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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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I had a termination 24 hours ago and already he's wanting sex!!!
Q. i just have a quick question, i just had an abortion 24 hours ago, and for anybody that dont know how an abortion feels is painful, cramping feeling, and constant bleeding, my stupid ass boyfriend is asking me to please him sexually regardless of ...
A. 7 February 2011: He`s a pig. You can do much better.... (read in full...)
Anal sex and anal bleach?
Q. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and i want to try anal but im scared. The area around my ass hole and vagina is quite dark, does this honestly matter? im worried that when it comes rouund to it he may be put off. Also, i know this may so...
A. 6 February 2011: Oh my, I've never heard of anal bleach but that sounds like a terrible idea. Trust me, he's not looking, the appearance of the area has nothing whatever to do with what he's wanting. He's hoping for sensation, and he's intensely grateful that ... (read in full...)
Can I get an STD from performing oral sex on my virgin boyfriend?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have never had any sexual encounters if any kind. Could either of us get an std from unprotected oral sex?...
A. 5 February 2011: This is one of those questions that's iffy relying on advice from internet strangers. I know at your age telling you to ask your doctor is probably not all that appealing, but ...
The previous answer is correct. Even if a person has never en... (read in full...)
Tips for my first job interview?
Q. So not a relationship question but I don't really know anyone else I can ask. I have my first ever job interview on Wednesday, I'm speaking to the lady on the phone on Monday for her to tell me a little bit about the role. I've got the whole 'dr...
A. 5 February 2011: When I'm interviewing someone, I'd like to see that they've made an effort to learn about the company. That's not so tough with the internet. Look at the company's website. Understand their products and services, and who their competitors are. ... (read in full...)
I think I am losing my mind or on the verge of a mid life crisis.
Q. I think I am losing my mind or on the verge of a mid life crisis. Here's my story: Married 15 years with 2 kids. Years ago, we fault ALOT. Probably a lot of the issues from way back then were never fully resolved, we just learned to ignor...
A. 3 February 2011: I don't think you've having a mid-life crisis. You're unhappy and have been so for some time. And it doesn't sound like he's hearing you.
You are not unreasonable for wanting more from your life. Marriage isn't supposed to be a jail sentence... (read in full...)
Should I have waited till marriage so it would have been more special?
Q. dear readers, me and my boyfriend have been going out got four years now and well we have had sex and all. so really the thing imtrying to say here is that i always had this dream that i would wait untill marrige. or atleast be older than i was...
A. 3 February 2011: Hon, you can do “woulda, shoulda, coulda” all you want. You’ll only know in hindsight.
On the one hand, you could have kept putting him off. And waited until you were married. And then found out that you weren’t sexually compatible, and been... (read in full...)
I think I am losing my mind or on the verge of a mid life crisis.
Q. I think I am losing my mind or on the verge of a mid life crisis. Here's my story: Married 15 years with 2 kids. Years ago, we fault ALOT. Probably a lot of the issues from way back then were never fully resolved, we just learned to ignor...
A. 3 February 2011: You’re 42, so you married at 27; you haven’t said his age is particularly different, so he’s 42 ish as well. What was he doing back then? Was he on track to a career? How did he end up being a homemaker? Did you guys come to a considered ... (read in full...)
How to tell my boyfriend that I want to keep my baby?
Q. I am not really seeking advice, just wanted to get things off my chest. Any comments however will be taken into consideration and welcomed. I am very much in love with a man, well at this point I am not sure what it is anymore. I wish I could jus...
A. 2 February 2011: He says he'll be there "in spirit", but can't go to the effort to be with you. Money is tight because he's hosting a football party. My, my. I know there are some pretty cold folk out there, but this guy is something else.
I suppose it is possi... (read in full...)
Is regaining control of my life worth risking everything?
Q. I feel awful and wrong for just asking this question but please help me. My boyfriend and I have dated for 2 years, I'm already like part of his family and everyone thinks we'll get married. We have so much in common. We're "perfect" for each oth...
A. 2 February 2011: Yes, it absolutely is.
Dating is a time to learn about yourself -- your preferences, how you interact with others. You're not committed to him for the rest of your life. If you feel this relationship is not meeting your needs (and you raise so... (read in full...)
Losing virginity - later linked to health problems: is there truth in this ABC news article?
Q. I am a male in my 20's and I am beginning to wonder if I have made the best choices in life or if I would regret my decisions regarding sex in the near future. I had made the choice not to have sex until the right woman appears in my life for ...
A. 2 February 2011: The media run stories like this all the time. It's sensational and it get attention, which is all the media want.
Note this line from the article:
"Our results do not allow for causal interpretations," the study authors write.
That is cruc... (read in full...)
Does the size of a girl's "pearl in her flower" matter to men?
Q. Ok guys, please be honest! Does the size of girl's "pearl in her flower" matter to you? I didn’t think mine was big till my boyfriend said, “wow your "pearl" gets so big when you’re turned on.” He makes jokes about it. Now I’m self conscious about ...
A. 31 January 2011: Chigirl has it exactly right.
There are guys out there who never find it in the first place, and so go through life feeling like inadequate lovers. If yours is easy to find, all the better for both of you. Now make sure he knows what to do with ... (read in full...)
In lust with a married man
Q. Hi. I need some help. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am in lust with a married man and I can't get out. I can't stop wanting him! I know he can never be mine. But yet I still want him. It's been a year and a half that we've been friends....
A. 29 January 2011: You said 'bunny boiler' so you've seen "Fatal Attraction." So you know just how well that worked out for Glen Close. You really want to go there?
"I am only 18." When, exactly, do you think you will become an adult? You can vote, federall... (read in full...)
Honeymoon & Birth control
Q. My fiancé and I plan on not using protection on our honeymoon except for when she says it's time to start "being careful". That should be about the last few days of our week in Florida. She isn't okay with birth control so I will use a condom. Her ...
A. 29 January 2011: The chances are excellent unless you use some form of birth control *every time*. The term for a woman who "isn't okay with birth control" is *mother*.... (read in full...)
Adding girth?
Q. Ok so I just wanted to know if there are anyways to increase gerth, I know that those penis enlargmEnts don't work, but what about adding gerth? Anyone try something out and have good results? Thankss...
A. 29 January 2011: If you're 22+, what you have is what you're going to be stuck with for the rest of your life. Learn to make the best of it. Which means, learn what she likes. {Hint: pleasing her doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how thick you are.}... (read in full...)
Married 5 years, still virgins, help!
Q. This year I will celebrate my 5 year wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, my wife and I are still virgins. I love her with all of my heart. People that know us think we have the most wonderful, romantic relationship. Love letters every morning before ...
A. 29 January 2011: You're at least 30 and perhaps 35. This isn't some adolescent whinging; you are a man approaching middle age, in a committed relationship.
I don't know under what rite you were married, but my marriage vows made it pretty clear that sex was in t... (read in full...)
How much patience is enough???
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 and a half years. I am a couple months older than him and I attend a university two hours away, while he is in his last year of high school. This is my first year at a four-year university. I went to a ...
A. 29 January 2011: Perhaps it's not correct to ask, but I sense a racial thing here. Is he Asian? This just sounds like a situation where parents from another culture are placing expectations on him that are different from what you want.... (read in full...)
Whats the appropriate age for sex?
Q. dear readers, i wanted to know when you people think is the appropriate age to have sex? i know you are supposed to when you and your partner feel ready, but is there a time that is t young? is 14 or 15 to young? what if you had been with your...
A. 29 January 2011: Yes, 14 or 15 is too young. At that age too much of your world is already changing, there's already too much to try to come to grips with.
Adolescent relationships can be huge, amazing, and that's a normal part of growing up. Hell, it's an essen... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mistress to get an abortion... NOW!
Q. Hi. Just seeking some advice. I have been married for 7 yrs been with wife for almost 15. she's older than me by a couple of years (I am 37 my wife is 43 and my lover is 35). , but I think she is my soul mate. I cheated on her before this time, but ...
A. 29 January 2011: You don't want to be judged as a loser or as a coward. I wonder how you do want to be judged? As a 30-something guy who lives like a 60s charachter from "Mad Men"? Back in the day when you could have a mistress at your beck and call and who would ... (read in full...)
I hit my girlfriend, is it my fault or hers?
Q. im 15 ma girlfriends 14 were in the same year but im not proud of what i did but i need some advice me and my girlfriend were arguing after something that happened at school i kinda said she was flirting with my bestmate because she was hugging him ...
A. 29 January 2011: The OP has had quite a few responses here, and there is a very clear consensus. The question is closed to further answers.... (read in full...)
Does this make him gay?
Q. My boy friend has a fantasie of me having both male and female sex organs, and he fantasizes' him preforming oral sex with the male organ, and also doing him from behind. Could this mean he is gay or bi and he's to embarrassed to say anything?? ...
A. 29 January 2011: I suppose you'll have to judge -- if your sex life is fulfilling, he's likely not gay. Bi perhaps.
Lots of couples never get to the point where they can share their fantasies. He's shown a remarkable level of trust by telling you somethin... (read in full...)
Parents are struggling financially. Should I let them move with me if I buy a new home?
Q. I need advice... well I moved in with my parents when my husband and I separated. My dad quit or got fired from his job, we really don't know the truth. I thought it would be a good idea that I pay them instead of staying on my own. Well I've been ...
A. 29 January 2011: Yes move on, but do not under any circumstances take any of your family baggage with you or you'll never have the appropriate chance to move forward with your life. Be strong. Be brutally honest if necessary. But allowing your parents and your ... (read in full...)
Birth Control - Spermice & Condoms
Q. Is there anyone here who uses spermicidal gel and condoms? I cannot use birth control pills because of a medical condition, so what I was wondering if anyone has personal experience with this or how it works? Would it be uncomfortable or anything? I ...
A. 29 January 2011: My wife and I used that method for some years. It's effective. And with practice it doesn't have to be the mood-killer that you might first think -- just have everything ready to go beside the bed for when the moment's right. We used Delfin.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my online friend my real name? And was it wrong of me to lie about my name?
Q. I started exchanging messages with someone I 'met' on a internet forum. Completely against my expectations, we still 'talk' about a lot after 3 weeks. The problem is that I didn't tell him my real name and he did give me his. (first names only, ...
A. 27 January 2011: Three weeks is way too early to provide any identifying information. I belong to a little chat group, only four people introduced to each other by one friend we had in common. I'm sure it was a year before we felt comfortable giving each other our ... (read in full...)
Baring my soul here after my life changed drastically. How do I salvage my marriage?
Q. Hi - I'm very curious to hear people's responses please. My husband and I have been together 14 years (Im now early 30s -he's mid 30's). I realize now that I met him at a very vulnerable time in my life. I needed a lot of attention and I was just...
A. 27 January 2011: I'm not sure that I have anything resembling wisdom to offer, but I couldn't let such a beautifully written and thoughtful post go unremarked.
It sounds like you're very self-aware, and that you've considered the situation from all angles. ... (read in full...)
Does my husband have the right to be upset about a one night stand when we were separated?
Q. I'm so confused and need some advice. Let me start out by saying I am married, I love my husband and I have no intention on leaving him. Basically my question right now is does my husband have the right to be mad and upset at me for having a one ...
A. 27 January 2011: Well you've learned a lot about your husband and his character, or lack thereof, haven't you?
I'm astonished that he has the nerve to reproach you for what you did. What chutzpah!
In most relationships a guy would be walking on eggshells aro... (read in full...)
How do we tell our parents we are in love?
Q. dear cupid my boyfriend is my cousin does it work?? how can we tell to our parents that we love each other??...
A. 26 January 2011: As I understand it marriage between first cousins is illegal in your country. That would tend to make people see the relationship as something of a dead end. Keep that in mind while you consider whether or not to tell your parents.... (read in full...)
Would it be better for everyone if I had an abortion?
Q. This is complicated but here goes... I got back together with my ex boyfriend about 4 months ago. He is going through a divorce. We have two kids and 5 and 9. I found out last week that I am pregnant. We have been keeping our relationship on the ...
A. 26 January 2011: Hon, nothing you do will make for a good relationship with this guy. He is bad news. Nothing you have said in your post says that he thinks of you before him. Nothing you have said says that he thinks of the children he has already brought into ... (read in full...)
I've coped a feel twice now!
Q. Oh where to begin, I am at a loss as for what to do. I am a young (17) bisexual male. I have a huge crush on a guy, and to be honest I think there is chance he might be gay/bi too. I am not proud of this next sentence but, when it was really cr...
A. 26 January 2011: Just to give a different perspective to the two replies I've seen. He might well have been horrified by what was happening and was frozen by it. If we were given a scenario from a woman groped in a crowded bus, I think you can imagine the ... (read in full...)
Mistrust: I haven't seen where he lives or anything in his world!
Q. Help! Ive been dating this guy for 6 weeks and it has been like a whirlwind! have had a fantastic time with him. However he is in the process of moving into his flat. I have shown him mistrust as i haven't seen where he lives and haven;t seen any...
A. 26 January 2011: Your gut is telling you that something's maybe a bit off. Go with your gut. By the time we're in our 40s we've learned a thing or two.... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend's mom doesn't like me!
Q. I have been dating my bf for over a year. I go to his house at least once a week and so I see him mom alot. I feel like she doesn't make an effort to get to know me. I am shy and soft spoken and bad with small talk but I try to say hi and maybe give ...
A. 26 January 2011: You're shy; his mother might be even moreso.
I have two daughters. One has a b/f who is remarkably polite and consistently makes an effort to get past my shell. Over time it's been reasonably effecive, and we on occasion will banter a bit. Th... (read in full...)
How can I get through to my sister?
Q. I need advice on something. My mother has been fighting cancer for 4 years now. Recently it went to her brain and before that had spread throughout most her body. The chance of survival is quite slim. Currently she cannot drive or do a lot of stuff. ...
A. 26 January 2011: Your sister is hurting. She's being confronted in very harsh terms losing someone important in her life, and she's still a kid. So she's reacting like a kid, by withdrawing by hiding, by basically checking out.
I'm not excusing her in any way,... (read in full...)
Are there any couples out there who are 100% faithful to one another?
Q. I dont know if it's because Ive been reading the articles on this site too often (this being a relationship help site and all), but it seems that everywhere I look, people are unfaithful to each other. Im basically asking, are there any couples ...
A. 25 January 2011: chigirl has it exactly right. It's awfully rare for someone to post on DC saying everything's great (although it *does* happen sometimes, and those posts are a breath of fresh air). There *are* lots of successful and faithful relationships out ... (read in full...)
I do not wish to attend my mother in law's funeral if husband's "Friend" will be there
Q. Very long and involved post so thank you very much in advance for reading. I have been married for a year but for various reasons my husband and I do not live together. This is mainly because I have a house from my previous marriage that my...
A. 21 January 2011: This is your opportunity to shine. To show class and demonstrate to your husband and his family why marrying you was a brilliant move. Say nothing about the other woman -- she's been a friend of the family forever and really ought to be there. ... (read in full...)
Advice for a guy that can't stand his little sister's boyfriend?
Q. I've been at a crossroads attempting to either force myself to like the guy or give up and pray my sister breaks up with him. I am not sure how long the questions usually are on this site, but if you have time for a back story, stick around! This...
A. 19 January 2011: Let it go. You can't live her life for her. Stick your nose where it doesn't belong and she'll stop taking your calls, brother or not.... (read in full...)
Do I stand my ground? She wants an open relationship, but I want none of that
Q. This is going to be a bit long, so I apologise. I am 22, and have never been fantastic with girls, and met my first (and current) girlfriend about 9 months ago. I had previously just come out of a failed attempt at a relationship that had left me ...
A. 19 January 2011: She was your first, and given that you're a wholly cow good guy you're going to want to hang on to that. I'd have the same feeling, in your shoes. But the fact of the matter is you aren't on the same ground as her. She has a different set of ... (read in full...)
Should I give in to him or stay sex free and single?
Q. My friend says he loves me,he's been loving me for three years,his feelings never changed,but he cooled down somewhat because i never used to take him on. Now im madly in love with (just out of an abusive relationship) but i know its not a ...
A. 19 January 2011: You're welcome, hun. Take good care of yourself. :)... (read in full...)
I'm not sure my husband loves me any more
Q. I'm not sure if my husband is in love with me anymore...We never just have sex when I am in the mood...only when he is, he has been wanting to try a swingers lifestyle and I’m just not sure that is my cup of tea...he has never laid hands on me ...
A. 18 January 2011: I'm not sure the question should be whether he loves you. Rather, it should be whether the life you describe in this post is the life you want to be living. You describe a man with a temper, who is controlling, and who may be having inappropriate ... (read in full...)
Should I bring new boyfriend (gay) to straight friend's birthday dinner?
Q. I've got a group of friends I've been hanging out with for a few years and I like them a lot. It's three couples, and me (a guy). Not only am I the only single one, I'm also the only gay one. We do not talk about my being gay, although I have ...
A. 18 January 2011: I think you're being very sensitive and thoughtful to all concerned. To my mind the only question is, will your boyfriend enjoy himself if you take him? Is he an outgoing sort who enjoys meeting new people? Or would he prefer to spend the time ... (read in full...)
My parents are urging me to delay the marriage
Q. Okay it’s me again I’m getting married in three months and my parents just sat down with me and told me that I should wait because we are not finically stable yet and because we don’t have a professional career. When I first told them about our ...
A. 18 January 2011: Is this sort of behaviour in character for your parents? Did any of your siblings go through it?
You've asked your parents outright if they're seeing something you don't and they haven't given you a straight answer. That suggests that their mo... (read in full...)
Should I give in to him or stay sex free and single?
Q. My friend says he loves me,he's been loving me for three years,his feelings never changed,but he cooled down somewhat because i never used to take him on. Now im madly in love with (just out of an abusive relationship) but i know its not a ...
A. 18 January 2011: You've answered your own question when you say you think he's being selfish. He's putting all kinds of pressure on you -- you had sex already with other guys, so why not with him?? As if losing your virginity somehow makes it right for him to ... (read in full...)
Broken family, broken spirit
Q. I'm nearly 16, am British but live in an Arabian country. Looking back, I remember my childhood as happy and stable, but behind the scenes my dad would cheat repeatedly. The final straw came for my mum when he slept with our in-house cleaner who was ...
A. 17 January 2011: Cerberus' suggestions are good ones. I have to think that any place is better than where you are. Shame on your father for leaving you in this situation. It's horrid that girls have to endure that treatment anywhere, but it must be even harder ... (read in full...)
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