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Should I stay in the relationship with the cute "sex-girl" who had an affair?

Tagged as: Cheating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2006)
A male , *leancut writes:

My Girlfriend of 7 years confessed to me she was in love with another man and was in a relationship with him for 6 months. She said she was not getting all that she needed from me. That I was all physical, but not spiritual and intelectual enough! She stopped seeing him, confessed, and recommited herself to me because she saw the changes in my behavior she was hoping for. I was oblivious to all this and was and still am very hurt emotionally. She is very cute and loving to me, and is constantly re-assuring me I am her chosen lover. When we are together she makes love to me 3 or 4 times and is the best love I have ever had. In spite of here affair, I really do love her. Do I stay with her, enjoy her love and try to get over the emotional damage, or shold I be getting out of the relationship?

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A male reader, Dazzerg United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2006):

Dazzerg agony auntWell i kind of agree here. It is more likely that she opened her eyes to you fully. Obviously she felt there was a deficency in your relationship and dishoneslty looked to fill that gap. Here she failed to communicate and that is a huge failing on her part.

Some people are always cheaters and some are not. She needs to understand how hurt you are and that it will take time for you to heal. She also has to realise that she has to win back your trust and this will not happen over night. Ultinmately only you can decide if you can trust her again and if its possible for the love you feel for her to overcome the hurt she has caused.

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A male reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):

Mr.Ed agony auntDear cleancut,

Well that's a really tough one. I suppose you have to look at whether or not you have actually changed. I mean, did you really change and now she is seeing the side of you that you weren't. Probably not! You are probably old enough to change ever so slightly. I personally think that her eyes just NOW opened up and you have always been the great guy you are. I'd also like to think that she realized just how stupid she was for doing that. I guess I would ask her this. "Did you have sex with this other guy"? If yes, then how often? Simply put if you were the real lover, real deal. She only needed emotional support from him, not physical. If it was a case of "alot" I'd probably question why she needed the sex part of it? It's been my experience that once a cheater; always a cheater. If nothing else, she managed to lie to you for 6 months? Lying is lying no matter how you put it.

One more factor to this is can you and would you EVER forgive her totally. It's got to be totally (like it never happened) or else your liable to use it against her one day. For now I say just take it easy and try to talk to her; justify all of this in your head slowly and if you just can't do it; well, there are probably 3 billion women you can find. Good luck. Ed

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