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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 21 November 2011: Wow, that gal at the office -- what a piece of work! You said at one point that your skills are highly portable. It might just be timely to get a CV out there circulating and get away from this poisonous individual. Playing games with someone, ... (read in full...)
I am not ready to be in the delivery room with my wife!
Q. Hi, my wife is about to give birth and I am not ready to be in the maternity ward when the process begins. I have no one else to be there with her as we are in a foreign country on our own and this is freaking me out. My wife thinks I will be there ...
A. 20 June 2011: Hearty congratulations to you and your wife. How wonderful that all is well. Enjoy the next while with its new joys and challenges.... (read in full...)
Is a long-term, happy marriage even possible?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 25 and although I've always thought I want to get married someday, I'm starting to wonder if ANYONE ever stays truly happily married. Almost everyone I know has been cheated on or cheated on their significant other. The way I lo...
A. 9 June 2011: It's true that the new days in a relationship generally have a pretty strong focus on the physical stuff. It takes a lot less than 30 years for that to die down.
A successful marriage is about building a life together. It's about having each oth... (read in full...)
Healthy mom or sick dad?
Q. Im now writting to ask what to do in my family situation. My mom and dad are divorced and i currently live with my mom and my dad lives in a differnt state. The doctors have told my dad that he is diagnosed with cancer and complete kidney faluire ...
A. 9 June 2011: Just so you know where I'm coming from with this -- I visited my father as much as I could while he was dying of cancer, and was there for the week leading up to his death.
What kind of relationship do you have with your dad? Are you really c... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my fear of doctors??
Q. I have been taking the contraceptive pill (mycogon30) for about 2 years with no problems, the last few times ive been to the doctors to get it, my blood pressure has been high, i think its because im nervous about going to the doctors and asking for ...
A. 8 June 2011: I can't say I know how it is in the UK, but in Canada it's common for pharmacies (chemist shops) to have a blood pressure machine -- a little cubicle where you sit down and put your arm in a cuff and have the machine register your blood pressure. ... (read in full...)
I don't need Viagra but I want to try it, would anything bad happen?
Q. hey everyone..im just thinking about taking a viagra once..just for fun and see how it feels lol. i never had problems with my sex life but i just want to take a pill and see how it feels..but im worried about what could happen to me after i take ...
A. 7 June 2011: There is risk associated with any prescription medication. Why accept that risk when you don't need whatever the medication happens to offer? There are well-documented side effects from viagara and its cousins including hearing loss.... (read in full...)
My family feels I'm too young to be in this long-term relationship
Q. So here's my problem..... I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I love him to death. He's my best friend and I don't know what i would ever do without him. But the thing is my family doesn't really like me to have a steady boyfriend ...
A. 7 June 2011: The first thing to do is have a conversation with your parents and find out exactly what their concerns are. Try your best to keep an open mind and give them a fair hearing. Then ponder what they've said for a while before replying. Do they have ... (read in full...)
My friends children are spoiled and misbehave all the time! How can I get her to see that this isn't normal?
Q. Parents out there please help!!! I need some advice so I can help my friend with her children who are a nightmare! I don't have children myself so I apologise in advance if I offend anyone . My friend has 2 children- a 10 year old girl a...
A. 5 June 2011: It can be difficult to enjoy other peoples' children, particularly if you're not accustomed to being around kids all the time. I have three of my own, and I rarely find kids as fine as mine. ;)
There are very few people who can give parentin... (read in full...)
She has a double standard when it comes to professional touching
Q. My girlfriend of 2.5+ years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (men’s back massage/skin treatment) and men’s facial, which includes an oiled up shoulder massage. When we first began dating she was very controlling ...
A. 2 June 2011: Tisha, if I'd been drinking coffee when I read that you'd owe me a keyboard. Still laughing ....... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as taking a break from your husband?
Q. I am confused about my feelings towards my husband. During my pregnancy last year he made me go through so much. I just can't seem to let go of these feelings and feel resentment towards him. I don't think I love him anymore and I am just so ...
A. 2 June 2011: Breaks from a marriage are called separation. A couple separates when there are problems but they're not entirely sure things can't be fixed.... (read in full...)
Awkward Virgin Moment
Q. So, I'm having a little problem with something that's been bothering me for a while now. I am a virgin, 18, that was dating my first and only girl last year. We got along great and connected prefectly! Then one night, her parents went out of town ...
A. 1 June 2011: No, it doesn't make you a loser, it marks you as a gentleman. You knew she wasn't a virgin, she knew you were; it was very gentlemanly for you to let her take the lead. Good grief, everything you were doing was new to you. It really works better, ... (read in full...)
I'm married. Would it be appropriate for a male friend to stay at our house?
Q. I got married 7 years ago and moved to the US. I have some friends back home, male and female, form my university days. I am still in contact with some of them. With my male friends I talke by phone just Couple of times per year. One of my friends ...
A. 31 May 2011: Absolutely no reason not approach your husband about this. It sounds perfectly innocent on your part, and it's not at all unusual to offer friends and acquaintances a place to stay, particularly if you have lots of room. Of course if your husband ... (read in full...)
After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 26 May 2011: Hmmm -- things slowed down after six months. You'd hardly be the first guy on whom "bait and switch" was pulled. I'll throw out some possibilities for you to chew on:
1.) She never really cared for sex, but was doing what was necessary to get ... (read in full...)
Should my sister marry this man?
Q. Hi The problem I'm writing about it is not my problem it is my sister's... so we are Americans but we live in Saudi Arabia in Aramco (which is a very open place, not like the rest of the country).. about 2 years ago my sister met this Saudi dude and...
A. 26 May 2011: You might want her to look into Betty Mahmoody's story before she commits to this guy. Betty thought the Iranian man she was marrying was completely Westernized, but found as he got older he became more conservative. A cautionary tale, IMO:
... (read in full...)
Should I leave my marriage or tough it out?
Q. Hello, This is gonna be long. So if you don't have the time, you might want to click through this one, lol. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and together for 14 years or so. To start from the beginning, initially we got along...
A. 26 May 2011: You haven't described someone who agrees that there's a problem. She's living her own happy little life doing what she wants, and to this point you've accommodated her, so why change?
I'm not one to advise leaving. But there are situatio... (read in full...)
After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 25 May 2011: I'm going off your follow-up rather than anything others have posted. You'd had two different issues -- difficulties with your wife, and the possibility of something with a co-worker. Well, the latter is truly out of the picture, which is probably ... (read in full...)
Stupid thoughts about the grass being greener
Q. I'm in a great relashionship. I love my girlfriend, I admire her and I really see a great future and family together. We are both 27, on the verge of buying a house and talking about having kids. Still... I'm a stupid guy with a stupid instinct. E...
A. 25 May 2011: OK, as a family guy? Sex and drama? Sure, sex is fun, a new and hot girl has the novelty factor. No doubt you've been there and done that. At 27, isn't that getting a bit stale? If not, it will, sooner or later. And if later, you'll be too old ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my bf that one of his friends told me he wants to have sex with me?
Q. One of my boyfriend's friends told me he wants to have sex with me. What should I do ? Help please. Should I tell my boyfriend??...
A. 25 May 2011: How committed are you to your boyfriend? How interested are you in his friend?
If you're completely committed to your boyfriend, and his friend's advances were completely unsolicited & unwelcome, then by all means tell your boyfriend. That wil... (read in full...)
Is it okay to switch back and forth between anal and vaginal sex during intercourse?
Q. Is it okay or not to switch back and forth between anal and vagina (in same session) when having sex? My boyfriend and I love anal sex but sometimes like to go back and forth from anal to vagina and back to anal when we really get heated, but not ...
A. 21 May 2011: Vaginal to anal is fine. Anal to vaginal is absolute not fine -- unless you wash very thorougly in between. In theory using a condom for anal and then removing it before vaginal is OK, but in practice you're still better to wash just to be sure.... (read in full...)
Guys - do most of you struggle with committment and why?
Q. Hello. It turns out that the guy I am with and have been with for coming up to 1 and ½ years may have some commitment issues. don’t get me wrong, he’s great, we love each other and we are still together and have no intention of breaking up but he ...
A. 21 May 2011: “Do guys struggle with the idea of lifetime commitment?”
You bet. The idea of lifetime commitment is huge. Honestly, how can you overstate it? If you’re serious about being with one person for the rest of your life, is there a bigger deci... (read in full...)
Female orgasm from performing fellatio?
Q. Do some women experience orgasms while (or from) performing fellatio ? She stops (hesitates) several times while performing fellatio and seems to need to get her breath.... almost like choking but different. She twitches and gets her breath then con...
A. 19 May 2011: Not that I've ever seen the movie, but I believe that was the premise for the film "Deep Throat". I've never heard of it happening in real life.
I'm inclined to be as sceptical as the other aunts who responded, but I do keep in mind that the brai... (read in full...)
I am not ready to be in the delivery room with my wife!
Q. Hi, my wife is about to give birth and I am not ready to be in the maternity ward when the process begins. I have no one else to be there with her as we are in a foreign country on our own and this is freaking me out. My wife thinks I will be there ...
A. 18 May 2011: You haven't said what your concerns are about being in the room. Are you afraid you'll faint? Afraid of blood? If you tell us why exactly you can't be there perhaps we can help.... (read in full...)
Hygenic to go back and forth between 2 places?
Q. I have a fantasy about having half anal sex and half vginal sex as in in and out of one for a bit then in the next hole, but is that hygienic!?...
A. 16 May 2011: Anal is the last stop in the activity. The only place to go afterward is to wash, and to wash thoroughly.... (read in full...)
What should I do? Her mother and my father are second cousins. So that makes us third cousins? Where is it ok to draw the line?
Q. I have a dilemma. One of my cousins lives about 45 minutes away from my home town. We see each other every now and then at family reunions, (maybe 2 or 3 times a year), and have always gotten along great. About a week ago, she emailed me sayin...
A. 16 May 2011: Third cousins are very distantly related. First cousins share a grandparent; second cousins a great-grandparent; third cousins a great-great grandparent. Genetically it's not an issue. The question is how your respective families would feel about ... (read in full...)
How do I confront my alcoholic dad?
Q. My father is an alcoholic and it is really upsetting me lately. I'm 15 and I have no idea how to confront him about it as I have always been too scared and I was wondering how other people confront their parents about their addictions?...
A. 14 May 2011: You want to find a time when he's sober (and preferably not hungover) to talk to him alone. Don't accuse him or run him down. Focus instead on how you feel, on how his behaviour makes you feel. If his behaviour when he's drunk frightens you, tell ... (read in full...)
She's so loud. How to I tell her to tone it down?
Q. My gf and i have been dating for 4 months. We have had sex a few times, and well, she is loud. really loud. Every time she reaches climax she wakes the whole street, never mind our parents. Its really embarrassing, her parents may think I'm abusing ...
A. 7 May 2011: I get that this is awkward. But for your future reference, she is giving you amazing, wonderful feedback. You may very well find yourself in the future with another girl wondering if it worked for her at all. Revel in the feedback you're getting, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be a creep -- is this all there is?
Q. My bf of 2 years seems to be a creep. I was looking for a movie to watch on my laptop and stumbled into Google documents for the first time ever. I saw everything that my bf looked up on the laptop for the last 5 years +. I saw all kinds of ...
A. 4 May 2011: No, this is not all there is. No, nothing you have described is normal or acceptable in any way, shape or form. You are right to be freaked out, and this guy should never be near your daughter. Cut him out of your lives immediately.
Most ... (read in full...)
Is there anywhere I can go for male advice on male problems?
Q. is there any agony site for men. similar to dearcupid.com but mainly for men. I notice that most of the male questions here are answered by female aunts. I need male views on some male questions. ...
A. 4 May 2011: There's the odd Y chromosome on this site. You are quite free to put "men's views only please" at the top of your question. But by all means check out the sites bernard mentioned -- I'd be interested to hear how it goes!... (read in full...)
Is my life going to change completely when my mother has a baby?
Q. My mother is 45 and pregnant, i am 22. I am so excited to have a baby in our family again after those years but is my life going to change completely? I need help, will i be baby sitting forever and wont be able to live my own life i am worried, ...
A. 29 April 2011: Just be sure to set boundaries. You'll want to help out, of course, but the baby can only take over your life if you allow it to happen. Set reasonable limits on how much of your time your family can have, and be firm about keeping a life of your ... (read in full...)
How can I show my gratitude to a teacher who has gone above and beyond for me?
Q. What can I do to show/tell my teacher how much she helped me? Basically, I was disapointed with my last set of Chemistry results. (one mark off an A)In March we had the next set of exams. I asked my teacher to help with revision. So she sat with ...
A. 28 April 2011: Probably the most appropriate thing would be to give her a nice card. That's something she can treasure forever -- teachers seldom get that kind of recognition. She'll be very pleased to be thanked. Good for you!... (read in full...)
Conflict with my mother that she seems unwilling to resolve
Q. What can you do ,if someone does not want to resolve a conflict, and when you offer your solution for it, they don't care. Yet they think, they are right, and you can never get thru to them. My mother is blaming me for many thing , and it is damag...
A. 28 April 2011: Your mother is what, 70 or so? Difficult people seldom improve with age.
Not having a relationship at all should be a last resort. What you might try is documenting in very precise terms the problem -- what she said, what the truth is, and how ... (read in full...)
Does my teacher like me as more than a student?
Q. I need advice on what I should do about my science teacher! He is in his late forties, married and has two kids (including a daughter who is one year older than me!) and he has done so many things that felt very unappropriate and flirty in so many ...
A. 27 April 2011: I think that you were picking up on wholly inappropriate vibes. Am I right that you have moved on to a new school? If not, you would be doing yourself and the kids who follow you in your school a great service to speak to the school counsellor and ... (read in full...)
How do I communicate with my adult children?
Q. I wonder how can you communicate with your grown up children. My daughter going to university, and we have very little communication. We are talking on the phone, and she is very nice, but when I ask any question, she won't answer ,or gets ...
A. 27 April 2011: The older I got, the smarter my parents became.
For a while I knew it all -- wish I could go back to those days when I was so smart. As life went on, I found I had more to discuss with my parents.
Continue to make it clear that you're ther... (read in full...)
I cannot stand the constant stream of husband's family in our home!
Q. I am an only child and have been married to my second husband for nearly 2 years - my first husband died. My parents are both dead and I come from a very small family unit. The man I have married comes from a very large family and he has children ...
A. 24 April 2011: I completely get how you feel. I'm an introvert and I value my privacy very much. Having a constant stream of visitors would have me hiding too. The fact that you've been labelled a "crazy, anti-social freak" rather suggests that you're not ... (read in full...)
To everyone I'm the stuck up pretty girl with a perfect life, but really I'm a mess inside. Please help.
Q. Im a huge mess right now so please I just need some helpful advice...I feel overwhelmed with everything going on right now..I'm literally busy 24-7 to keep my parents satisfied..I get strait a's I take college classes don't party or do anything bad. ...
A. 20 April 2011: Hun, I have daughters your age, and having them feel like you do would kill me.
You say your brother is the same age – does that mean this is a blended family? In other words, do you and your brother have the same parents? Or is he your step... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is awful at oral sex!! How do I tell him this without hurting him??
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2years. i truely love him.but he's awful at oral sex. I don't know how to tell him this without hurting him. What should I do?...
A. 17 April 2011: Guide him and teach him. Let him know what works and what doesn't. If he happens to get something right, make noises that let him know that it was good. If he's getting no where for a while, gently move his head in a better direction. If you're ... (read in full...)
Just hitting my sexual peak now, I think. Should I go with younger women because of this?
Q. My body has always been late in everything to deal with the subject of sex. I lost my virginity when I was 17. The first time I ever masturbated was when I was 19. I didn't even hit puberty until I was 16. Whereas men typically hit their peak sexual ...
A. 16 April 2011: Women your age are closer to their peak, so seems to me that would be a better way to "catch up" as it were.... (read in full...)
My husband and I are Jewish, how do we go for a traditional Catholic wedding without feeling uncomfortable??
Q. My husband and I are Jewish. A very good friend of ours is getting married - and having a traditional Catholic with a full mass and communion. The problem is that we are not comfortable being in a Catholic church / mass. There is nothing in our ...
A. 16 April 2011: Are you uncomfortable with the idea that you're going to stand out by not participating, or uncomfortable being in the presence of ceremony from a different religion?
If it's the former, you surely won't be the only ones not participating in commu... (read in full...)
I want to test my relationship by holding out on sex. Am I taking it too far?
Q. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me...However I cant trust him and normally I am able to walk away at the slightest feeling of dishonesty but this one I cant seem to shake off because Im in too deep and its mad chemistry. May I add the long ...
A. 15 April 2011: Wow, trust issues in spades.
On the one hand, I completely get that you’re concerned about his relationships with the ex. It’s understandable that you want that sorted out before you go any further.
But I have to wonder if you’ve been fair... (read in full...)
Are my reasons for getting a purity ring OK?
Q. MY question is this.. i AM not religious that much , well i beleive in god ,heaven and stuff but like i dont go to church or pray or anything like that now i want to wear a purity ring beacause im 13 nearly 14 and i am shocked that there are some ...
A. 15 April 2011: Hon, you've stated very worthy values. Waiting until you're sure that the relationship you're in is worthy of the gift of your virginity is as it should be. If a ring reminds you of those values when you might be otherwise tempted, then by all ... (read in full...)
Is my wife done with me? Or is having sex just once every 5-6 months normal?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and we have a 2 year old. We use to have sex quite often, but not anymore. I know that things change when you have a kid, but we used to have sex 5 times a week, now it's once every 5-6 months if we are ...
A. 15 April 2011: There's no way this is 'normal'. Yes things change once the kids come along, and yes unemployment puts a strain on things. But sex twice in a year? Not when your in your 20s. "Quit touching me" is an enormous red flag.
She may indeed be done ... (read in full...)
Sister is having a party when my parents go away. She asked me if I wanted to drink too. Please advise.
Q. Hey guys this isn't about relationships but this is now the only place I can get advice. My parents are going away for the weekend and my older sister is having people over. They are all gunna bring alcohol and some will bring fags. My sister asked ...
A. 15 April 2011: First-time drinking is a minefield. The problem is that drink creeps up, taps you on the shoulder like a friend, and then lays you out flat. In other words, it takes time for each drink to register. You start feeling good from the last one. Then ... (read in full...)
I wasnt the best parent myself, and I don't want to take my child from her mother but I do want to make sure that she is living in a safe environment.
Q. I want to start off my saying I know I messed up in the past and I know some people may not think I deserve forgivness but I am only trying to do what is best. When I was 20 I had a one night stand with a much younger girl Kylyn (she was 16), 4 ...
A. 15 April 2011: Sounds like you've manned up and taken responsibility, despite a rocky start. To the extent that you're giving us the straight goods, I commend you for looking out for the child's best interest.
The court will likely be biased in favour of leavi... (read in full...)
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