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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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My family life is beyond miserable!
Q. Hi, so im 20 years old, and my family life is beyond miserable. at age 13 i learned my mom was cheating on my dad, so i told him thinking it was the best idea. It wasn't, instead he started to rape me and use me sexually as a way to get back at ...
A. 28 September 2011: That's wonderful news -- good for you!!... (read in full...)
I desperately want to save my marriage, but I don't know what to do...
Q. My husband and I have recently separated. We've been together for 23 years and married for 18. We have two children. My husband initiated the separation, but, for reasons I won't go into now, there are many things that I have done to help create the ...
A. 17 March 2011: Oh my. You're on quite the journey.
It sounds like you've got a good start on understanding why you did what you did, that you've had some sincere and effective introspection. There's no guarantee, of course, that that will be enough, but it's... (read in full...)
I desperately want to save my marriage, but I don't know what to do...
Q. My husband and I have recently separated. We've been together for 23 years and married for 18. We have two children. My husband initiated the separation, but, for reasons I won't go into now, there are many things that I have done to help create the ...
A. 15 March 2011: I'd like to help, but honestly, without knowing what you feel you have to atone for, I don't know what to say. It sounds like he's trying to make this as easy as possible for the kids, which says *good guy* to me. ... (read in full...)
My family life is beyond miserable!
Q. Hi, so im 20 years old, and my family life is beyond miserable. at age 13 i learned my mom was cheating on my dad, so i told him thinking it was the best idea. It wasn't, instead he started to rape me and use me sexually as a way to get back at ...
A. 15 March 2011: You have a joint bank account with them. You can go to the bank, alone, and have your name removed from the account. If they've already "drained" it, then there's no loss -- they've taken whatever money you had. What you can do is prevent them ... (read in full...)
Caught in a torrid love affair with a married woman but she refuses to walk out of her loveless, boring marriage. Why???
Q. Okay....please refrain from excoriating and vilifying me because I know that I'm not supposed to partake in this endeavor, but I'm a little too deep into this game. I've been seeing this married woman who is five years my senior for about three ...
A. 15 March 2011: This woman might be confused. Or you might be.
She's stepped out of her boring marriage to have freaky sex with you. You're thinking that by scratching her itch you're laying the groundwork for a future together. And she may be thinking... (read in full...)
All my friends are 'doing stuff' I don't want to though... reassurance?
Q. Hello everyone, I am 15 and so are all of my friends, at least five of them are doing things with there boyfriends which I would Never do! For example some are being friged? One has been licked out and one has given a hand job - Even when I fall...
A. 15 March 2011: There isn't a thing wrong with the way you're thinking. What's wrong is to 'do stuff' for the wrong reasons -- when you're not ready, because of peer or b/f pressure, whatever.
Good for you for knowing your mind!
As for reassurance, whe... (read in full...)
Affair advice please... however wrong it is? I am in it!!
Q. Well here goes again I have asked advice now twice on this matter and have taken advice in different degrees. My story is long but i will keep it short. I promise this will be the last phase. I have been seeing a married woman now for 6 years. I...
A. 15 March 2011: I understand how frustration builds, and eventually you react, not when it's best but when you can't stand it anymore. I have to think that's what happened here.
It's true that she may just have been putting you off yet again. But by not inse... (read in full...)
My family life is beyond miserable!
Q. Hi, so im 20 years old, and my family life is beyond miserable. at age 13 i learned my mom was cheating on my dad, so i told him thinking it was the best idea. It wasn't, instead he started to rape me and use me sexually as a way to get back at ...
A. 15 March 2011: No, not in the least bit rash. The sooner the better. If anything, this move is overdue.
Once you've settled in a new place, please check what counselling services are available. As wonderful as your bf is (and bless him for helping you get ... (read in full...)
Is it strange to not like pornography?
Q. I know this may seem odd for a lot of people to hear, but I'm a 16yo guy who is not at all into pornography. What I wanna know is, am I the only one? All my friends say I'm weird because I don't like it, but I personally don't understand why they do ...
A. 13 March 2011: Good on ya for knowing what's right for you and what works for you. You will meet a natural girl one day and be very happy. Without baggage. She will be a very happy camper. You are miles ahead of your friends in recognizing the fake aspect ... (read in full...)
TO MEN: What are your opinions on sex while the girl is on her period?
Q. TO MEN: What are your opinions on sex while the girl is on her period? My bf will sometimes do it but close to the end where you cant tell at all. Or shower sex is a plus but do men not like it?.. does it feel any different to the guy?...
A. 13 March 2011: Never bothered me. At any point in the cycle. Put down towels you don't care about being stained, but that's because she cares about stains on the sheets. As to how it feels? If she doesn't usually have an issue with lubrication, it'... (read in full...)
Do guys get freaked out if a girl bleeds?
Q. I'm honestly curious and don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I was wondering if guys/boys can get freaked out when a girl bleeds during sex? Before you start lecturing me, I am NOT thinking about having sex. I'm too young and have no desir...
A. 13 March 2011: I'm glad to see you say you're not looking to be there any time soon.
Guys get freaked out by that when they're too young to be doing it anyway. All kinds of things go with sex that can seem 'gross', 'icky', whatever. If you're mature enough t... (read in full...)
I feel like he's not very good at keeping in touch -- am I reading too much into this?
Q. I have been out on a couple of dates with a man I really like. He asked me out both times and on both occasions I have had a great time (and he has told me he did too). The problem is that in between dates he is really bad at keeping in touch...
A. 13 March 2011: Ya, you're reading too much in to this. Two exes, five kids, a job? Yep, he's a busy guy. If you think there's chemistry there then work with it, but don't scare him off by expecting him to be in contact x times a day or within x minutes of a ... (read in full...)
Players, Dads, and exes
Q. Please help me Agony Aunts and Uncles any and all advice is greatly appreciated and needed. So, had a bad break up three months ago, we were together for almost eleven months and it really hit me hard. Until I started to realize, we just weren't ...
A. 13 March 2011: A player is willing to call your Dad's bluff. Lots of fathers tell boys "you hurt my little girl, I'll hurt you" which is what the rifle implied with the last b/f, but a real player knows that Dad goes to jail, not him. So his offer to meet your ... (read in full...)
Is it right to marry my cousin?
Q. i want to know if it is right to marry my cousin. I love him so much and i cannot live without him. We've been dating for the past 4yrs nw. We've never had sex but we kiss. What do i do? We love each other so much....
A. 13 March 2011: I did a quick review of marriage traditions in Nigeria and it seems like cousin marriage isn't unusual there, depending on the tribes involved. You've been dating for four years, so presumably both your families know what's going on. Are both ... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity and feel so depressed!
Q. I'm seventeen years old and last summer (like July '10) I met a girl and I fell for her badly, we only saw each other for a month and we didn't even go out or do anything sexual (we kissed) thing is, I was a virgin at the time (I'm not anymore) and ...
A. 13 March 2011: I think we're missing something significant here.
You fell hard for a girl last summer, you didn't have sex, you'd do anything to get back with her, but you feel she's not likely to be interested.
Since then you lost your virginity, but w... (read in full...)
I've fallen for him, the situation is complicated, and he wants someone younger
Q. Hi , have a big problem that is totally ruling my life at the moment . I have been seeing a polish guy who is 32 for the last 10 months, It started out as sex, we have become good friends, but i also have fallen in love with him. He knows this is ...
A. 13 March 2011: I'm very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how the trip to Switzerland must have disoriented you and left you vulnerable -- you'd scarcely be human otherwise.
I think you need to listen to your Polish friend. He's been a help and a support,... (read in full...)
Should I help the woman next door?
Q. I'll keep this as short as possible. My neighbors are wonderful people. He is very ill and wheelchair bound from MS and another debilitating disease. Last night his wife came onto me, she wants me because as she put it, she feels safe with me. I ...
A. 13 March 2011: There are so many facets to this situation. I can only imagine how difficult her situation is, caring for someone in her husband’s situation. While when we marry we might understand, intellectually, that we one day might find ourselves ... (read in full...)
My partner is abusive so I am going to cheat on him!
Q. Is it justified for me to cheat if my partner is abusive to me? I shouldn't say justified, but rather is it a good reason. I know I should just leave him, but i don't know how at this point. He hits me and threatens me and verbally abuses me. ...
A. 11 March 2011: Mystiquek has it exactly right. Provoking an already abusive partner is highly unwise, and cheating is about as provocative as it gets. Leave, then you can be with whomever you want and not have it be 'cheating'.... (read in full...)
How important is the first love to a man when it is years over?
Q. To men,how important is the first love to a man when it is years over? Does your first love still have a special place in your heart? If you have dated her for 4-5 years,do you still think of her at some point in your life even if you have a new ...
A. 11 March 2011: Do I miss her? No. In hindsight it took me a ridiculously long time (two years? Three?) to stop missing her.
If I got an email from her would I reply? I doubt it. I miss the times, the feeling of new love, and obviously have some fond memories... (read in full...)
If you have sex, how do you feel, if you cannot make her finish?
Q. If you're a guy, how does it make you feel if you cannot make her finish during sex? ...
A. 10 March 2011: I read a long time ago that a woman is responsible for her own orgasm, and I think there's truth to that. First, she has to know what works for her. Second, she has to be willing to share that information. And third, she has to relax and let it ... (read in full...)
Does anyone think he loves me?
Q. ok , so after my divorce in 2004 , me and a long time friend who was divorcing too . started to sleep together the first time once , did not see him for 9 months he called apologized and said i did not deserve that , we got to gather a few times a ...
A. 10 March 2011: He may love you, in his own way. But he's so damaged by what's gone before that it seems unlikely he'll ever commit -- sounds like the very thought of committment scares him to death, and perhaps reasonably so.
It sounds like you know exactly ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me but I'm so attracted to him
Q. Hi everybody. I have a problem I could really do with some help for. I am currently dating a guy I have been out with a few times now, he cheated on me the first time we went out and I often question why I even speak to him now. However whenever I ...
A. 10 March 2011: He cheated on you, so why on earth would you be worried about hurting him? Do what makes you happy, don't worry about him.... (read in full...)
Husband cares more for his family than he does for me
Q. I have been married for 2 years and recently seperated because he cares and does more for his family than me. We lived next door and all they had to do was call and he would run no matter what we were doing or planning takes care of their house and ...
A. 10 March 2011: You didn't realize that you were marrying not just him but his family. And he is more committed to his family than you. Your choice is to integrate into his family or to walk away.... (read in full...)
I cant sleep with my boyfriend's snoring!
Q. Hey readers, I don't know what to do - whenever I spend the night with my bf, his snoring and loud breathing keeps me awake so I can't get to sleep til, like, 5am! I don't know what to do about it. We've been together 6 months, and he knows he ...
A. 10 March 2011: This probably isn't an issue for the OP since they're young, but I'll chime in on SY's post. Obstrucive Sleep Apnea (OSA) is a potentially life-threatening disorder. The air passages can collapse so that the involuntary breathing reflex is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend threatens to hit me, and breaks up with me when he wants to sleep with other girls. He wants me to move in with him. Can he really change?
Q. I hope that you can help me. I can't trust my family or friend’s opinion because they're obviously going to take my side. Alright so my boyfriend of a year is asking me to move back with him. I love him very much but he has done so many awful things ...
A. 10 March 2011: Actually, you *can* leave him. And you should. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean you should put up with his abuse. There are people out there who will love you without abusing you. Abuse is not part and parcel of a relationship.... (read in full...)
My married lover's wife found out about me, so I went over to their house and confronted him. I told her everything, and now he won't speak with me!
Q. Hiya, I'm Sharon, I'm 41 and broken hearted. I was seeing a married man that I've known since school days. He texted me and called me for years. Then last year it became intimate. He is a lorry driver and I'm a door step collector. Our jobs have ...
A. 10 March 2011: Welcome to the world of seeing a married man. He was playing you and didn't intend to leave her. Now you've forced his hand, he can't have it both ways any more, and you're kicked to the kerb. ... (read in full...)
I cant sleep with my boyfriend's snoring!
Q. Hey readers, I don't know what to do - whenever I spend the night with my bf, his snoring and loud breathing keeps me awake so I can't get to sleep til, like, 5am! I don't know what to do about it. We've been together 6 months, and he knows he ...
A. 10 March 2011: My wife tried holding a pillow over my face once. Fortunately (at least for me) she gave up before it was permanently effective.
World-class snoring can be associated with sleep apnea, which can be life-threatening. So it might be worth getting ... (read in full...)
Do all teenage boys masturbate?
Q. This is kind of a weird question, but do all teenage boys masturbate? Like 13 year olds? I'm 13 and I do and I'm afraid I'm the only one in my class who does. So do all 13 year old boys masturbate?...
A. 9 March 2011: I knew one who denied it so loudly that he was obviously covering up. It's difficult to know for sure because it's such a private thing, but I'd think that it's probably 90%+. You're fine.... (read in full...)
How important is the first love to a man when it is years over?
Q. To men,how important is the first love to a man when it is years over? Does your first love still have a special place in your heart? If you have dated her for 4-5 years,do you still think of her at some point in your life even if you have a new ...
A. 8 March 2011: Funny, "our song" came up on the radio this morning. Hadn't heard it for years. I immediately was taken back to dancing in her living room. Love ya, Nancy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_96uyfmqgo... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my motormouth future father in law?
Q. I have been spending sometime with my fiance's parents while he is away for work. They are very nice people but I noticed that my father in law is a control freak who wants things his way. Everyone in the family including my 37 year old fiance is ...
A. 8 March 2011: I had a similar situation. My (now) wife’s father would go off on tangents while I was standing at the door waiting for my girlfriend. He was a very intellectual guy, anxious to share his latest revelations with pretty much anyone, and not all ... (read in full...)
My exwife has trained my 9 year old daughter to hate my fiance.
Q. My 9 year old daughter has been trained by my ex wife to hate my fiancé. My daughter refuses to be near her so, when my kids are with me, my fiancé is not. To make matters worse, my daughter's therapist seems to be enabling the hate. This has been ...
A. 8 March 2011: I'm going to take FloridaCatGirl's very worthwile comments and expand on them. And in the process am going to give you feedback you don't want and will almost certainly annoy you. Divorce can be completely devastaing to kids. Their world is r... (read in full...)
Fishing with my married friend?? Is it okay?
Q. I'm a divorced female 30yrs old and am friends with a guy 31yrs old at work who is unhappily married and has 2 small children whom are his world. We get along great and joke around all the time and even text each other on the weekends comparing what ...
A. 8 March 2011: Going fishing and drinking beer, one on one, with a married man who is having issues in his marriage is a recipe for disaster. He shouldn't be going anywhere alone with a single woman, let alone one who has a crush on him. I really find it hard to ... (read in full...)
Were we right to tell?
Q. My friend, *Elizabeth* has been my best friend for years. Since we started high school, she's changed. She's sent suggestive pictures, drank, and made out with lots of guys. She's still a virgin, though. Today our two of our best friends and I to...
A. 8 March 2011: You've done Elizabeth a huge favour. But it may be a very long time until she appreciates it.
In high school we think that we're smart and capable and able to handle anything. But sometimes we get on the wrong path, and either don't recogniz... (read in full...)
My partner of 10 years insults my family all the time, and I find this hurtful! Am I being too sensitive?
Q. My partner of 10 years is often insulting about my family to the point where I get really upset. We are both in our 50's and have had several falling outs about his attitude. If I mention my son, daughter, sisters, brother etc. he doesn't reply ...
A. 7 March 2011: Comments like that come from insenstive boors. No, you're not being too sensitive, he's being a jerk.... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Thanks for your kind remarks. I was afraid that I was wandering too far off topic, as I am inclined to do. My post last night was a bit of ‘devil’s advocate’, as I’m inclined toward sexual conservatism myself, and certainly would hope my children... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Thank you, OP, for your very concise and literate expression of the issue. I’ve had the benefit of three wonderful answers so far as well, just so you know how I might be biased in my response. I’m going to premise my response by a bit of historic... (read in full...)
Same sex adult siblings showering together
Q. Hello, I have a question that is a bit odd, but am wanting a non biased third party view. My boyfriend and I got on the topic of siblings showering together after seeing a mother and daughter skinny dipping in a pool. He told me that when he was 6...
A. 6 March 2011: I think there are two questions here.
As to guys showering together, if they've played sports then they've been in showers together with other men. It's standard in locker rooms at schools and at athletic clubs like the YMCA. In those situatio... (read in full...)
He asked if I can shave down there, should I be offended?
Q. if my boyfriend and i have agreed to try fingering and whatever else goes with that should i be offended if he asked me if i can shave my vaginal area because he hates hair down there? do most people shave down there??? is it more sanitary?...
A. 6 March 2011: It isn't because of sanitary reasons. Shaving there seems to be a fashion these days. He's been watching porn, and almost every girl in porn is shaved. It's entirely your call as to whether you want to bother. But he's told you what he likes.... (read in full...)
Nothing works to keep me from going too fast
Q. i premature cum. i tried many many ways of trying to last longer but they all never seem to work for me not thinking about it, thinking some thing unrelated to sex, going slow, etc. and non of them really work. i need help. me and my gf had s...
A. 6 March 2011: It goes with the age. Teenage boys are all nerves. Experience leads to stamina.... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with a relative
Q. before 2 years a boy came our home . he was my relative, he spended whole his summer holidays with us we became good friends and we made a lot of good things togather that days than he want back to swedan and i felt love with him i miss him a lo...
A. 6 March 2011: It depends on how close a relative he is. If he's too close, then by all means keep up the friendship but don't tell him you love him. As for how close is "too close", ask your parents.... (read in full...)
How can I stop snoring?
Q. hey guys.. i been on residential trips before, and all my friends and family tell me i snore like a donkey :( that was a while ago because i had breathin problems.. however i stopped snoring a few months ago and i was really happy.. but now...
A. 6 March 2011: How do you know if the snoring is quiet?
If it really isn't loud then there shouldn't be a problem with the trip.
If it is loud enough to bother other people? And you don't want to spend money on a product? Well, snoring is often associated... (read in full...)
I lent my sister's family money when they were suffering, but I feel used and I'm ready to break ties with my family! Am I right or am I being selfish?
Q. My problem is my family (this could be a long one!!). I’m the youngest of three and come from a traditional background. Unlike my elder sister, I rebelled in every sense. I broke boundaries as I refused to be treated differently because I’m a ...
A. 6 March 2011: Good for you! Whether or not you could have prevented it coming to this stage is irrelevant -- you can only deal with the present.
So many of us have the idea that family is everything, and should consequently be forgiven everything.
Family ... (read in full...)
Lump under my arm sent away for tests and I'm afraid its cancer
Q. i have an lump under my armpit ! its the size of a pea !! some people told me its just a sweat gland since the weather is changin and i sweat a lot! the thing is . its not painful so i guess its not something serious , i went to see a doctor and he ...
A. 5 March 2011: It's probably not serious. But if in the unlikely even that it is cancer, the faster you deal with it the better. Go get that biopsy done ASAP.... (read in full...)
How important is the first love to a man when it is years over?
Q. To men,how important is the first love to a man when it is years over? Does your first love still have a special place in your heart? If you have dated her for 4-5 years,do you still think of her at some point in your life even if you have a new ...
A. 5 March 2011: Oh no, haven't had any contact with her since maybe 1983. Waay too much water under the bridge for that. I *remember* her well. That's not the same thing as *pining* for her. I did that for long enough after we broke up. I'm such a different... (read in full...)
How important is the first love to a man when it is years over?
Q. To men,how important is the first love to a man when it is years over? Does your first love still have a special place in your heart? If you have dated her for 4-5 years,do you still think of her at some point in your life even if you have a new ...
A. 5 March 2011: It's been a little over 30 years, and I remember her well.... (read in full...)
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