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... Send *upermum a private message | | | *upermum's profile:Time to revamp a little bit! I am amazing at giving advice, terrible at taking it, as with most of us I suppose.
I speak straight from my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow, but it is always the truth. I am not the type of person who will sugar coat anything or play nice, because I do not believe that will help people, and I know that is how I would wish to be treated.
I feel I can benefit people here because I am able to see both sides of an argument, have an objective head and can see the bigger picture most of the time. I am very good at working out why people behave in certain ways, and therefore can often bring a helpful insight into a situation. I am available if you have a private question, or to answer those on the site.
A bit about me: I am 23, live on my own in the UK, have a fantastic life and am an incredibly strong person. I have been through a lot, which makes me empathetic and can sympathise with almost everyone.
Happy problem solving! |
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The guy I met online..is he a girl trying to be a guy? If so, why?
Q. Hey, i met this guy online and he was different from other guys i mean he was cute and i really thought he loves me but when i started to talk to him on the phone his voice sounded like a girl's voice. Is that normal for a 17 year old guy? And he ...
A. 29 March 2012: You are relieved because it is a He... please tell me you did not meetg up with him.
Please.... (read in full...)
I've got a crush on an actor! Please help?
Q. Firstly, please take this question seriously, because it is really bothering me. I just don't want people to think I'm some whiney child or something. Basically, I have really strong feelings for this nineteen year old actor. He is fairly famous a...
A. 25 March 2012: I am not sure what you want us to say. You need to move on. The chances of you getting in a relationship with him are pretty slim. And you are just the same has all the other girls that undoubtedly fancy him. So. Either you can let this take yo... (read in full...)
How can I be confident? I don't have many friends!
Q. Hi My problem is that I do not have too many friends. I don't make friends too easily. I'm shy and at times feel conscious. And it comes in my way of socializing and having many friends...which I would like to have. Its not that I have a re...
A. 25 March 2012: I would suggest talking to your docs to see if you are depressed, you have very low self esteem. Aside from that, you need to get a hobby, or join a club or something. For example, see if there are any walking groups near you, or coffee mornings ... (read in full...)
Am I his backup plan?
Q. okay, I've liked this guy for about 4 months now. 4 months ago, he told me he liked me. Yet, when my friends asked him out for me (which, although I wanted to go out with him, I didn't want them to do), he said no. Recently, he went out with someone ...
A. 25 March 2012: You deserve a lot better hun. You say he is a nice guy, but he knows you like him and is still trying to rub your nose in the fact that he is going out with other people over you. Not only that, but the relationships he has been in have not last... (read in full...)
Will he cheat with her again?
Q. Here I go: I meet him at work(we worked in different dep) We started talking and doing activities together. Sex came in the picture, everything was fine, we started going for lunch at work, seeing eachother after work for movies, drives out of t...
A. 25 March 2012: You were together. And you are being played for a fool. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too! He wanted to play the field and didn't mind hurting you in the process. I doubt that has changed. Yes, he did make it clear you were not a couple, but ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling a mess, please help!
Q. Dumped almost a year ago , I never got a reasonable answer,(short term relationship), happily single for years before that. I didn't want lots of questions from family/friends in case it didn't work out (guess I was right there...)so said we were ...
A. 25 March 2012: I know you don't want to see your doc, but it sounds like you need to. You are clearly depressed. If that is really not an option (which is a bad idea) then I suggest talking to your Chemist about St Johns Wort, and over the counter herbal anti ... (read in full...)
Am I worrying unnecessarily about his female friend?
Q. okay im really sorry if this is too long, so ive been with my boyfriend for 9months and i love him to bits. He tells me he loves me all the time. But im really worried at the moment. He's acting differant and he was talking with his parents and they ...
A. 25 March 2012: If you truly did trust him 100%, you would not have been reading his texts and you would not be worried about any females he is close to. So that bit is wrong. I am not sure what more he can do? He tells you he loves you. He has spoken to this g... (read in full...)
I don't know who to stay with, ex or current boyfriend?
Q. hi i was in love with one boy for four years . i have a physical relation ship with him .but he changed (smoking and drinking).suddenly i met an another person and i fell in love with him but still i used to miss my ex boy frnd like anything...
A. 25 March 2012: You are clearly not ready for a relationship. You should not be with either of them. I suggest going back to school and learning how to write.
Your ex is an ex for a reson... because he was not right for you. That wont have changed. Your current ... (read in full...)
At what point is it not considered a rebound relationship?
Q. If after a long-term relationship ends the dumper becomes involved with one woman after another at which point do these relationships not be considered rebounds? Also, if the dumper becomes heavily involved with these other woman immediately ...
A. 25 March 2012: My opinion? It is not a rebound relationship when you are completely over your previous partner. Until then, it could be considered a rebound relationship.... (read in full...)
The guy I met online..is he a girl trying to be a guy? If so, why?
Q. Hey, i met this guy online and he was different from other guys i mean he was cute and i really thought he loves me but when i started to talk to him on the phone his voice sounded like a girl's voice. Is that normal for a 17 year old guy? And he ...
A. 25 March 2012: At your age you should DEFINATELY NOT BE MEETING UP WITH PEOPLE YOU HAVE MET ONLINE. For all you know he is a 45 year old man trying to make his voice sound younger and in doing so sounding feminine. Please run miles away. And please let your ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become way too skinny and his eating habits are driving me nuts!
Q. This may seem like a silly question, but it's something that's really starting to get to me severely. My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. We had lived together once before but his job moved away so we ended up back with our parents...
A. 25 March 2012: You are getting annoyed with his little habbits because you are upset with the way the relationship is heading. It is a sign to me that the relationship has run it's course. This is unliikely a new habbit... just something you are picking up on now ... (read in full...)
Is a good/bad idea to be friends with an ex?
Q. Hi again, I just would like to ask the pros and cons of having an ex girlfriend as a "friend", like hang out, do stuff with them, I was wondrin if its a safe move to get her back or will i be risking frustration if ever i see her dating another g...
A. 25 March 2012: It depends. Are you completely over eachother? Until you are, I would warn against it. It is always good to end on good terms where you can, and you can let her know you are always there for her if she needs it. If you do decide to go ahead and ... (read in full...)
Her promiscuous past and comment about "I wouldn't have dated you then because of your appearance" have really shook me up!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am nearly 49 dating a very special 51 year old woman for about eight months now. She is extremely fun, beautiful and sexy and I love all that about her and more. Early in the relationship, she admitted to me about her promiscuos p...
A. 25 March 2012: With age, comes wisdom. Young people can be very judgemental, and picky too! As you grow older, what you are looking for changes. ou have been together a fair while now, it is clear she is interested in you.
I would however mention that you were... (read in full...)
Do I have to tell someone the stupid stuff I did as a kid if we're in a relationship?
Q. Hey everyone. When I was kid, and a younger teen I did some stupid stuff, that I regret, it's nothing serious, just stupid stuff. My question is to have a serious, long term, intimate relationship, do I ever have to mention the stupid thing...
A. 25 March 2012: It depends on what exactly this 'stupid stuff' is. If it involves sex, or criminal records, then I would always bring it up.
If you are on about stealing 50p from your parents, wetting the bed when you were ten or sucking your thumb until yo... (read in full...)
I would like her to be more comfortable and less shy around me!
Q. I'm talking to a girl that is always quiet and whenever we talk I would talk so much but she would only response with little words like two or three words. So I ask her if I was boring her or anything and she said that I'm not but she just quiet, ...
A. 25 March 2012: Find something she is really interested in, and use that as an ice breaker. With shy people, sometimes just finding that subject they are passionate about breaks the ice. And some people have trust issues... so it may take some time for her to ... (read in full...)
I want to change to stop this happening again.
Q. boy keep using me and its making me so depressed, theres this boy iv been texting a while now and he stated clearly he didnt want a gf but he did like me, we only met up once, as we do live about a hour drive from eachother. i accepted this...
A. 25 March 2012: First of all, at your age you really need to work on your spelling and grammar... even if it is just a spell check (firefox has one built in free). Sorry if that offends you, but you should at least make an effort if you want people to put in effort ... (read in full...)
G/f doesn't want sex because she's having issues with herself
Q. My girlfriend and had great sex for the first six months now she doesn't ever want to. She says she's having issues with herself. I don't know if I can believe her or not. Yes I'm a woman also. What do i do? ...
A. 25 March 2012: Sounds like she needs to go to the docs and have some councelling to get over these 'issues'. The best you can do is be really understanding and try and get her to talk about what is bothering her... and then offer words of comfort and support.
... (read in full...)
I wanna talk dirty to my b/f
Q. What are some ways to spice up my sex life with my bf? I've been thinking about a little dirty talking. I said something once to him and he was shocked that i said it so i said sorry, he said it was ok because he liked it just a bit. So what are ...
A. 25 March 2012: Best way to start is to ask him what he is wearing, and describe what you are wearing. Then pick a fantasy of his and describe how you would like to do it. I can't write a detailed example because of the ages of some members on this site, however ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is a virgin and wants to have sex. Advice to make her first time special?
Q. Hi my girlfriend recently said to me that she felt she was ready to have sex. She is a virgin while I am not so I was really excited. The problem is I've never had sex with a virgin before and I am really nervous about being her first. I mean I love ...
A. 4 March 2012: Make sure she is relaxed, do plenty of foreplay, use lubrication and take it easy. If she wants you to stop, then stop. If she wants you to go slow, then go slow.
Make sure you have a towel underneath to catch the blood.
And remember YOU CAN... (read in full...)
I feel less attracted to my black fiance...and more attracted to Caucasian men!
Q. So its pretty simple I'm mixed black and white. My fiancée is black, lately I have been getting more and more attracted to white men, I'm not racist or anything. My preference has changed and it wouldn't be such a deal, if I didn't feel like I'm ...
A. 4 March 2012: There is nothing wrong with you, you are just changing your mind and realising your fiance is not the right one for you. I suggest you break things off with him and take some time to be sure of what you want.... then start looking again.... (read in full...)
A little nervous about these symptons
Q. Hi guys, so I'm on bc pills, I noticed yesterday I haven't had a period since feb3 and I've noticed I'm bloated, craving foods, everything goes right threw me, I'm never ful no matter what and how much I eat, breaking out like crazy, also mild ...
A. 4 March 2012: If the test says negative, it is unlikely you are pregnant. Your symptoms may be a negative reaction to the pill, how long have you been taking it? I would have a chat with your doctor about your symptoms, and see what they say. There is nothing... (read in full...)
He has a medical issue. We work together. And I like him. Can I convince him that we can make it work?
Q. this guy says he is madly attracted to me. There is nothing i can do can make him not like me. At the same time he says he doesn't want to be involved because he will loose his independence, and he will be responsible for my happiness and cannot b...
A. 22 January 2012: Sounds like he has some issues he needs to work out before he can enter any relationship . I would recommend he goes to to some counselling to get over his issues before you attempt to coerce him into a relationship he is scared of. Good luck!... (read in full...)
My wife says I should be satisfied with sex once a week or less. I'm not happy. what can I do about this?
Q. My wife only wants sex once a week or less this has made me so mad angry and upset most of the time I cant handle this lifestyle she has a low sex drive. I'm very sexed up every day I masturbate and need sex... Wife says she will never change onc...
A. 22 January 2012: If my husband was constantly telling me off, nagging me for sex, and making me feel awful, sex would be the last thing on my mind!!!! You are lucky you are getting it once a week!!! Instead of using your wife to satisfy your own selfish desires,... (read in full...)
I think my professor likes me!
Q. i really don't understand my professor. I heard he is usually strict during classes. He has given me much better grades than my classmates. Last time during classes when i looked up i noticed him staring at me, i don't know what happened but i ...
A. 21 January 2012: I would leave it hun. If things go any further it will end up very badly. You are best off ignoring him and just concentrating on your work.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Why do teenagers get more criticism, when they become pregnant?
Q. ok im 18 now and before i tell u my story i have a question.. why is it that when somebody young ends up pregnant they are judged and discouraged. sometimes even pretty much told to have an abortion..when we can be just as good as parents as some 30 ...
A. 21 January 2012: I got pregnant at 15 and gave birth a week after my 16th birthday. I am a brilliant mum. I support myself and my baby, she is healthy and happy, I give her all the love and support she needs and have allways kept her safe.
Having said that, be... (read in full...)
Before we dated she revealed that she used to meet up with strangers for sex. I'm disgusted. Am I being too judgemental?
Q. I have been dating a girl for the last 6 months. Last week she told me that she has used internet sites to meet guys for sex. This was before we dated and has not done it since. I am having a problem accepting it. It was not my business, I ...
A. 21 January 2012: It is in the past. she felt comfortablr enough to tell you rather than keep it a secret. That is a sign of trust.
Us women have needs too!!!! So what if you do not agree with it. She is not doing it now, and she is not going to run off with any... (read in full...)
How do I answer his question? I don't know what he meant
Q. Hello, ok I was asked this question by a guy whoo recently got in contact and we have been messaging and he asked me this question and I was wondering if I can have some advise on what he's asking..ok the question is; are you inlove in life? Is he ...
A. 9 January 2012: He was asking id you have a boyfriend. :)... (read in full...)
How involved should I be with my niece's choices?
Q. My Niece is 14 and she has changed dramatically in her teenage years from the very considerate and empathetic girl she once was, to a looks obsessed, withdrawn and troubled teen. Her parents are now divorced and I suspect her Mum to be in part ...
A. 4 January 2012: This is a tricky one. The last thing a troubled teen needs is more 'nagging'. If I where you I would try to make a friend out of her. That way you can listen and advise her on her problems, be a steady influence and a friend. If you are on good ... (read in full...)
Are we ready for a threesome?
Q. Hi! Want to know if you think we are ready for a threesome. We have been married for 6 years and have children. We both come from a conservative Middle Eastern background, we are not fully liberal but both are relatively open minded. W...
A. 4 January 2012: I would say no. If she is not that keen, she may end up resenting you for it. Bringing in another person to a relationship can have awful consequences if not broached carefully and with both partners 100% willing and ready.
Why not go to a naturi... (read in full...)
Losing the baby, financial difficulties, my drinking, his insensitivity... it's all a big mess!
Q. Hi all. I have a very difficult situation and am very torn as to what to do. I have always had a difficult situation with my bf but recently things got worse. In October we bought a house together and we have a joint mortgage. I also found out that...
A. 4 January 2012: The others are right, now is not a good time for you to be having a baby at all, they make problems in any relationship worse, not better! It is a lot of responsibility, and you need to take some time out for yourself.
You definately need councell... (read in full...)
My ex is being pathetic by posting things about me on facebook!
Q. my ex has been posting things about me indirectly for a mth on facebook...when i asked him who is he referring to,he'd answered that it's towards his random friends who made him angry (actually i knew he was lying obviously)... here's sample ...
A. 1 January 2012: Block him. Ignore it. Move on.... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 28 December 2011: Lmao goodness gracious just the same as with anyone else! Doggy, him on top (you may have to open your legs a little wider!), you on top (same again), reverse cowgirl, wheelbarrow, any position you like! Stop worrying :)... (read in full...)
How do you french kiss without biting someone's tongue?
Q. Hi... I have problem... I cant french kiss to save my life... I jus cnt i end up biting mens toungue. Ths has been a c0nstant problem in all of my rlti0nships. Plz help...
A. 28 December 2011: The answer is simple.... don't use your teeth!!!! Probe your tongue in the other persons mouth, don't bite down :)
Hope things improve soon. Practice makes perfect.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to turn my Girlfriend on just before I have to leave? even though I know it can go no where?
Q. just a quick question. Is it wrong to get your girlfriend turned on like "about to jump you turned on" just before you leave to go back home? I still live at home with the family, I'm a student and can't seem to find a job, always seems to be someo...
A. 28 December 2011: You are contradicting yourself here. You say it is an accident, that you just lose track of time, and then you say you are going to stop. If it was truly an accident, you would not be able to stop. My suggestion? Respect her a whole lot more t... (read in full...)
Am I right to be confused and cautions about dating a friend who enjoys lewd jokes about naked women?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a friend I made through a social networking site. We have known each other for quite long and have phone chats. Now we are thinking of dating but he has a habit of cracking jokes including jokes about porn and sex and naked wo...
A. 24 December 2011: Guys joke about naked women. Guys joke about a whole variety of things we may find inappropriate. It is a macho and bravado thing. You have two choices: One accept them for what they are.... jokes. Two: Tell him you find them unacceptable.
There... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to turn my Girlfriend on just before I have to leave? even though I know it can go no where?
Q. just a quick question. Is it wrong to get your girlfriend turned on like "about to jump you turned on" just before you leave to go back home? I still live at home with the family, I'm a student and can't seem to find a job, always seems to be someo...
A. 24 December 2011: Here is the issue, if she is super horny when you leave, she may look for release elsewhere.
I don't think it is a very nice thing to do. There is nothing wrong with it, but leaving her frustrated when you leave is not very fair. Imagine if she g... (read in full...)
Guy is drunk texting me at 3am... I like him...Should I go?
Q. So I have a crush on this guy who also happens to be my coworker and its apparent he likes me back. And recently he started drunk texting me to come over at 3am so I can keep him company. We've only been talking a few weeks, so I ended up telling ...
A. 18 December 2011: @Worldlywise is right, he was after sex. But aside from that, dating co workers is never a great idea, if things go wrong, your work life may be ruined. That is why people say don't mix business with pleasure ;)
If you really must go for it, take... (read in full...)
My partner refuses to acknowledge that alcohol affects his performance and always blames me or tiredness or stress for his brewer's droop
Q. I am so angry with my partner right now. He got back from a 4 week business trip and he was telling me how much he missed me and was looking forward to coming home and when he got home that night he started having a few drinks which turned in to ...
A. 10 December 2011: In the future, when he drinks like that, refuse to have sex with him, he will soon get the idea!!!
Make sure when he is sober you tell him your concerns too. Let him know that you will not be having sex with him when he has had too many drinks t... (read in full...)
Any stories of casual sex turning into something more?
Q. Does anyone have any stories of casual things turning into something more? I've been seeing this guy casually and it's been great. Neither of us want relationships at the moment so we're both very happy with the way things are. Thing is, we talk ...
A. 10 December 2011: Are you having fun? If things are working out for you at the moment, then leave them as they are. When you start over thinking things too much, things tend to change for the worse. My advice? Enjoy it. If it naturally progresses to more, then you ... (read in full...)
I have three guys I'm considering. Who to choose? Please, as much advice as possible?
Q. So, there are these three guys... It's not just like I'm desperate for a boyfriend and I've narrowed it down to these three guys, I actually really like them all. So, Guy 1 is in my class at school. He is in my form. We've been in the same c...
A. 10 December 2011: Right. My advice? Stay away from all of them. (In a romantic sense). You have three good friends there, and when you start dating one, you risk loosing the other two. And aside from that, if it goes wrong with the one you choose, you may have los... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents about my boyfriend without sounding like a typical love sick teenager?
Q. I'm 16 and I'm turning 17 next month. I have a wonderful boyfriend who isn't one of those immature guys that go out with a girl just to satisfy himself or whatever. He's my long time best friend, we're both juniors in high school, and we really want ...
A. 10 December 2011: Hey babe, well all I can suggest is being honest. Go to your parents and say you have met this guy that you really like, and you would love for them to meet him. Although I would not lie if asked directly, I would perhaps not mention that this has ... (read in full...)
Misbehaved while being drunk and high, and now I've messed up my chances with this guy I like
Q. I became single about 6 months ago, since that time I have been drinking too much and I have discovered that I am a very mouthy drunk. (Well who isn't..) I ended up drinking to blackout one night and went home with a friend of my brother. I didn't ...
A. 10 December 2011: Here is the solution. Don't get drunk and high! You are old enough to know better!!!! Yep, you messed up big time, and you have more than likely blown your chances with this guy, I know I would not go near anyone who behaved the way you did. ... (read in full...)
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