Like what
he writes?
... Add *azzerg to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *azzerg a private message | | | *azzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
|
| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
|
If I travel with him will he think I'm needy!!!
Q. I'm not sure if I really want to take a trip with my boyfriend. A friend of mine and a guy are also travelling with us. I offered to stay with her and wanted both the boys to stay together, but she said she wanted to stay with her guy. I'm not sure...
A. 12 April 2006: Hiya,
No worries. I have to be honest and say it doesnt seem good at all. Have the issues that caused the break-up really been resolved? It seems to me just reading off the screen that you and your bf have alot of work to do on your relation... (read in full...)
I'm really depressed and need good advice on how to help myself!
Q. I split up with my girlfriend 4 months ago - im 27 and feel chronically depressed at the moment. On top of feeling like I want my ex back, even though she is now seeing someone else - I feel like im going to be 'left on the shelf' as most of my fr...
A. 12 April 2006: I would agree with Mystic. Chat rooms might help a little but I would advise you to be careful of them as they can be a bit of a minefield if you are feeling a little emotionally vulnerable.
Try and widen you circle of friends with the aid of t... (read in full...)
If I travel with him will he think I'm needy!!!
Q. I'm not sure if I really want to take a trip with my boyfriend. A friend of mine and a guy are also travelling with us. I offered to stay with her and wanted both the boys to stay together, but she said she wanted to stay with her guy. I'm not sure...
A. 12 April 2006: Personally, it wouldnt bother me but although I am a guy I am not your bf. Does your friends guy have a problem with the arangements she wants? I have to ask why you almost split up, did he feel you were too needy?
It seems to me that you have... (read in full...)
When is an age gap too big?
Q. when is an age gap too much?...
A. 12 April 2006: That is a really hard question to answer specifically. I have had two relationships where my partner has been 12 years my senior and some people would think that is stretching it. I would say in general certainly anything upwards of 15 years is ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be jealous and want to be able to cope with my boyfriend drinking without me. How do I do that?
Q. How do I handle letting my boyfriend go out and drink without me? Also, how do I get over being jealous and letting him actually look at girls? How do I change all of this if I have troubles doing so on my own?...
A. 11 April 2006: I think the first thing that you have to do is rememeber your b/f has chosen to be with you. Secondly, he needs his own time and own social outlet. One thing I would suggest is that you create a social outlet of your own. When he is out with his ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is giving mixed signals and I can't handle this anymore!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and 2 months, that's the longest I have been in a relationship. Im only 16 and my boyfriend turned 18 in febuary. I don't have much relationship skills and he is my second boyfriend. We have ...
A. 10 April 2006: This is tricky because the only solution is also the problem, if that makes sense. You need to communicate and he has to communicate with you. However, there is some hope. This relationship has been going a long time and I am assuming there was a ... (read in full...)
Do I like him just because I can't have him, or do I really like him?
Q. Hi.. I think I'm falling for this guy, except he has a girlfriend! I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it, knowing that he had liked me before he had a girlfriend. I think im falling for him more BECAUSE he has a girlfriend now and that I can't ...
A. 9 April 2006: It's possible that you want him because you can't have him or him getting with somebody has made you realise precisely what your feelings are. You have to think to yourself 'if i tried to get him and got him is it possible I wouldnt want him ... (read in full...)
Can't get over my ex! I've even finished other relationships because I can't get him out of my head...
Q. Hi, well I'm back again haven't posted anything for a while - didn't really feel the need to but know I do. I'm down on my knees begging for your advice. Ok...the guy I'm like 100% head over heels madly in love with is still constantly on my...
A. 9 April 2006: Well it sounds like neither of you have any kind of closure on this relationship what-so-ever and the feelings for each other are still very much there. I would say it is likel he is wearing it for that reason purely because of the other things that ... (read in full...)
Does he just like me as a friend... or more?
Q. Theres this guy I like, in my friendship group, but I havent known him for very long. Sometimes we all hang out together but we've never been properly alone. He's nice and he gives me hugs, and I *think* he's flirted with me once or twice......
A. 9 April 2006: Ok, first the online thing; some people dont talk alot online. I am like you, I find it really irriatating but some people just come online, sign in and do other things. I would not read too much into that.
You say you think he flirted, what did... (read in full...)
She says my bf cheatted but he swears its not true. Who do I beleive??
Q. Ive been dating a wonderful guy for three months now, although that is a short amount of time, its been non-stop since we met..spending almost all of our spare time together, already talking of living together. Ive been anti-relationship for the ...
A. 8 April 2006: Hiya,
I think when you can't go with your gut because your emotions are too involved in a situation then you have to look at a cold hard presentation of the facts. The problem arises here when the facts are a little inconclusive themselv... (read in full...)
Are his behaviours a sign he's not interested or is he thinking of cheating on me? Help me understand
Q. Okay, so we’ve been together for a year now. Beginning was good, but lately we’ve been hitting some rough patches about everyday. There were times he’d accuse me of cheating on him. He lives 15 minutes way, but if I wasn’t with him or online/on the ...
A. 7 April 2006: Well they are certainly signs that something is seriously wrong in the relationship. I am curious to see if you can think of anything that might have been a catylyst for him behaving this way as it seems that things were not always this way.
... (read in full...)
Is 3 months too long for her to be away with her guy "friend"?
Q. My girlfriend knows a guy overseas. She wants to go over there without me for 3 months. Am I being overly concerned to think 3 months is a long time or not?...
A. 6 April 2006: I feel that three months is a long time. However, before you begin to worry too much I would ask yourself if there is any other reason not to trust your gf. Have you talked to your g/f about this and told her how you feel and that you will miss her? ... (read in full...)
She didn't want to celebrate our (1 month) anniversary... Should I let it go or get furious?
Q. since i have been going out with my girlfriend for a month. she didnt even want to spend the 1st month together nor get me a 1 month present. should i be mad? she says she doesnt think of the first month as anything big. she even forgot we made a ...
A. 6 April 2006: I have to say in my experience celebrating one month in such a way is rare. It is something I have only ever done in one relationship and probably wouldn't do it again. Obviously it has some significance to you but just because she doesnt put much ... (read in full...)
Does an ex ever come back?
Q. Is there a possibility that the person who breaks up with you would still be coming back?...
A. 5 April 2006: It totally depends on the reason for the split and if that reason/issue is resolved. As has been said, your best strategy is to stay friends with your ex and maybe sublty at times remind them of what they are missing. Be affectionate sometimes and ... (read in full...)
I just wanted things to cool down for a while and she's gone and moved on!
Q. I really need some advice as this problem is tearing me appart. It all started about a year and a half ago, me and my wife were having some big problems in our marriage which ended up with us splitting up because it was not fair on the children...
A. 4 April 2006: Well from what you are saying she seems to be hedgeing her bets in getting attached to somebody else. She saw your situation and, as she said became scared, she thus started looking around and attached herself to somebody else as an emotional ... (read in full...)
We're only 2 years apart, but my friends think I need somone older...
Q. im 14 and my boyfriends only 12 i no its not a huge age gap but it feels like it at my age . well getting to the point my friends think im wierd because the 2 years age gap and saying i should find some my own age . what should i do listen to my ...
A. 4 April 2006: I would echo the majority opinion here, you have to go with what feels right for you not what your friends think is right. Ultimately, no matter how close the friend, you are the one that knows your own heart and mind best. Friends often advise ... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to stay with him or not!
Q. Please Help Me !!! I have been in a relationship with this guy for about a month now and it's not going so well. I was trying for a long time to go out with this guy and now I'm finally going out with him , But the problem is he treats me like ...
A. 4 April 2006: You have to weigh the hurt breaking up would cause against the hurt he is causing you now. If things dont change then you are going to find this hurt goes on along time too. The hurt of breaking up is painful but it is the beginning of an end.
... (read in full...)
Is he still in love with his "hotter" ex?
Q. he might still love his ex? i think he's still inlove with his ez, he has her pictures in his email eventhough we'er going out now and plus she's so much hotter. also when he;s not hanging out with me i am always thinking that he's with her an...
A. 3 April 2006: Alot is bein taken on assumption here, having her picture in his email could be innocent. She is only hotter in your eyes and as things stand your bf has chosen to be with you. You need to remember this when thinking he is with his ex.
On th... (read in full...)
Does my friend tell me about another women because he has no idea how i feel??
Q. Is it possible my close friend tells me about another woman he loves because he has no idea how I feel about him? I don't do anything to indicate to him that I love him more than as a friend....
A. 2 April 2006: I would say the short answer to this is yes. Often was assume other people know how we feel because we feel something so strongly ourselves but it isnt always the case. If you don't do anything or communicate how you feel then you can't take it as a ... (read in full...)
I'm going nuts thinking of my BF's ex wanting to meet him again. Then I worry I'm overreacting!
Q. I wasn't sure myself, but please let me know if I'm splitting hairs or being a mincer of words, or if this is a big deal at all... I recently saw my bf's myspace and we both have one so we check the other one's page now and then. I was looking ...
A. 2 April 2006: First things first, he can't be held responsible for the actions of his ex. She may post the message and he can't control that. You have to accept that. Assuming hes done nothing to encourage this and from what you say that seems a fair assumption ... (read in full...)
Depressed and unloved what hope do I have??
Q. Well I’ve been feeling incredibly low lately, I thought I got over my depression but I guess I’m wrong. I barely get enough sleep these days; I have to wait until I’m on the brink of exhaustion to even get any sleep. I haven’t been eating well; I ...
A. 2 April 2006: Well in some ways you have answered your own question. You have college so I assume you are looking forward to studying something and the career that will bring. You are fitting in at college and are not totally isolated and can, taken from that, ... (read in full...)
Oh my god did I cheat without knowing it???
Q. I was at a party recently where i got very drunk and blacked out, I slept in the same bed as my boyfriends(25) friend but nothing happened. I met one of his friends recently who started calling me a whore etc and saying that he knows what i did the ...
A. 1 April 2006: I think the first thing you need to do is find out what actually happened here. If you talk to your boyfriend first then you maybe causing unnesscerey hassel. I think its fair to say you would normally remember something like that but then again you ... (read in full...)
Is he still hung up on his gorgeous ex?
Q. my boyfriend says he loves me, yet i have teh feelings he still loves his ex more than me. i mean i did find her pictures in his e mail even though he's been with me now. i dun't know what if he's lying and he actually still loves her. how can i ...
A. 1 April 2006: I say this quite alot and I shouldn't but it is a valid point - her picture being in his e-mail could be bad housekeeping, in and of itself it doesn't mean alot.
Rather, if you are determined to pursue this line of thought, I would be looking ... (read in full...)
How do I regain trust?
Q. Could someone give me some ideas to help regain trust in a relationship? I am lost of ideas. I love him and leaving him is not an option....
A. 1 April 2006: Ok, this is a little hazy as to whether you have lost his or he has lost yours. Obviously the advice would be slightly different depending on which way around it was.
If he has lost yours then it is up to him to do all the work and prove to you h... (read in full...)
He's keeping something from me, what is it??
Q. I am in a good relationship with a person that I love dearly, but I feel like he is keeping something from me and I want him to talk to me. What should I say to him?...
A. 1 April 2006: I think you need to be open and direct but also create an envrioment in which he feels comfortable to talk to you. From what you say here it doesnt seem as if you feel its directly related to the relationship or anything necessarily bad.
Plan ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has started taking drugs! What do I do!?
Q. what do you do if your boyfriend is started to drink and do pot for the very first time since you have been going out with him? ...
A. 30 March 2006: Well I think you need to get to the bottom of this behaviour. From what you say here this is a sudden change of behaviour and it must have a cause. Is he under alot of stress and pressure? If he was then that might explain why he has suddenly taken ... (read in full...)
Where's the borderline for possesive behaviour?
Q. my boyfriend is on the borderline of being possessive. I know its partly because he's putting in so much that he's got a lot to loose, but how do you know if someone crosses the line to being obsessive and controlling? and if they cross over, is it ...
A. 30 March 2006: Ok I would need more specifics about what he is doing to say whether in my view he was being possesseive and controlling. Personally I would think things like, not letting you out on your own, prohibiting you having opposite sex friends, any form of ... (read in full...)
Online dating hooked me up with a cute chick, aged 18... who then turned out to be 16!
Q. Hello. I'm 28. I've met this great girl through an online dating service which of course you are required to be 18 for and it even asks for credit card info. She said she was 18. Three weeks into the relationship, she confesses to me that she is ...
A. 30 March 2006: Well the legality of this rather depends on where you actually are. Of course in the UK the age of consent is 16 so if you from there you at least don't have that to worry about. Far more pressing could be problems with relatives/friends and all the ... (read in full...)
I feel torn between moving on or staying put, please help!
Q. hey. Have been goin out with my boyfriend the past 2 and a half years. Lately i have been having feelings for another male. I sometimes think i need to be single for a while but I am afraid my boyfriend will move on and meet someone and I will reg...
A. 29 March 2006: Ok I think you need to nail down what these feelings are before you can make any descision. Is it just lust or do you feel an emotional attraction to this other man too? If you do break up with your b/f then there is a chance that your b/f will move ... (read in full...)
On all his online profiles he lists himself as single!
Q. Hi, i'm a 20 years old and in need of some unbiased advice. My bf and i have been going out for 2 and half years, we're both in university. We only have small disagreements and i think that we still have a strong relationship. However the other day ...
A. 28 March 2006: Well this one is tricky because it could go either way I think. On the profiles thing, depending on how long he has had them, it could just be bad housekeeping. I am notoriously bad at changing my various profiles. On the other hand it is possible ... (read in full...)
My husband is 100% inconsiderate and spends all his time playing video games!
Q. lately my husband is a very inconsideate man. for valentines day i got nothing. and i went all out for him. gifts dont really mean anything but just the thought alone would have been nice. on march 29th its been 5 years we have been married. i am ...
A. 28 March 2006: Well I think you have to be preapared for the fact that the relationship maybe over to be blunt. Sorry but obviously things cannot go on like this. Have you confronted him about his behaviour? Maybe as a final throw of the dice you could do this but ... (read in full...)
It hurt when my BF said my "problems" would have finished our relationship. I don't know how to react to that!
Q. Hi, I've been very depressed for a long time, about 3 to 4 years. I told my bf of 2 years about it and sometimes talk to him about it, yet I find it diffcult because he makes me feel bad because I am depressed. Anyway he told me that if I was no...
A. 28 March 2006: email addy on the forums lol...think its in the breakup one... (read in full...)
It hurt when my BF said my "problems" would have finished our relationship. I don't know how to react to that!
Q. Hi, I've been very depressed for a long time, about 3 to 4 years. I told my bf of 2 years about it and sometimes talk to him about it, yet I find it diffcult because he makes me feel bad because I am depressed. Anyway he told me that if I was no...
A. 28 March 2006: First you have to have hope that things will get better. It will take time and alot of hard work but you will get there. It seems to me that your partner is not being very helpful at all. I have to ask, how do you feel about this relationship?
... (read in full...)
Not sure where I stand with him...Does he see me as a friend or something more?
Q. Not sure where I stand with this lovely guy who I am friends with. We’ve been hanging out for about 3 months. He has been really busy lately so I have backed off somewhat because I thought that is what he wanted. His texts had been less frequent ...
A. 28 March 2006: Well I think you certainly could have a point on the timing of the deluge of texts; on the other hand and conversly, you being out with his family may have placed you at the forefront of his conscious mind and as probably brought his feelings more ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a person to tell you "let's keep our relationship a secret". What do you think?
Q. Is it normal for someone that you just started dating to tell you to keep your relationship a secret?...
A. 28 March 2006: I agree with the above post. It isn't normal or necessarily helpful for a relationship to be kept secret but sometimes it falls into the 'necessary evil catergory'. The key thing is that there is openess between you two even if you cant have that ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to hide my other job as a porn star???
Q. Hiya I'm currently a porn star, working in simple films and have been in a few magazines. But I'd also like to be a secondary school teacher. Will I have to mention my career in porn in my job interview, as I'm sure they'll just see me as a stupid b...
A. 26 March 2006: Personally Id be more worried about the fact that they unlikely to want somebody from the sex industry near kids in the current climate of concern about the people that work in schools. Technically speaking I would think you don't have to mention as ... (read in full...)
Is it ever possible to win someone back?
Q. is their any ways i can get a lad back, i feel sooo much for him, he is currently with a girl at the moment, but i want to let him know im their for him. i want him so much. please help...
A. 26 March 2006: Well I would say its possible but not always probable. I know the 'right' thing to do is respect this relationship but it's not always that simple although I agree that doing things at this stage is 'asking for trouble' in the sense it is likely to ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so betrayed?
Q. I have been going through radical breast surgery which has changed the way i look and feel, my husband says he is fine with this and not a boob man which i never thought he was recently i found porno video clips on his phone, i know this is normal ...
A. 26 March 2006: I think you feel betrayed because you feel he lied to you or said something that wasn't true to make you feel better. Have you talked to him about this and how it made you feel?... (read in full...)
A hidden text broke my heart. Are kisses cheating and can i ever feel secure with my partner again??
Q. 9 months ago i found a hidden text on my partner of 5 years mobile from a work colleague saying thanx for not taking advantage of me last night but i really enjoyed our kisses ... im still racked with worry that he may want other relationships ... ...
A. 24 March 2006: Well I tend to more agree with Prunella, the cruicial thing here may well not be what was done but it's context. If he lunged on her and kissed her then that would be cheating but if she was in a drunken stupor and lunged on him and he awkwardly ... (read in full...)
Does my long-distance lover still love me?
Q. I have a long distance love affair im not sure f if he still loves me...what should i do to know wether he loves me still or not?...
A. 24 March 2006: Hiya :),
Long-distance can be really hard work esepcially since you can't see each other regularly and ressaure each other as you would in a normal relationship. Is there something that had made you feel unloved, or is it just something that is ... (read in full...)
I turned him down, he's my friend, but now he's being horribly mean!
Q. My guy mate is really frustrating me. The other day he told me he fancies me and that he wanted to go out with me, but i told him that i didnt want to go out with him. He asked me again but this time he started going on about how depressed he is an...
A. 24 March 2006: This is very much a balancing act as the other respondee kind of pointed out. You have to asses his strengths and weaknesses; if you think he can take the tough love then be prepared to give it out, if you dont then a softer approach is needed.
... (read in full...)
It hurt when my BF said my "problems" would have finished our relationship. I don't know how to react to that!
Q. Hi, I've been very depressed for a long time, about 3 to 4 years. I told my bf of 2 years about it and sometimes talk to him about it, yet I find it diffcult because he makes me feel bad because I am depressed. Anyway he told me that if I was no...
A. 23 March 2006: Hiya,
Hope you are well today? I am sorry to hear you are going through this; how do you think he would react to the idea of joint counselling where he was involved? Obviously he is having problems dealing with this situation too. He should b... (read in full...)
It hurt when my BF said my "problems" would have finished our relationship. I don't know how to react to that!
Q. Hi, I've been very depressed for a long time, about 3 to 4 years. I told my bf of 2 years about it and sometimes talk to him about it, yet I find it diffcult because he makes me feel bad because I am depressed. Anyway he told me that if I was no...
A. 22 March 2006: First things first, you should never feel guilty about being depressed or let anybody make you feel that way. Your partner especially should be a source of support and it is bad for the relationship if he creates an enviroment where you feel unable ... (read in full...)
| *azzerg's friends
These are mutual friends, so *azzerg has
added them and they have added *azzerg!
|
