A
male
age
36-40,
*avidale
writes:I want to start off my saying I know I messed up in the past and I know some people may not think I deserve forgivness but I am only trying to do what is best.When I was 20 I had a one night stand with a much younger girl Kylyn (she was 16), 4 months later she showed up at my work and told me she was pregnant. I was a complete ass and told her to leave me alone and she coudl handle "her problem herself". When my daughter was born she called me and I went to the hospital and together we agreed that we would try to get to know each other and work on a friendship for our daughter. everythign was good but when my daughter was 4 months old I had some stress about parenting and panic and took off. I refused to answer any calls for Kylyn and pretty much tried to pretend that they werent a part of my life. Just before my daughters 1st birthday I realized that I was missing out on my child and tried to see her. Kylyn and her parents refused to let me she my daughter so I went to court for visitation rights. for the past 18 months we have shared custody of Breanna. I understand why Kylyns parents hate me, I hate myself for what I put them through but I am now trying to do what is best for Breanna. A few motnhs ago I noticed a huge change in Breanna. Kylyn moved out of her parents hosue and in with her bf, (who is a known drug addict / and has served time for drug dealing). When I got to pick breanna up for her visits I notice that their apartment is filthy, that Kylyns bf's friends are always around (most of them have been in jail before), several tiems when I went over they would be partying with Breanna still in the house. I have heard from alot of peopel that Kylyn was using drugs also. I am concerned for Breannas safety so I called Kylyns parents to see what their thoughts on all of this were. I know that they hate me, I dont except them to love me. But they got angry aat me and said if I did anything at try and take Breanna from Kylyn that they would make sure I never got to see her again. I dont want ot take my child from her mother but I do want to make sure that she is livign in a safe enviroment. No I wasnt the best parent in tha past but I grew up a lot and I have learned from my mistakes. I cant let my daughter live in a house where I think she isnt being looked after, so I calle dsocial services to have them look into things and they agreed that the enviroment wasnt safe and breanna moved in with me last week. Now I have Kylyns parents taking me to court for custody trying to say I abandened her as an infant. How to show them that I only have her best interest at heart?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Well it seems to me that you have stepped up. My brother kinda went through the same thing don't feel to bad. So congrats. Anyway, you need to get the social worker to stand with you in court or whatever, they need to tell the judge what they saw. Now if the social worker said that the child is unfit to live with the mother then they are not going to just hand over the child to the grandparents. Especially if the father is there fighting for custody. I'm confident that if you talk to a lawyer and make sure your life is clean as ever like you have a job, child-care, a baby-proof house, love, no smoking, drinking, or drugs around the baby you should get custody. The grandparents might get visitation, but full custody I don't think so. courts don't want to take a child away from the parents and if there is one that can take care of the child (mother or father) then they will award that parent. Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Make sure your home is the best freakin home on this planet and you will get your daughter. All the best and I really hope you get custody and are the best daddy that baby can have. : )
A
female
reader, melanie01  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 You can ask the social worker for there evaluation on the mother's place. That would help in your fight for custody. You do have to prove that the environment that you live in is better though. Your history will come up but you need to prove to them that you will look after her and not abandon her if it gets tough. Courts do not like taking children away from their parents but will if it is in the best interest of the child. Make sure she is up to date with all her inoculations and such.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): You need to speak with a lawyer and get advice on what to do. Your daughter should not go back to her mom or to her mom's parents, that is obvious. She can have contact with them once mom is off drugs but not before. If her mom loved her she would not expose her to that environment and her parents would not allow it to happen either. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Sounds like you've manned up and taken responsibility, despite a rocky start. To the extent that you're giving us the straight goods, I commend you for looking out for the child's best interest.
The court will likely be biased in favour of leaving the child with her mother -- that's just the way it is. So you have to demonstrate that you have clue how to care for a child. Strike that - more than a clue. You have to demonstrate that while the child has been in your care that she's getting proper attention, nutrition and love. That she's in a safe environment -- since you're claiming that the mother is surrounded by druggies, that you're clean and sober. And that you have an appropriate support network -- for example that when you're at work that the child is cared for by appropriate people -- your parents or an accredited day-care facility. That the home you are raising her in is clean, organized, and stocked with appropriate items for child care and appropriate food. The onus will be on you to prove that you are providing superior care and a better environmnent.
You need to be very sure that this is what you want to do. Chances are that the court, even if they decide the mother is unfit, will award custody to her parents. Decide now how hard you want to fight this. If her parents are in denial about Kylyn's lifestyle, they may just give Breanna back to her once awarded custody, and you'll be right back in the justice system.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (15 April 2011):
 If you're going to court anyway, I would think that there'd be a way that you can document the state of the apt, I don't know if your lawyer has any ideas on this (ie. if he can go in there and take pictures, or if he can get a social worker in there). Maybe there's a way she can get drug tested as well. You definitely have to talk to a lawyer about this issue. I'm pretty sure you still have rights even if you were on shaky ground for a year, particularly if they could mess your daughter up for life. I would not feel comfortable with those bf friends in the house, particularly if my kid were a girl.
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