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... Send *upermum a private message | | | *upermum's profile:Time to revamp a little bit! I am amazing at giving advice, terrible at taking it, as with most of us I suppose.
I speak straight from my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow, but it is always the truth. I am not the type of person who will sugar coat anything or play nice, because I do not believe that will help people, and I know that is how I would wish to be treated.
I feel I can benefit people here because I am able to see both sides of an argument, have an objective head and can see the bigger picture most of the time. I am very good at working out why people behave in certain ways, and therefore can often bring a helpful insight into a situation. I am available if you have a private question, or to answer those on the site.
A bit about me: I am 23, live on my own in the UK, have a fantastic life and am an incredibly strong person. I have been through a lot, which makes me empathetic and can sympathise with almost everyone.
Happy problem solving! |
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Why doesn't my husband wear his wedding ring?
Q. My new husband is always forgetting his wedding ring. It drives me crazy and a little offended as well. I asked him if he doesn't want to wear it and why, he says that thats not it and I don't believe him. Why do you think he doesn't wear it?...
A. 2 February 2010: My dad never wears his wring, after 25 years, still no ring lol...it used to annoy my mum, but if you are not used to wearing rings, they can feel strange... (read in full...)
Bending over got me a new name with my partner!
Q. My common-law partner and I have been together for almost 8 years. I have never been unfaithful nor would I ever consider that as an option. My partner on the other hand has. The problem however is not the past affairs but an incident that ...
A. 27 January 2010: You have to have words with him for sure...lay the cards on the table, and say ok, i gave you a second chance and you repay me like this. If you continue to behave like this, you have to leave. I didnt mean to do anything out of line. and if i am ... (read in full...)
Is a condom enough to help keep me from getting the virus?
Q. I've met a guy who told me that he has genital herpes. He takes Valtrex, and hasn't had an outbreak in two years. I do like him but don't know if taking a risk to have sex with him would be worth it. He says he has only gotten outbreaks on his ...
A. 27 January 2010: To the person who was to embarrased to state their name. Asyptomatic shedding carries about 0.001% of the virus on a piece of skin 1 inch squared. Which means, it is EXTREMELY unlikely that you will catch anything during periods where the sores are ... (read in full...)
Do condoms clog up the plumbing?
Q. I flushed a condom down the toilet and im worried it will clog up the pipes, its only the one time ive done this and would hate to block the pipes and then have my parents discover it. I wrapped it in toilet paper first but im just worried that ive ...
A. 26 January 2010: It wont clog the pipes, but it is bad for the environment. If you flush to many it will clog them eventually. If you are worried about your parents finding out, wrap them in a sanitary towel. But try not to flush them again, it does say on... (read in full...)
Do you still think it's safe for me to meet him?
Q. PLease help me figure if this is safe??? I met a man online and we have been communicating for two weeks. We are bothi n our mid forties. There is total chemistry between us. We are meeting in a week or so. He emailed me last night that he had a ...
A. 23 January 2010: @Marieclair...surely it is better that he has been honest with her now, rather than keep quiet about it and it shock her later?... (read in full...)
Do you still think it's safe for me to meet him?
Q. PLease help me figure if this is safe??? I met a man online and we have been communicating for two weeks. We are bothi n our mid forties. There is total chemistry between us. We are meeting in a week or so. He emailed me last night that he had a ...
A. 15 January 2010: I would not let him scare you...but why dont you take on a Mistress role, and say tell him he is not allowed to mention sex until you tell him it is appropriate... that could excite him, and it will get the sex topic off your back. xxx... (read in full...)
Do I drop this or ask her more questions about this other guy?
Q. I trust my wife, but she had an encounter years ago that I still question. I've been cheated on in the past, not by her, but my ex so I think that makes it harder for me to trust anyone. Anyways, she had a coworker whom she trusted like a b...
A. 13 January 2010: if you have questions rattling around in your head, they will only get worse, so DONT drop it. But, you need to word yourself carefully so as not to offend your wife. Sit her down when she is in a good mood, and start the conversation with something ... (read in full...)
Do you still think it's safe for me to meet him?
Q. PLease help me figure if this is safe??? I met a man online and we have been communicating for two weeks. We are bothi n our mid forties. There is total chemistry between us. We are meeting in a week or so. He emailed me last night that he had a ...
A. 13 January 2010: To me, it sounds like he has sub fantasies, in the world of BDSM...which in my eyes means he is probably harmless (i am a sub too). However, when meeting someone off the net, always abide by these rules of thumb 1)Meet in a public place 2) h... (read in full...)
I recently had an abortion and now I feel I'm spiraling out of control...
Q. I recently had a surgical abortion at 9 1/2 weeks. That is, i was put under general anesthetic and the pregnancy was sucked out :( My boyfriend has been really suppotive and so have all my friends so I've been trying to put on a brave face but it's ...
A. 13 January 2010: CaringGuy is right, counselling is the best way to go. Also, i have had an abortion, so feel free to pricate message me if you ever feel like you need support.
You are grieving a loss, so you are going to be all over the place, but you should n... (read in full...)
Is a condom enough to help keep me from getting the virus?
Q. I've met a guy who told me that he has genital herpes. He takes Valtrex, and hasn't had an outbreak in two years. I do like him but don't know if taking a risk to have sex with him would be worth it. He says he has only gotten outbreaks on his ...
A. 13 January 2010: to the person who thinks herpes can be spread even when sores are not visible, please refer to this reference from wikipedia
Herpes simplex is most easily transmitted by direct contact with a lesion. Transmission may also occur through skin-to-... (read in full...)
Wait to have sex until I'm married or listen to my friends?
Q. I want to wait till I'm married to have sex because I want to lose my virginity to someone I love. I told my boyfriend we could make out just no sex, and he said he understood and is perfectly fine with it. My friends said its not good to wait till ...
A. 6 January 2010: I think you are amazingly mature for your age, and it is refreshing to hear someone take their virginity seriously. What you have to remember is, once its gone, you cant take it back, so let your friends have sex with people they dont really love, ... (read in full...)
He's 2 years older than me and wants to have sex with me, what should I do?
Q. what do i do ??? i was out at this club this lad came over two me and asked me to get with him so i did then he took he to this sofa i sat on his knee and he went to finger me i didnt want him 2 do but i let him he asked for my number so i did ...
A. 6 January 2010: stay away babe, and never let anyone do anything you dont want to do. You have the right to say no, and even fuck off! He seems a little desperate, and maybe telling him so will shut him up!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says my vagina is too loose!
Q. I've been sexually active with my boyfriend (I also lost my virginity to him) for about a year and a half now. A few days ago I played with my PC muscles when he was inside me and he said it feels wonderful, and then proceeded to tell me that it was ...
A. 6 January 2010: He is 18???????? And you are what 15? Call the bloody cops, thats illegal!!!!! That is not responsible behaviour on his part, sleeping with an underage girl!
I am glad you are using protection...but seriously...does you mum know?... (read in full...)
He says he'll get help so should I go back to him?
Q. The other day, my boyfriend and I were arguing in my car. He kept saying he was going to leave me so i fianlly got tired of the threats and told him that i was not going to beg him to stay anymore. At one point he just sat and let me express my ...
A. 6 January 2010: Run as fast as you can babe. Tell him to get help, sure, but dont stay anywhere near him. Ignore him completley, and dont feel bad about it. You are not his mum, babe, it is not your job to make sure he is ok. I will be blunt and say that after i ... (read in full...)
Is there someone I can talk to about making friends?
Q. I think I have Social Anxiety Disorder...... I haven't made any friends in over 20 years. Sure I have "acquaintances", but no one I would consider "friend". I have always considered myself "shy". I have trouble talking to people I don't know. I'm ...
A. 6 January 2010: Just one more thing a wise friend said to me once:
"No-one will ever be able to love you enough until you learn to love yourself"
Think about it :) xxxx... (read in full...)
Is there someone I can talk to about making friends?
Q. I think I have Social Anxiety Disorder...... I haven't made any friends in over 20 years. Sure I have "acquaintances", but no one I would consider "friend". I have always considered myself "shy". I have trouble talking to people I don't know. I'm ...
A. 6 January 2010: Ok first of, are you not setting your sights a little high (for the time being) at social events?
What i would suggest is, 1) go to the doc, get some anti-depressents and ask for councelling. Once you have done that, you brain will be better a... (read in full...)
I need some ideas for good sex toys for couples!
Q. I was wondering if anyone could recommend good sex toys for couples to use. I use to have a vibrator, which I liked, but have not had one in a long time. My current partner (who I have been with for several years) feels that I should not need a ...
A. 5 January 2010: Of course, if you are feelink kinky, blinfolds, gentle whips and handcuffs also make for some FAB fun :)... (read in full...)
I need some ideas for good sex toys for couples!
Q. I was wondering if anyone could recommend good sex toys for couples to use. I use to have a vibrator, which I liked, but have not had one in a long time. My current partner (who I have been with for several years) feels that I should not need a ...
A. 5 January 2010: Use a bullet, it vibrates, but is not a 'cock replacement'...you can massage his balls with it, ir hold it on your clit (or in your ass) so he gets the vibrations to. My man LOVES it!... (read in full...)
Why don't I feel bad about losing a baby?
Q. Well, I'll keep this short and simple, I had a miscarriage but I don't feel bad. The man I was pregnant by and I are not on speaking terms any more. All I feel is relief. I didn't wish for this to happen, but am I wrong to not feel bad?...
A. 5 January 2010: If you are not unhappy, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone deals with loss in different ways. However, i think, by the fact you are worried about not being upset, that you are more upset than you realise.
Having said that, as long ... (read in full...)
Is a condom enough to help keep me from getting the virus?
Q. I've met a guy who told me that he has genital herpes. He takes Valtrex, and hasn't had an outbreak in two years. I do like him but don't know if taking a risk to have sex with him would be worth it. He says he has only gotten outbreaks on his ...
A. 5 January 2010: You only catch herpes if there are still sores visible, so if he does have an outbrake, you stay away until its gone. You said he takes Valtrex. I hope you mean he takes it if he has an outbrake and not all the time...?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says my vagina is too loose!
Q. I've been sexually active with my boyfriend (I also lost my virginity to him) for about a year and a half now. A few days ago I played with my PC muscles when he was inside me and he said it feels wonderful, and then proceeded to tell me that it was ...
A. 5 January 2010: Yeah, do say his dick feels small! If his is the only dick you have had, there is no reason why you should feel loose lol...get a new bf!
Asisde from that, tightening your Pelvic Floor muscled everyday is a good thing to get into, i do it. Its ... (read in full...)
I can never be bothered to make the first move
Q. i've completely lost my sex drive and i dont know why. i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, lived together for 1 year and for the past 4 months i have no sex drive whatsoever. Dont get me wrong, once we start having sex i really enjoy it ...
A. 5 January 2010: Have you started hormonal contraception? If you have this could be the cause. If not, see the GP as this could be hormonal, or linked to depression.
If its neither of those, try eating some aphrodisiac food like chocolate and avacado. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to mislead anyone so can someone help me decide?
Q. I broke up with my gf in 2008 cos my ex-wife and I decided to try to make our relationship work cos we have 2 children together and were married for 14 years. We went back to arguing etc which proved to be unhealthy for us all - we are now apart ...
A. 5 January 2010: Calm down. Breathe. Relax. count to 10. Now, walk away from those three women. None of them will ever be good enough for you. As i was once tolf : No-one can ever love you enough until you love yourself.
You dont love yourself. So, learn to, as t... (read in full...)
How do I cope with the break up?
Q. My boyfriend of a year and half and I are breaking up. The hardest part about it is that I'm pregnant and pretty much due any day. Its not a life I want to bring my baby into, and I wish it didn't have to be like this. We still love each other, but ...
A. 5 January 2010: If there is no way you can sort this out, then you will need to get some support for you in place quickly. CAn your family come round and help out? His family? When is he going to see the baby, how much will he pay to support it etc. I know when ... (read in full...)
My man has done a disappearing act, will he come back?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about a month, he's expressed a lot of interest in me and it's been going great and we get on really really well. But I haven't seen him for almost a week, or heard from him for a couple of days and I'm starting to ...
A. 5 January 2010: Dont leave him to come to you, you could be waiting forever, he could be thinking huh, she hasnt contacted me to see if i am ok, maybe she doesnt care etc etc....
I agree with marie....text him, ask how he is, how things are, that you miss him... (read in full...)
Text Message Communication Problem - Opinions Needed
Q. Hi, I wonder if someone can read through this series of text messages and just give your unbiased opinion along the way of who is right and who is wrong or if we're both wrong (I know there is no right or wrong, but we just need someone to media...
A. 4 January 2010: I think you both need to grow up. So a text wasnt replied to. Why is everyone getting so hostile over it? End the relationship, wait until you are mature enough to be IN a relationship, and find someone who is not so petty.... (read in full...)
Should I listen to my Mum or break up with the boy I love?
Q. i need help i am in a long distance relationship with a boy called sean but my mum isn`t happy with the relationship. i love sean more than anything and we want to meet up etc but mum told me that she isn`t happy with me dating him and she is t...
A. 4 January 2010: 2 things, that you may not want to hear....1)long distance relationships are hard enough when you are emotionally equiped to deal with them, let alone when you are so young, and 2) your mum is prob right.
Think about this, will it be better t... (read in full...)
Will married man leave his wife to be with me?
Q. My story is I've been seeing a mm for almost 3 years now. He's been married for a long time now with 2 kids and so he says, they're the only reason he's still at home. We love each other, had breaks away and get together usually 3 times a week a...
A. 3 January 2010: Honestly? 1) He is married, you should leave well alone. 2)if he hasnt left in 3 years he is unlikely to do so, and 3) if he cheated on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with the next one.
sorry... (read in full...)
How do I keep my boyfriend happy?
Q. hey i have been with my boyfriend seven months now, but i have known him for years... we both love each other and are very close, i can be myself around him. but sometimes i feel that i could be boring him, do you have any tips on how to keep hold ...
A. 18 November 2009: Why don't you try going out a bit together, do some coupley things and enjoy your time together. Offer him a sensual massage and hope he returns the favour, cook him his fave meal and spice it up with desert :P
Love is meant to be fun, so why n... (read in full...)
Advice for last minute exam preparation?
Q. Any tips to how to cope with last minute preparation for exams? I am really desperate now argh~~~...
A. 18 November 2009: Do flash cards, write down key points from each section and write them on a small card, then flick through those cards on the morning of the exam... (read in full...)
Ladies: How long do you wait to have sex?
Q. ladies,how long do you wait before you have sex with a guy-I'm confused because if you make them wait a long time,they may cheat and if you don't they may use you-what to do ?!...
A. 27 September 2009: there is no such thing as a right time.... you will know when you feel comfortable with the idea.... and you obviously arnt at the moment.... so wait a bit... if he liked you, he wouldnt cheat, simple as....... (read in full...)
Went on a date, I hear from him 2 months later?
Q. I recently went out with a guy who said he had liked me for 2 years but was way too shy to approach me. The date went great and he said he felt it went the same way. Then for 5 weeks i heard nothing. i text him(nothing too pushy just a hi, how you? ...
A. 27 September 2009: why dont you ask him? just say... look i text you and didnt get a reply... why do you want to reply now? that is the ONLY way you will find out whether he is into you or not.... honestly... 2 months is a long time, however there could be a good ... (read in full...)
Who's right? Him? Or me?
Q. Please help me out...Recently I asked about my relationship. And now my boyfriend wants his question answered.He wants to know is it right for me to text or call him like every 3 hours when he is not home..But here is why I do In the first part of ...
A. 25 September 2009: no one has the right to harass someone else.... men find a new baby hard, and yes, he was acting like a jerk, but pestering him with your insecurities will only push him away, and you really might end up alone. maybe try some couples couselling to ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my vagina isn't as good as the other girls' he's known!
Q. I've got a boyfriend and we've been dating for a few months and we want to start on foreplay. I like the idea of it but I'm quite sensitive about my vagina. I know this may sound creepy/strange/etc. but I've fingered myself and I'm quite ...
A. 21 September 2009: i will tell you now that vaginas are not the best looking things in the world lol.... but, like penises, they come in all shapes and sizes, some have big puffy outer lips, others have samller outer lips, some are brown, some are pink... some have ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what this smelly discharge is?
Q. This is quite embarassin. I am 21 and off the pill. I recently started gettin a yellow white substance comin from my vagina. It looks alot like cum but its not. Sometimes it smells a bit too. This is really annoyin me and makin me feel wierd bout ...
A. 20 September 2009: im not a doc, so it would always be an idea to get a checkup... a simple swab woul be all it needed to answer your question....
it sounds as if it could be bacterial vaginosis... if its accompanied by itching? ... (read in full...)
How can I change my sexuality?
Q. i think im gay but i dont want to be. how can i change my sexuality so that i dont think about men and stop watching videos....
A. 14 February 2009: watching gay porn doesnt necessarily mean that you are gay, just curious. there is nothing wrong with being gay, but maybe you should take some time out to experiment with these feelings... you cant change who you are, and its best that you embrace ... (read in full...)
Anyone know what this pain might be?
Q. for about 8 months now, ive been in quite alot of pain, its constant, i am sexually active im 15 i started my periods at 13 i use tampons every period, umm ive been sexually active for about 1 year and a half, ive been with the same partner for 2 ...
A. 14 February 2009: why come on the site if you dont want to see a doctor? we cant make a diagnosis for you, maybe you should grow up a bit before postng anymore quaestions and listen to what we ave to say, if you dont want to listen to our advice, dont ask a ... (read in full...)
Best friend keeps stealing my guy!
Q. Well to start off there's this one girl I used to be best friends with last year, this one guy liked me and she liked him. She constantly was jealous and now we enter the next grade and another train wreck. 2 long months of my ex-bestie getting ...
A. 3 February 2009: next time, bag the man before she finds out you like him.... it mite be an idea to ditch the 'friend'... (read in full...)
How can I get my g/f to put out
Q. my screen name says it all! help ne one with advice been with gf for 12yrs have a 3yr. son i get close she gets pissed ne advice on how to approach her she tells me when she ready to have sex we will which of coarse i cant make her have sex with me ...
A. 2 February 2009: I think satin desire was a bit harsh about ur grammer, i write like that a lot of the time!!!!! Ur gf is prob just feelin unsexy and stressed and you need to prove to her that you love her and she is your world, and that you still fancy her... it ... (read in full...)
How do I comfort my sister after breakup?
Q. Hey, Recently my sister (15) got a new boyfriend. Last night, after having dated for about a month he broke up with her. She was devastated. Shortly after I found out she had sex with him during their relationship, thus losing her vi...
A. 2 February 2009: The best thing you can do is buy her tissues, chocolate or some other comfort item, and listen to her moans... slagging him off occasionally will help too!!!! apart from that, there is not much you can do... hard as it is, she needs to deal with ... (read in full...)
Sex wasn't a great experience for me
Q. So i was making out with a girl in a club and i was llike really hard that time but then we wanted to take it further..so we went to the beach and we tried to have sex over there ..i got reaaly hard..and i went inside her but it was winter and ...
A. 2 February 2009: The problem with sex is, unless you feel an attraction or atleast severe lust towards the other party, that its not always as good as you expect it to be. I wouldnt worry that this experience wasnt as you hoped it mite be... i presume this waas your ... (read in full...)
Anyone know what this pain might be?
Q. for about 8 months now, ive been in quite alot of pain, its constant, i am sexually active im 15 i started my periods at 13 i use tampons every period, umm ive been sexually active for about 1 year and a half, ive been with the same partner for 2 ...
A. 2 February 2009: it sounds like it could possibly be a problem with your cervix as i had a similar pain when my partner was too hard and ruptured my cervix.... this does not mean this is the answer however, i would strongly reccomend that yyou see a doctor as soon ... (read in full...)
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