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What can I do? I just can't handle watching her love someone else.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Dating, Friends, Gay relationships, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2015)
A female Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

my ex-best friend / ex-lover and i had a very complicated 7 year bisexual relationship.

I was her shameful secret and i always felt rejected, used and humiliated.

she treated me bad and always flaunted different relationships she had with others in my face without a care in the world, she didn't care about how i felt. i was never her number one, always a last priority to her.

When i wanted to date others it was a problem and we'd have huge massive fights or she'd accuse me of cheating. i became overwhelmed with all the drama, i had a huge breakdown and cut her off for 3 years.

She tried many to times to contact me but i was so enraged, i wanted nothing to do with her. I decided to give her another chance, she apologized, told me she awful to me because he was afraid of commitment, confused about her feelings for me and she was selfish at the time but she's changed.

She told me she still loved me and that there was nobody in her entire life that has loved her as much as i did and she wants me to be a part of her life.

We are trying to repair our friendship, but the wound is still fresh even after all these years. the thing is, is that i'm still very much in love with her. She was my first.

Now she has a girlfriend that she's serious about and i'm jealous. Why do i feel like i'm being rejected again, i have no right to feel this way, we didn't talk for years and she's shown me time after time she's clearly not interested through her actions. But she treats her girlfriend so well and i wish he had done that for me.

i feel like running away from her. i just can't handle watching her love someone else. it's selfish of me but too much for me at the same time. I don't know what to do?

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A female reader, supermum United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2015):

supermum agony auntI agree with Garbo.. why are you allowing this girl to hurt you again??? Honey you need to move on. If you are still in love with her even after all these years then remaining friends with her will only torture you. There is no need to watch her be happy with someone else. It is time to watch yourself be happy instead. And to do that, you need to cut ties again. You know you can do it since you have done it before.

It is going to be really hard for you,I understand that. But why have you forgotten that you are important too? That you deserve to be happy too?

I think you should take some time out from dating, and learn to be happy by yourself. That way, the next time you are in a relationship it will be because you WANT to spend time together, not because you NEED to. It makes for a much healthier relationship.

I know it hurts right now, but I promise it wont hurt forever. Believe it or not, I know how you feel. I dated a man for 4 years. We weren't happy and he was sexually abusive but I loved him anyway.

We split up, and a few months later he stated dating someone else. I was absolutely fine when we split up, I didn't shed a tear.. but the second he got that new girlfriend it felt like I had been punched in the gut. Repeatedly. But the pain does ease with time. I promise!!

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A male reader, Garbo United States + , writes (31 October 2015):

Garbo agony auntWhy are you in contact with this girl? What good purpose does it serve you to keep contact when you know fully well that it is pointless. I think you are bringing on the hurt yourself because why else would you bring back your old flame just so she can flaunt her girlfriend.

I don't know what that girl's aims with you exactly are, but they sure don't seem to aim at a serious relationship. If you are cognizant that, for whatever reason, there is no romantic future with a particular person then why bother.

You life will be much more ordered and happier once you go no contact with that girl. And that's the only thing you need: no contact.

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A female reader, Pureflame  +, writes (31 October 2015):

I think you should tell her so very nicely and ask for your space. Give yourself time to heal. There is nothing to hate anymore, so you have to buck up n be happy for her. If you really do care for her, that should be enough-her happiness. And now start thinking of productive things to do for yourself and move on.

Good luck

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