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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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I wasnt the best parent myself, and I don't want to take my child from her mother but I do want to make sure that she is living in a safe environment.
Q. I want to start off my saying I know I messed up in the past and I know some people may not think I deserve forgivness but I am only trying to do what is best. When I was 20 I had a one night stand with a much younger girl Kylyn (she was 16), 4 ...
A. 15 April 2011: Sounds like you've manned up and taken responsibility, despite a rocky start. To the extent that you're giving us the straight goods, I commend you for looking out for the child's best interest.
The court will likely be biased in favour of leavi... (read in full...)
Views on kids before marriage?
Q. Hey Agony's :) I just wanted to get the older and younger generations views on premarital children. I see that a lot of people nowadays are having children before even thinking of marriage. I was just curious as to what all of your opinions wer...
A. 15 April 2011: One of the real eye-openers about DC is the number of people who seem quite blasé about having kids without marriage. I don't know if that's because those are the people who happen to find this site or if it's really a reflection of what's going on ... (read in full...)
What to expect at a 12 week doctors appointment?
Q. i am about 12 weeks pregnant and going to the drs for my first appointment. i am supposed to get an ultra sound. what sould i expect? is there any tests or exams? any questions they will ask me? how do they do an ultra sound? please tell me what to ...
A. 14 April 2011: For an ultrasound, they'll put some gel on your tummy and then slide a little wand over your skin. It doesn't hurt. Might take 10 or so minutes.
See if you can get a copy of the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting"
http://www.am... (read in full...)
We hardly ever have sex anymore. I'd like this other man on the side. What should I do?
Q. i'm 42 yrs old and my husband is 52. i'm happily married and do not want to leave or lose my husband, but we hardly ever have sex. well a month ago i went on a little vacation and i met another man and yes, we did it 1 time, and it felt sooo good ...
A. 13 April 2011: Your question was "what should I do?" Given your follow-ups, I wonder if you might tell us what you think the options are. Are you wondering if you should tell your husband? Continue the relationship?... (read in full...)
At what age is a woman no longer attractive?
Q. When does a woman lose her "hotness"? What age is considered no longer attractive? I would love to hear all opinions from women, men, all ages. Thanks!...
A. 13 April 2011: The older I get, the higher the 'cut-off' gets. When I was 18, 30 was like, "are you kidding??" Now I see lots of women in their 50s who are very fine, thank you. ... (read in full...)
Would this be enough of a 'gift' for an anniversary?
Q. From a male point-of-view, I know guys aren't the most materialistic people in the world. So let's say your girlfriend of 1.5 years puts on a sexy piece of lingerie and entertains you, would that be enough of a "gift" for your anniversary? Thanks...
A. 12 April 2011: Caring Guy is wrong. It's not "yes." It's "HELL YES!". ;)... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend is very afraid of loss.
Q. My boyfriend grew up with his dog, and the two of them were incredibly close. She would have done anything to protect him and they were best buddies. I'm sure from what I've written so far, you can tell that she passed away, about a year ago. He's ...
A. 12 April 2011: I don't think there's anything you can do for him. We all heal at different rates, and he just needs time. Just be as understanding as you can -- he'll become more balanced about loss and protectiveness as time goes by.
FWIW I was an utter ba... (read in full...)
Is there a reason why this guy goes into so much detail about his sex life?
Q. ok, i need answers from guys. this question is hard to explain, but thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and answer it for me.. ok, i am in a long term relationship, and we have very different schedules, so we e-mail very often, actually...
A. 12 April 2011: Some guys never develop an appropriate sense of boundaries. He sounds like one of them.
I had a friend once who used to give me waay more information that I ever wanted about his sex life. I suppose he thought it was appropriate for his guy frie... (read in full...)
Sex starved by wife. Is it ok for me to find a similarly sex starved lady available for sex?
Q. Been married for 11 years. hardly have sex with my wife because she is hardly ever in the mood or want me to have sex with her. Have to content with secret masturbation many many times. Have never had sex with another person except my wife since ...
A. 9 April 2011: You'll have a tough time getting folks here to condone cheating on your wife.
You're doing the right thing by working on reconciliation. You have to make it clear to her that, from your perspective, the marriage cannot work without sex. That's a... (read in full...)
I can't erase the imagine of me being in her mouth
Q. I formerly formulated a question concerning how I and my girlfriend had some bad experiences with oral sex. I got answered quite well but one thing still rests in my mind. It's as though, when I look at her mouth, I can't help but thinking ''My cock ...
A. 8 April 2011: You have gone beyond what your maturity can stand. In other words, you went too far too fast. That's not her fault. That you can't handle it is *your* problem. You liked it, it felt good, but you weren't ready for it because you're now having ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and his sons always pick on my mentally handicapped son
Q. I have a boy friend whom has 2 boys.. I have 3 young children my self... My boyfriend hates my oldest son and him and his boys always yells at my son and picks on him cause hes mentally hanidcap... What do i do ? Do i leave my boyfriend?...
A. 7 April 2011: You are your children's #1 protector in this world, a role that's all the more important when one of them is handicapped. Bringing people into your childrens's lives who dislike them and mistreat them is letting your kids down in a very big way. ... (read in full...)
Is it true that you're a slut if you have big labias?
Q. Im officially freeking out. Im in a LDR and ive been with my bf in real but we obv spend more time online together. Well i dont remember what happened but my bf turned round to me and was like im gonna make up somethin about u then and tell so...
A. 6 April 2011: I was going to try to write something insightful and then I see mishmash has said it all. Your bf doesn't have a clue about anatomy, or about being a decent bf.... (read in full...)
My son will only get financial help for college if I remain umarried for 2 years, but when my fiance found out he took the ring back and demands I marry him next year and leave my son alone in my house!
Q. dear cupid , hope someone can help me. i was planing on marrying this july. well my son got full fiancial aid for college books . everything . well i cant marry for 2 years now, they go by your income. i asked my guy to wait and he got mad. too...
A. 5 April 2011: My attitude is that kids always come first. Your son getting a full-ride scholarship is fantastic -- a wonderful opportunity at a time when opportunities are in short supply. You shouldn't do anything to jeopardize it. And no, if you don't think ... (read in full...)
I got really trashed. My flat mates think me a disgrace. What should I do now?
Q. Yesterday was the Annual Welsh Varsity. It's basically Swansea vs Cardiff in a whole range of sports which culminates in a rugby match at the Millenium stadium with Swansea vs Cardiff. Naturally we won and thrashed Cardiff. After we got home 2 of my ...
A. 2 April 2011: What you did, while a bit on the extreme side, is hardly unprecedented. Lots of young guys make that sort of an error in judgment. Fortunately you lived to tell about it.
Your flatmates will abuse you with this for as long as you know them -- ... (read in full...)
Is HPV a major cause for concern?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a few questions regarding HPV... Obviously any sort of virus is a cause for concern, but it seems recently HPV has been talked about heavily, especially for and by women. I recently saw an ad on the TV for some drug for women a...
A. 29 March 2011: You may find this link useful: http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm... (read in full...)
I don't know how to overcome my fear of giving presentations.
Q. I've recently posted questions on here about doing presentations and some people gave some advice saying that I need to make sure that I am prepared and everything however I don't think this is the problem. Weeks before the presentation I get real...
A. 28 March 2011: The other two responses are great. I'll just add, think about how you feel when you're watching someone else give a presenation. Are you sitting there hating them, judging them, thinking they're stupid? Or are you wishing them well, knowing how ... (read in full...)
I think my bf said his ex-gf's name when we were making love. How should I react?
Q. Well, I don't doubt that my bf loves me. He has never done things with his past girlfriends and I know it because I was his friend before we are bf-gf. Anyway, last night while we were making love. While he was very hot, I thought I heard him ment...
A. 26 March 2011: Oh lord, those of us who have made this faux pas cringe about it forever. And it takes a genuinely self-confident woman to laugh it off. I haven't seen my ex for close to 20 years, and frankly I'd cross the street to avoid her. But periodically... (read in full...)
My bf is a nsaty drunk who is ruining my life, but if I leave him, I will be completely alone.
Q. My boyfriend is a nasty drunk. hes put me threw hell for years with his drinking. he lies constantly about if he drank. recently i came home from work and he was drunk, ranting and raving. i ignored him and after 3 hours of his bullshit he passed ...
A. 26 March 2011: First of all, talk to these folks: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ They exist for people in your situation. No one deserves to live the way you describe. Al Anon might help you open your eyes to options you didn't realize you had. Good... (read in full...)
What do I say to my daughter who wants birth control?
Q. My 16 year old daughter came up to me last night while I was making dinner and asked for birth control. At first I didn't say anything I was in total shock. Let me give you some back story. She's a good kid. She's no straight A student and she'...
A. 26 March 2011: Give yourself a big pat on the back. If it's tough for you to hear, imagine how tough it was for her to ask! But you have nurtured a close enough relationship that she was able to do the responsible thing -- that's as good as parenting gets.
... (read in full...)
Introducing the kids - good timing vs. bad timing
Q. My birthday is coming up in the next month, my BF is fairly new (4-5 mos) and he hasn't met my kids. I'm waiting to see if this blooms into something serious. I'd like to invite him to my home for my birthday dinner with the kids since he's now a ...
A. 24 March 2011: You haven't said how old your kids are. That's a rather important detail. I'm guessing from your age that they're teenagers?
One of the things I stress often here is the danger to children of being exposed to a single parent's serial relation... (read in full...)
12 year old looking at porn?
Q. my 12 yeras son is looking on porn on his computer its that normal...
A. 23 March 2011: It's normal for him to want to look. That doesn't mean that you should allow it. Porn at that age would be his first exposure to sex -- it would teach him all sorts of misconceptions that could affect real relationships with real women in the ... (read in full...)
Wife cheated, broke the law, I just want to end marriage but hate divorce!
Q. Hello: This has been going on for 2 years. Been Married 20. She IS controlling, manipulative and abusive both verbally and physically. She had affair/lived with another man/Filed for divorce 10 years ago. She broke the law, was convicte...
A. 23 March 2011: I'm all for sparing kids the effect of divorce if it's at all possible. My parents divorced and I didn't like it one bit. But sometimes it's just not possible, and this sounds like one of those times. Sometimes people can manage to stay t... (read in full...)
I found porn on my 53 year old dad's computer
Q. My dad is 53yrs old.. a very simple, sober and decent man who practices meditation daily. But today when I went on his laptop, there were loads of porn (hardcore) websites in his browsing history. Is it normal for a person like him to be looking ...
A. 21 March 2011: I suppose it depends on what sort of relationship you have with him. But my first instinct here is to wonder how on earth this is any of your business? What do you expect him to say to you? Do you really want to know about his sex life? If my ... (read in full...)
Am I now considered a hooker?
Q. I am 19 year old female. I live in an area where there is a lot of prostitution. I have always fantasized myself being a working girl so I like to dress the part and walk around the streets to see how many men proposition me. When they do I just ...
A. 21 March 2011: It's really up to you whether you're a prostitute or not. If you care to go out again and are open to taking money for sexual acts, then yes you're by definition a prostitue. If this one-off is the last time it ever happens, then no. But I have ... (read in full...)
Do men prefer virgins?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a little question I was just curious about, Do men prefer a Virgin? I'm not planning on having sex soon at all but all my friends are doing it and I don't want to. I just wondered if when I'm around 19 and have a boyfrie...
A. 21 March 2011: I met a girl in first year uni who'd never so much as kissed a guy. We had a great relationship. And she was 19. Waiting will do you no harm at all, and will save you all kinds of drama and pain. Good for you for being so thoughtful about it!... (read in full...)
How do I get my parents to allow my bf and me to be alone together in my room?
Q. I have no doubts that my boyfriend cares for me, we are both happy together and spend alot of time together, however, even being almost 17 my parents refuse to allow us to be alone or even accept the fact we are sexually active. this has res...
A. 21 March 2011: Almost 17, and you expect your parents to allow you private time together? You're living under their roof. If they don't condone what you're wanting to do, then it's entirely right that they don't give you the space to do it.
If you want to ... (read in full...)
Married 2 years and we're both still virgins!
Q. I've been married for 2 years and my husband has a pre-ejaculation problem. I am a virgin and so is he. I am getting frustrated every time we try to make love and he would ejaculate before he can even penetrate inside me. He just cannot control it, ...
A. 20 March 2011: If he's in his early 30s as well, he should still be good for more than once a night. So get him off then fool around until he's ready to go again. Guys always last longer the second time.
And -- try as close to every night as possible. The rea... (read in full...)
My son is growing up fast, maybe too fast?
Q. Hello, if you are willing to offer advice, I would appreciate it. I'm doubting you've already read my "column," but I have two twelve-year old boys, and a three-year old daughter. I understand that the time for "crushes" and "wondering about sex" ...
A. 20 March 2011: This situation has some plusses and minuses. The fact that the girl is so much older likely means she won't let him go beyond what's appropriate -- she may have the experience/maturity to tell him to back off if the tries too much with her. ... (read in full...)
Got addicted to on-line interaction and want to stop
Q. I am going to ask again a question I posted yesterday but I am going to summarize things because I have realized people simply tend not to answer long questions. For those who want to take a look at the original question: ...
A. 20 March 2011: I don't think anyone needs to know, at least until you're comfortable telling them.
Nothing wrong with pen pals until you are in a relationship, you're right.... (read in full...)
Got addicted to on-line interaction and want to stop
Q. I am going to ask again a question I posted yesterday but I am going to summarize things because I have realized people simply tend not to answer long questions. For those who want to take a look at the original question: ...
A. 19 March 2011: Yep, delete that stuff. Then don't hang around at home. Go out and so stuff you like to do. That way if you meet someone while doing that you'll have at least one thing in common -- it's a great conversation starter. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend went out with ex for a drink, I feel uncomfortable about it
Q. My girlfriend of 6 months just went and saw her ex of 2 years for a drink which I no it was only a drink when I phoned her there was other people around them but she sounded very happy and would say she loves me in front of him she said she couldn't ...
A. 19 March 2011: Yes, it could be bad. She could be lying and she could be cheating on you. Lots of things 'could' happen. Do you have any concrete reason to doubt her? If so, address that with her, so you can either put your mind at ease or move on. But ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend went out with ex for a drink, I feel uncomfortable about it
Q. My girlfriend of 6 months just went and saw her ex of 2 years for a drink which I no it was only a drink when I phoned her there was other people around them but she sounded very happy and would say she loves me in front of him she said she couldn't ...
A. 19 March 2011: Whoa, bud. Just relax. She's chosen to be with *you*. He's an 'ex' for a reason. They didn't work out, she's being gracious about it in saying good-bye. If you want her to have second thoughts about being with you, then by all means freak out ... (read in full...)
What is precum?
Q. I have heard the word many times. I am from Argentina, so English is not my first language but you probably won't be able to notice because I'm good at it. Still, there are some words I don't know. What the heck is precum? What does it look lik...
A. 19 March 2011: "Pre-cum" is a secretion from the Cowper's gland. It's a fluid that neutralizes acidity in the urethra to make it a more hospitable environment for sperm as they pass through. It's a clear fluid that also acts as a lubricant.
http:... (read in full...)
Got addicted to on-line interaction and want to stop
Q. I am going to ask again a question I posted yesterday but I am going to summarize things because I have realized people simply tend not to answer long questions. For those who want to take a look at the original question: ...
A. 19 March 2011: "Meeting" people online is easy and it's without risk. If you find that they're no longer meeting your needs, if they're no longer interesting, you stop responding. It's clean, it's easy, no harm no foul. In the meantime, while it *is* working for ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my parents to buy me a vibrator?
Q. Just as a background story, I am fifteen year old girl, I have never had sex (and don't aim to lose my v-card until I am at least eighteen) and I'm in my tenth year at the moment. I am constantly seeking sexual pleasure. I started masturba...
A. 19 March 2011: Mishmash gave you a great answer. I have to think, though, that any reasonably large city will have shops where you can buy what you want for yourself. It's an intensely personal thing, and unless you have a truly exceptional relationship with one ... (read in full...)
How do I explain to my husband that his son is ruining our marriage?
Q. 5 yrs ago my husband and I got married. he had 2 children 14 yr old twins Mitchell and Megan. I love them like they are my own children but I feel like I have done all I can for them. Mitchell is a smart, talented boy that some where along the line ...
A. 18 March 2011: You're in one of the toughest situations possible. Dealing with addiction is incredibly challenging; as a step-parent even harder. It sounds like your husband is enabling his son's behaviour, so things will never get better.
A couple of sugge... (read in full...)
I desperately want to save my marriage, but I don't know what to do...
Q. My husband and I have recently separated. We've been together for 23 years and married for 18. We have two children. My husband initiated the separation, but, for reasons I won't go into now, there are many things that I have done to help create the ...
A. 17 March 2011: Oh my. You're on quite the journey.
It sounds like you've got a good start on understanding why you did what you did, that you've had some sincere and effective introspection. There's no guarantee, of course, that that will be enough, but it's... (read in full...)
Marriage has gone from husband/wife to mother/father
Q. I've been married for 7 years, and have two beautiful children who mean the absolute world to me. Since our first child was born, our relationship seemed to go from husband and wife to father and mother, with the entire emphasis of our relation...
A. 16 March 2011: You're not alone.
Check out this website:
http://trinaread.com/
and in particular the tab "Have Sex After Kids".
Trina Read is a sex therapist here, who realized after having kids that her own husband was very unhappy with their sex lives. T... (read in full...)
Does going away together mean sex?
Q. Hi I'm 17 and might be going away with my long time boyfriend for the first time. Is it likely that he might be thinking that we're going to have sex for the first time then? We're adventurous but haven't gone "all the way" yet. It'd be in a pr...
A. 16 March 2011: Without knowing him or the context of your relationship, I can only say that it would hardly be a surprise if he thought that sex was in the cards.
As for dealing with the perceptions of others, you deal with it by not putting yourself in situatio... (read in full...)
What can I do to improve my erection or sexual performance, short of taking ED medication, and what effect will the advised measures have on me?
Q. I'm looking to maximize my physical sexual potential, and have seen a good deal about kegel exercises made. However, I'm still unclear as to when they can be effective. As a 17 year old, what, if anything, will Kegel exercises do for me, and if t...
A. 15 March 2011: At 17, and being as physically fit as someone with the workout routine you describe, you have nothing to worry about. Sure you can do Kegels, that's not going to hurt anything. But the fact of the matter is you are at the absolute peak of what ... (read in full...)
I desperately want to save my marriage, but I don't know what to do...
Q. My husband and I have recently separated. We've been together for 23 years and married for 18. We have two children. My husband initiated the separation, but, for reasons I won't go into now, there are many things that I have done to help create the ...
A. 15 March 2011: I'd like to help, but honestly, without knowing what you feel you have to atone for, I don't know what to say. It sounds like he's trying to make this as easy as possible for the kids, which says *good guy* to me. ... (read in full...)
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