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Why is he, all of a sudden, interested in trying? Is sex, the first time, sometimes not successful?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 November 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My bf never used to be very much into having sex. We've been dating for over 3 yrs now.

We are both college graduates. I'm working before going to med school. He's getting ready for law school.

One of the biggest problems in our relationship was that even though he would touch be sexually, he never wanted to have sex or even try. I asked im many times in the past and the answer was always that he's tired, not in the mood, or stressed out.

Sometimes, it made sense and at other times I thought he was just being selfish and that I should just leave him. Since I never thought he would be interested, I never got condoms, until only recently.

They'd been sitting there for like a month now, until yesterday, when I got back from work, he just wanted to try it.

He willingly undressed me and got the condom and said he wanted to try it. Unfortunately, it didn't work out too well for us bc we are both virgins and I'm way too tight or he's too big. He seemed disappointed.

We tried again that same night (it came out of no where and he just wanted to do it!) I don't know what's gotten into him!

Again, he only managed to get it in like an inch and that's it. SO, I'm hoping someone can answer my questions for me:

Why is he, all of a sudden, interested in trying?

Is it normal to not be successful the first time around? and how can we get better at it??

I want to have good sex too! But, I'm just worried that he'll lose interest again!

Any advice would be great!

View related questions: both virgins, condom, in the mood, too tight

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015):

I agree with what most of the others said.

BUT! Unless his penis is huge, it might be you that has a minor sex problem. If you haven't recently, you REALLY should have a gynecological exam and explain to the doctor that you're trying to have sex, etc. You could also google vaginismus.

Best of luck!

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (1 November 2015):

Achieving good sex is not nearly important as the question as to why he wasn't interested for the first three years! Every guy I knew at that age was hot and heavy to have sex. When I was a virgin I would have gone for it even if I'd just run two marathons! Religious reasons might be a reasonable excuse, but not because he is too tired or just not in the mood.

Given that you've been going together for three years, I don't think he's been getting it elsewhere during this time. This is very perplexing but whatever is going on, I wouldn't count on having much of a sex life with this fellow.

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A female reader, BloggerChick United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2015):

BloggerChick agony auntI'm also a little confused about why he wasn't interested before.. I guess everyone's different. You said you were both virgins so maybe he was nervous? Maybe he was scared of disappointing you because of his lack of experience, which could be why he always found an excuse. I can't answer why he suddenly became interested, only he can answer that question.

As for the sex, it was your first time, you were both probably tense and nervous. Especially if you haven't masturbated (vaginally) before, which is a most likely reason why he couldn't penetrate you that far.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntI can't tell you why he is suddenly interested. To be honest I am more surprised about why he wasn't before. The only person who can answer that is him.

As to the second part of your question it is quite common for sex to be disappointing the first time.

The answer is practice, practice, practice. But make sure you use protection. Condoms can put men off. There are different thicknesses which affect sensitivity. It might be worth getting different ones to see if you have better results.

The secret is to keep it light hearted. If you can BOTH see the funny side it won't be long before you are having a good time.

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A female reader, supermum United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2015):

supermum agony auntHoney... we can't tell you why he is doing something I am afraid. It is very unusual to have been dating for that long with him showing no interest at all in sex. Was he depressed? On any medication that would affect his libido?

The only way you will get answers is if you talk to him. Ask him why he is interested all of a sudden? I hate to ask... but was he getting it elsewhere? Or was he just really nervous about trying? There are a million and one reason why he wasn't interested up until now so you really need to sit and have a conversation about it.

As for the sex side of things... there are a few things you can do to help. Spend some time on foreplay, get yourself nice and excited. Using a lubricant will help entry. Since you are a virgin in will probably be uncomfortable the first time, so you both need to be prepared for that. Sometimes breaking the hymen requires a bit of a push. Though the more excited you are the easier things will be. You could try cooking a meal with lots of aphrodisiacs, like avocados and something with chocolate for desert?

Let us know how you get on? xxx

Hopefully he wont lose interest again... but if he does, again that will require a conversation I am afraid!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2015):

Have you taken a good look at his aroused penis.

You might as well.

It makes it a lot easier if you know exactly what he's got there.

If its mega enormous in the uncondomed flesh you can ask.if he had penis enlargement..or you may find it is a more manageable size than you thought.

Most guys would want to keep trying, thats fairly normal, but switch that light on and see what exactly he is inserting into you for your own peace of mind. Dont be afraid to clock him one if he hurts because some blokes ignore wordsbut will stopif you give them a clear sign.

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