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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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I don't even know how to react! After 7 years part of me wants to move on, but then another part of me cant let go.....
Q. Bear with me this is a long one. Alright so 7 years ago a friend of mine introduced me to this girl over the phone while I was in summer vacation in my home town, we immediately hit it off and kept in touch through the phone, a few days later I...
A. 30 August 2011: I can relate to being hung up on someone. And I'll assume that you're here looking for objective advice.
Objectively, this girl has revealed a great deal about herself in seven years. If she's ever going to commit, there's something about yo... (read in full...)
My child found a porn video!
Q. Please somebody help me I need urgent expert advice! I just walked in on my 6 year old son watching a porn dvd. The dvd was one my boyfriend gave me for a laugh lastweek, I tossed it in the back of a draw without looking. I left my son watching ...
A. 30 August 2011: I think because he was being secretive he knew that it was somehow wrong. So he's not treating it like he didn't have any understanding at all. If he hadn't tried to cover up, I'd agree that it could be forgotten. But since he was aware at least ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for 3rd cousins to date each other?
Q. ok so I am in love with this guy and he is in love with me, we talk about the future and what we want to see in it, well the other day he told me that he want's to get married to me and have children the thing is that we found out that he is my 3rd ...
A. 29 August 2011: If you're third cousins, that means that the blood link between you is a great-great-grandparent --- in other words, it's so distant that there are no genetic issues at all. As to how your community would react (how would they even know?) your ... (read in full...)
Is 'friendship only' possible with the opposite sex?
Q. I am a woman who is looking for a friendship" only" with a man- what do you think?...
A. 28 August 2011: My wife and I are friends with another couple. The woman and I get along very well, and there is precisely zero sexual chemistry there. I enjoy chatting with her, enjoy her company, and wouldn't go to bed with her under any circumstance I could ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why the law dictates the age you can have sex
Q. Why does the law dictate when people can have sex? It doesn't make sense. If two people are both underage and have sex, are they seriously going to go to jail? Who would call the police? Why is it so bad that they needed to make a law about it? And ...
A. 24 August 2011: There are lots of things society says you have to wait until a certain age for. Drinking, driving, voting ...
The thinking is that people don't develop the judgement to make those sorts of decisions for themselves until they're 16 or 18 or 21 or... (read in full...)
How do you know if you will want to have children or not?
Q. Question for you since no one has a real good answer for me. My fiancee and I had a discussion the other day about having children. Up to this point in my life I have gone back and forth a lot. Sometimes I want a child, sometimes I absolutely do ...
A. 24 August 2011: It's funny -- when my wife and I were talking to the priest about our marriage vows, there was a sort of opt-out for procreation, and I was opting for that because I was thinking 'no kids'. And the priest said basically no, that's for people who ... (read in full...)
Thoughts on engagement rings?
Q. A friend of mine recently got engaged, and then broke the engagement off last weekend. Her now ex-fiance stated "that was a total waste of $4500" (meaning the amount that he spent on the engagement ring.) I personally agree that $4500 is too much to ...
A. 20 August 2011: My wife has been wearing her engagement ring 24/7 for coming up on 25 years. It wasn't huge or ostentatious, but it clearly was good quality since it looks just the same as when I bought it. If memory serves I paid $2,400 for it in 1987. I won't ... (read in full...)
Can't get it up please help!!
Q. ok before i ask my question let me tell you some information first... so i was in a 2 year relationship with my recently ex girlfriend. our sex drive towards each other was very strong...we had no problems with that pretty much as soon as i would ...
A. 20 August 2011: Bud, you're trying too hard and too soon. The plumbing simply cannot work if your brain isn't onside. You were in a LT relationship, you were in love. You have to get over that, and you aren't. It doesn't matter how hot the girl is, if your ... (read in full...)
I thought I was pregnant and needed some empathy from DC but I didn't get it!
Q. Dear cupid, you have done an excellent job and I am happy to be connected to this page. However, when I enquired if I could be pregnant(anonymous, 30 yo, fingered,?preganant),I needed an answer with some empathy. Your response was correct but ...
A. 20 August 2011: OP -- I'm a volunteer moderator on this site, and was the one who rejected your question.
I'm happy for you that you had the outcome you hoped for.
Your question was rejected because we have had literally hundred of submissions of "... (read in full...)
Woman on top - a position that arises many questions for me. Please help!
Q. This is probably the most embarassing question ever posted here: I am ashamed of using the position woman on top because I have very few experience(only had 1 partner and we only tried several others) and, most importantly because although I have a ...
A. 18 August 2011: I can't imagine how the image left on his retinas could be better. I'm sure he is very happy -- most men quite like the position and the image. Don't worry -- you're almost certainly giving him the thrill of a lifetime.... (read in full...)
Virgin wants to have an affair with a married man
Q. Okay. This is really crazy but I want to have an affair with a married man. He wants me, too. BUT, I am a virgin!!!! He has no idea. I have been putting it off because I am a virgin but it has come to the point where we can't hold off sex any ...
A. 16 August 2011: Assuming he's your age, I suspect that he'd never have imagined he'd have a shot at a virgin at this point in his life. I have no doubt that he'd be quite thrilled. One of the really great things about virginity is that you can't be compared to ... (read in full...)
Can an 18 year old student consent to sex with a professor in Canada?
Q. What are the age of consent laws in Ontario, Canada regarding having sex with someone in a position of authority? Can an 18 year old student consent to sex with a 27 year old professor?...
A. 11 August 2011: It won't be a question of criminal law as much as the university's code of ethics. No doubt the university will have that code posted on line.... (read in full...)
I can't seem to become attached to this child inside me
Q. Please help me people. I'm 4 months pregnant and this whole time I've been up and down. But lately I'm really feeling resentful to this thing in my stomach and don't know what to do. I'm not with the father we really can't stand each other. That's ...
A. 22 July 2011: Hon, I can't tell you from first-hand experience, but I know lots of gals who've had babies, and what you're feeling is very common. You're at the point where all you're doing is giving -- you're creating a child, it's making your life difficult, ... (read in full...)
Husband says he didn't buy extras at a strip club, but he spent a lot of money.
Q. My husband went to a strip club (more than once) and spent alot of money. He says he had beers and a few dances, but no extras. I'm having a hard time believing his story, but don't want to end our 38 years of marriage, if he is telling the truth. ...
A. 20 July 2011: Right, I completely get what you’re saying. You two made vows, and he’s broken his side of it. He’s 60, he’s been married since he was 22. 38 years. Your vows said foresakeing all others, until death do us part. And you have reason to think ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with my mother?
Q. Hey everyone, I have a issue with my mother......I'm 18 and I recently moved out. My mom is seriously crazy as in mentally ill and I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with her! hopefully you guys can help out and tell me what she has and if she ...
A. 19 July 2011: There's nothing you can do to make your mother get help. At best her husband might be able to, but it sounds like he's on her side, so that's not going to happen.
You can help your sister. If you think that your sister might end up being su... (read in full...)
Is this best option? Am I wrong in now not wanting to attend my son's wedding after all the humiliation he has put me through?
Q. I recently split up with my partner of 7 years. I've kept myself busy with preparations of my sons wedding in 2 weeks.It has stopped me from mourning my loss, and helped me fight the tears and pain that are tearing me up inside. I loved my partner ...
A. 19 July 2011: Your family is going through a great deal of stress at the moment. Even the happiest of weddings creates stress in the planning stages. And your break-up on top of that -- I can imagine how hard it's been to keep it together under those ... (read in full...)
Husband of 17 years left last week, already wants our kids to meet his girlfriend!
Q. My husband of 17 years left me last week and the children (aged 12 and 14) were naturally upset. Well me too, but this question is about them, not me. He has moved in with another woman, who he apparently met in the pub about 2 months ago - she...
A. 19 July 2011: My parents split when I was 12, and my father moved to another city. I went to visit him a month later, and at that airport he introduced me to his "friend". I hadn't any idea that there was another woman involved. I was distinctly unimpressed ... (read in full...)
Husband says he didn't buy extras at a strip club, but he spent a lot of money.
Q. My husband went to a strip club (more than once) and spent alot of money. He says he had beers and a few dances, but no extras. I'm having a hard time believing his story, but don't want to end our 38 years of marriage, if he is telling the truth. ...
A. 19 July 2011: Was he with a group of friends and buying rounds? Does he drink a lot -- even beer in those places is expensive. How do you know how much he spent -- was it on a credit card? I don't know how it works, but I kind of doubt that you could put ... (read in full...)
Why can't my man give me his all?
Q. what do i do if i feel my man of nearly 2 years is not giving me his all, its LDR we see each other best we can and we commited and loyal to each other, text when we say we are going to text, talk on the net everynight, but i am getting like a cold ...
A. 16 July 2011: It's sounds like you are quite self-aware. This line is particularly important:
"...i need a lot of hugs cuddles reasuring that things are fine ..."
I would think that what you need would be awfully difficult to get in a LDR. It's not unreaso... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a two-year-old to want to nap/sleep/lay on her dad's chest?
Q. Is it normal for a two year old girl to want to nap/sleep/lay on her dad's chest? She's definitely a daddy's girl but a friend of mine told me she shouldn't want to lay on him. As soon as he lays down even if she's not going down for a nap or rea...
A. 12 July 2011: I think my kids were soothed by my body heat -- I could often get them to sleep by holding them when my wife couldn't. At two I wouldn't think there's anything wrong here at all. On the contrary -- how wonderful that she finds her Dad someone she ... (read in full...)
I never have wet dreams. Is that unusual?
Q. I have never in my entire life had a "wet dream." Sometimes, I have dreamed about having sex, but it's not a common dream for me. I once told a friend that I never have these nocturnal emissions and he said I must just wank off too much. Well, I ...
A. 9 July 2011: I think they're much more common in the early teen years. I doubt I've had more than one or two since I was 15. I'm sure the interval between ejaculations is different for everyone, but I'm thinking it would have to be a couple of weeks before I'd ... (read in full...)
How do we approach our daughter about her relationship with an older guy?
Q. Help, we need advice on what advice to give our daughter. Our daughter just turned 16, and we've finally allowed her to date. She has gone out on group things with both guys and girls, but we've just allowed her to 'single' car date. Problem is this ...
A. 7 July 2011: I commend you for your concern and your attitude. Your comment “I know our daughter is going to make her own decisions, and my wife and I can only hope that our values and morals have somehow stuck in her head” is exactly which I hope and believe ... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a virgin?
Q. Hey, so im 16 and im dating my brothers friend who is 23. We are very close and have no secrets. He wants to marry me and have me live with him once I turn 18. He has this issue down south and he gets an extremely unbearable pain if he doesnt have ...
A. 7 July 2011: First, you're being fed a very, very old line. He doesn't get "unbearable pain". He may feel unbearably horny, but that never damaged anyone. He's trying to guilt you into having sex. That's a very slimy tactic, and reflects badly on his ... (read in full...)
Is this marriage worth fighting for?
Q. We're in our late 30s and we've been married for a decade. She was a little overweight then, and became moreso, and has now been (my best guess, she won't ever tell me real numbers) 90-100 lbs overweight for most of our marriage. It tears me apart...
A. 24 June 2011: The marriage is worth fighting for if you feel it is, and it sounds like you do. I'd suggest that you start by seeing a counsellor by yourself, to sort out how you're really feeling about things. If that process affirms that you do want to try to ... (read in full...)
I am not ready to be in the delivery room with my wife!
Q. Hi, my wife is about to give birth and I am not ready to be in the maternity ward when the process begins. I have no one else to be there with her as we are in a foreign country on our own and this is freaking me out. My wife thinks I will be there ...
A. 20 June 2011: Hearty congratulations to you and your wife. How wonderful that all is well. Enjoy the next while with its new joys and challenges.... (read in full...)
Please help me save my marriage...
Q. My wife and I have been together for 16 years, married for 13 years. During this time we got along well in a day-to-day sense, but 5 years into the marriage she moved out of our apartment and into an apartment of her own. The ostensible reaso...
A. 17 June 2011: You've posted such a detailed and well-crafted question, I feel I owe it to you to offer some words of wisdom. Unfortunately I have little to offer.
Yes, you have made great strides in your communication -- that's rather amazing after so many yea... (read in full...)
Male partner texting/sexual interactions with other men!
Q. My partner and I have been together for over 20 yrs and have 2 children. I have recently discovered he has been txting men and has on at least 3 occasions had a head job from another man and has returned the favour - this is what he has admitted ...
A. 16 June 2011: Uh, no, what you describe isn't what I'd call normal hetersexual behaviour. I don't really know that it matters what it's called. The fact is that he cheated on you, betrayed the trust of your and your children, and potentially exposed you to ... (read in full...)
Are third cousins blood related?
Q. So, i have this third cousin. Hes my grandpas, brothers, daughters, son. He just told me hes in love with me. We met last summer, and we didnt know we were realted. And we both gained feelings for eachother. I love him, he loves me. But we're ...
A. 15 June 2011: Not that it's terribly important, but you might enjoy this link:
http://www.genealogy.com/16_cousn.html
... (read in full...)
Are third cousins blood related?
Q. So, i have this third cousin. Hes my grandpas, brothers, daughters, son. He just told me hes in love with me. We met last summer, and we didnt know we were realted. And we both gained feelings for eachother. I love him, he loves me. But we're ...
A. 15 June 2011: Actually he's your second cousin, and yes, you are blood related. But the relationship is distant enough that legally and genetically there's nothing to worry about. The only real issue is if your family is likely to have a problem with it. Talk ... (read in full...)
I was giving my husband a blow job and my son walked in on us!!
Q. So.. I was having a rather pleasant time pleasuring my man... yes BJ ... we have been together 20 years - married for 14 and have 2 young children.. 2 and 5 yrs. We had not closed our door as we tend not too because we can generally hear o...
A. 14 June 2011: Kids don't dwell on stuff that freaks us out, as long as we're blase about it. One of my kids (ca. 5 years old) walked in on us and asked what we were doing -- "oh, mommy and daddy were just playing". No harm, no foul, and not, as far as I know, ... (read in full...)
Somebody please talk me out of cheating.
Q. Somebody please talk me out of cheating. I am married with kids ( marriage has become a little boring , rutine and very predictable), but I'm craving that excitement of the affairs. I know for sure I WILL NOT get caught ever, and I am sure I WILL N...
A. 14 June 2011: You won't feel guilty? Can I ask how you were married? What vows you took?... (read in full...)
I think my son had sex with his cousin, how do I talk to him about this?
Q. I am a single mom of 2 and this subject is very sensitive to me and embarrassing but I need some advice on this matter. My son is 15 and my sister has a daughter that is 14. So they are cousins. My sister informed me this weekend that her...
A. 13 June 2011: Before you say anything to your son, think through what you want to accomplish with the conversation. Is your sister alleging that you son pressured his cousin, or that the sex was in any way other than consensual? Or is this simply an instance of ... (read in full...)
28 years later and I want to know what her sexual past was
Q. hi i have been married to a wonderful woman for 28 years. i met her when she was 16 and i was 20. i was with prostitutes from 18 till before i met her. i could not have sex with girls i went to school with and take what did not belong to me,so i ...
A. 12 June 2011: Right then. You are in your 50s, you’ve been with your wife for 28 years. In the two years before you met you now wife you went with prostitutes. You met a girl and tried to have intercourse with her, outside of marriage, when she was 17. You ... (read in full...)
We need help planning our wedding!
Q. I need help! My fiancee and I were planning on getting married in Vegas next January. We have had it all planned out, I didn't want to get married here for numerous reasons. We wanted to do something all inclusive and cheap but still elegant and ...
A. 12 June 2011: Just out of curiosity, what's wrong with a house or back yard?
A couple of generations ago, say before 1950, the point of the wedding was to make your vows in the presence of witnesses. Look at photos from marriages during WWII -- the bride wo... (read in full...)
I gave her my all, but was it enough?
Q. I just turned seventeen this week. I met a girl over the summer and fell in love with her. Just the way she looked at me and the way she would smile just blew me away. a month and a half into the relationship I lost my virginity to her, wasn't p...
A. 10 June 2011: There should be no regrets when you're sure you gave it your all. You're a romantic, and you did it up right. For now it seems like the outcome sucked. Later you'll be able to look back with pride. Keep that romantic spark burning in your soul, ... (read in full...)
Caught my dad red handed with porn, what do I do?
Q. I don't know wha to do. This evening I walked down stairs to find my Dad in the sitting room on his own watching "Pornhub". He wasn't doing any hand 'business' but it was clear what was going on. I dont mention it at the time. But i am now left ...
A. 10 June 2011: We don't like to think of our parents as sexual beings. But the fact is that they are. That can be expressed between them in their bedroom, or not, as apparently has become clear humourously in your family. And it can be expressed in other ways, ... (read in full...)
For the men: what perfume do you like on women?
Q. Question for the men: what kind of perfume/scent do you like a woman to wear? Do you like flowery scents? Woody? Fruity/Citrusy? Musky? Or any other kind, take your pick, I'm really curious what the general consensus is on perfume. Thanks! :)...
A. 10 June 2011: Some perfumes work with a girl's body chemistry, and some don't. Nothing my wife has ever tried has ever worked, including perfumes that I absolutely swoon over on other girls. So "whatever works for you and your chemistry" is my answer.... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my husband doesn't find me attractive!
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 26 years. He just turned 49 and I am 48. In the begging it was very nice. We have 3 beautiful girls. But now , we hardly ever have sex. . He does not seem interested even though we are alone,and we...
A. 9 June 2011: It might not be about you -- it might be about him. If he's having performance problems he might find it easier to just avoid the whole thing. Has he had a proper medical evaluation recently? There are health issues that might be contributing to ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell him his sexual habits are strange for me...
Q. Hi guys, I just want to ask is it normal for a guy to lick his own come? It's just after we've finished having sex, my boyfriend will go down on me and put is tongue right inside me to get all my come and his come in his mouth... I was just ...
A. 9 June 2011: Everyone has different things that turn them on. I don't know how many guys like to do that, but enough that there's a name for it: "eating the creampie". It's really not a question of whether it's common -- it's a question of whether or not *you* ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my parents about my online boyfriend coming to visit me?
Q. Sorry, this may be a bit long. I have been talking to my boyfriend online for two and a half years, and we have been together for one year. I truly enjoy his company and love nothing better then spending time with him. We broke up awhile ago be...
A. 9 June 2011: Personally I think by the time you're 19 you should have a bit more separation from your parents. If you are concerned that they'll interfere, and you're otherwise taking the appropriate precautions you've described, then don't tell them.... (read in full...)
Is a long-term, happy marriage even possible?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 25 and although I've always thought I want to get married someday, I'm starting to wonder if ANYONE ever stays truly happily married. Almost everyone I know has been cheated on or cheated on their significant other. The way I lo...
A. 9 June 2011: It's true that the new days in a relationship generally have a pretty strong focus on the physical stuff. It takes a lot less than 30 years for that to die down.
A successful marriage is about building a life together. It's about having each oth... (read in full...)
I am not ready to be in the delivery room with my wife!
Q. Hi, my wife is about to give birth and I am not ready to be in the maternity ward when the process begins. I have no one else to be there with her as we are in a foreign country on our own and this is freaking me out. My wife thinks I will be there ...
A. 18 May 2011: You haven't said what your concerns are about being in the room. Are you afraid you'll faint? Afraid of blood? If you tell us why exactly you can't be there perhaps we can help.... (read in full...)
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