wonderful gift this was, but she absolutely refuses to take me ...
A. 19 January 2006: I would say be prepared for a long haul. She is most likely focusing on her impending pregancy right now and may regard your entreties to get back as a pressure she doesn't need. I would like to think however that it is possible to win her back.
... (read in full...)
We broke up, then got back together... But now he seems more interested in his bikes and PC than me!
Q. I don't know if I am with the right person. I may only be young but after being with my bf for such a long time we started to plan our futures together, we were in love and very serious. WE broke up and alot of the plans went with it. Even when ...
A. 19 January 2006: Ok. You say you wanted to go slow at first but he wanted to pick up where you left off. Does that mean you wanted to delay the physical side and just spend time together at first? It seems that he hasn't really re-entered the relationship at all in ... (read in full...)
I feel so betrayed and hurt after my pregnant wife of 4 months left me on the day after Xmas...
Q. Hi, I have been betrayed by my wife. I have only been married for 4 months, of which my wife left me the day after Christmas. The reason she give me was I was too affectionate and "in her face"; always wanting close intimate (you know what I m...
A. 18 January 2006: Something doesn't add up here. Presumably she knew how you were before you married and that is the reason she said she loved you. How long had you known each other before you married? I am presuming a long enough time or at least enough time for her ... (read in full...)
I'm extremely shy and just starting college. How can I make some friends?
Q. Im not sure if anyone can help here, its not really a problem I would just like suggestions. I am extremely shy and have a hard time making friends. I am starting out college this week and I want to know how I can make some friends? Since I am ...
A. 18 January 2006: The first thing is to be yourself and not be afraid to be yourself. People will sense that you are genuine and will respond to that. Try and strike up conversation on a topic you can have in common. Maybe start with people on the same course, ... (read in full...)
My husband still calls the mother of his adult children (I'm not talking about myself!), and they exchange "I love you's." Is this appropriate?
Q. Hello! I've been married just three years (2nd marriage), his first marriage. However, he has had numerous lovers before me. Those affairs produce 2 children by 1 woman. They are adult children. Every time he calls each one of them, they alw...
A. 18 January 2006: In my honest opinion the answer has to be no here for two reasons:
a) He is with you. True it is possible to love more than once and remain in some form of love with past partners but the point is he is with you and it is hurting your feelings. Your... (read in full...)
Am I mad... Or is my sister sleeping with my man?
Q. For a long time, I have had a suspicion something went on with my man and my sister. I asked and was told I was being stupid, so left it. The trouble is, whenever they are together I feel like there is something between them. This has gone on for 2 ...
A. 18 January 2006: Instincts are tricky things. They are hard to ignore and unlikely to go away. You are right, if you do the things you want to then you run the risk of doing the relationship permanent damage and maybe even ending it, not to mention the family strife ... (read in full...)
Her insecurity is driving me out of my mind...what do I do?
Q. Please help , I am in desperate need of some advice, my wife is very in-secure and refuses to get help. We have been married for 6 months and there have been always been issues and problems, even 4 months before getting married. I have known my wi...
A. 18 January 2006: Obviously your wife has been badly scarred in the past and yes she does need at least counselling if her insecurity runs so deep. You obviously love her despite how she is and for that you deserve immense credit as well as for sticking by her thus ... (read in full...)
My little sister is naughty and sneaky... Help!
Q. Hey people, I don't know if you can help but here goes. My little sister is so annoying. She is really spoilt and wants me to play with her all the time even though I'm almost 15 and she's 9. She can be really hypocrytical as well, for instance...
A. 18 January 2006: I would say your little sister is trying to provoke a reaction off of you and this is why she does these things. Whenever she does something like this turn the other cheek. I know it is hard but if you are react you are giving her what she wants. ... (read in full...)
Scared for my friend who keeps stringing along and older guy..
Q. my freind is flirting with a 24 year old man.it has got to the point where he wants to get closer to her.but insted of saying she is not intrested in that from him. she keeps stringing him along saying maybe when she means no.do you think there is ...
A. 18 January 2006: I am assuming you and your friend are early teens. I don't know the guy so cannot give a totally accurate reading of the liklihood of him turning nasty however if you play with fire you do run the risk of getting burned.
Obviously your friend i... (read in full...)
We keep getting left out of things with friends and family... Any ideas to stop the loneliness?
Q. hi i am a 24 year old female. lately i have been feeling very lonely. my problem being i have very few friends and the ones i do have i have to do all the running just to keep them. my partner and i have been together for a few years and i moved to ...
A. 18 January 2006: I am unclear here if the friends are members of your fiances family or a seperate family. If they are members of your fiances family then I wonder if for some reason that they have not shared with you they dissaprove of the relationship. Your fiance ... (read in full...)
How long after my breakup will it be until I'm interested in hooking up with girls again?
Q. hi there. i recently split up with my girlfriend of 4 years (her choice). i have been quite upset as you would. im slowly getting myself back together with the help of friends and family. been out clubing afew times and i have no intrest in females ...
A. 18 January 2006: This is a hard question to answer genrally because each individual has their own pace and thus will take their own amount of time. On the plus side you are going out and having a good time. This is a good sign and you havent bounced off into a ... (read in full...)
Am I mad... Or is my sister sleeping with my man?
Q. For a long time, I have had a suspicion something went on with my man and my sister. I asked and was told I was being stupid, so left it. The trouble is, whenever they are together I feel like there is something between them. This has gone on for 2 ...
A. 18 January 2006: In these cases it is just best to stick to the facts although there is nothing in your post to suggest you would have a complex about this for any reason. Were they alone together for the nights they spent together? If so and they insist on saying ... (read in full...)
Would my boyfriend rather be with my friend, than with me?
Q. Dear All, I really need some help, because I really feel like giving up. I've been with my boyfriend, 'James' for 8 months now. He truly is the most wonderful guy I've ever met. I met him soon after coming out of a long-term relationship. Ja...
A. 18 January 2006: This is a really tricky one to call. You don't think he is doing this diliberately and I would be inclined to say go with your gut on that one. I am assuming that your b/f is aware of your past. Hopefully he will see from this how hard this is for ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want us to be more than friends over the net
Q. I like this lad, and I think he likes me. But he says that theres no way we can be more than just mates over msn. I would like to just give up on him, and find someone else to fall in love with, but he's the only one who has shown any interest in ...
A. 17 January 2006: First I would want to know what his reasoning for this descision was before I commented too much. Was it distance or some other factor? If it is an obstacle that is surmountable then you have a choice, if not then the descision is kind of made for ... (read in full...)
Was I a rebound for him as he doesn't seem so into me as he was before...
Q. Is he losing interest already? I've been dating a man for about a month. The past couple- he has called or stopped by or both, every day... He even stayed a few nights in a row last week. From the beginning he was talking about 'wanting to settle ...
A. 17 January 2006: I am not sure what you mean by sought you out but I would proceed with caution here. His ex is obviously still very much on the scene and he is obviously still in a tense and complicated situation. It may be you picking up on his tension and ... (read in full...)
I'm older than my girlfriend, but she has slept with more people than I have. Should I feel bothered by her lustful past?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm a twenty-something guy, and have been dating my 21 year old girlfriend for 2 years. I love her to bits, and I know she loves me just as much, and is completely trustworthy. My problem is that we are probably a little too hones...
A. 17 January 2006: I agree with Ed. You are bothered because this is the women you love. Rather than look at it in negative terms try and look at it in these terms: this girl who hardly any other guy has been able to have for more than one night has been dating *you* ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't dump girlfriends, and acts like a lovesick puppy. I don't want to end up spending my life with the wrong guy. Help!
Q. My boyfriend seems to be the best thing around,there really don't seem to be any decenguys around and I don't want to break his heart by staying with until I find someone new, that would be wrong. I love him, but there I times I really feel we are ...
A. 17 January 2006: I am sorry for your pain. I think there are solutions short of a break-up if you want them. Would I be right in assuming that you do not really assert yourself in this relationship either? When he starts treating you badly do you say anything before ... (read in full...)
He left because of my nagging... So should I nag him about whether he was seeing women while we were together?
Q. My husband has walked out on me reason does not love me anymore and sick of my nagging. The last few months he had been totally withdrawen from me could not stand coming home from work or facing me. He had been working shift work for years. Since ...
A. 17 January 2006: Your post is a little unclear if you found out he was seeing somebody while he was with you and then somebody else or whether all this came after he walked out. I suspect this is the thing you want to find out?
I can certainly see why you woul... (read in full...)
He says I'm tiring him out with all the sex... Guys, what do you think?
Q. i hope someone can give me so good honest advice on this, esp men! im 25, engaged and my partner is 28. ive slept with about 35 men and hes slept with aboue 20 women. i decided not to tell him my real amount as i thought there are some things a pa...
A. 17 January 2006: I would be interested to know what happened when he lost his erection before. Did he react like this or did he brush it aside? If he reacted the same then its possibly temporary, if he reacted differently then you need to get to the bottom of what ... (read in full...)
I feel like his sneaking looks at porn was cheating!
Q. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and we have been together for 10 1/2 yrs. Recently I found out my hubby has been looking at porn and I have found this very difficult to deal with. I confronted him and he denied it. He hasn't appologi...
A. 17 January 2006: I kind of agree with Milana here except that I think part of the reason you may be feeling this way is that he lied about it and denied it. This was wrong of him imho and has inflamed the feeling in you of being betrayed.
I agree that you have to ... (read in full...)
I hate the anxiety and paranoias I feel about my relationship..can anyone advise me?
Q. I am 27 and have been together with my girlfriend for 5 years. We are very much in love and care for each other dearly and often talk about getting married. Recently I have been getting paronoid attacks about her. That she might be losing interest ...
A. 17 January 2006: I would agree with allot of what shortandsweet has said. I think the first thing you need to do here is be honest with yourself. Look back into your past and ask yourself where this has all come from. Typically it would either be, as suggested by ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right think by breaking up with this "kissing" guy... Or not?
Q. Two days ago, exactly, I broke up with my boyfriend after finding out that he had cheated on me. Yesterday I went to his house to get my shoes and sweater. While I was there he was crying, and telling me how much in love with me he was. He said that ...
A. 17 January 2006: Fear can do funny things to people. It is one of the most powerful and most destructive of human emotions. Whether you give him another chance is up to you. You have to decide if you can trust him again and if he means that much to you.
Assum... (read in full...)
Even when I work to support her, my girlfriend seems to put her relationship with her ex before hers with me!
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now and I love her more then anything. She is amazing and she loves me so much. The problem is I can't get over her past. I know this is standard. A lot of guys have this problem. She has been with 5 ...
A. 17 January 2006: This is a really tricky one. Firstly on the love letter I would say that neither her nor herself can control her ex's behaviour. If he chooses to send her a love letter then she cannot stop that and it is entirely possible that she is doing nothing ... (read in full...)
Phone sex? Shaved or trimmed pubes? This is all new to me... help!
Q. Well this is my first time having sex and I waited for the right person, but now I'm scared because I don't know if he will enjoy it and will he fit. I'm scared to ask him if he like girls wih hair or no hair down there because I already keep mine ...
A. 16 January 2006: On the first two things I can't really add to what has already been said. On phone sex, the trick is to see yourself there in your minds eye. I suspect that you are having problems with what to say because you haven't had actual sex so maybe you ... (read in full...)
My baby's father would rather break up, because he can't deal with things I did before we met!
Q. I'm 18 and I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months. I love him with all my heart and we are going to have a baby in 3 months. The thing is that he always thinks that I'm being untrue to him and we can't even have sex without him stop...
A. 16 January 2006: I know your intetions were pure but he is probably having trouble believing you now because of what you had previously told him turning out not to be correct. This seems to have acted as a catylyst to his insecurities.
These are what you have to ... (read in full...)
Would my boyfriend rather be with my friend, than with me?
Q. Dear All, I really need some help, because I really feel like giving up. I've been with my boyfriend, 'James' for 8 months now. He truly is the most wonderful guy I've ever met. I met him soon after coming out of a long-term relationship. Ja...
A. 16 January 2006: He may be the love of your life but you have to weigh that against the pain this is causing you. I am wondering what happened on the night out. Did he ignore you? If he did then that is no way to treat his partner.
You can't blame yourself... (read in full...)
Any tips for a girl to regain her mojo?
Q. Hi. I'm an 18 year old who lives with her partner. The problem is i've completely lost my sex drive. Any tips or advice to help? It would be very appreciated as i am beginning to think that this is it x x x...
A. 16 January 2006: Ye i think so. Hopefully it will get both of you in the mood and you will bounce off each other. It sounds like just the thing you need to rediscover the joys of it all :)and it will carry on getting better from there. Hope it all goes well for you. ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my ex-boyfriend's best mate, who isn't my usual type...
Q. I like my ex boyfriends best mate! what do i do? my previous boyfriend and i were together for a while and i really did love him but when we were together i met one of his friends and i liked him straight away, we bonded really well. all through my ...
A. 16 January 2006: I would take a measured approach to this question. I don't know the timescales involved here but if the split is relatively fresh then it is possible that this will cause complications between your ex and his friend which in turn could cause ... (read in full...)
I gave my sister's good friend a Christmas present, and neither of us have heard a word from her since! I think I've ruined their friendship, but I really like this girl!
Q. I really like my sisters friend, they have been friends for years, they met because they used to work together and have been like best friends ever since. Im older than her but I like her she used to live near us but then moved away to Cyprus a...
A. 16 January 2006: This one is a bit of a mystery. It's possible she is embaressed. What was the present? Was it something that intimated your feelings? Obviously I would say there are more mundane explanations however going with the embaressment I think you are best ... (read in full...)
He's a drug addict, but I love him and I promised his kids I wouldn't leave him. Now I'm pregnant, and I don't want a drug addict around my baby! Help!
Q. I have a problem and don't know what to do I got involved with man who I love so much but he is a drug addict his first wife and left him with twins they are 11 now and his daughter got me and her father together now i had a miscarriage on march 12, ...
A. 16 January 2006: This guy sounds really unstable and I completely understand you not wanting him around your child like this. However you do love him and you have said nothing to suggest he poses a direct threat. If you are under direct threat then don't hesitate ... (read in full...)
We moved to Florida because we thought it would help, but my wife now hates everything about her life!
Q. We have been married for 6 years and we have a 5 year old daughter. This is my 2nd marriage and my wife's 3rd marriage. Our ages are 42 for myself and my wife is 38. The first 5 years of our marriage was simply put was outstanding! This past yea...
A. 16 January 2006: I really found this one tricky to answer because your wife's change seems to be without cause. The big question this situation poses is what caused her to change? If you knew that then you might be able to find a solution to her problems.
Norma... (read in full...)
Any tips for a girl to regain her mojo?
Q. Hi. I'm an 18 year old who lives with her partner. The problem is i've completely lost my sex drive. Any tips or advice to help? It would be very appreciated as i am beginning to think that this is it x x x...
A. 16 January 2006: Not sure if you want a male perspective here but oh well here i am *blushes*. People who read what i write elsewhere will begin to think i answer generiacally but i dont, honest. Varity, Varity, Varity is what I would advise. I am not sure how long ... (read in full...)
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