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... Send *upermum a private message | | | *upermum's profile:Time to revamp a little bit! I am amazing at giving advice, terrible at taking it, as with most of us I suppose.
I speak straight from my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow, but it is always the truth. I am not the type of person who will sugar coat anything or play nice, because I do not believe that will help people, and I know that is how I would wish to be treated.
I feel I can benefit people here because I am able to see both sides of an argument, have an objective head and can see the bigger picture most of the time. I am very good at working out why people behave in certain ways, and therefore can often bring a helpful insight into a situation. I am available if you have a private question, or to answer those on the site.
A bit about me: I am 23, live on my own in the UK, have a fantastic life and am an incredibly strong person. I have been through a lot, which makes me empathetic and can sympathise with almost everyone.
Happy problem solving! |
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Anyone know what this pain might be?
Q. for about 8 months now, ive been in quite alot of pain, its constant, i am sexually active im 15 i started my periods at 13 i use tampons every period, umm ive been sexually active for about 1 year and a half, ive been with the same partner for 2 ...
A. 14 February 2009: why come on the site if you dont want to see a doctor? we cant make a diagnosis for you, maybe you should grow up a bit before postng anymore quaestions and listen to what we ave to say, if you dont want to listen to our advice, dont ask a ... (read in full...)
Sex wasn't a great experience for me
Q. So i was making out with a girl in a club and i was llike really hard that time but then we wanted to take it further..so we went to the beach and we tried to have sex over there ..i got reaaly hard..and i went inside her but it was winter and ...
A. 2 February 2009: The problem with sex is, unless you feel an attraction or atleast severe lust towards the other party, that its not always as good as you expect it to be. I wouldnt worry that this experience wasnt as you hoped it mite be... i presume this waas your ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be interested in older women?
Q. First of all, in order to understand wher I am coming from, it might prove beneficial to know a little about me. I am 18 years old, and in college. I study Computer Information Systems and Network, with a minor in German. German is my real ...
A. 2 February 2009: I would say the reason that you are lusting after the older woman is that you are very mature for your age, and dare i say it, your tastes ar alternative to what i lot of people your age's tastes are. Your passion for reasons and deep thinking is ... (read in full...)
Pregnant a possibility?
Q. hello everyone, I had sex in november and i had my period 2 weeks afterwards and i had one december but it was late! i didn't have one in january which really concerns me. i've looked up symptoms for pregnacy and i dont really have any. i ...
A. 2 February 2009: Pregnancy is always a possibility if you have had unprotected sex, periods or no periods after. I had a period regular as clockwork throught my whole pregancy. I would get a test, but also i dont mean to be rude at all but why are you so worried ... (read in full...)
I'm just not happy with who I am
Q. I really hope this doesn't sound stupid... In the last few years, I've had a few problems in my life, as everyone does. I struggle with my mum's relationship with my brother. He's a year older than me. I'm very envious, which often makes ...
A. 2 February 2009: you poor thing! These past few years must have been horrid for you! It might be worth a chat with your doctor, to see if he can help, it might be that you have become depressed yourself? There has been a lot going on, and that is hard to deal with. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her I love her?
Q. I have a good friend named Jenny who is in a long term relationship who I'm in love with. I'm single and we hang out a lot because her boyfriend lives the other side of the country. I've had a crush on her for a long time but just recently my ...
A. 2 February 2009: Omg what a predicament!!!! i would reccomend that you dont confess your love just yet... and take a serious look at this woman. I know you really wont want to hear this, but why is she flirting with you if she is in a LONG TERM relationship? surely ... (read in full...)
DearCupid had over one million people visit the site in January!
Q. I have just peeped at our visitor figures for January 2009, the month just gone, and I'm excited to see that DearCupid passed 1,000,000 (yes, one MILLION!) unique visitors/month for the first time. According to Google Analytics we had 1,040,812 ...
A. 2 February 2009: Wow! What fantastic news! congratulations! i would invite you over for a bottle of bubbli 2 celebrate, but i dnt know where you live, and i dont have any lol.
happy 2009... (read in full...)
Anyone know what this pain might be?
Q. for about 8 months now, ive been in quite alot of pain, its constant, i am sexually active im 15 i started my periods at 13 i use tampons every period, umm ive been sexually active for about 1 year and a half, ive been with the same partner for 2 ...
A. 2 February 2009: it sounds like it could possibly be a problem with your cervix as i had a similar pain when my partner was too hard and ruptured my cervix.... this does not mean this is the answer however, i would strongly reccomend that yyou see a doctor as soon ... (read in full...)
It's been four years and for some pathetic reason, I can't feel anything for anybody.
Q. It's been four years and for some pathetic reason, I can't feel anything for anybody. He is always on my mind, I've tried doing new things with other people but it feels like I lost a part of me. What must I do? ...
A. 1 February 2009: fortunately, time is a great healer... but only when you can accept that its over. You need to go out with the intent to have fun, not to find a replacement. it will take time, but u can make it, all the best... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just got his fiend to rape me, what should I do? I cant leave him.
Q. My boyfriend just got his fiend to rape me, what should I do? I cant leave him....
A. 1 February 2009: Update guys, i know it has been a while. I was rape d5 more times to pay for my ex's drug addiction. I have finally managed to leave him, and it was thanks to your concern and advice that i had the stregnth to leave, you have no idea how many times ... (read in full...)
He wants me, but without commitment...huh ?
Q. Sorry for this-its going to be long. My boyfriend broke up with me, and Im trying to make sense of this. He sent me this (after he broke up, I might add): “ok, this is the way i look at it, i dont want a relationship. period. but i do want somebo...
A. 23 November 2008: do whatever you feel comfy with babe... can you do that with him? if yes, go for it, if not, dont, simple (ish) lol. all the best hun... (read in full...)
It hurts so much when being fingered, what's wrong??
Q. I've been fingered a few times and each time it hurts and thats only with one finger! Trying two fingers hurt too much and one doesn't even feel good, i can't tell that its in or not. is something wrong?...
A. 23 November 2008: you need to spend a lot of time getting turned on, so that you are nice and wet, otherwise it will hurt... you can get the guy to use some lube, or wet his fingers before he uses them... all the best... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a pack-rat...Help !!
Q. Hi I hope you can give me some good advise on this, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now and recently I have moved with him to a 2 bedroom flat in Chafford Hundred, I lived with him previously in hornchuch in a one bedroom which ...
A. 23 November 2008: that is reasonable, sell the stuff definately, try and get back some of the money you wasted babe.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend took me to a swinger's club !!!
Q. My boyfriend and I went to a swingers club and he wanted to join a couples room of course not knowing what it was I said yes the woman opened the door and there was like six couple having sex or just oral sex. I told him I couldnt do this and he ...
A. 2 November 2008: i am currently at a 24hour naturist/ swinging club as we speak... and i love it. however, you should not be forced to do anything that you are not comfortable with... if you want to work with him, go one time with a view to just watching and build ... (read in full...)
My question is what is the easiest way to have sex the first time with least pain? and what do you think about our decision
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend dated for over 2 years. Its been months since we broke up but we havent gone out with anyone since, we've had little "flings" but there over and meant nothing. We hang out all the time now and remain best of friends. We still ...
A. 2 November 2008: i dont think your doing the right thing as your virginity is too special to loose when your not even in a relationship. having said that, it seems like you have made your mind up. the best way to do this is to make sure u have loads of foreplay... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a pack-rat...Help !!
Q. Hi I hope you can give me some good advise on this, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now and recently I have moved with him to a 2 bedroom flat in Chafford Hundred, I lived with him previously in hornchuch in a one bedroom which ...
A. 2 November 2008: you cant live in a situation where you are that unhappy. you were right, and you may face loosing him... however, would you rather live in an unhappy situation and build up resentment which will lead to arguments, or make a clean break and be happy... (read in full...)
Is this abuse? Should I get out of my relationship now?
Q. Should I get out of my relationship now? I am currently taking a break from my relationship with my boyfriend because I am working on issues from my past. My question is if he is abusive. Since we've been together for about 7 months a few things ...
A. 5 October 2008: I dont think he is, i think it is your head. you are obviously not ready for a bf atmo... because of the bad stuff that has happened in you past, which is understandable. It sounds as if he is trying to sort things out with you, and you are puchisng ... (read in full...)
Does sex have to feel so mechanical?
Q. Another one of the thousands of sex questions on this site, but I really have no one else to talk to about this sensitive subject. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 8 years... but we're really just best friends now. About 4 years ago, the...
A. 3 October 2008: You could always try lube... the problem with the parents situation is that you never let yourself relax... you couldnt... thats why the camera thing was fine... i bet you were more relaxed. If you live on your own, invite him round, otherwise... (read in full...)
How do I accept that marriage will never happen for me?
Q. I am 36 years old and never married. I have been living with my boyfriend of 5 years for the last 3 years. I have a 13 year old daughter.(not his) Anyway, He convinced me to quit my job and help him build his buisness. Which I did, with no pay. ...
A. 3 October 2008: You dont need to accept that it wont happen. Sit your partner down and say how much it means to you... if he still says no, ask him for some money when you work, save it up and then get out of there.
There is always state benifits. PLease dont stay... (read in full...)
I need help with 'squirting' - how can I get there?
Q. Hello..I have been sexually active for a very long time and my boyfriend of about 8 months..we have the greatest sex I've ever had or can imagine .... I am very confused, I find myself searching up how to have an orgasm all the time. Yes, I hav...
A. 3 October 2008: I am afraid that not every woman can ejaculate.... However, speaking from someone who can, I wouldn't wish is on anyone lol.... its really messy... so you can't just curl up in a ball and go to sleep, you need to change the duvet, get in the show... (read in full...)
Please help me NOT text my old teacher, I'm so tempted but I know I shouldn't!
Q. I need help. I left school May this year and promised myself that this was going to be great as i was gonna finally get over my teacher, thing is i cant. Everytime i see a barbie doll, or even the shop borders! i think of him, due to memories and ...
A. 26 September 2008: the best thing you can do is delete his number. Why do you even have his number? Teacher/ student relationships are never good, even if you have left school, as there is likely to be a fairly big age gap, and most importantly, it could damage his ... (read in full...)
I have depression and despite this he pushes me into situations that I'm not comfortable with, does he truly love me, should I walk away?
Q. Can anyone help? im 23 and have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years and living together for about 1 year.Recently i have been beginning to wonder if i mean as much to him as he says i do.I have depression and despite this he pushes me ...
A. 26 September 2008: you really need to talk to him babe, it does not seem to me as if he cares, but you have not specified what kind of situations he pressures you to go into. i hope you can sort this out.
x... (read in full...)
I'm bothered about all these pictures he has of another woman and some ex's, what should I do?
Q. This gonna be as concise as possible. I found six pictures of a woman in provocative dress (lingerie, bedsheet) in different poses in my boyfriend's email address. I confronted him about it and he got mad and said that he only asked for those be...
A. 16 September 2008: If you have spoken to him, and he lied, and refuses to delete them, leave him.. he might delete them to your face, then change his password and get them back again!... (read in full...)
What is all this? I have a boyfriend already? Why do I have these feeling for my cousin?
Q. i am 22 years old and i have a cousin (my mothers sister's son), he's 2 years younger to me. We have always been friendly n never really acted like brother-sister, but this time when i met him i began to have feelings for him that are not so ...
A. 16 September 2008: You need to stop this now... you will hurt yourself, family, friends, and your Bf, let alone your cousine. You are related and this would be incest... please think carefully... its ok to have a crush, just dont let it go any further than that... (read in full...)
Should I shave or not? That is the question.
Q. I dont no what to do. I dont no wether to shave my pubes or not! I mean, if I do then how much do I shave off! I shaved some a while back, and kept it up for a few months but there were always little bits of stubble. Please help! xx...
A. 16 September 2008: i always shave, coz i think its untidy... however, i must admit most the guys i have been with dont really notice! do what ever you feel comfortable with... some girls just like a bit of a trim, and others like it all wild, or all off. DO what feels ... (read in full...)
How can I know my girlfriend is ready for sex?
Q. How can i know that my girlfriend is ready for sex?...
A. 15 September 2008: You could try pushing the boat out.. buy her some sexy underwear, and see how she reacts, give her a lovely dinner to set the mood.
Dont push things, but hint that you are ready and comfortable, and see if she feels the same... see how she reac... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to hate his mum?
Q. i love my boyfriend to death..everytime hes in my house he asks like himself.but wen he is at his house next to his mom he totally changes..he acts like he is big..not by weight..but by attitude. i hate when he does dat..also i dont let him look an...
A. 14 September 2008: you cant make your bf hate his mum. MAybe this is not the right relationship for you. You are only a baby your self ( i dont mean to be patronising, but i was still playing with dollies at your age) and are obviously to insecure to handle a ... (read in full...)
I'm a teen cheating on my boyfriend with a man in his 40's. Is this wrong?
Q. ok well this is kinda supper coplicated so i'll try to just keep it simple. im 15 and i have a bf thats 16 i live in florida but hes now moved all the way to oregon. but i still love him. now theres this guy that ive known for a while and really ...
A. 14 September 2008: im sorry to say that it is very wrong and illegal. This guy could, and should be arrested, and you should be thinking about your bf. Call the police, tell your mum or something... if he gets away with it with you, he might pray on someone younger, ... (read in full...)
He posted as a bi curious male, views gay porn, so do you think my ex is gay (he denied this)?
Q. Hi IM 23 and female, my now ex partner is 22 and male, we have been going out now for a year and a half. A couple of weeks ago I found a dating account that my partner had set up when we had been goiong out for approx 5months, on this account he ...
A. 12 September 2008: so why dump him? if you care that much? why be prejudiced about his likes and dislikes?... (read in full...)
How can a young lady abstain from an addiction and suppress her emotions?
Q. Dear all, I am afraid this is my third time of posting the same question on the forum. Many of you have given me very valuable advice, but still, I fail to solve the problem I am facing. If you see me in person, I am sure you can hardly...
A. 11 September 2008: Although you are obviously upset about this, masturbating is extremely common in young people and adults alike, and there is no real harm to doing it... i masturbate at least twice a day, and still have a helathy life and sex life. try not to let ... (read in full...)
What are the symptoms of depression?
Q. How do you know if you are depressed? and how do you go about getting help? I feel that I could have mild depression but I am not sure, I used to be happy the majority of the time but now I just feel like "what's the point" and I basically just s...
A. 11 September 2008: You seem to be showing some of the classic symptoms. Have you had any suicidal or self harm thoughts? I would reccomend you take a trip to your GP. You can always email me and have a chat if you want. But you have to remember that we are here to ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my mom that her boyfriend touches me? I know it's wrong...
Q. hello, right here is my problem recently my mum has started seeing this bloke. he is so lovely when he is around her, but what she doesnt no is when he stops over he comes into my room at night after she has gone to bed and does things that arnt...
A. 11 September 2008: o baby! i am so sorry you are going through this! no one should have to. This man is a monster. You need to sit your mum down and have an honest chat... maybe start off by not saying names, you could try: "mum, there is something thats been ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing in ending it?
Q. hey i was with my ex for 2 months but i never had sex with him i just wasnt ready he said that he understands and that he would wait till i was ready. so any way one night i went out with friends got drunk and he thinks for some reason i had sex ...
A. 8 September 2008: There cant be a relationship wothout trust babe, yes you did the right thing. Who does he think he is accusing you of things you have'nt done? Move on and you can find sum1 hu deserves you. all the best babe... (read in full...)
I have inverted nipples, do you think this product will help me?
Q. hey everyone i was just wanting some advise. i hate my inverted nipples, like they get be really down and upset, and really want to do something about them. so ive been searching and have found a product called advnt niplette which looks quite good...
A. 8 September 2008: I would have a chat with your doc, if not, try to play with you nipple and get them sticking out as much as you can, pull on them and tweak them, if you do this a few times a day, you should eventually be fine... (read in full...)
Occasional intimacy issues, need advice from the ladies
Q. I've been dating a girl I really like for 3 months now. We decided we want to be exclusive with each other. We're both mid-to late 20's. We get along GREAT, she hasnt been in a r'ship in 3 yrs (because she claims to not have found a guy she wants ...
A. 8 September 2008: NO!!! of course i wouldnt leave.
Look, you sound like a lovely guy, and you obviously care for your partner... talk to her and tell her how you feel... dont forget you dont need to have sex to be close to someone, youll be fine. If she loves you ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to make new cooler friends?
Q. hey everyone im 15 and have a lot of good friends, although i dont have a close circle of friends i go to a girls school and dont have that many guy friends like i have a few from my youth club i would love some more friends, also i love go...
A. 8 September 2008: You should be happy with the friends you have, but there is no problem in branching out a bit. The best way to get new friends is to be confident about who you are...
be individuall, dont follow the crowd and show the world your happy and conf... (read in full...)
How can I aproach my wife so that we make love at lease once a week?
Q. Hi... I'm 32 and she's 37.We've been together for 5 years.Every year we have less sex(1-2 times/ month) but the quality of our sex is phenomenal. My desire for her is very intense but she refuses to have sex more than 1-3 times/ month and it's ...
A. 8 September 2008: dont forget, you could always buy her some naughty outfits, or sexy underwear, something a bit different to put the spice back in... maybe even a new toy...
i know i have my vibrators,which i love and can reach orgasm with, but its always so much... (read in full...)
Lacking passion in my relationship!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I love him very much..But I am not in love with him, and I never was, since the beginning...but we just click on every level except physical attraction and passion, so the relationship grew..I am just ...
A. 8 September 2008: You could always light a match and start the fire...
Buy some sexy clothes etc etc, and let him see you as a sex kitten... hopefully he will be so turned on that you will see him in fabulous glory and find the attraction you so badly want... and ... (read in full...)
He posted as a bi curious male, views gay porn, so do you think my ex is gay (he denied this)?
Q. Hi IM 23 and female, my now ex partner is 22 and male, we have been going out now for a year and a half. A couple of weeks ago I found a dating account that my partner had set up when we had been goiong out for approx 5months, on this account he ...
A. 8 September 2008: Besides, so what if her is gay. he is your EX now after all. Are you that prejudice that it matters? so stop worrying and let him get on with his life, you cant be in a relaitonship where you dont trust him... (read in full...)
He posted as a bi curious male, views gay porn, so do you think my ex is gay (he denied this)?
Q. Hi IM 23 and female, my now ex partner is 22 and male, we have been going out now for a year and a half. A couple of weeks ago I found a dating account that my partner had set up when we had been goiong out for approx 5months, on this account he ...
A. 8 September 2008: Bi-curious does NOT mean gay. It means the person just wants to know a bit... i am bi curious, and although prefere men, dont mind haaving a bit of lady as well. i consider my self straight and adventourous rather than gay.... (read in full...)
He admitting he thought he might be gay but then he changed his mind! How is this possible?
Q. Help, my boyfriend has just admitted that he thought he might be gay this summer. I found chat logs of him talking to men and web-camming with gay men on the internet. He says that it was just a phase and that he loves me, which i totally believe as ...
A. 8 September 2008: Of course you can!!!! a lot of people go through a 'gay phase' when they are questioning their sexuality, testing the waters and working out what they like. He may have logged on to these sites, only to realise that its not for him.... (read in full...)
I always try to be confident when he's mean, why is he such a jerk?
Q. hi me and my boyfriend have been going out for nearly 9 months. we have both said we love each other...my friends think we should break up.. my problem is he confuses me by saying stuff like my boobs are to small he can be a jerk and mean . i a...
A. 7 September 2008: I am afraid that your friends are right. You need to nip this in the bud right now, it will only get worse. If you let him get away with it he will do it to more people, not just you.
Good luck... (read in full...)
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