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... Send *upermum a private message | | | *upermum's profile:Time to revamp a little bit! I am amazing at giving advice, terrible at taking it, as with most of us I suppose.
I speak straight from my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow, but it is always the truth. I am not the type of person who will sugar coat anything or play nice, because I do not believe that will help people, and I know that is how I would wish to be treated.
I feel I can benefit people here because I am able to see both sides of an argument, have an objective head and can see the bigger picture most of the time. I am very good at working out why people behave in certain ways, and therefore can often bring a helpful insight into a situation. I am available if you have a private question, or to answer those on the site.
A bit about me: I am 23, live on my own in the UK, have a fantastic life and am an incredibly strong person. I have been through a lot, which makes me empathetic and can sympathise with almost everyone.
Happy problem solving! |
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Misbehaved while being drunk and high, and now I've messed up my chances with this guy I like
Q. I became single about 6 months ago, since that time I have been drinking too much and I have discovered that I am a very mouthy drunk. (Well who isn't..) I ended up drinking to blackout one night and went home with a friend of my brother. I didn't ...
A. 10 December 2011: Here is the solution. Don't get drunk and high! You are old enough to know better!!!! Yep, you messed up big time, and you have more than likely blown your chances with this guy, I know I would not go near anyone who behaved the way you did. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is becoming too whimsy for me to bear!
Q. My girlfriend is whimsy. She goes to great length of persecution to have things done her way, for no visible reason... She does not answer without a reason, she throws tantrums about me not loving her out of nowhere, and if I get mad after taking i...
A. 9 December 2011: Some people are just insecure and stubborn! I make sure I get my way, I make sure people do as I say, and I make sure I lead all the time. That is just me.
Perhaps you know what you have to do, but perhaps try one last frank chat with her. Say... (read in full...)
My wife is stricken with grief and she pushes me away! I just want to help her through her grief and loss...Please help?.
Q. hello people of the web. my wife lost her brother and dad last year and ever scenes she has been finding any reason to fight with me and she is being very hatefull towards me i was just wondreing if there is any thing i can do to help her i want my ...
A. 9 December 2011: She needs time to grieve, and one of those steps is anger. Try to get her into some councelling, it sounds as if she needs it. Give her some space, but make sure she knows you love her and you are there for her always. Don't let these two tragedies ... (read in full...)
I adore my man! But, will his having kids and a rather controlling ex threaten the relationship in the long run?
Q. Hello! Hope you can give me some advice. I am in a real predicament. I have met a wonderful man. We have been together 5 months and we have such a wonderful relationship. He is kind, caring, respectful and the bond we have is truly amazing. I...
A. 9 December 2011: Your dad is wrong. You have zero financial responsibility for those children. Even if you married, YOU would have no financial responsibility to those kids. Sure, when couples marry most split their finances, so you may end up putting some money ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't even want to hug me!
Q. Hi thank you for taking the time to read this. Ive been going out with my girlfreind for 10 months now and im having real doubts if she still loves me. Im absolutley in love with her, devoted and i would do anything for her. Yet i get no affection...
A. 4 December 2011: Unfortunately, if you want to get this sorted, you are going to have to talk straight no matter how uncomfortable it is for both of you xxx... (read in full...)
I feel heavy because of my height and want to be an model
Q. I have serious body image issues. I'm 5'11, and I think I'm attractive. Because of my height I constantly feel heavy - I'm 64kgs. Im very uncomfortable round boys because of it and don't act confidently- sometimes I just feel like crying and othe...
A. 3 December 2011: Get help. You are not huge. And stuff like this irritates me. It sounds like another 'look at me I am so skinny but I am pretty, look at me and give me attention!!' post, and it irks me.
You know for a fact you are not overweight. Here is the trut... (read in full...)
Should I just do what I want and not care what this guy thinks of me afterwards?
Q. I met this guy online about three months ago. We've been talking since but have never met. He's tried to a couple times but I laughed it off because I had a boyfriend and didn't want to. Well, my boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago,...
A. 3 December 2011: What he thinks of you is irrelevant. What you would think of yourself is more important. If you would be happy with yourself for doing it, go for it. If you think you would regret it, that is a sure sign not to go with it.... (read in full...)
Told his wife he's cheating.....was I wrong for telling?
Q. I Recently slept with a married man after talking to him daily for two months and him promising that he would leave his wife within the next 5 months and there is no love between them or sex..just friendship....I believed him and after a dinner date ...
A. 3 December 2011: No. You did the wrong thing. You slept with a guy you knew was married. That makes you just as in the wrong as he is. Now we have the harsh bit out of the way, it is hard to say whether or not you should have told her. You never know what is goi... (read in full...)
Does he want me to move on?
Q. i don't know how to take this. recently the man i've been involved with for a better part of 5 yrs responded to an email i sent him wishing him and his family a Happy Thanksgiving. Mind you this was the first time i attempted to write to him...
A. 3 December 2011: Why would you want him back? He wants you to be his booty call so that when he messes up in the future he can fall back on you. If you want that, wait for him. If you want more for yourself, move on........ (read in full...)
My period was missed, should I worry?
Q. This question may well sound abit dumb, but i am young and have no idea about female anatomany, not to mention i worry far to much so if you could tell me if this is normal or not it would be great. I have bas...
A. 3 December 2011: If you are not pregnant, I would not worry. If you are going through stress or changes in your hormone levels your periods can be affected. Leave it a week or so and if you are still worried visit the docs, but I am sure everything is fine x... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't even want to hug me!
Q. Hi thank you for taking the time to read this. Ive been going out with my girlfreind for 10 months now and im having real doubts if she still loves me. Im absolutley in love with her, devoted and i would do anything for her. Yet i get no affection...
A. 3 December 2011: I am one of those people that does not like to hug. It is because I was abused as a child and now physical intimacy scares me. I don't kiss or anything, but I can show my affection online. Has she been through anything similar?
Either way, som... (read in full...)
What are views on large labia minora?
Q. Im 16 and I know I have big, above average, labia minora. I know there are operations like labiaplasty, but I don't find item uncomfortable. It's a major body image issue for me. I just want to know, what are men/women opinions on large labia? ...
A. 3 December 2011: Surgery to fix that would be incredibly painful and entirely unnecessary!
Love who you are babe, plenty of guys and girls LOVE them! All the more to get your mouth in to ;)
Every single one of us has parts of our body that we do not love, but... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's love for anal sex is ruining our relationship
Q. My man loves Anal sex, but I couldn't be more turned off by it. We are engaged to be married, and have been dating for three years. We have amazing sex, on the daily, but when it comes to anal, I'm just not in to it. This is creating some problems ...
A. 3 December 2011: Some people can get off on anal sex, others cannot. The truth of the matter is however, you should not be pressured into doing anything you don't want to do.
Have you tried talking to him about it? I agree, if he cannot agree to stick to what is ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and facebook issues. Could it be true that it's her fault he dumped me?
Q. Okay this is weird since just a few hours ago I posted comment about how my boyfriend and how he isnt caring and well he just dumped me like 3 hours ago. I um well I feel really empty and depressed.. And upset because I called that mean girl tha...
A. 3 December 2011: It is not her fault he dumped you. If he loved you, nobody could tell him to dump you and him listen to it. It was his choice. Now we have that bit out of the way, I HATE FACEBOOK!! Ok, I love facebook, but it causes sooooo much drama, all the t... (read in full...)
How can I confront my boyfriend of lying about porn?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a great relationship for the past 2 years and haven't had any big fights... except about one topic: porn. I absolutely hate it. I see it as a form of cheating. He knows I would never allow him to look another ...
A. 3 December 2011: Looking at porn can become an addiction, and he is obviously addicted to it. Try not to see it as a form of cheating, just because he looks at porn it does not mean he values you any less or does not appreciate you, it means he gets bored and likes ... (read in full...)
Why is my old emotional affair now mean then nice to me after all this time?
Q. A few years back I had an emotional affair with this guy at work, needless to say he flip flops back and forth, nice to me, them rude, stand offish, then nice. WELL, i tried real hard for peace before my transfer request, but I did not get transfer...
A. 3 December 2011: This is a difficult one. I must admit, I have no idea what an 'emotional' affair is.... however it seems he is blowing hot and cold becase he does not know how to deal with you.
So, I would just carry on as normal. If you bump into him, be polit... (read in full...)
How can I bear this relationship when my boyfriend cheated on me 7 months ago?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. During our 5 years, he has kissed another girl while drinking. This happened a few months ago in May. The girl he kissed was his cousin's girlfriend. His cousin was very mean to her, and she alw...
A. 3 December 2011: I guess you have to options here. You can either forgive him, or you can't. If you can forgive him, then you need to truly forgive him, and then whatever you read or hear about in movies, songs or books wont affect you. Or you can't forgive hi... (read in full...)
How do I remedy this situation? My family treat my 35 year old divorced friend (and his children) with a sort of tolerant disdain
Q. I'm 35, and I am dating a divorced father of two. My family make me feel really bad because, as they have put it, this is the "best I can do" at my age because I waited too long to get into a serious relationship, and it would difficult for me to fi...
A. 3 December 2011: Unfortunately you cannot change their opinions of him by forcing them to spend time together. I guess the only way you can do it is with time, and letting them see how happy he makes you.
At the end of the day, this relationship is about you and ... (read in full...)
All he does is bring me down, but we used to be best friends, what to do?
Q. Okay, so here's my dilemma, bear with me, it's a little lengthy. So, a few years back, I had this friend i used to hang out with everyday. We (me and my 2 other friends we always hung out with at the time) always had a hunch he was gay, so when...
A. 2 December 2011: Unfortunately, there is only one thing you can do.... move on. He has made it as clear as he can without being rude that he is not interested in you, which happens sometimes unfortunately. You may reach a point where you can be friends again, but ... (read in full...)
Why has she not run off screaming yet? What should I do now?
Q. I don't know how but Whenever I've tried dating girls before I've somehow always ballsed things up. They tend to like me, then they get to know me a bit and then suddenly I've lost all appeal. Probably because I'm myself, I don't try to be ...
A. 1 December 2011: I suggest you be grateful to answers you got. It was, as I said, a whole lot of text for a very simple question. If you live that far away, leave it. As for you being female, I apologise, normally men post this sort of thing. My point still stan... (read in full...)
Why has she not run off screaming yet? What should I do now?
Q. I don't know how but Whenever I've tried dating girls before I've somehow always ballsed things up. They tend to like me, then they get to know me a bit and then suddenly I've lost all appeal. Probably because I'm myself, I don't try to be ...
A. 29 November 2011: That was a whole lot of text for a question we can't answer.... People act in strange ways, but if every other girl has run off screaming, I would perhaps look closer to home. My suggestion? If you think she is in to you, get her number, then ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on him for good or should I wait until we see each other again?
Q. I'm back with my dumb questions . Well, long story short ; I talked to this guy for a while . . We " fell in love " . . I moved to a different state . . Okay, we kept in contact and all of that. He became my everything. We never dated, but you c...
A. 27 November 2011: I would wait and see what happens, go with the flow as it were. Do not 'wait' for him. If you meet someone where you are, then go for it. If you happen to be single if and when you move back, and so does he, go with that. But certainly don't put ... (read in full...)
Why is he flirting with me, his ex, when he makes out with another girl?
Q. if a guy would just have started a new relationship would he still be friends with his ex because she was also friends with him when she was in a relationship? also would he be flirting and try to deny the relationship? my ex makes out with a girl ...
A. 27 November 2011: It seems like he can't make up his mind who he wants or what he wants, so he is hooking up and flirting with as many as he can. He would be no different if he was with you. Could you handle him cheating on you? Kissing other girls? If the answer is ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend may be cheating on me. What is the best way to confront him and how do I deal when he's denying it or pretending that I made it all up?
Q. I recently discovered that my boyfriend may be caring a relationship with another girl long distance. He is texting a girl in another state and from the looks of the texts, they have some sort of relationship. They call each other baby and tell ...
A. 27 November 2011: If you cannot confront him with evidence, and you cannot leave him, your best bet is to catch him in the act...
But you should not have to put up with it, and to be honest unless you are willing to accept his behaviour your best bet IS to leave... (read in full...)
We had sex for the first time without a condom. Should I be worried?
Q. My girlfriend and me had sex (first time for both) without using a condom. She takes pregnancy pills, and she said it was ok, but i am still worried. Should I be worried? Shes also been complaining of feeling dizzy. but that could be anythin...
A. 27 November 2011: Pregnancy is unlikely if she is on the pill. However, let this be a lesson to you! Play safe!!!!! If it was less than 72 hours ago, you can go get the emergency pill, but the sooner after sex you take it the more effective it is.... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him?
Q. Should i break up witih him? We met on the internet. He tried to have sex with me on the first date. we've been together for 1 and 1/2 yrs 1) He cheated on me. a) with a girl he met on the bus, he told me its because he thinks i am unfaithful...
A. 27 November 2011: None of us can tell you whether to leave him or not. That is a decision that you alone have to make. Having said that, what does your gut say? I am a great believer in following your gut feelings. If you stay with him, you know he will continue ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that she might be pregnant?
Q. I am 18, in first year university. My girlfriend is almost 17, in her last year of highschool. We've been dating since August and had sex twice. The first time, which was the FIRST time for both of us, we used a condom, and it seemed like it was ...
A. 27 November 2011: It is unlikely she is pregnant if she is on the pill, but you definately should play safe in the future! If she had a period it would suggest she is not pregnant, but wait a few weeks and see if she has another one. I would not worry too much ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and he's already seeing someone else
Q. My ex dumped me barely two months ago. I am still in love with him, but have just found out that he is going to ask another girl out, and that he has found someone else. It felt like my heart just got broken again. How do I move past this? ...
A. 27 November 2011: Unfortunately there is nothing you can do... he has made his choice, and you are going to have to live with it. I know it hurts right now, but take comfort in the fact that if he left you and moved on so quickly he was not the right one for yo... (read in full...)
How can I best support her? She says she feels smothered. Now she only wants companionship.
Q. I'm a 56 year old male in a relationship with a 54 year old divorced women. She was raped repeatedly when she was 15 , by her step father. She also suffered other trauma through the years. Ex husband hit her with a belt, ex boy friend infected...
A. 25 November 2011: She could be suffering from PTSD, which often manifests itself in times of stress... and she certainly has a lot of that at the moment.
Continue being there for her. If she asks for time alone, give it to her (but not too much). Let her know you... (read in full...)
How do I lessen the pain for my first time?
Q. I'm 16, and I've recently watched my first porn videos (just like 4 or so), but I stopped quickly because I felt so bad for watching them, like I've done something I wasn't supposed to. I feel like I did something wrong, and I'm really embarrassed ...
A. 25 November 2011: I am not going to give you 'the sex talk' lol, it seems like you already know what you are doing. I will suggest not watching porn. I have been in professional *ahem* videos, and I can tell you with certainty that what happens on screen is ... (read in full...)
I feel as though he is just using me but I want to make things work!
Q. Should i move on? ignore it? or just go with the flow? here's the situation.. My boyfriend and i have been going out for 4 years (on and off) during the time that we broke up we had other partners but it did'nt last long because we real...
A. 25 November 2011: This is what I term a fatal attraction. You are both no good for eachother, yet for whatever reason you cannot stay away.
4 Years is a long time, especially at your age, and he is unlikely to change, so I guess you have two choices:
1) Carr... (read in full...)
I miss him terribly, how can I get him back?
Q. Today would be my ex and I's one year 4 month anniversary and I miss him horribly. He has said he still loves me, but doesn't like me, to his best friend, who is also a very close friend of mine. How can I get him back? ...
A. 25 November 2011: Perhaps this is one of those situations when you need to take the pain, learn and grow from it, and move on. A relationship cannot work if you do not like the person you are dating. And call me a synic, but I am not sure true love exists at your age ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for telling this guy to delete my number?
Q. Hey everyone ... Happy Thanksgiving :D I have a question, am I wrong for ending things with him? I've been talking to This Guy.. he's 25 I'm 20. I don't date guys with kids because its way too much drama for me. But I gave him a chance, as long ...
A. 25 November 2011: Yeah I would run a mile to be honest. You should always trust your gut, and if this is sending off alarm bells, I would leave it.
Send him a text saying you no longer wish to have contact with him and ask him to delete your number and not contact ... (read in full...)
Should a girl ever truly trust a man 100 per cent?
Q. I was wondering should you ever trust a man 100% or give your love 100%. I am 25 good looking and have two degrees but recently I find it hard to be in a relationship or even wonder if a man is ever worth giving your all. I was in a five year rela...
A. 25 November 2011: You just haven't found Mr Right hun. When you are with the right person, it will come naturally, and I doubt you will even realise you are doing it.
Humans are not perfect. It is unfortunately part of our nature to hurt eachother. However,... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose the trust of my b/f's daughter but I do think she pushes the boundaries!
Q. I'm in a relationship (for 6 years already) and my boyfriend has an 11 year old daughter. I'm very lucky in the sense that she loves me very much. We get along great and I feel she trusts me 100%. I, myself, does not have any kids of my own and ...
A. 23 November 2011: I still think you are crediting an 11 year old with wayyyyyyy to much cunning! I am not sure whether or not you have been manipulated in the past and are paranoid as a result, but with kids, things are often exactly as they appear to be. The ... (read in full...)
Guy does everything for me and acts like my bf...but he doesn't want a relationship!?
Q. I just don't know what to do... I've been seeing this guy for about a year and half. We met online and we clicked. It's like we have so much in common and we talk about almost everything from music, books, movies, politics. He'll even attempt to ...
A. 21 November 2011: We can't answer that hun, you would have to ask him. There could be soooo many reasons it is impossible to speculate, and I feel in situations like this, speculations from others could be harmful... ie leading you down the wrong path which could ... (read in full...)
What was this - friends with a little bit of benefits?
Q. I have a question about friends with benefits (FWB). My wife and I watched the movie 'Friends with Benefits' about 2 weeks ago. This past weekend we were at some of our friends home, and the topic of this movie came up. I just casually said, yep, ...
A. 21 November 2011: I think you are putting way too much weight on it. My version of fwb is more about the sex than anything, though I guess that does not need to be the case.
Having said that, your wifes sexual history is no one elses business but hers, and you ... (read in full...)
I cheated and now feel disgusted!
Q. my boyfriend did not come to see like he usually does yet he knew l had wanted to be with him. so a good guy friend of mine from childhood showed up, we started drinking and all. basically we ended up having sex, me being the initiator. after it, l ...
A. 21 November 2011: If you do not tell him the truth will eventually come out. Your best bet is to tell him now before he blames you for not only doing it but keeping it from him as well.... (read in full...)
Is it me or the pregnancy that is causing such an abnormal behaviour??
Q. l am 24 years old and two months pregnant. problem is l sometimes hate my boyfriend for no apparent reason, l will ask him not to contact me or come and see me but ofcourse he does not listen, he will come and see me or call me. l then tend to ...
A. 21 November 2011: I had symptathy for you until you posted this last update. What a horrible thing to say! You are right, maybe you should save him the aggravation of being with such a mean person!
What you have been through is awful, and I am really sorry for that... (read in full...)
How should I deal with my newborn's father?
Q. I have a gorgeous 2 month old daughter and she's my world. My past with her father isn't so great and I haven't even talked to him since I was 16 weeks pregnant, so basically forever ago! He treated me poorly and said hurtful things, as well ...
A. 21 November 2011: You are a mum. It is your job to be strong for the rest of your little girls life :) You can do it, after facing motherhood, nothing should scare you!... (read in full...)
How should I deal with my newborn's father?
Q. I have a gorgeous 2 month old daughter and she's my world. My past with her father isn't so great and I haven't even talked to him since I was 16 weeks pregnant, so basically forever ago! He treated me poorly and said hurtful things, as well ...
A. 20 November 2011: Right, this is a tricky one. The thing is, he has a right to be part of your daughters life. However, as her mum and protecter, you should make some firm ground rules like:
He is not allowed anywhere near her while under the influence of anything... (read in full...)
Is it me or the pregnancy that is causing such an abnormal behaviour??
Q. l am 24 years old and two months pregnant. problem is l sometimes hate my boyfriend for no apparent reason, l will ask him not to contact me or come and see me but ofcourse he does not listen, he will come and see me or call me. l then tend to ...
A. 20 November 2011: Hmmm. How long has this been going on? If it is since you got pregnant, then it is definately all the new hormones taking you over. It is very common. If it started before the pregnancy, then you can't use it as an excuse lol.
However, you are ... (read in full...)
I cheated and now feel disgusted!
Q. my boyfriend did not come to see like he usually does yet he knew l had wanted to be with him. so a good guy friend of mine from childhood showed up, we started drinking and all. basically we ended up having sex, me being the initiator. after it, l ...
A. 20 November 2011: You own up. I cannot feel any sympathy for you, you did a bad thing, and you have to pay the price for it. You are projecting your self hatred at those who are not in the wrong, simply because you are angry with yourself.
How can you say you trul... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose the trust of my b/f's daughter but I do think she pushes the boundaries!
Q. I'm in a relationship (for 6 years already) and my boyfriend has an 11 year old daughter. I'm very lucky in the sense that she loves me very much. We get along great and I feel she trusts me 100%. I, myself, does not have any kids of my own and ...
A. 15 November 2011: OH dear lord! She is 11 years old!!!! Children DO push the boundaries, they DO try to play people off one another, and you are crediting her with wayyyy too much cunning.
As for the claims about her mum and her school friends, they are somethin... (read in full...)
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