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... Send *upermum a private message | | | *upermum's profile:Time to revamp a little bit! I am amazing at giving advice, terrible at taking it, as with most of us I suppose.
I speak straight from my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow, but it is always the truth. I am not the type of person who will sugar coat anything or play nice, because I do not believe that will help people, and I know that is how I would wish to be treated.
I feel I can benefit people here because I am able to see both sides of an argument, have an objective head and can see the bigger picture most of the time. I am very good at working out why people behave in certain ways, and therefore can often bring a helpful insight into a situation. I am available if you have a private question, or to answer those on the site.
A bit about me: I am 23, live on my own in the UK, have a fantastic life and am an incredibly strong person. I have been through a lot, which makes me empathetic and can sympathise with almost everyone.
Happy problem solving! |
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I don't want to lose the trust of my b/f's daughter but I do think she pushes the boundaries!
Q. I'm in a relationship (for 6 years already) and my boyfriend has an 11 year old daughter. I'm very lucky in the sense that she loves me very much. We get along great and I feel she trusts me 100%. I, myself, does not have any kids of my own and ...
A. 23 November 2011: I still think you are crediting an 11 year old with wayyyyyyy to much cunning! I am not sure whether or not you have been manipulated in the past and are paranoid as a result, but with kids, things are often exactly as they appear to be. The ... (read in full...)
I cheated and now feel disgusted!
Q. my boyfriend did not come to see like he usually does yet he knew l had wanted to be with him. so a good guy friend of mine from childhood showed up, we started drinking and all. basically we ended up having sex, me being the initiator. after it, l ...
A. 21 November 2011: If you do not tell him the truth will eventually come out. Your best bet is to tell him now before he blames you for not only doing it but keeping it from him as well.... (read in full...)
Is it me or the pregnancy that is causing such an abnormal behaviour??
Q. l am 24 years old and two months pregnant. problem is l sometimes hate my boyfriend for no apparent reason, l will ask him not to contact me or come and see me but ofcourse he does not listen, he will come and see me or call me. l then tend to ...
A. 21 November 2011: I had symptathy for you until you posted this last update. What a horrible thing to say! You are right, maybe you should save him the aggravation of being with such a mean person!
What you have been through is awful, and I am really sorry for that... (read in full...)
How should I deal with my newborn's father?
Q. I have a gorgeous 2 month old daughter and she's my world. My past with her father isn't so great and I haven't even talked to him since I was 16 weeks pregnant, so basically forever ago! He treated me poorly and said hurtful things, as well ...
A. 21 November 2011: You are a mum. It is your job to be strong for the rest of your little girls life :) You can do it, after facing motherhood, nothing should scare you!... (read in full...)
How should I deal with my newborn's father?
Q. I have a gorgeous 2 month old daughter and she's my world. My past with her father isn't so great and I haven't even talked to him since I was 16 weeks pregnant, so basically forever ago! He treated me poorly and said hurtful things, as well ...
A. 20 November 2011: Right, this is a tricky one. The thing is, he has a right to be part of your daughters life. However, as her mum and protecter, you should make some firm ground rules like:
He is not allowed anywhere near her while under the influence of anything... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has pictures of his EX still saved on his phone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months now and im really into him, i thought he was really into me but untill he was showing me his pictures on his phone and 5 pictures of his EX popped up and he hid his phone but "before i could see them".. He ...
A. 20 November 2011: If it is bothering you, then say something. The fact that he explained himself proves he knows you saw. I have plenty of pictures of my exes, simply because I forget they are there, and also because I have no reason to delete them. They are doing no ... (read in full...)
Is it me or the pregnancy that is causing such an abnormal behaviour??
Q. l am 24 years old and two months pregnant. problem is l sometimes hate my boyfriend for no apparent reason, l will ask him not to contact me or come and see me but ofcourse he does not listen, he will come and see me or call me. l then tend to ...
A. 20 November 2011: Hmmm. How long has this been going on? If it is since you got pregnant, then it is definately all the new hormones taking you over. It is very common. If it started before the pregnancy, then you can't use it as an excuse lol.
However, you are ... (read in full...)
All I do is think about sex!
Q. I'm certainly not the first and I won't be the last to have this problem, but I can't stop thinking about sex. It's terrible! It started all of a sudden at the beginning of this month, and since then I haven't been able to concentrate on anything ...
A. 20 November 2011: Going on the Pill if you are not already on it may help your hormones settle down a bit. Aside from that, it is about learning to deal with it and still having a life outside of those thoughts. Your college lecturers will not be very happy with 'sex ... (read in full...)
Squeaky bed spoiling sex
Q. Hi, We have a baby in our room and a squeaky bed! Squeaky bed either wakes baby or makes sex less enjoyable as we have to be more careful. We have a metal bed and wanted to know if people have had the same problem. Do we have to get ri...
A. 20 November 2011: Getting a Divan was the best thing I ever did, I used to have a sqeaky metal bed too! (Plus the storage draws help too!)
In the meantime, either put the mattress on the floor, or if you have no room just move the duvet to the floor when you want... (read in full...)
I cheated and now feel disgusted!
Q. my boyfriend did not come to see like he usually does yet he knew l had wanted to be with him. so a good guy friend of mine from childhood showed up, we started drinking and all. basically we ended up having sex, me being the initiator. after it, l ...
A. 20 November 2011: You own up. I cannot feel any sympathy for you, you did a bad thing, and you have to pay the price for it. You are projecting your self hatred at those who are not in the wrong, simply because you are angry with yourself.
How can you say you trul... (read in full...)
My friends will laugh when they find out I met him on a dating site
Q. Hi, i have recently met my new guy on a dating site. My friends will laugh if they know where i have met him,but he has no embarrassment and refuses to lie about it. Also me and my ex broke up over me being on dating sites. Even though its nothing ...
A. 20 November 2011: Why should you be embarrased? If this new guy is right for you, your friends will soon see it and be happy for you. You will probably get teased about him no matter what you say, that is what friends are for.
As for your ex, who cares? It is ov... (read in full...)
Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. ...
A. 20 November 2011: Well, I can't say I am sad the relationship is over, but I hope you are ok.
As for the age thing, yep, I totally get that guys your age are immature. But look at the type of guys you are going for... cheats and law breakers. You deserve so much ... (read in full...)
Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. ...
A. 19 November 2011: Again, personal opinion? He is not trying to impress you. He is playing mind games with you. If you feel sorry for him, and if you think that he feels amazingly special to be with you, you are going to do everything you possibly can for him.. and he ... (read in full...)
Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. ...
A. 17 November 2011: Hiya, just reading your follow ups etc, and read about the age difference. While in older couples it would not be so much of an issue, and while I am generally one of the people that says age does not matter, this is sending big, huge red flags to ... (read in full...)
I love him but don't get enough from him!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together 2 years now in a long distance relationship. he barely talks to me now a days. says hes too busy with his work and parties every weekend. i feel really dejected. i know he will not cheat on me. he is 5 years ...
A. 15 November 2011: I think you already know the answer to this.... if you are not happy, do not stick with it. It seems like he is with you out of convinience rather than anything else. You say it is a long distance relationship, but it cannot be toooo long distance ... (read in full...)
At what point can I start calling him?
Q. A guy that I've known for many years, thru mutual friends and projects, started pursuing me this last month. Now we've seen each other three times and this week had sex. If it was a new person I would feel differently but because of our history I ...
A. 15 November 2011: Has he not called you since? How long has it been? I would leave it a few days, but if he does not text you that is not a good sign :( How long would you normally leave it between talking to one another?
It could be that he is waiting for you to t... (read in full...)
Love can just blow up in your face!
Q. Oh how love can just blow up in your face... I've been in a relationship for over 7 months, and it's been on the decline for 1 and a half... after a moment of anger I said I didn't think it was a good idea to still be in a relationship, se...
A. 15 November 2011: Simple answer: Are you happy? If the answer is no, you know what is best for you.
I get that you love her, but at this point in your life, you need to be focusing on your self rather than huge adult problems... plenty of them will come later on... (read in full...)
Would you let your man/ or girl live with their baby mama/ baby daddy?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 months, and he cheated on his girlfriend with me and he has a kid with her and another one on the way... then he told her that he did and he didn't see the relationship with them going anywhere. ...
A. 15 November 2011: This is a very weird situation, and I can understand your doubts. Especially as he has a history of cheating. I know you wont want to hear this, but you are very, very young to be having to worry about such adult problems. Is this really how you ... (read in full...)
The longer I know him the less that I understand him!
Q. After almost two years, I met the family of the man I'm seeing-but it was nothing formal. I'm not sure if this means anything, but he has kept me under wraps before now. It's so hard to understand him sometimes. He's a nice man but I can never ...
A. 15 November 2011: Meeting a partners family is a big step, and one that means he thinks you are going somewhere. The fact that he didn't arrange a meeting before signals that he had his doubts, which he has now overcome. It is a good thing!
As for his worrying... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose the trust of my b/f's daughter but I do think she pushes the boundaries!
Q. I'm in a relationship (for 6 years already) and my boyfriend has an 11 year old daughter. I'm very lucky in the sense that she loves me very much. We get along great and I feel she trusts me 100%. I, myself, does not have any kids of my own and ...
A. 15 November 2011: OH dear lord! She is 11 years old!!!! Children DO push the boundaries, they DO try to play people off one another, and you are crediting her with wayyyy too much cunning.
As for the claims about her mum and her school friends, they are somethin... (read in full...)
Should I contact her to check on her or just leave her alone
Q. My GF and I have been apart since the beginning of the year. She broke up with me as she said she thinks I am bored in life and need to go and experience the world. So we agreed that I would do new things and see what happens in the future. ...
A. 10 November 2011: Stop playing games with each other. Your relationship ended a year ago now, you should not be in this situation. Why would you be so cruel as to contact her again when she has made it clear she is finding it hard (hence why she cut contact in t... (read in full...)
How did this backfire?
Q. I don’t understand how one guy, basically a stranger can make me feel so terrible about myself. A guy who complimented me more than any guy, so why am I doing this to myself! I met this very, very good looking guy one night, he went on about ho...
A. 9 November 2011: You are never going to be perfect. God knows I am not in any way shape or form skinny, however I love myself, and the guys seem to love me because of it. Someone once said something to me that I am sure you could learn from: Nobody will EVER b... (read in full...)
How do I get my children back?
Q. i have two son ,but both are leave with my father in law and my husband was death .my sons are scered to come with me beacuase my mother in law is learning wrong .now i want back my children so what can i do ? please give me an answer ...
A. 9 November 2011: If you want your children back, fight for them. If you are a fit mother, there is no reason why they should not be living with you. Your mother in law is wrong to be spreading anything negative about you to the children, and you need to tell her ... (read in full...)
Bf not sexually atracted. blames his mom disease.
Q. hello guys! I have been with my man for a year and a half. best relationship ever!. Six months ago he got an scholarship and went to study abroad. in spite of the distance we were in contact all the time and were caring and loving as always. ...
A. 9 November 2011: You need to let him have some space, he is clearly going through an awful time at the moment and needs your support more than your sexual advances. Continue being there for him, and things will eventually get back to normal, but if you pressure him ... (read in full...)
Chatting is fine, but I freeze when they suggest we meet
Q. I posted a question a while back wondering if I was gay or just having a little fetish but now I believe i am bisexual and I am attracted to men. In light if this I decided to join a dating website to try and find a boyfriend or just a a friend t...
A. 9 November 2011: @Aunt_Honesty is right, it is just nerves. Internet dating is scarey enough without doing something completely new at the same time. Why not grab a friend (one that knows about you) and head out to a gay bar. Get chatting to the people there and ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting or is my boyfriend losing interest?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only been going out a few weeks, (i know im probably being silly about this but i want to be sure). we talked a ton before we went out (we were friends for 2 years). so over the past 5 weeks or so we would talk every night, ...
A. 9 November 2011: Only you can know the answer to this.... but it seems as if you where suffocating eachother a little. You both need your time alone as much as you need your time together. This is still a very, very new relationship, and it takes a while to work out ... (read in full...)
Ex may be going to the same college as me, should I try to be friends or ignore her?
Q. Long story short, I was dumped pretty badly the Senior year of my high school twice by the same girl (Junior, now Senior). (I was stupid enough to go back for a second round of beating) Reason being she didn't love me anymore, didn't want a LDR and ...
A. 9 November 2011: Hey babe,
Firstly, get over her. Really. She has made her feelings clear, and not for the first time by the looks of it.
You are only young, but you have to try and be the grown up here. Do not sulk and go out of your way to avoid her, and d... (read in full...)
I hate kissing
Q. So, I know this may sound weird and it is but I really don't like kissing. Like, I hate it. I don't even know if I can get over it? Anyone have this problem? Btw, I have a boyfriend now and this problem has been since my first boyfriend like 5 years ...
A. 5 September 2011: Fear not. I hate kissing, and wont do anything more than a closed mouth pec. It is normal. But don't close yourself off forever. Sooner or later, you will find someone that you really, really, *want* to kiss. xxxx... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my boyfriend? Or leave and face being on my own?
Q. Hiya!! I know you get a lot of these, but I would appreciate advice on my boyfriend. He is 26, lives and works in London and is the nicest bloke I have ever dated. He is caring, loving, would never raise a hand to me and has acccepted me wit...
A. 29 June 2011: @frogs84, I cannot move to London due to being settled here with my daughter, family and support network, and he wont move closer because he works in central london and does not want the commute.
I appreciate all of your responses. I just hop... (read in full...)
If I'm just seeing him, can I still go on this holiday and kiss other guys?
Q. What would you say if a girl you had just started seeing say for about a week, told you she was going on this kind of holiday. And you knew that she will probably get with guys when she's out there.. would you end it or stay with her? Because I...
A. 1 June 2011: If you don't think he would be happy about it, don't do it.
At the end of the day, why ruin a potentially good relationship for the sake of some drunken kisses? I am not sure it is worth it.... (read in full...)
What is going on with my boyfriend? He is confusing me so much
Q. He hasn't called me in 48 hours almost and I don't know what is going on. Last time I actually spoke with him, he got off the phone after 10 minutes saying his mom wanted to speak to him, and he hasn't called back since even though he said he would. ...
A. 30 May 2011: I know this sounds hard, but he obvously wants some space. I go through this with my boyfriend regularly. All you can do is say that you will be there for when he wants to talk, and that you will not contact him until that point.... and stick to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for men to get erections for no reason?
Q. Is it normal for men (not teenage boys) to get and erection for no reason? My boyfriend gets them supposedly for no reason..he is in his late 20s. I am aware of morning wood and so on and so forth, but we will be doing something as simple as ...
A. 30 May 2011: Definately normal :) Stop worrying. @ArtsyGirl has a very valid point... there are times you will get wetter than usual and not even had any sexy thoughts, it is the same for a guy.
And because it can be embarrassing, the last thing he needs is... (read in full...)
Ex has just broken up with his girlfriend. How can I get him back without being pushy?
Q. I need some help on how to get my ex boyfriend back. Him and his girlfriend just broke up and he's heartbroken. I'm trying to give him some space but I still wanna be there for him and spend time with him. How can I do this without being pushy? I ...
A. 30 May 2011: You split for a reason, and it is time to move on. Sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but why would things be different now?
The best thing you can do is be there for him as a friend, but be sure not to puh things. I suspect you may want to get in t... (read in full...)
Girl I am seeing is very moody and never makes an attempt to control her moods!
Q. The girl I am seeing and I got into big fight the other day. She is very moody and when she is in a bad mood she makes no attempt to cover it up. So if she is sad or excited or angry or impatient...she lets it all out! Needless to say it makes ...
A. 30 May 2011: I think that it is a good thing she is being honest about her feelings rather than bottling them up. And personally, I think that covering your moods, especially in front of someone you love, is only negative. You need to help her deal with th... (read in full...)
I am worried about the shape and size of my penis, and whether it will cause problems in my marriage
Q. i am 21 year old and due to muslim cast my mom and dad forcing me to get marry and i am also agree but problem is that i have curved shape penis and it is too small and too weak and thin. i am afraid of breaking relation about this topic ...
A. 14 May 2010: Danielepew was right, your ARE perfectly normal!... (read in full...)
Are there any ways to get rid of excess skin after losing weight?
Q. I'm 5' feet tall, I recently lost weight ( and continue to do so in a healthy way) I went from 170 to 150 in four months, eating healthy food and going to gym, since January of this year. I am wondering if I will need surgery to remove any fat ...
A. 14 May 2010: If you have excess skin, unfortunately there is nothing you can do to remove it other than surgery. Since giving birth to my daughter, i have had the same problem. I have learned to live with it now, and it doesnt bother me so much, but without ... (read in full...)
I dreamt I had a penis and had sex with a woman! Why does this all mean?
Q. This is a really personal dream. I mean – I feel weird about being open about this but I really want to know what it meant… Before I begin, anyone reading this should understand that I’m female in real life. I’m heterosexual. And yes, I've had a ...
A. 23 April 2010: lol, i am sure many women wish they had a penis for a day...i know i certainly would! I wouldnt worry about it!
I do believe dreams mean something...but not something that will happen, i believe dreams are just your bodys way of dealing with str... (read in full...)
I don't get on with my mum, how do I tell my parents I am pregnant?
Q. I'm 15 years old. Yesterday i found out im pregnant. The father is not my boyfriend and never was. I have never been more scared in my life. My parents are divorced and I live with my dad because me and my mom don't get along. My mom is re-married ...
A. 23 February 2010: The best thing you can do is write it down. I was 15 when i got pregnant, and i knew i wouldnt be able to tell my parents myself. Pick the parent you feel most able to tell, and one morning, before school, leave a not for your parent. Hopefully, ... (read in full...)
Ex's family hate me, but I did nothing but try to help!
Q. I need help. I had to divorce a man I love still becasue he was bi polar and refused to get help, I did everything iun my power for years to help him. Even our priest said to me I am surprised you are still trying to help him . When he was in ...
A. 17 February 2010: Is there any way a friend of yours, or you parents could transport your daughter between you so you do not have any direct contact with him of the family? Also, while he is going through the depressive stage, contact should be supervised for the ... (read in full...)
She had a one night stand before I asked her out and its really getting to me! Should I let it go?
Q. My new girlfriend broke up with her then boyfriend because she wanted to get with me, she told me she had liked me for 5 years and I had felt the same but neither of us had thought to say anything. The problem is the night before I asked her out she ...
A. 15 February 2010: defo let it go babe, she is sorry, and you were not together....... (read in full...)
Ex's family hate me, but I did nothing but try to help!
Q. I need help. I had to divorce a man I love still becasue he was bi polar and refused to get help, I did everything iun my power for years to help him. Even our priest said to me I am surprised you are still trying to help him . When he was in ...
A. 15 February 2010: Families of those with Bi-polar will be under considerable stress, especially if the person refuses to get help. It seems you have tried everything you can for this man, and that is all you can do. His parents will have known something was wrong, ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel like a criminal because of my past. Help?
Q. Hello. I'm at my wits end. I'm hopelessly in love with my boyfriend. The problem is he is obsessed with my past. I have been completely faithful to him. In the beginning of the relationship he said he didn't want to know anything about my past, he ...
A. 15 February 2010: OMG he sounds like a jerk! You need to speak to him bluntly and say you will not tolerate this disrespect. He is treating you like a piece of dirt because you kissed a few guys? You need to give him an ultimatum to make him see sense....either he ... (read in full...)
I really want a baby, but I am confused at the whole situation.
Q. Hi I'm 19, I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now never been happier and I know he's the one he is a few more years older then me. I've always wanted a baby. Last week I had a scare, told my boyfriend and he said if you are it's good news ...
A. 15 February 2010: A lot of people are going on about finances. Having a baby will not be easier if you are rich. You both sound like mature people, but as @kelsey has said, its the time you could offer the child that is more important.
I know its not a permamen... (read in full...)
How do I go about having sex with my cousin?
Q. ok so im 14 almost 15 and so is my cousin only she turns 15 a few months before me. ever since we were about 6 weve played sexual games like "show me urs ill show u mine" and doctor and we also watch porn together almost everytime we see each other. ...
A. 9 February 2010: OK, jeez i hope this is a joke. Well, for starters, you are far to young to be considering this, secondly, if she is older, and initiates contact, this could be considered abuse. Thirdly, where do you get your porn from????? Its 18 plus for a ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my husband wear his wedding ring?
Q. My new husband is always forgetting his wedding ring. It drives me crazy and a little offended as well. I asked him if he doesn't want to wear it and why, he says that thats not it and I don't believe him. Why do you think he doesn't wear it?...
A. 2 February 2010: My dad never wears his wring, after 25 years, still no ring lol...it used to annoy my mum, but if you are not used to wearing rings, they can feel strange... (read in full...)
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