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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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My estranged mother's funeral....the worst situation I will ever allow myself to be in...
Q. I had not spoken to my parents or their families for some years. To cut a long story short - I spoke out about being abused as a child by my father and they all took my father's side - my ex husband and his family included??? I was cut out from ...
A. 15 October 2011: Well done! There are few things as wonderful as putting something you've been dreading behind you.... (read in full...)
With my depression and with my wife being so distant. I just want to end this marriage...
Q. I have been married for 5 years. The wife is OCD, and Has a lot of anxiety. Mostly with people. Which made me pull away from a lot of my friends because the relationship was new, and good. I wanted to be just with her, and no one else. But her lack ...
A. 14 October 2011: You recognize that you're depressed -- that's a good start. You mention that you've been seeing a counsellor -- that's great, but have you seen a doctor? I have to think that making major life decisions, like leaving your marriage, while you are ... (read in full...)
How to tell husband you are leaving him???
Q. Because of some horrible problems, that can't be worked out, I am leaving my husband. But how do I say it?? We (he) are/is purchasing a home, but the agent has been pretty rude to me, so I want out of the deal and the marriage. Should I just go ...
A. 14 October 2011: No, don't skip his calls. Tell him up front. And tell the agent. Make sure the agent knows that you are no longer a party to the home purchase, before anything is signed, so that you limit your financial liability.
Your husband must have som... (read in full...)
Should I be hurt by his ultimatum?
Q. My fiance' and I got into an argument bout his job and its influence. I feel like a dirty secret. He says he wants to keep his home life seperate from his work life, ok. Yesterday he was called into work, just to realize that they didn't call him ...
A. 14 October 2011: You are so disturbed because he's just told you how little he values you. And the relationship you thought you had.
He wants a seperate life from you, and was annoyed to find that you learned that "being called into work" meant going out for ... (read in full...)
I feel like we should be working on our sex life even if we're not having sex
Q. Me and my man been together for 3 1/2 years now and been having sex. Sex went from everyday, down to once every week, down to once every month, and down to 3 months passing no sex and then we decided to not have sex until we are married. We are not ...
A. 14 October 2011: Hun, I'm sorry to tell you this, but he's just not that in to you. There is no good marriage in your future from what you've described.... (read in full...)
Is my post-orgasm refractory period unusually long?
Q. When I have sex, I typically have no physical interest in sex again for at least half a day. And if I do try to have sex at that time, arousal is difficult unless my wife is wearing something particularly arousing. Also, the orgasm takes more time ...
A. 13 October 2011: olderthandirt: thanks for that, you're just a friggin ray of sunshine. ;)... (read in full...)
Is my post-orgasm refractory period unusually long?
Q. When I have sex, I typically have no physical interest in sex again for at least half a day. And if I do try to have sex at that time, arousal is difficult unless my wife is wearing something particularly arousing. Also, the orgasm takes more time ...
A. 13 October 2011: I don't think I've ever discussed it with other guys, so I have no idea what the norms are with this. For me the period has become longer with age. At 18 it was essentially nil, by my late 20s it varied from maybe 15 minutes to an hour, depending ... (read in full...)
My estranged mother's funeral....the worst situation I will ever allow myself to be in...
Q. I had not spoken to my parents or their families for some years. To cut a long story short - I spoke out about being abused as a child by my father and they all took my father's side - my ex husband and his family included??? I was cut out from ...
A. 12 October 2011: I'm sorry for your loss, and for the torment that you continue to be exposed to.
You have learned that no one from your past life is going to be there to support you. That's incredibly difficult; as wrong as it is, though, it's the world you live... (read in full...)
My sister-in-law drives me nuts!
Q. My wife and I have been together since college. During that time I have gotten to know her sister well. In fact, she even lived with us on two occasions. One, when she divorced her husband and moved in with her toddler son for a few months and t...
A. 11 October 2011: It sounds very much like what you see is what you're always going to get. If she's been this way since her teen years and she's now in her 30s, that pattern won't be changed without a very major shock to her system.
You're describing someone ... (read in full...)
We messed around and ended up having oral sex, now he isnt answering any of my calls or texts! I've never felt so cheap in my entire life!
Q. I had known my friend and her brother for almost 7 years, and although I wasn't as close to him when we were younger (due to the 3 yr difference) I used to have a big crush on him. After years of not talking, we messaged each other back and forth on ...
A. 11 October 2011: YouWish said it better than I could have. Spot on.... (read in full...)
Concern for my cousin.
Q. Concer for my cousin,My cousin was a beautiful and well shapely lady. About two or three years ago her husband caught her and another man in their home. Well, since this incident, she has lost a great deal of weight, her mind is as though she has ...
A. 10 October 2011: If you have reason to believe that she's stuck in an abusive situation, the people to contact are the police. But you'll need evidence to convince them to make an enquiry.... (read in full...)
Am I Too Sensitive?
Q. My husband and I have only been married 3 years. We are both in our 50's. We usually get along very well and he's always been very respectful of me but recently we have had some really severe financial problems that have put a bit of a strain on ...
A. 10 October 2011: You've only been together a short while, so he just chose you, he's not stuck with you. It may not have been the greatest one-liner, but that all that it sounds like it was. Laugh it off -- your life will be much easier if you can.... (read in full...)
Husband is forcing me to forget the other man and love him again.
Q. Hi Cupids. I am in a very difficult situation and I need help. I had an emotional affair with a married man for a year. I told my husband about it and now my husband no longer trust me. I fully understand his feelings and he has a right to t...
A. 9 October 2011: OP, I'm going to focus on your follow-up. That describes a situation that's abusive -- you say that he hit you for the first time, and that he's otherwise been emotionally abusive. The fact that you're in a very financially-challenged situation, ... (read in full...)
I'm insecure about my inner lips ever since one guy said they looked weird!
Q. hi, so this is more of a body issue question.. I am 21 years old and I'm a virgin. I have had oral sex once a couple years back but it has really made me isecure. I have larger inner lips 'down there' (labia minora) and the guy I had oral s...
A. 7 October 2011: I don't know what was going through that guys head -- only a complete idiot (or someone too immature to be doing that stuff anyway) would make such a comment.
I'll tell you what I've told many posters here before -- any time I've even been in ... (read in full...)
No sex in months in an otherwise turbulent relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. Quick background...We met online on a dating site and after 3 weeks we moved in together. Sex life was great. Then it started slowly down. At that time I thought 2 months without sex was a ...
A. 6 October 2011: OK, let's see if I've got this straight. You argue to the point where the police get involved. He's on probation, so you had to cover for him on a crime. He's controlling to the point where he's actively interfering with your friendships. He's ... (read in full...)
Married to rich girl, but her parents don't wana see me attending parties at their place, my wife doesn't know this, what should I do know?
Q. I am married to a girl for last 10 months with whom I was in a relationship for one year before we got married December last year. She is from extremely rich family and my monthly salary is equaled of her daily pocket money . Somehow she ...
A. 4 October 2011: Abella is quite right. Her parents don't approve -- of her choice of partner or her choice of lifestyle. So they're trying to drive a wedge between you. What father would encourage dishonesty in his daughter's marriage? And you're falling in to ... (read in full...)
The relationship has lost its spark
Q. I am 20 years old. I have been with my boyfriend who is 25 for a year and a half. We moved in with each other pretty much straight away, about three months in... for the first 3 months of being with him we had sex maybe twice a day... always t...
A. 4 October 2011: You've described him taunting you, belittling you, and even hitting you, all "in jest." He's uninterested in your welfare if he can't be bothered to escort you at night in a bad part of town. He notices other women but not you.
My question... (read in full...)
How do I deal with feeling so Betrayed? My husband told family intimate details of our sex life.
Q. My husband recently told my family that I let him try anal sex. This was really rude, disrespectful, and certainly uncalled for on my part. I am really upset that he felt it was 'ok' to share this private and personal information with my family of a...
A. 2 October 2011: My jaw dropped when I read this. That is so far out of bounds it's stunning. I can't imagine what was going through his mind that would make him blurt out such a thing. Is he a mama's boy? Have there been other instances of him missing the whol... (read in full...)
Do we tell the parents of my son's girlfriend that we walked in on them having oral sex?
Q. My husband and I walked in on my 17 year old son performing oral sex on his girl friend who is 16. My husband and I disagree on what we should do. I think that we should call her parents and tell them what happened. My husband on the other hand said ...
A. 1 October 2011: I have daughters who are 16 and 18, and no, I'm quite sure I wouldn't want to get that call from their boyfriend's parents. I've had my chance to let them know what our views are about sex. They are launched into the world now armed as best I can ... (read in full...)
I need to start over, and could really use some advice on how to do it
Q. Hello. I'm not doing so well. My life doesn't seem to be getting better. And I really need some advice. I been though physical and sexual abuse when I was younger, and It's been making me feel depressed all the time. I know people say I need to ge...
A. 29 September 2011: You are right to think that getting a job and a place of your own are the right first steps. Your attitude about honesty is commendable, but in job interviews there are shades of the truth. Most people have doubts about themselves, but no one who ... (read in full...)
My family life is beyond miserable!
Q. Hi, so im 20 years old, and my family life is beyond miserable. at age 13 i learned my mom was cheating on my dad, so i told him thinking it was the best idea. It wasn't, instead he started to rape me and use me sexually as a way to get back at ...
A. 28 September 2011: That's wonderful news -- good for you!!... (read in full...)
I just want to write, but my parents just want me to be rich.
Q. I need some advice You see, I'm an artist at heart right? basically a writer. I go to a highly respected creative arts school to study creative writing. Its like college course stuff for high school students. I'm in my first year and I'll...
A. 24 September 2011: Kiddo, the best advice I ever got was to keep your options open. It's really true that a thousand plus people are putting their stuff out the on YouTube every day. Yep, one or two of them are brilliant and will get to make a life from their art. ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my wife. Should I tell her?
Q. I cheated on my wife 14 years ago. I didn't have an affair. It was just one day in a motel room with an ex-girlfriend. I felt terrible about it even as it was happening. My wife does suspect something may have happened. In fact, I think she susp...
A. 18 September 2011: I suppose the answer would have to do with how badly this issue is festering in your marriage. If it's frequently mentioned, I could imagine sitting her down and hauling everything out. But to be honest, I don't think she'll believe you that you ... (read in full...)
My mother is emotionally and physically abusive
Q. Ok I am aware this doesnt really have anything to do with love but I really really need advice here or input of some sort so if you could all please read and help me id be soo grateful. So here it goes...I have an awful relationship wit...
A. 16 September 2011: Your first and only objective must be to do what is right for you. It sounds like you have an opportunity to do better -- if you are sure that some limited amount of time will advance you significantly, then by all means do so. The better your ... (read in full...)
I'm so confused! This unplanned pregnancy could cost me my job and I don't know how my children would react to this!
Q. I don't even know where to ask this question. It is such a dilemma and heart wrenching. About 18months ago I had the worst thing happen in my life. My husband suicided and and left me with two sons 8 and 10 at the time. I have been strong and have ...
A. 16 September 2011: First let me tell you how sorry I am to hear of the trials you've had to endure. I can only imagine how hard it was for you and your childen to lose your husband and their father.
It must have been a great comfort for you to have found someone ... (read in full...)
True or False: Men always think the grass may be greener with someone else?
Q. This is a question for men to answer true or false. If you're female, do not answer. This is an unanswerable question by a woman. Here is the back story, or skip to the bottom for the question. Last night while watching t.v. a character we both...
A. 16 September 2011: Not many guys could give such an honest answer and get such a reasonable reaction. He's a lucky guy!... (read in full...)
Virginity, sex and relationships
Q. Good evening, I have thought of something that rather disturbs me and has for quite sometime. I'm currently 22 years old and I'm a virgin. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed by it, but it seems that virginity is lost in highschool to th...
A. 16 September 2011: I'm sorry but with due respect that's not what people have been saying. You have two premises in your followup. First, that you have to accept that any girl you're interested in will have had casual sex, and second,
that a girl who has had sexu... (read in full...)
I have concerns about my son dating a Turkish girl
Q. I've got two children, a 17-year-old son and a 22-year-old daughter. We went on a family holiday to Turkey last month for 2 weeks, and it was pretty much great - Mediterranean sun, beach, breeze, cool air, etc. However, you normally hear abo...
A. 15 September 2011: We have had the odd "horror story" here about these situations, but the only ones I can think of involve foreign women falling for Turkish men. You've said that you're confident that she's not looking for a meal ticket. What else might you be ... (read in full...)
Do you think my dancing instructor is interested in me?
Q. Ok i'm 26.. my question is direct and simple.. two days ago while i was at the dance studio (where i train regularly as a dancer), i asked my trainer what time i should be there the next time.. and he put his arms over my shoulder and said six ...
A. 14 September 2011: Is this typical of how he behaves with the other students? Is he naturally a person who touches more than you would expect in your culture? If the answers to those questions are 'no', then it would indeed seem like he is expressing interest.... (read in full...)
True or False: Men always think the grass may be greener with someone else?
Q. This is a question for men to answer true or false. If you're female, do not answer. This is an unanswerable question by a woman. Here is the back story, or skip to the bottom for the question. Last night while watching t.v. a character we both...
A. 14 September 2011: For what it's worth I'd say 'A'.... (read in full...)
True or False: Men always think the grass may be greener with someone else?
Q. This is a question for men to answer true or false. If you're female, do not answer. This is an unanswerable question by a woman. Here is the back story, or skip to the bottom for the question. Last night while watching t.v. a character we both...
A. 14 September 2011: False. I can't speak for anyone else, but the idea of a relationship with someone else doesn't cross my mind.... (read in full...)
How can I nudge him to confess? I'm way too shy.
Q. I'll just jump right into it, I had a minor crush on this really sweet, kind, shy, humble type of guy who would do all these little small things for me all the time and not asking for anything back. The problem was I was already currently seeing...
A. 13 September 2011: Spend time with him. Go for coffee, go for lunch. Take his hand. Put your hand on his shoulder. Get more and more comfortable together. The closer you get, the easier it will be.... (read in full...)
Personality, breast implants?
Q. This is a question for guys to answer please. Imagine if you met and started a relationship with an early forties female who looked between five and ten years younger, very good looking and who had had one child when she was previously married at a ...
A. 13 September 2011: OK, my bias is that I hate implants. I feel pretty strongly that natural is better. My wife breastfed three babies, she's 46, and I love what she has. Are they as perky as they were when she was 18? Probably not. On the other hand, I suspect that ... (read in full...)
I'm so afraid that I'm not going to be able to have a baby!
Q. Hi all. Im having some issues. Im really scared of my womb or my ovaries being damaged or getting cysts or cancer. All i want in life is to become a mother and have a happy family with my boyfriend. But im so scared that im not going to be able to ...
A. 13 September 2011: You live in the U.K., so you have access to the NHS. A thorough physical examination will cost you nothing, and will put your mind at ease. Have yourself examined by a qualified physician. ... (read in full...)
Virginity, sex and relationships
Q. Good evening, I have thought of something that rather disturbs me and has for quite sometime. I'm currently 22 years old and I'm a virgin. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed by it, but it seems that virginity is lost in highschool to th...
A. 13 September 2011: I'm not quite clear what you're asking. Are you thinking that you'd be better off losing your virginity with a girl who is also a virgin?
If you didn't 'lose it' in high school in some meaningless fling, you can count yourself lucky. The peop... (read in full...)
I've had a crush on her since 1981. Now that I've told her she has stopped contacting me
Q. Hi, I have a friend on Facebook. I have known since 1981. I have had a crush on all this time. The 20 years that I didn't talk to her, she was still on my mind. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, or ever will. So I wrote to her ...
A. 8 September 2011: You put it out there, and I'm sure that was a difficult thing to do. As Birdy said, there are all sorts of details that would help us answer you better. But the fact of the matter is that how you felt in 1981 may be quite alien to her in 2011. ... (read in full...)
He gets mad when I don't want sex!
Q. Hey guys, i'm 15 and basically i've been with my 16 year old boyfriend for 3 and a half months now, and we started having sex 2 months into our relationship. since then we've had it 37 times. I don't know if its right but I feel completely taken for ...
A. 7 September 2011: Oh my, 37 times in six weeks???
There is so much wrong here I don't know quite where to begin. First, he's telling his friends about what goes on between the two of you in private? Surely you can't be comfortable with that. What you describe... (read in full...)
Do ALL men really watch porn??
Q. I guess I should ask this as a curiousity question, aimed at men preferrably. Now, I have been on this site awhile and asked and answered a few questions. What I always hear on the topic of porn- ALL MEN WATCH PORN. Is this true? Now I will say...
A. 7 September 2011: There is no such thing as 100% of people doing anything (other than perhaps breathing and eating). Of course not all men watch porn. If your guy doesn't have a sex drive that's particularly high he certainly could be getting all he wants and needs ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to talk to me about his fetish for 'shemales' so we can start building the trust again?
Q. So i realize that other people have posted on here about this topic but i was kinda looking to see if anyone could give me advice on my paticular situation. I've been dating my bf for about 3 1/2 years now and we have lived together for a good ...
A. 6 September 2011: You have worked very hard to make it clear to him how important this trust issue is to you. You've spoken to him about it, you've broken up with him, and took him back only on the condition that he be honest and open. Frankly you've done all you ... (read in full...)
How do you give a hickey?
Q. Its a random question but how do you give hickeys/love bites? My friends told me all you do is suck on the skin but for how long? I tried giving my boyfriend one last night and Nothing happend. Seriously How do you like make them??...
A. 3 September 2011: You have to suck pretty aggressively. The harder you suck, the sooner it will appear. Say 10-30 seconds?... (read in full...)
How do men really feel about wives and girlfriends?
Q. I would like advice from the guys out there please. I see a lot on the internet and t.v. and so forth about when guys all hang out together, such as the ball game or the bar, guys night out. They all bash their wives or gf. They say "being with ...
A. 31 August 2011: Right, so you're out with the guys for a beer. You're all married for a few years, probably have kids. Actually getting out for a beer is a rare thing. Ya you can talk about baseball, which you do. You can talk about politics, which you do. ... (read in full...)
I don't even know how to react! After 7 years part of me wants to move on, but then another part of me cant let go.....
Q. Bear with me this is a long one. Alright so 7 years ago a friend of mine introduced me to this girl over the phone while I was in summer vacation in my home town, we immediately hit it off and kept in touch through the phone, a few days later I...
A. 30 August 2011: I can relate to being hung up on someone. And I'll assume that you're here looking for objective advice.
Objectively, this girl has revealed a great deal about herself in seven years. If she's ever going to commit, there's something about yo... (read in full...)
My family life is beyond miserable!
Q. Hi, so im 20 years old, and my family life is beyond miserable. at age 13 i learned my mom was cheating on my dad, so i told him thinking it was the best idea. It wasn't, instead he started to rape me and use me sexually as a way to get back at ...
A. 15 March 2011: You have a joint bank account with them. You can go to the bank, alone, and have your name removed from the account. If they've already "drained" it, then there's no loss -- they've taken whatever money you had. What you can do is prevent them ... (read in full...)
My family life is beyond miserable!
Q. Hi, so im 20 years old, and my family life is beyond miserable. at age 13 i learned my mom was cheating on my dad, so i told him thinking it was the best idea. It wasn't, instead he started to rape me and use me sexually as a way to get back at ...
A. 15 March 2011: No, not in the least bit rash. The sooner the better. If anything, this move is overdue.
Once you've settled in a new place, please check what counselling services are available. As wonderful as your bf is (and bless him for helping you get ... (read in full...)
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