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*azzerg agony aunt

*azzerg

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Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship.

Latest articles:

Staying the distance...

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...

Pornography and relationships

This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...

Rules of the game

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...

The 'ex' Factor

No replies yet...

17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...

Loving somebody who is afraid

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...

Is love selfish??

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...

What is love??

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...

Out of your league?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...

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He's depressed and won't seek help, I feel all I do is take care of what he needs while he neglects me. I think I want to end it but how?

Q.   I'm a divorced 48 yr old in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 50 and he is depressed constantly and won't tell the Dr or get on medication for it. He seems so up and down, you never know how he'll be. He never remembers my birthday (not in 4 ...

A.   16 September 2008: I agree with Emily in a way but shes being a little harsh. Brow-beating him probably wont work,it will make him retreat further, it never does on me when i'm a bit blue; what I am looking for is positive encouragement so a bit of carrot and stick is ... (read in full...)

He's depressed and won't seek help, I feel all I do is take care of what he needs while he neglects me. I think I want to end it but how?

Q.   I'm a divorced 48 yr old in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 50 and he is depressed constantly and won't tell the Dr or get on medication for it. He seems so up and down, you never know how he'll be. He never remembers my birthday (not in 4 ...

A.   16 September 2008: Anon makes some very good points. One of the side effects of especially severe depression is a seeming self-absorbtion. It's not a not caring its more a withdrawal and cocoon like defensive mechanism the mind employs to protect itself. He is seeming ... (read in full...)

What is the difference between loving someone and being in love?

Q.   What is the difference between just loving someone and being in love?...

A.   16 September 2008: I actually think Emily puts it rather well in many ways. Think about it this way; you love your family and friends and they definatly constitute more than one person. Having said that this is a different kind of love. When people come on here and ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend left me today and I am sad. How long do I wait before I move on?

Q.   Hi, I met a girl little under 4 weeks ago, and since that time, we spent almost every evening with eachother. Today she had to move away to a new job, effectively putting an end to our "relationship". We plan to stay in touch, which I think is...

A.   14 September 2008: How long is a piece of string? Seriously. The reason you feel sad this time around is because it is not a clean break. You have lost her due to circumstances beyond your immediate control and there seems from what you are saying no other reason than ... (read in full...)

My best friend thinks I am depressed and should go to the doctors...should I??

Q.   Am I depressed? My best friend says I am, and have been for the last three years out of the five he has known me. He says he knows, because he's had severe depression before. He's been to councelling and got better for it about a year ago. Suppos...

A.   14 September 2008: The short answer to your question is that yes you should go to the doctors and place your trust in this friend who is obviously deeply concerned about you and cares about you deeply. Nobody on here can offer a precise clinical diagnosis which is ... (read in full...)

My parents think it's wrong for me to date a black guy, is this racist?

Q.   My mom and dad are soo protective. i like this black guy...alot and he likes me. but my parents think it is wrong for a white girl to date a black boy. i think thats racsism. but me and this boy have been talking for a year and we tell each other ...

A.   14 September 2008: You state in what you say that your parents think it is 'wrong for a white girl to date a black boy' so it would seem apparent to me that their problem with this relationship is not that you are dating but you are dating somebody who is black. In ... (read in full...)

Any ideas on initiating intimacy by phone??

Q.   I want to initiate phone sex very gently to see if my male friend responds. I have never done it before and would like advice on what can be said. He told me he was reduced to tears at the extent of the intimacy he reached with his ex and I wondered ...

A.   14 September 2008: Fair enough. Then I would say that your best bet is to do as one of the other responders said and tease him and see how it goes. Good luck :)... (read in full...)

Any ideas on initiating intimacy by phone??

Q.   I want to initiate phone sex very gently to see if my male friend responds. I have never done it before and would like advice on what can be said. He told me he was reduced to tears at the extent of the intimacy he reached with his ex and I wondered ...

A.   13 September 2008: I'm a bit confused as to what you want to initiate. If it's phone sex then I would suggest gentle probing and starting talking about what you are wearing and seeing how responsive he is and go from there. Intimacy can be something slightly... (read in full...)

Guys- If a woman who looked like a porn star propositioned you for sex, could you say no?

Q.   If a girl who looked like a porn star propositioned you for sex, would you agree? Like if she looked like Briana Banks, a young Pamela Anderson, Jenna Jameson, or Jesse Jane? I was just wondering because I heard that my boyfriend was at a party a...

A.   13 September 2008: Errrr yes I could. I love my gf. Porn stars are usually empty and vapid people in any case. ... (read in full...)

Why does he bring stuff from my past we agreed to forget whenever we fight?

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We went through a lot over a year ago. Everything has really been good and everything, but every time we get into an argument, my mistakes are brought up. Some happened a year ago, some happened 4 ...

A.   9 September 2008: You are fighting. He wants to hurt you and win the argument and the promises that you made before arent remembered. It really is as simple as that. It's also possible that he has some unresolved emotions about what took place and that could be ... (read in full...)

I have romantic feelings for too many guys! Am I a horrible person or just bad at commitment?

Q.   I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 months. I really love him. We really click, we've got lots in common, we find the same things funny, we find each other hot, we treat each other lovingly... our relationship is brilliant. Howeve...

A.   31 August 2008: I wouldn't say you are a bad person. I would say you actually don't know what you want from a relationship and this is why you have feelings for so many people. Most of your questions you can only answer yourself to be honest because there is no ... (read in full...)

How do I escape from my abusive boyfriend?

Q.   i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we have been living together for 1 year everynight is the same story i end up in bed crying my eyes out, he constantly accuses of me of infidelity and being places i have never heard of, hes always putting ...

A.   29 August 2008: Well you definatly need to get out of this situation as soon as you can. Family or friends are the best bet. Then you need to discover the strength to resist the waterworks. Are your family and friends aware of what is going on?? Your sister sounds ... (read in full...)

I'm stressing over the smallest things! Please help!

Q.   i seem to have a problem latley......I cannot stop worrying over tiny little things or stressing over things that dont even matter! is there something wrong with me, is there any treatments out there that could help this...Im stressig over tommorow ...

A.   23 August 2008: Either there is something deeper on your mind which is causing these niggles or you have some kind of anxiety disorder. Is everything ok in your life in general?? In general I would say the two rules are trying to breath and focus. Take deep breaths ... (read in full...)

Is it unloyal to DRINK at my friend's party despite my boyfriend objecting to it?

Q.   I live with my boyfriend and he doesnt want me to drink when i go to my bestfriend's place tomorrow. But to tell ya all the truth i dont care im going to any way as i hardly get a chance for fun and at the end of the day ill be back with him at home ...

A.   23 August 2008: My answer would depend on his reasoning for not wanting you to drink. I have a bit of a tic about it because my Mum was a very heavy drinker and well...lets say it didnt do any good. I think the other repliers have given other examples of why he ... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I can trust any girl!!

Q.   I'm constantly worried my girlfriend is cheating on me. She is not the type but I've been cheated on before and now I can't trust any girl. What can I do?...

A.   23 August 2008: Once bitten; twice shy. Cupidguy is right. Your head knows that she isnt but that little nagging voice is hard to shift. You have two prongs of attack; 1) Communicate your feelings and work through this together. Open up to her and I am sure she... (read in full...)

I need tips on how to forgive a boyfriend that's cheated on me multiple times.

Q.   I need help by someone who can give me tips on how to forgive my boyfriend. Hes cheated on me and lied to me multiple times. I dont trust him anywhere he goes and i cant get the picture of him and another girl out of my head. Ive tryed talking to ...

A.   22 August 2008: Excellant advice from the other two aunts. My inclination would be that there is little hope for this relationship and that staying with him is becoming a kind of exercise in emotional self-harm. By all means forgive him but you have to seriously ... (read in full...)

A prior sex attack has me dreaming he'll cheat.

Q.   Hey, i keep having multiple dreams everynight of my boyfriend cheating on me, with close friends and sometimes total strangers and partys,, Also the thung is, he's going clubbing in broadway like next week;; And ive got a crazy feeling thats wh...

A.   22 August 2008: I'm guessing the person who attacked you was somebody close to you at the time; somebody that you trusted. This is the reason why you have these feelings and they are not a reflection on him, they are a reflection of how your trust was violated at ... (read in full...)

Why smoke?

Q.   ok i dont know if dis is a article or not but its a poem i made here goes : why smoke its not a joke you know you could croak its not like sugar and spice its like making sure you have lice it makes you stink whats next you gonna drink...

A.   22 August 2008: I smoke and errr it isn't really appropiate in my view for this forum but hey-ho....yes smokers are aware of the risks...yes there are plenty of other risky and damaging to others things that people still do...i really rather do not approve of the ... (read in full...)

I was drunk and I don't remember... would I have been aware of having sex with this guy?

Q.   I was recently at a party where I met a guy and we kissed - at least I have no recollection of having gone any further with him. One friend told another that she had caught him with his trousers down and that I had a hole in the crotch area of my ...

A.   22 August 2008: Well you would think so but your recollection of events does seem to be a little hazy so I wouldnt say anything with 100% certaintity. At the moment all you have to go on is some pretty ropey testimony from your friend and your own worst imaginings. ... (read in full...)

He divorced me because, he says, I was controlling. Was I???

Q.   My husband has recently divorced me very much against my will. He told me it was because I was controlling. I never asked him where he was or what he was doing , what time he would be home or anything. I felt I was only controlling in the fact that ...

A.   16 August 2008: You definatly weren't controlling. Controlling to me would have to have a far wider scope. I guess it would be nice for a holiday to be a joint thing but to say it makes you controlling is absurd. Being controlling wouldn't even involve asking a... (read in full...)

Should I just forget her because she lies to me with such ease and doesn't care about me...?

Q.   i have this really pretty mate but she is already taken but she confides in me and i know that her relationship is on the rocks. I have had a crush on her since day 1 but never told her but now i feel that i should make my move but my mates tell me ...

A.   16 August 2008: Id be inclined to forget about her too at least as a potential partner. She could have lied to save your feelings (stupid way of doing it i know) because she obviously doesnt feel attracted to you in that way. If that is the case and it clearly is ... (read in full...)

Should I just forget her because she lies to me with such ease and doesn't care about me...?

Q.   i have this really pretty mate but she is already taken but she confides in me and i know that her relationship is on the rocks. I have had a crush on her since day 1 but never told her but now i feel that i should make my move but my mates tell me ...

A.   16 August 2008: Id be inclined to forget about her too at least as a potential partner. She could have lied to save your feelings (stupid way of doing it i know) because she obviously doesnt feel attracted to you in that way. If that is the case and it clearly is ... (read in full...)

Do my parents have a right to dictate what are healthy/unhealthy boundaries between myself and someone I'm dating?

Q.   About 10 weeks ago I met a woman through a mutual friend. We've officially been dating for about 8 weeks now. Averaging around 1.7 dates per week. We talk on the phone quite regularly. I'm 25 years old, responsible, and feel fortunate t...

A.   16 August 2008: Short answer; No. No human being owns another whether they have DNA in commen or not. ... (read in full...)

Why do his parents change their mind so much?

Q.   ok well i really need help!!! ive been dating my boyfriend for 1 yr 5 months and his parents didnt like me since day one. they always tell him what to do and they just strangle him around like a rag doll and they never make their mind about liking ...

A.   16 August 2008: I know how you feel believe me and if i knew the answer to this one then it would help me alot too. The bottom line is this; your bf is old enough to make his own mind up and make his own destiny. Obviously and understandably he feels he owes ... (read in full...)

Why do adults always focus on mistakes their children make?

Q.   wy do adults always focus on the mistakes theri children do? why do they always get angry when we don't always agree with them? i know their looking out for us but isn't it a bit too suffocating?...

A.   16 August 2008: Well I am more with Mandy than Kinky. On one level this is a complex question to answer because there are various reasons why...essentially it is to do with control and losing it which nobody likes feeling because a lack of control makes people feel ... (read in full...)

Our love is fading. I just want to make things right.

Q.   Im so tired of him thinking that he is the only one that has to go through things. Maybe it's time for him to start thinking about others rather than himself. It hurts when he denies my love. He believes that im cheating on him, which is surely not ...

A.   16 August 2008: Mandy is right. You have to grasp the nettle before you drift too far apart. Why does he think you are cheating?? Is there a specific reason or is it just general?? It seems to me that the problem here is poor communication on both sides. Y... (read in full...)

Should I meet him offline?

Q.   I met this guy on the net but i never met him in real life we talk yeah he wants me to get with him What do i do.....???? =[...

A.   15 August 2008: Meet him but take sensible precautuions. The more details you can tie him down to the better in terms of phone number, picture etc. Tell people where you are going, promise to txt or call to let them know you are ok. Public place, not too late in ... (read in full...)

Am I so selfish as to want both of them?

Q.   What can I do? I'm so confused... This year is off to a horrible start. My boyfriend and I aren't riding the same bus this year. I'm having strong feelings for my best friend who goes to a different school that I wanted to go to for a ver...

A.   15 August 2008: As has been said you are confused not wrong. Most people want to have their cake and eat it in any case...it's a very human flaw so forgiveable. In an ideal world we would always be able to have it all but sometimes this cant be the case sadly. I ... (read in full...)

Why do I still find it so hard to trust my long-distance girlfriend?

Q.   So, to be able to answer this question, you need to know the situation (obviously). There is a girl I love, and had a long distance relationship with her. I, my self, live in Canada, am 17, and I'm quite mature. She, lives in America...

A.   15 August 2008: A: Is a medical matter really and you need to be consulting your doctor about it, counselling may also be appropiate to help you deal with your past experiences including those in this relationship. B: Up to you really. You say shes changed ... (read in full...)

Am I being harsh to dump a liar like this?

Q.   My girlfriend of two years finally admitted that she lied about another man who was pursuing her. I had heard rumors that it was happening and when I asked who this person was, she replied that she had never heard of him for months. Finally when I ...

A.   15 August 2008: I'm confused by this one because your question clearly implies she admitted he existed but said she hadn't contacted him 'for months'. Soooo hows does 'finding out he existed' make her a liar?? She's only a liar if she did keep contact with him and ... (read in full...)

My husband got a girl pregnant, and now I'm pregnant after a one-night stand with someone else. I don't know what to do.

Q.   so me and my husband have been together for 5 years and we just got married in jan.. he gets deployed when i get a phone call stating he got another army girl preganat .. well this being said i ask him about it.. well got in this huge fight because ...

A.   15 August 2008: It's a bit of a grey area to be honest because things were obviously in such a state of flux when you slept with this other guy. Some people will say yes and others no. My gut feeling is that guilt ridden over his cheating he may be prepared to cut ... (read in full...)

Should I give my boyfriend more space?

Q.   I have been going out with my boyfriend for approx. 6 months and we used to spend a lot of time together, but I've been getting a lot of hints from him recently telling me to give him space - well at least I think it's "space" and not a "break". ...

A.   15 August 2008: I think they are signs he is feeling a little suffocated so yes I think that you should try and give him space hard though I know this is because in that space all the insecurities can grow like weeds in pavement cracks. I suggest that you find ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend called me by his ex's name. Would you tolerate it?

Q.   Would you tolerate the person in your life,your loved one,to by mistake call you by a ex's name?My fiance was married to a Liezel for thirteen years and my name is Lizel.Is it just because both start wit and L and am I just making too much of ...

A.   15 August 2008: As has been said your names are so similar that I would have to say it's even an understandable slip. That is assuming you are hearing him correct. If her name was Sarah and yours Kate then it would bug me but not in this case. Kinda suggests to me ... (read in full...)

Who should I believe? My BF who says he loves me or his friend who said he's been cheating on me?

Q.   alright so i have been on here in a while so i have one huge question .... about a week ago my bf was gone for a week and he barely calld me he called me probably twice a day and when he came back thngs were fine we had a great time i made him ...

A.   15 August 2008: No, its sweet and the right thing to do not an indication he's cheating. So your friend does have her own agenda. My advice; ignore her unless there are hard facts. ... (read in full...)

I'm thinking about a baby. If I just stopped taking my pills without telling my boyfriend...?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years I am 22 and he's 21. We live together as well as his brother in a 2 bedroom apartment, but in about 2 months we will have an actual home. Their dad is buying it and we are renting it from him. my guy ...

A.   9 August 2008: I think you should keep your bf in the loop with regard to these kind of things for two reasons; a) he has a right to know...yes it's your body but you are in a partnership and you want him to be part of the family you want... b)if he finds... (read in full...)

Who should I believe? My BF who says he loves me or his friend who said he's been cheating on me?

Q.   alright so i have been on here in a while so i have one huge question .... about a week ago my bf was gone for a week and he barely calld me he called me probably twice a day and when he came back thngs were fine we had a great time i made him ...

A.   9 August 2008: Does your friend have any hard evidence?? I would be a bit weary of just taking her word for it even though she is your friend...she may have other agendas...maybe she doesnt like the guy or something like that?? Where had he 'gone'?? Just off the ... (read in full...)

One minute we are great together and the next we are at each other's throat. So what should be done?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 8 years. We have had some amazing times together and have also had huge huge arguments. One minute we are great together and the next we are at each others throat. For the longest, Ive been wanting ...

A.   2 August 2008: Put simply I think Kermit is right. This has run it's course but neither of you actually wants to admit that so you are keeping yourselves in this limbo which can't be good for either of you in the long-run. What should be done?? Well...I think you ... (read in full...)

The guy I want already has a girlfriend but he says he wants me, although sometimes asks me to help with their relationship! How to deal?

Q.   Basically there's this guy in my life, we're always textina each other an have recently started spending hours talking to each other on the phone. The problem with this is that he already has a girlfriend, but from reading in between the lines hi...

A.   2 August 2008: I would side-step giving him the help he asks for because anything you say, whether you are aware of it or not, will be biased by your own interest in this guy. Just try and fob him off; say something like 'well I wouldn't really know' and try and ... (read in full...)

I feel rubbish as a girlfriend because I liked it when another guy acted sexually towards me.

Q.   Well, long story short, i've been with my current boyfriend for just over a month now, im 16 and he's 23, and our relationship is great. Great amount of emotion, great amount of communication, great sex life, just, great everything! But toni...

A.   2 August 2008: I wouldnt beat yourself up about it. If I may say so it sounds like you liked the attention which one may say is natural. As others have kinda said as long as it goes no further then you have done nothing wrong and I think in a way it does credit to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college

Q.   My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...

A.   16 July 2008: So it was a double negative....you didnt enjoy the course and missed him....Emily has a point but I dont think you want to end this relationship so maybe you should actually take this opportunity to sor things out??... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college

Q.   My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...

A.   16 July 2008: As an addendum it's possible he didnt tell you because he didnt want to upset the apple cart. Train?? Phone?? I would be a bit concerned about the shouting, it's natural to pine and even feel insecure (i have been going through a period of ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college

Q.   My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...

A.   16 July 2008: I think this is a tricky one then to be honest. Maybe you should use this opportunity to get some of your own life back. I understand speration hurting but I really dont agree with shouting at you for doing that and trying to have a life of your ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is the only thing in my life - how do I cope when he goes to college

Q.   My boyfriend found out today that he has been accepted into college to do a chef's course which I should be really proud of but I'm not.. I feel like when he goes to do this I will never see him and he might find someone else in his class or at ...

A.   16 July 2008: Well I don't think you are overreacting obviously you are feeling a little insecure in this relationship and I think there are are ways you can overcome that and there are also ways to combat the feeling of seperation which I can appreciate must be ... (read in full...)

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