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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: A few weeks after I had given birth to my baby I found a load of sexting texts on my boyfriend's phone. I knew the person to be a girl he works with and when I asked him about it he said it was just flirting and that I did it all the time. Before my baby I worked in a bar, which meant I did have flirty banter with the customers but it never went further then that. These texts where so much more though, he had received and sent photos and they had clearly had planned to do something at some point as one of the messages said sorry I couldn't make it. He then admitted he had talked to her on the phone and they had talked about meeting up for sex buy he couldn't and wouldn't ever do it but I hadn't been interested in sex for so long, he needed someone to show interest in him like that. I have to admit we hadn't slept together since I was almost 6 months gone due to ill health, pre natal depression and I lost my granddad during my pregnancy so sex was the last thing on my mind. We broke up due to this and he continued to try get me back. After we talked I agreed he could move back in but into the spare room until I felt ready. We actually got on really well and our little family has been brilliant in the past few months. We have talked about it but I still feel really uncomfortable around the topic of sex and I find myself checking his phone and social media everyday but to be fair he told me his passwords and has no issues with checking. I want to be a family buy I'm still scarred and I'm scared it won't go away. My baby is now 7 months old and we have been together again for just short of 3 months.
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (1 November 2015):
 Ultimately the choice here is yours. Yes, he did you wrong, but he has been trying to make up for it. I think maybe couples counselling is the way to go here.Trust is like a sheet of paper. If you mess it up, you screw it up in a ball. You can flatten the paper out again, but the damage is always visible on the paper.The real question here is "Can you forgive him?". If you can, then you need to let this go completely. This means truly moving on, not bringing it up in arguments or throwing it in his face. It will take time, and patience, and he will have to prove to you every day that you can trust him again. It will take time but it is possible to move forward. But you need to stop looking at his phone, that is only feeding your paranoia. If you can't move on, then maybe it is time to end things. Either way, you can't keep going on like this sweetie. You deserve to be happy and you need to do whatever you need to do to make you and your bubba happy. xxxx
A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (27 October 2015):
What he did was stupid .. and there are no excuses in my book .. being pregnant and not having nookie doesn't give the right for the other partner to stray .. He didn't have to physical do it with her .. wanting too .. is enough .As a mental health nurse I can only advise .. that you set the boundaries ..sit down and tell him exactly what you need to make this right .. checking his phone isn't going to change whether he sees someone or not .. so if I were you I wouldn't .I would tell him though that if this ever happened again then there would be no other chance .. you are too good .. For that and you mean it sweetie.Make plans.. I waited until our daughter was one before I had a girls night out .. your little one will be 9 month by Xmas . So get granny's involved .. and have a night out together buy also some girlie time.Tell him; there has to be open communication and you would rather he tells you if there is something wrong and give you both the opportunity to try and work it through and if he still feels he can't then you both end it .. and add because if you felt attracted to someone else etc .. you would tell him first to see if you could fix things .. attraction happens ..its how we weigh what we have ..to what we could have .. and what we will lose .. so be brave ..be confident ..Start redating. . He has to woo you all over again .. don't rush having sex if your not ready .. He will need to realise that you .. yes you .. are worth the wait .. and you ask him can he do this .. It's a good sign that your unit is flourishing though .. The feeling of hurt and betrayal isn't going to go away in an instant .. but working together and communicating and being open and trusting .. He did something stupid .. you know have to make it work or not .. making it work means no checking his phone .. He cheats .. He cheats . checking his phone as I said won't stop it .. its only encouraging you not to move forward .. If he ever does it again then sweetie .. walk away as hard as it may be ..trust your instincts. .I wish you and your little family all the best and keep in touch ..just even to let of steam if you need too .
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