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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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How long should I wait before calling her?
Q. Before I say what happened I would like to say I am a genuine person and not a player! rite.. I was out last nite and I gathered the courage to ask for this girls number. I know her friend and had a bit of a dance with her. I asked if she had...
A. 16 February 2008: That was an interesting theory you posted, Danielepew! Three days just seems like you like her enough to contact her sooner, not too soon that you seem desperate, but longer than that and maybe it's because you're bored and have nothing better to ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my wife but have homosexual tendencies and sometimes go to encounters of this type, it is destroying my life! Please help!
Q. I need big help...I'm in a wonderful married relationship with my wife of almost 2 years. I have always thought i was completely gay, but on at least 3 times in the past (the last time being my wife) i have fallen head over heels in love with women. ...
A. 14 February 2008: Hooweee! This is a tough one. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this position, and I hope that you can get the help you need to help you and your wife with this situation.
First of all, you said that you are gay; if so, why did you get married?... (read in full...)
I just feel like after 4 years he should just know I am "the one," after asking me to move in with him. Your thoughts?
Q. My boyfriend and I have had a rocky past, we have been together for over 4 years, The last time we got back together be told me that I was everything in his life, and that now he knows what love is, and that he wanted me to be his family. Things ...
A. 14 February 2008: Sorry to hear that after 4 years, he doesn't know for sure. But you have to give him credit for being honest with you. I had a long-distance courtship with my now husband. He too had his doubts. I think it's the fear of cutting off options and ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty that I masturbate, what can I do?
Q. i msturbate and i feel guilty what to do ? iam thirteen and i watch porn?...
A. 14 February 2008: Masturbation is quite normal and at your age, your hormones are probably raging! You should be aware though that too much of anything is not healthy, so don't spend all your spare time doing it. Burn some of the excess energy in sport or physical ... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before calling her?
Q. Before I say what happened I would like to say I am a genuine person and not a player! rite.. I was out last nite and I gathered the courage to ask for this girls number. I know her friend and had a bit of a dance with her. I asked if she had...
A. 14 February 2008: Don't wait a week, that's too long I think. Laura is correct here, 3 days is a good number, not too soon and not too late.
When you do speak, ask her if she likes the cinema, and if she does, ask if there are any films she'd like to see with you... (read in full...)
How do I deal with their hurtful remarks?
Q. I have always had a complex about my eyes, they are very sensitive and tend to go red very easily and i have bags under my eyes though not massive ones but i am aware of them. At work the maintenance men who come occassionally have recently being ...
A. 14 February 2008: Oh, first, a cyber hug (((())))).
You must not let their hurtful remarks bother you so much. Hold your head high when you see them. If you can, if they comment again about your eyes, look straight at them, and say that you're fully aware they are... (read in full...)
Site News: We hit another milestone :-)
Q. For the first time we broke the 400,000 visitors mark over the past month! We had 412,222 people visit the site from Jan 13th 08 - Feb 14th 08 according to google analytics! Thanks to all the mods, the aunts and everyone who shares their pro...
A. 13 February 2008: Kudos! Applause! Well done and thank you for the opportunity to share our collective wisdom.... (read in full...)
What to buy him for Valentine's Day?
Q. Ok i need help.........ive been dating this guy for about 3 weeks.......and valentines day is 2 morrow!!!! his name is travis............he has a band called blue tornado and i dont no what to get him for valentines day!!! he likes heavy metal ...
A. 13 February 2008: I don't think a stuffed animal would be what he'd like. Hmmm .... How about a really awful musical card with a really old song? It would have to be song that makes both of you smile. Or if he has ear piercings maybe an earring that looks cool-... (read in full...)
What do people think of this age gap??
Q. ... Hi. I am a forty (40) year old male and I am seeing a 52 year old woman for companionship. I am a partially sighted male and she has cp. "Cerabal Palsy".... We met for a meeting on Friday. What I would like to know is, what do you thin...
A. 13 February 2008: Please let us know how things went with you; I think you have a lot of people here who want to know. We're wishing for the best for you...... (read in full...)
What are the effects of having an implant on an unborn child?
Q. I am going to the hospital tomorrow to have an implant inserted, however, I have been being really paranoid about being pregnant. My problem is.. I've not had unprotected sex and my boyfriend has never ejaculated anywhere near me without protecti...
A. 13 February 2008: Stupid is not asking the right questions at the clinic--stupid is not discussing your concerns with the staff there. Smart is telling them your concerns and not keeping mum about your sex life! They are there to help you--make sure they have a... (read in full...)
Have I ever had an orgasm?
Q. This is gonna sound weird but im not sure if ever had an orgasm... does this lack of certainty mean that ive actually never had it...?It feels great when we make love and sometimes I feel like thats almost it and im sooo close but there is sth ...
A. 13 February 2008: Thanks for the follow up answer. I should also add that you are going to be the only one who knows what works for you sexually. It's a very rare man who would be able to figure out what you want or need to be sexually satisfied without you havi... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm being selfish here?
Q. Dear Cupid, Am I being selfish? I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 4 years and we have a son together. now the whole time that i was with him all he really spend on me was about 100-200 dollars. THE WHOLE TIME. he dont work or anything...
A. 13 February 2008: Oh dear. This is not going to be a nice or welcome answer for you, I'm sorry for that. First, what is your priority, your son or his father? Second, if you're waiting for your man to suddenly grow up and think of you first, then I think you'r... (read in full...)
Things seem good but why does he say he can't handle it?
Q. What does a bloke mean when he says he can not handle a relationship with not just me but anyone although things were so good?...
A. 13 February 2008: You're lucky that your love interest is being honest with you. In my experience, if a man tells you he's not ready for commitment to you, that means he's not ready. Take him at his word. If I were you, I would make sure I have other interests ... (read in full...)
Every time I see him, I end up with a painful vaginal opening that lasts for weeks.
Q. I'm in my late 40s and going through menopause. I have a boyfriend who I only see once in a while, outside of a long term monogomous relationship. Every time I see him, I end up with a painful vaginal opening that lasts for weeks. He's not massively ...
A. 13 February 2008: I think you should see your doctor again and be perfectly honest with him/her. Obviously there's something wrong happening--you've narrowed it down to when you're with the other man... Could it be an allergy to latex? At any rate, you need to tell... (read in full...)
He wants me to prove myself by dancing for him....any pointers??
Q. This is for the females that like to fulfill their mans fantasy or wishes. Or for the Men out there that know what they want with a sexual dance. Has anyone ever danced for their boyfriend or husband before? If so, please help me because my boyfr...
A. 12 February 2008: Hmmm.. I don't like the hint of sexual blackmail... I would probably turn the tables on him by saying that you will dance for him, but that he needs to break the ice by dancing for you first so that you understand what he's looking for... ... (read in full...)
Have I ever had an orgasm?
Q. This is gonna sound weird but im not sure if ever had an orgasm... does this lack of certainty mean that ive actually never had it...?It feels great when we make love and sometimes I feel like thats almost it and im sooo close but there is sth ...
A. 12 February 2008: If you have to ask, then you haven't had one. I know from experience as when I was your age I'd never had one either. It took some time with myself alone to figure it out. You should consider the book option. What worked for me and I'm long ove... (read in full...)
What do people think of this age gap??
Q. ... Hi. I am a forty (40) year old male and I am seeing a 52 year old woman for companionship. I am a partially sighted male and she has cp. "Cerabal Palsy".... We met for a meeting on Friday. What I would like to know is, what do you thin...
A. 12 February 2008: The age gap is not a problem at our age, I think! Now if you were 10 and she was 22, then I think we'd have something to worry about. As long as you have things in common and are interested in each other there's no need to worry about the age ga... (read in full...)
My sister had sex with him. Is it wrong of me to be interested?
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and am interested in an old flame. About 6 months ago he had sex with my sister. It was just a drunken night so is it okay for me to sleep with him also?? I have no bad feelings towards my sister or him for what ...
A. 12 February 2008: Are you interested in this old flame for a long term relationship? I would think that previous history would make this a bad bet but I don't know what you want. I, personally, would not want to start up something with someone who had slept with my ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me and wants to be friends! But he asks me to talk dirty and web cam with him. Help!
Q. *SIGHHH* Okay me and my boyfriend just broke up, he said I can move back in April.. but said that right now we're just friends what does this mean? He asks me to cam with him and talk dirty with him, but when I ask him he says no... What does this ...
A. 12 February 2008: Drop him as soon as possible. And under no circumstances do you go on a web cam or talk dirty to him unless you'd like to see images of yourself on the internet or worse! April to him means "later" and most likely "never"...... (read in full...)
I don't want to be a neurotic, possessive gf but...is he cheating on me??
Q. My boyfriend (34 yrs old) and I have a long distance relationship. We felt we were not seeing each other enough, so I made the effort to book all my holiday off on days that my boyfriend is off work yet so that we could spend more time together ...
A. 12 February 2008: Basschick is completely on target with this. This is not a man to make long term plans with. If I were you, I would back off contacting him for a while and make plans with friends, be busy, very very busy for the next 2 months. Switch off your own ... (read in full...)
I don't want to date her
Q. hello... so here i'm stuck in a tricky situation. i go to a catacism class every week on a wednesday, and theres this girl who goes there. i dont really like her too much, and she asked me out, but i said 'i dont know' (worst thing to say ever). a...
A. 12 February 2008: I agree with Dida -- tell somebody about this worry. You aren't responsible for what she does to herself, but someone needs to know that she may be hurting herself!
Ask the teacher of the class, or your mum or dad or the head of the school y... (read in full...)
My mother still thinks I am young enough to have a child, I'm 47 and don't want one, how do I get her off my back?
Q. I just posted a question and i forgot to include this: My Mother does not accept the fact that i never had children and that at my age I most likely won't have children. She had my youngest brother at the age of 51 and she is constantly telling me ...
A. 12 February 2008: This is very real to me too. I'm 47 and don't have children and don't really want to. And I have a mother who is disappointed in this... "Dear Mom, "I'm writing to talk to you about having or not having children. I'm now 47 years old, ... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling jealous of his gorgeous ex?
Q. I'm dealing with some stupid, irrational jealousy here... or envy, I don't know, I feel inferior compared to his ex even though I shouldn't! This guy says I'm his first love. He has endured several problems to be with me (actually he's jealous of ...
A. 12 February 2008: Oh, and the 'bubbly' bit; she may just be so jealous of YOU that she could just spit, and has to hide it by being vivacious and nice... just an idea to ponder...... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling jealous of his gorgeous ex?
Q. I'm dealing with some stupid, irrational jealousy here... or envy, I don't know, I feel inferior compared to his ex even though I shouldn't! This guy says I'm his first love. He has endured several problems to be with me (actually he's jealous of ...
A. 12 February 2008: Right, let's do a reality check. She had him, she lost him. You have him, he wants to be with you and has stuck with you despite some drama. He doesn't/didn't love her, he loves YOU. He wants to marry you!
All of us have insecurities, all of us ha... (read in full...)
We are "happy" but he talks to new females, then sleeps with them! Any advice?
Q. My boyfriend has cheated over ten times in our home and outside our house. It's always sex and talking on the phone he says he loves me everyone says it's true, you can tell he loves you more then anything but nobody can explain or undersand why he ...
A. 12 February 2008: It sounds to me like the only one happy in the relationship is him. He gets to have you and the other women on the side as he thinks he knows you won't leave him. He is a liar, as you said, but how do you know what he says to the other women? I'm ... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on internet porn?
Q. I am asking all of you Agony Aunts how you feel about Men watching Porn on The Web. You men out there, Please, let the women have their say. Who knows,Together we may learn how they feel about Web Porn. And you Ladies, please, feel free to speak ...
A. 11 February 2008: Ah, so the real question was how to spice up a hohum sex life? I can't tell you what works for your partner, but what works for me, and I think pays back dividends to my partner, is when he is 100% focused on me and my desires. Back rubs, foot rubs, ... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on internet porn?
Q. I am asking all of you Agony Aunts how you feel about Men watching Porn on The Web. You men out there, Please, let the women have their say. Who knows,Together we may learn how they feel about Web Porn. And you Ladies, please, feel free to speak ...
A. 8 February 2008: Dr. Vendetta is correct; porn has been around a long time. Aren't there 2000 year old vases with sex scenes on them?
Anyway, you asked us what we think. I think that there will be porn as long as there is people!
What I like about porn: it c... (read in full...)
My long-distance boyfriend and I want to live together, but my parents are standing in my way. Please help
Q. hey peoples,i need advice! i am with mi boyfriend and i love him so much he is everything i have ever hoped for and he loves mi so much! i don't ever want to loose him. Even though we love each other so much, my parents are in the way. they ha...
A. 8 February 2008: One of the reasons why there's this concept of "under-age" and "of age" is because reasoning doesn't fully develop until you're a bit older. Your parents are responsible for your well-being until you're old enough to look after yourself. You sound ... (read in full...)
What is the best 'budget' valentines gift?
Q. dear cupid i would like to know what should i get a girl for valentines day...not sure if she will be my valentines yet, but just incase what should i get her? bdw at the moment my money is low because i spent all of it on buying a console and ga...
A. 8 February 2008: One of my favorite valentines gifts from my husband was a little book of pictures of famous couples. In the very back page, he had pasted a picture of us. I loved it! And I think it was quite inexpensive. Another of my favorites was when he wrot... (read in full...)
I'm playing a "dangerous game" with a married man. Do I stop this BEFORE anyone gets hurt?
Q. Im playing a dangerous game, thats how he put it. Flirting (its both sided) with a married man. we talk about sex all the time and get on well generally. last night he text me saying "do you think we're playing a dangerous game?" i replied with...
A. 8 February 2008: Red1982 gave a beautiful and thorough answer, so I don't have much to add here. Play out the scenarios that could happen, and realize that most of them end badly, with YOU being the one getting hurt, not to mention his wife. A bit of flirting gene... (read in full...)
How do I know if my boyfriend's sexual behaviour is too affected by porn?
Q. How can I know if my boyfriend's sexual behaviour has been "brainwashed" by porn? We're both fairly young so porn was very available during our teenage years. We're also both inexperienced. So he must've learned everything he knows from porn....
A. 8 February 2008: it sounds like you always have sex the way he wants it; do you ever have sex the way YOU want it? Are you asking (nicely of course) for what you need? And do you feel you have the right to say "no" to something you really don't want to do? I wo... (read in full...)
I have a lot of vaginal pain when I have sex. What can I do?
Q. hi my name is suga and i am 18, i've been with my boyfriend for a while. we been trying to have sex but the problem is i get lot of pain in my vagina when he enters me which i can not take that pain. what advice can you give me. plz help ...
A. 7 February 2008: First, see your gynecologist to make sure everything is all right with you. Then, if you check out fine, make sure you have condoms with lubrication on them.
When you start sexual activity, don't worry about anything but exploring each other's ... (read in full...)
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