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female
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anonymous
writes: I got involved with my best friend about 6 months ago. We have had a great relationship and got really close, when we in fact thought we were going to irritate each other! Friendship is one thing, but a relationship totally different. Only problem is he was involved with someone else who lives a long way away and she is living with her partner! Complicated or what?!! Anyway it boils down to the fact that she has found out about our relationship and has decided to move down. While I understand that my friend has to do this, I can't stop loving him. I have been as understanding as I can, because I knew about this other lady when we got involved, but I never thought it would come to anything because she was living with her partner and lived so far away, they only saw each other once every 6-8 weeks and only once when we were involved.My friend and I had a great Christmas and New Year together, but now we are trying a 2 week break before she moves down. I am in the middle of that 2 week break. The problem I have is that (a) I really miss his friendship. (b) because she knows about our relationship I am not going to be able to see him or talk to him once she moves down. It is tearing me apart and I don't know how to deal with it.Although he says he knows it would work between me and him, he needs to go through with this other relationship to see if it works or not. Until he gets this other relationship out of his system, we can't go forward. I kind of understand, but I worry that this other relationship will work for him and I will lose the best friendship I have ever had (we have been friends for nearly 8 years. He has been in this other relationship for nearly 4 years). If anyone else can shed some light on it to help me cope that would be great.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 This is indeed really complicated and it must be hard on you in ways that can't be imagined. I would say that if this relationship does work he should look for some way to at least keep your friendship alive. Hopefully she would understand that you two have a special bond.
I think that often what makes these situations so hard is that so much is beyond your control right now. You can't determine how things go with him and this other women and what he ultimately decides. However, you can control what happens in your own life. Make sure you do things in the break. Let your other friends know how things are. Maybe try and go out with them or if not invite them round for DVD's and a chat. Don't expect it all to magically go away but try to control the pain. Don't surbordinate your life to it.
I know this is easier said than done. I really do feel for you and your situation and hope that it resolves itself happily. Good luck and best wishes *flower*:).
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