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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: What can you do ,if someone does not want to resolve a conflict, and when you offer your solution for it, they don't care. Yet they think, they are right, and you can never get thru to them.My mother is blaming me for many thing , and it is damaging to me.But ,when I ask her, what is her reason. She does not want to answer. She would actually twist the truth any time, so she can win.I don't want to play her game anymore, and I offered her, to get things cleared in writings. My counselor recommended this because I can't take her abuse anymore on the phone or in person.It is ongoing, and seemingly getting worst. But she says no way, I'm not writing anything to you, and she refusing to remember to the things she told me. In this way, I can't have a relationship with her, as every time I see her or talk to her I need a week to recover. So what can I do/ ? Stop having relationship with her? Can I really do that? Or tell her, until she is not willing to write down her things, I don't talk to her? I fell bad, because I have a feeling she wants it her way... What can I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Your mother is what, 70 or so? Difficult people seldom improve with age.
Not having a relationship at all should be a last resort. What you might try is documenting in very precise terms the problem -- what she said, what the truth is, and how it made you feel. Give her a variety of examples, in writing. And make it clear that you can't go on like this.
The problem with cutting her off altogether is that, unless there is another sibling or someone else who will care for her as she ages, you will end up feeling terribly guilty. Nevertheless, needing a week to recover from a phone call hardly sounds like you have a relationship worth having.
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