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*azzerg agony aunt

*azzerg

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*azzerg's profile:

Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship.

Latest articles:

Staying the distance...

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...

Pornography and relationships

This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...

Rules of the game

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...

The 'ex' Factor

No replies yet...

17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...

Loving somebody who is afraid

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...

Is love selfish??

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...

What is love??

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...

Out of your league?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...

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He told me it would be ok but I didnt want to do it and now I feel dirty!!!

Q.   I have gotten my self into a real pickle and dont know what to do next!! I have been with my boyfriend now for a year and although i havnt slept with him, i love him. I was 15 in may and he was 16 in january and we have like i said been together for ...

A.   9 June 2007: You havent done anything wrong but he clearly has. It looks like what happened is that he got carried away with the moment, in other words got over-excited, and that is being a little generous to him. You clearly withdrew your consent twice well ... (read in full...)

Broken up for 3 months now but I miss her like crazy. How do I get her back?

Q.   Me and my girl have been broken up for about 3 months now, and I miss her like crazy, how do I get her back?...

A.   1 June 2007: I think to be totally honest the how's why's and wherefores depend on what actually caused the break up in the first place...?... (read in full...)

He seemed to be into me and now hes lost interest!!

Q.   What should i do in this situation?I like this guy ALOT,we used to work together,all he ever did was to look at me,but it never led to anything..I stil see him as hes a technician,im really into this guy yet it seems like he lost interst,i still see ...

A.   22 May 2007: Well, I have to echo what others have said here. The reason that this hurts is because you are confused as to where you stand and right now you just dont know where you stand. You need to find that out or else it wont stop hurting. If he rejects ... (read in full...)

He seemed to be into me and now hes lost interest!!

Q.   What should i do in this situation?I like this guy ALOT,we used to work together,all he ever did was to look at me,but it never led to anything..I stil see him as hes a technician,im really into this guy yet it seems like he lost interst,i still see ...

A.   20 May 2007: I think that in general the advice would be if not to tell him then at least to test the water by asking him out somewhere socially. However, you say that is not an option. If you dont mind me asking, why is that? ... (read in full...)

He saw another woman. Was it innocent as he says?

Q.   Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is a lot older than me, I'm 21 and he is nearly 40. In all my relationships (which isn't many) I've always had a big problem with trust and worrying about my boyfriend and them liking othe...

A.   10 May 2007: I think all of this could be compleltly innocent. To be honest there is nothing here that you say that suggests that they could be anything other than really close friends. I think you definatly need to give the benefit of the doubt on this one. ... (read in full...)

If I tell my partner it's over, he'll smash the house up as he's very manipulating and controlling. I don't know what to do???

Q.   Hi i am 19 i have been in this relationship for 3.5 years. I have a little girl who is 2. Kevin is very manipulating and controling. He gets angry and shouts at me right in my face calls me names says he wishes i was dead. I want to end it so i can ...

A.   7 May 2007: I think you need to talk to your family and friends quite urgently. Create a network of support around you and your daughter, people who will be there for you and protect you from him. Then I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms its ... (read in full...)

Do I believe my sister and my friend that he still likes me?

Q.   hiya ... I'm so confused because Ive béen out with a boy i used to really like and we went out for 6 months and then i dumped him because i was afraid of what one of my closest friend would of thought if i told her. I then went back out with him for ...

A.   5 May 2007: Well I think its more than likely that they are telling the truth. He is probably confiding his feelings to them as he would see them as being close to you. What possible reason could they have to lie to you or mislead you? ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend keeps sentiments from her past lovers. I feel uncomfortable

Q.   My soon to be wife has pictures, love letters and cards of serious old boyfriends at our home. They are not exposed but kept in boxes in several locations. I know they are sweet memories for her. But they tend to bother me because of the depth of ...

A.   21 April 2007: I have to say I am guilty of something similar to this so I can totally understand where your gf is coming from. I think that you do have to bear in mind the key word here, *memories*. I would be surprised if you yourself haven't been intimate with ... (read in full...)

My guy says I am annoying in a nice way. What does that mean?

Q.   The guy I love said I'm annoying in a nice way. What does he mean???...

A.   21 April 2007: I think its possible he's teaseing a little. I'm guessing you give this guy alot of attention? He is saying he likes your attention I think. I work with a girl who I am attracted too and she is completely dizzy, something that I find annoying but in ... (read in full...)

I want to trust this one but I always get paranoid!

Q.   I have had quite a few relationships and i am in one now, but i cant trust my boyfriend, i get paranoid if his phone is off or he doesnt reply to my texts. We have only just started dating but he lives about 20 miles away from me and im scared ...

A.   8 April 2007: I think you are maybe being a little paranoid but obviously it has a rational base in how you have been treated in the past. I understand because I can be the same and its a learning curve. It's important that you dont beat yourself up over it ... (read in full...)

I think he's going back to his ex gf and I don't want to lose him! What can I do?

Q.   Right, basically and this is the basics cz i am in a very very very complicated situation. My ex of 3 yrs got back in contact with me about a yr ago, and he still has feelings for me and i feel the same about him but at the time he had a girlfriend. ...

A.   30 March 2007: In these situations I think that the most you can do is try and woo the other party since ultimately what they do is there choice. Tell him how you feel and show it alot. Be positive and try not to show him that you are afraid (although I know that ... (read in full...)

What can I do to speed up the process of getting back with my ex!?

Q.   Help! Right as I thought I was getting over my ex, he came back into my life. At first he started saying don't do anything with any other guys, then he said do what feels right. He says he is confused and not sure what to think about me and him. I...

A.   30 March 2007: Ok, I think the first question here is why has all this confusion suddenly kicked in? To be totally honest I would find it hard to answer your question without knowing the answer to that.... ... (read in full...)

The guy im seeing is 16 years older than me, potential relationship in the pipes what do you guys think ?

Q.   My question is simple. I am goin to be 19 in a couple wks and i am currently kind of seeing a guy who is 16 yrs older than me. Thus he is 34. We were friends for aprox. 4mths before anything happened so one can say we have a good friendship; the ...

A.   28 March 2007: Age differences are always tricky, my general view is that as long as the difference is not outrageous and one party is clearly not being abused then anything goes. My friend wants to see somebody 20 years older and is fearing exactly the same thing ... (read in full...)

I dont trust 'average' looking girls!!

Q.   I found that a girl i went very close to was a liar and was cheating on me. She looked average and though i used to only trust good looking girls, i trusted her for the first time. So i made a conclusion that average looking girls are not to be ...

A.   26 March 2007: I saw this question and to be honest I have to say thought immediatly your premise was flawed. Peoples personality and realiability is not determined by how they look. Equal to what you are saying good looking girls are just as likely to cheat since ... (read in full...)

How do you distinguish love from lust?

Q.   How can one distiguish love from lust. Does a guy who wants sex every time you meet lustful about you and not actually love you, I really want to know coz I am not sure if my boyfriend loves me. THANX 4 your help. :)))...

A.   18 March 2007: I agree with Eve. If your bf is just in lust they will tend to focus on the physical side of the relationship and not so much on spending time with you outside the bedroom or indeed a life outside of their. Also I would add look for physical... (read in full...)

Is honesty really the best policy? Sometimes I wonder?

Q.   I am extremely sensitive when it comes to values. If i have done or achieved something based on a lie, i become quite disturbed untill i tell the truth. If not, i constantly live in the fear of getting caught some day for the lie and this is fear is ...

A.   16 March 2007: 9 times out of 10 the answer is yes, honesty is always the best policy, especially in relationships but also in life. However, let's be honest about honesty. 'White' lies especially get told an awful lot of the time. Also, sometimes in the early ... (read in full...)

When a guy meets a girl off the internet for the first time, where should he take her?

Q.   When a guy meets a girl off the internet for the first time, where should he take her?...

A.   15 March 2007: I would say somewhere relatively neutral and not too intimate but somewhere that allows for conversation and 'getting to know you'. Obviously somewhere public so both parties are secure and comfortable. A pub or a mall, a cafe or a pizza place; ... (read in full...)

I wrote her a poem but she asked another guy out! I am hearbroken! What should I do?

Q.   I admit I can give advice to other people but I am to scared to ask this girl out. Her name is Kayla Davis 13 1/2 years old and in the 8th grade.I am 15 1/2 years old Kody(It's Irish name) and I am in the 9th grade we go to church together and I f...

A.   7 March 2007: I think you should give her the poem, that way at least you can say you tried and if she doesnt feel the same way then there are people out there who will. At the moment she obnviously sees you as a nice friend to have and odds are she thinks you ... (read in full...)

What does he mean by 'time and affection'?

Q.   I've been dating this guy since i was in college, after graduting, he employed me as one of his staffs after which he got married to another lady i know he's been dating. Although we both know the relationship was a fling,he both fell in love with ...

A.   7 March 2007: It seems to me that this guy is very confused about who and what he wants. ... (read in full...)

I want to do something, he has brought out the worst in me. What do you suggest I do?

Q.   It is so hard to forget what my ex has done to me. I bring up the past when I know I should move on but it's really hard. I have unanswered questions for him. He's cheated on me but it's really hard to move on. When I go to stores or drive ...

A.   5 March 2007: I'd tend to advise against speaking to these people, if you do it usually turns into a viscious circle of tit-for-tat which is never good. Although it is perfectly natural and normal to want to do this. This may sound a bit quirky but try it; write ... (read in full...)

What does he mean by 'time and affection'?

Q.   I've been dating this guy since i was in college, after graduting, he employed me as one of his staffs after which he got married to another lady i know he's been dating. Although we both know the relationship was a fling,he both fell in love with ...

A.   5 March 2007: I would tend to agree with the consensus. If I said that it would mean all you could hope for realistically was friendship and sex if sex was wanted. I wouldn't go as far as to say this guy is necessarily using you but he has just made it pretty ... (read in full...)

Why do guys go for girls who cant seem to stand on their own two feet??

Q.   Why are men attracted to women who can't seem to stand on their own two feet? My guy friend wants a confident, independent woman who can take care of herself. But he ends up dating women who are carrying a lot of emotional and physical baggage. The ...

A.   2 March 2007: I have to say I am glad I am not alone!! I go for exactly the same type and although it probably does my emotional health no good at all I still do it. Seriously though the first thing to say is that your friend is obviously a top guy for bein... (read in full...)

I love him but dont want to drag him into my depression!!!

Q.   hi I am very stressed, my boyfriend and I had a fight this evening and he wants a few days apart to think things over and see how we both feel. The reason for the argument was that i expressed my concern that i was holding him back from the re...

A.   2 March 2007: I feel for you and your bf. I have actual expereince of being told something similar by somebody I care about greatly and it's hard on both parties. Ultimately however you have to remember this; to be with you is his choice and its his call if you ... (read in full...)

I let my guard down and BANG... it's all going pear shaped again, what should I do?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 3 years and it has always had its up and downs but at xmas took a turn for the worse and we broke up for a month.. we got back 2gether and everything was fine until his paranoia drove me crazy but i tried ...

A.   21 February 2007: Well it seems to me that he possibly has some deep-seated emotional issues that need resolving?? He seems paranoid, distant and then loving all rolled into one which does suggest that there is something going on here. In that sense its a bit hard to ... (read in full...)

How do I get the right balance between friends and boyfriend? I don't want either of them to feel neglected. Advice?

Q.   I was reading a newspaper a few days ago and i read a problem about how a girl was upset because her friends where no longer talking to her because she was in a new relationship and she wanted to spend time with her new man, so she had dropped her ...

A.   20 February 2007: I think its a question of balance to be honest. I totally agree that you need a life outside the relationship and there is nothing wrong with that at all. If he was clingy then that was an issue with him primaraily but one that you both needed to ... (read in full...)

Will our different values drive us apart???

Q.   My boyfriend is a white supremicist. I am white but i have a very diverse family (my aunt, from my grandpa's first wife, is half black and he also has a son who is half mexican). He tells me he doesnt mind because he loves me and some of my famil...

A.   15 February 2007: I have strong leftish/liberal political convictions and have to be honest, I am not sure I could be in a relationship with somebody at the radically different end of the spectrum especially if they held those convictions strongly and were an ... (read in full...)

She just confessed that she cheated, I dont know how to cope with this now!!?

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years. She just told me that she cheated on me with a friend of mine. They went out 3 times(as friends) but the last one ended up with a kiss and he asked for a hand in which she did.. I am feeling very ...

A.   15 February 2007: You will have to take your time, dont set artificial limits and pressure yourself. Ultimately forgiveness is your call. It must hurt especially since it is a double betrayal. It's good you cant hate her though because hate rarely solves anything. ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him and hope he forgives me, or forgive myself and not mention it!?

Q.   my boyfriend and i have been toguether almost a yr we decided we would start seing echother the day we met he lives hours away from me so we only visit a few days a month. i lost my job a week after we met and i had sex with 2 men,and gave head to ...

A.   15 February 2007: This is a tricky one and I suspect you will get a even split either way. I definatly think you need to forgive yourself and maybe telling him will be part of that process. You made a mistake, but it is an understandable one sadly, one of those ones ... (read in full...)

Why do people cheat on one another?

Q.   Why do people cheat, why do they cheat when they know that they love or maybe think they love the person there cheating on ?...

A.   12 February 2007: I think there are loads of different answers to this one but I would guess that the most common is that they feel there is something missing in their current relationship or else they love the person but they are not truly happy. Other reasons would ... (read in full...)

I have feelings for another guy, yet love my bf! What is going on with me?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. The spark has gone. There is someone else at work that has caught my eye. I have a house together with my boyfriend. I am scared that I suddenly have feelings for someone else but love my boyfirend. He ...

A.   12 February 2007: I think you have said it yourself, the spark has gone and you have started to look for that elsewhere. I think you need to accept these new feelings but realise that they are a product of something being missing from your current relationship. ... (read in full...)

I like him but he doesn't initiate anything, he's so laid back, I feel like a break then I don't... what should I do?

Q.   hey, i have a bit of a problem. iv been going out with my boyfriend for just over 3 years. he is a really lovely guy and we are best friends. the thing is that lately iv been having some doubts about the whole thing. i think im feeling a bit fed up ...

A.   11 February 2007: Sex isnt everything but you are also right, its a part of a loving relationship. It may not be politically correct to say so but sex is important. You have already talked to him but he doesnt seem to have responded, obviously its a problem if it is ... (read in full...)

I like him but he doesn't initiate anything, he's so laid back, I feel like a break then I don't... what should I do?

Q.   hey, i have a bit of a problem. iv been going out with my boyfriend for just over 3 years. he is a really lovely guy and we are best friends. the thing is that lately iv been having some doubts about the whole thing. i think im feeling a bit fed up ...

A.   11 February 2007: Sex isnt everything but you are also right, its a part of a loving relationship. It may not be politically correct to say so but sex is important. You have already talked to him but he doesnt seem to have responded, obviously its a problem if it is ... (read in full...)

She should love ME not him!

Q.   hmm.. am loving a girl.. but one more guy is there he's also lovin her.. i dont get much time to spend with her.. but the other guy spend lots of time with her.. i think theres somethin going on between them.. but i know my love is pure.. so give me ...

A.   11 February 2007: I'm not sure what you mean by loving here, do you mean shes in a relationship with somebody else?? I would avoid making any comparison and just focus on 'selling yourself'. Treat her nice, express your feelings in a subtle way, make her laugh, s... (read in full...)

Should I ask him out or should I wait for him to ask me?

Q.   okay , there is this guy in my tennis class (he is sooo HOT!) and all my friends say he is in love with me, but we are not sure. i like him, but not a lot. so on wednesday is valentines day and im single and i have no one to spend that day with. So ...

A.   11 February 2007: I dont think it looks desperate at all, there is nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out at all. As to what you are scared of that is just the risks you have to take. Ask him...you could well make his day!... (read in full...)

Is this guy for real??

Q.   Well, I am 15 years old and for the past 2 months I have been talking to this guy who is 17 years old. We have only talked over the phone we never actually met in person. For the past 2 months me and him would talk over the phone daily he was always ...

A.   11 February 2007: I have to be completly honest; anybody giving you advice will be unable to say 100% for certain whether this guy is telling the truth or not. Having said that reading this question it all seemed like a little too convenient. I would be careful of ... (read in full...)

She's bad for me but I can't leave her, what will I do?

Q.   i have a mate of mine, who everyone hates because she said some really nasty stuff about them, but shes a bad influence on me, but if i stop being mates with her then she will have no one, and i mean no one! ande i love her really, but i just cant ...

A.   8 February 2007: I think you need to strike a balance. You need to distance yourself from what she is saying and try to appear as an individual with your peers or else they will start to associate the two of you and judge you with her. Maybe try to associate less ... (read in full...)

Am I too sensitive?

Q.   hello everyone, I have a problem with my boyfriend of 10 months, he can't seem to take me seriously. Recently he started picking on me Again and i couldn't take it and started yelling at him to leave me alone and stop being annoying. Basicall...

A.   6 February 2007: Id have to know what kind of things he picks on you about to answer this question to a certain degree. On the other hand, in general, if it's upsetting you then it should stop. Often there is a fine line between sensitivity and over-sensitivity. ... (read in full...)

Did he mean actually love as in 'in love' do you think?

Q.   hello im 16 and i have a bf and we have been going out for over a month now. today i went round his house and we were sitting on his bed just talking. then we started play fighting and then he was pretendng to strangle me (only pretend! lol). th...

A.   5 February 2007: I think it is possible although I kinda go with the other responders to this question in that you shouldn't lay too much on this at this stage. Have fun, enjoy each other and let love flourish. ... (read in full...)

Did he mean actually love as in 'in love' do you think?

Q.   hello im 16 and i have a bf and we have been going out for over a month now. today i went round his house and we were sitting on his bed just talking. then we started play fighting and then he was pretendng to strangle me (only pretend! lol). th...

A.   5 February 2007: It seems to me like he was 'fishing' to see how you felt. People do this all the time, another good example is when you are talking to somebody you like and you, for example, ask if they went out and 'pulled' at the weekend. I wouldn't want to ... (read in full...)

I feel like I have taken him away from her!!

Q.   hi, Ive just recently started dating this boy, and yesterday we were talkin about past relationships and he told me about the girl he lost his virginity to. He told me he loved her, but while he was goin out with her she died. He didn't go into d...

A.   5 February 2007: I dont think you are being silly at all. However, fate or chance took him off her not yourself. Also, to be blunt he needs to move on and live his life and you are helping with that; obviously this girl is always going to hold a special place in his ... (read in full...)

She said she was interested in me but started dating another guy! Why would she tell me she liked me then?

Q.   Yo i like this girl n im pretty sure she likes me too she even said she did but before i could ask her out she started goin out with this other guy and i was just wondering if you thought she did actually like me or if she was just being mean...

A.   2 February 2007: Impossible to tell. Did she say in what way she liked you? Maybe she just liked you as a friend? Maybe she thought you werent interested. People often assume that because their feelings for somebody are strong that the other person automatically ... (read in full...)

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