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Both teachers have a crush on me, what do I do?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2015)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

First I want to say this is an adult's language school, so everybody is over 18.

As part of my university degree I'm studying abroad at a Spanish language school. Somehow both teachers there have a crush on me, strong enough for all the students to notice. I'm genuinely attracted to one of them and last Saturday we were dancing pretty sexually and kissed.

After a while I guess perhaps she realized the possible consequences and after a long chat said we couldn't be together though she wanted to. Since then she's messaged me here and there and has invited me out to a few events. All of which makes me thinks she's still pretty interested but just wanted to wait until being sober?

Anyway, I have no idea really. I don't want her to jeopardise her job but more than anything I want to pursue a relationship with her because I know I'd regret not trying everything I could. Moreover I don't want to completely burn all bridges with the other teacher who seems interested in me.

Any advice?

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A female reader, supermum United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2015):

supermum agony auntWow I am pretty lost for words here. Firstly... and I don't mean this in a negative way... you should really have more respect for yourself. You are trying to pursue one relationship with an age-inappropriate person (despite the fact they could lose their jobs) whilst keeping another age-inappropriate person on the back burner just in case this one doesn't work out???? It might be an adult college but I don't see much adult behaviour going on there. That is no way to treat women at all.

You say you would regret not pursuing her... in the long term, I highly doubt that will be the case. You sort of remind me of myself at that age. Not the whole keeping an extra one in the fridge for later thing though.

Here is the thing... at 16, you feel like an adult and believe you should be treated like one. At 18, you realise you were still a kid at 16 but you are definitely an adult now, because, you know, the law says you are. At 21, you realise knew absolutely nothing at 18, but you are definitely an adult now. Trust me... life keeps going like that. I am 24 and still consider myself extremely young lol. I know I still have a lot to learn. You would not believe how much I have changed since I was 18. Even since I was 21. I know you feel all grown... but you aren't. And yes, I know that is a sucky thing to hear and you probably don't believe me anyway... but as you get older you will see what I mean. I promise you, I have been there.

I think to be perfectly blunt you should report both these teachers to the school for their wildly inappropriate behaviour, even though I have no doubt in my mind that you egged them on. And then I think you should settle down, and focus on your studies... not on any crushes you may or may not have. If you do decide to start dating someone.. make sure they are age appropriate.

I realise that true love can happen no matter what age people are... but we aren't talking about true love here. We are talking about a young lad with raging hormones getting over excited because teachers are showing too much interest. Have you stopped to think about how many other students they have been with? Despite what they will no doubt tell you, I doubt you are their first. More than that... I am not sure how long you have been 18 for, but it wasn't all that long ago that sex with them would have been considered statutory rape. The whole thing makes me feel squicky to be honest, I could never date someone younger than me personally!

I think you should just focus on your studies though hun. Not on these 'ladies' (and I use that term very loosely).

Please please please steer well clear.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIt could also be that she is inviting you out to suggest a "friendship" rather than looking to see if you two can have a relationship.

I think YOU really should back of with the whole "romancing" or trying to romance the teachers. They might find you charming, attractive, but.... regardless of that YOU are still a student (your age doesn't really matter here) and they are still teachers.

I think both teachers are being pretty unprofessional.

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