A
male
age
41-50,
*netvingt
writes:I'm in a great relashionship. I love my girlfriend, I admire her and I really see a great future and family together. We are both 27, on the verge of buying a house and talking about having kids. Still... I'm a stupid guy with a stupid instinct. Every once in a while I get depressed because I don't see my love life as exciting as the sight of a beautiful girl walking by. Then I'm thinking "oh my god will I ever sleep with a girl like that?". How do you get past the excitement of the female stranger? Hey family guys, how did you manage to keep it together?
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 OK, as a family guy? Sex and drama? Sure, sex is fun, a new and hot girl has the novelty factor. No doubt you've been there and done that. At 27, isn't that getting a bit stale? If not, it will, sooner or later. And if later, you'll be too old to get a keeper.
After 20+ years with the same girl, there's no drama and I don't miss that one bit. We're on the same page about everything important, our kids are flourishing from the base of a stable background. We're a team and have each other's back, no question and no worries.
Do you give up the thrill of the new and different? Yep. What you have to do is decide whether you're ready for that. The thing is, you don't get to have both -- a stable, caring relationship with a future; or variety. At some point you have to choose.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (25 May 2011):
 As a guy, I think we tend to look at woman as conquests. By nature, I think, we were meant to pro-create fairly freely. So what you are experiencing are some natural feelings and they are largely based upon fear.
What the rational, and mature part of you needs to say though is that you've found a fantastic woman that you are planning a future with and that while you could do better, you certainly could do a LOT worse (read some of the questions here and you'll find out how much worse). Next time you see a hot girl walk by, imagine being tied to her and her doing something that totally irritates the heck out of you and you having to live with that for the rest of your life.
We all make sacrifices when we commit. Just make sure before you become "permanent" with your girlfriend, that she's the right one for the long haul. Invest enough time into getting to know her, her character and her family. Be sure you share common goals and beliefs. Hopefully you've dated enough bad apples to know that you've finally found a good one and that she's a keeper.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I am 31, and I can absolutely speak to what you are going through. It may sound simplistic or clichéd, but I can promise you that when you meet the right person everything will change.
Last Summer I asked the powers that be why I was never interested in the same girl for long. It wasn't a sex thing, as if I didn't care for a woman after I had had sex with her. Even women that I had not gone that far with fell into the same pattern for me.
I would be interested at first, even borderline infatuated at times. Yet every single time there would be a day when I would wake up, and just not feel the same way anymore. I just wasn't really interested in that particular woman, and I couldn't really put my finger on the reason. I was always the one losing interest and eventually breaking up with the girl, or intentionally sabotaging the relationship (does that sound familiar?).
Part of it is love addiction, which I highly recommend you take some time to research. A love addict feeds off of all the elements that are found in new attraction and the unattainable. When the relationship begins to solidify the love addict quickly has an insatiable appetite for these feelings, and the more he/she craves those feelings, the less fulfilled they are.
And it is the other woman, the one that you make eyes with at the coffee shop, or the co-worker, or the best friend, that you begin to crave something new with. The possibilities. And I would often project what I wanted in a woman onto these women. Which of course would always end in disappointment.
So, as I was saying before, I asked the powers that be to please show me if there was something I needed to change in me, if my perspective was just completely off. I asked whether I was even capable of being in love with someone. Then...I met a girl.
And BAM!!!, I couldn't even think about another woman. And it really wasn't infatuation, it was just very clear that this woman really had my heart. And I was in love for the first time in my life, at the age of 30. I had never experienced anything like it. The level of comfort. The constant attraction. The complete inability to even think about another woman.
Then, she cheated on me. Not fun. And I learned that she had not been honest about a lot of things. And that she did not even consider my feelings at any point.
But you know what? Once the dust settled, I realized that my question had been answered. I could fully love one woman. I could be so happy with one woman that I didn't care about any other.
And this woman is 33, and has two amazing kids. I never once was hesitant about the fact that she had kids. In the past, I probably would have some reservations about dating a woman with two kids. If only because I have very high expectations for how a parent should live and behave, and I am a single guy who has not had any practice behaving like a parent.
So, was my heart broken? Absolutely. Did I eventually come to terms with the fact that she never really loved me in the first place, that what she meant by "love" was completely selfish? Yes. Yes I did. And this website played a crucial part in that process for me.
But now I have hope. Now I know what love feels like. And I won't hold it against any other woman that she did what she did. I look forward to finding a woman that is true in her heart and words.
I have also grown by leaps and bounds in understanding the role of love addiction in my life. Know this: Everyone falls into one of two predispositions, love addict or love avoidant. And the worst part is, these two are intensely attracted to each other. Any guess as to where that leads? :-)
The love addict craves being ever closer in every possible way to another, often without even really knowing or being honest about who the other person is. The love avoidant is never completely comfortable with intimacy, and goes to great lengths to keep from being fully known by their partner.
I know I have covered a of different subjects, and I hope I didn't get too far off track!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): It would be great to have both worlds: an intimate fulfilling relationship with a woman you love deeply, admire, etc...and to F a hot girl on the side here and there. I just don't think it's possible to have both. I do not believe you can be truly intimate, fully connected, to a woman you are cheating on. Looking back on 18 years of marriage, and 24 years of monogamy, the depth of feeling and love And passion I have for my wife is so overwhelming - to compare it to the couple dozen passing hotties I F as a young man, is just laughable. It's like comparing wan king off with really having sex. They are both fun, but if you couldn't do both, and had to swear one off forever, which would it be?
Steady as you go. The rewards of a truly close, intimate and fulfilling monogamous life with your wife come slowly and with time, but run much deeper than a quickie in the back seat of a car or a cheap hotel room somewhere
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I don't think you ever stop wondering what it would be like with someone else but it's not a bad thing. When you look at someone else and wonder what it would be like to be with them you can think to yourself why you are with your gf instead. I think of it as compition in the dating world that gives us the chance to see and appreciate what we have. The grass may be greener and if it is then we have to do what makes us happy but more often the case is that no matter how hot the girl walking by is to look at it wouldn't be worth giving up the great relationship you have and have built with this person.
I think that answers how you keep it together and as for the excitement I think that it would be bad if those thoughts stopped completely. We aren't really able to see what we truely have unless we have something to compare it to.
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