Due to health issues, asking a relative to help seemed like a valid option. My relative is reluctant to help. What are my options?
Q. I have a dilemma and I'm looking for some advice! I've recently been diagnosed with cancer and am thankfully getting treatment but unfortunately this has meant an extended period of time off work that I was financially unprepared for. I will n...
A. 8 March 2017: Before you go to your grandmother, you should talk to a social worker first. There are a lot more sources of financial help than just the government's payments. You're in the UK, so I don't know what they have specifically in your country, but ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a female coworker to complain about her relationship to a married man to gain his sympathy?
Q. Looking for other opinions Is it ok for a female coworker to complain about her relationship to a married man to gain his sympathy? Should the married man explain to her that it is inappropriate and stop inviting her to discuss her problems...
A. 8 March 2017: To amend, the YES I spoke of was not to the question of the title, but to the last sentence of the OP's post:
"Should the married man explain to her that it is inappropriate and stop inviting her to discuss her problems and literally cry on his s... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a female coworker to complain about her relationship to a married man to gain his sympathy?
Q. Looking for other opinions Is it ok for a female coworker to complain about her relationship to a married man to gain his sympathy? Should the married man explain to her that it is inappropriate and stop inviting her to discuss her problems...
A. 8 March 2017: The short answer is YES. A married man can have female friends, but there are emotional boundaries as well as physical ones. Not only that, but there are professional boundaries as well, being that it's at work, and crying on someone else's ... (read in full...)
My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?
Q. I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...
A. 7 March 2017: I think I need to break with my esteemed fellow aunts here on this one.
Your daughter's 22 years old. While you'll always be her father, and she'll always be your daughter, she's not a kid, nor is she a teenager. She's an adult now, and as fooli... (read in full...)
Can I trust him is he a cheat
Q. I did something bad...... I catfished my boyfriends ex and found out some horrible things. They used to have group sex Go to sex parties He use to be on drugs all the time He was kicked out of his old house cause he stole drugs from his ...
A. 7 March 2017: What you did was legitimate research on this guy you're with. I'm curious as to what tiggered your desire to look into his past.
I don't believe in hacking or snooping into privacy, but you didn't do that. You didn't break into his phone or... (read in full...)
Heroin addict stares at me?
Q. This man has been on heroin crack methadone you name it and I know he still at least has methadone and crack. I'm lead to believe opiates kill sex drive so why does he keep on staring at me? I don't think he just stares because he's off his nut, ...
A. 7 March 2017: Opiates don't kill sex drive. They dampen the sexual response and arousal, but they don't kill it.
And like the other person said - an out-of-control addict not in a methadone program who's really caught in it sees everything and everyone... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to use him for sex?
Q. So there's this guy that fancied me. I sleep with him but don't have no feelings. Is it wrong of me using him for sex when he wants more ...
A. 7 March 2017: YES! You are doing it fraudulently. If this guy knew you had no feelings for him and never would, would he be okay with hooking up with you just as an F-buddy?
To be honest, you should tell him how you feel, that you see him as a nice no-strin... (read in full...)
Terminally ill friend offered me her husband
Q. My best friend is suffering from a terminal illness and said something to me that I'm not sure what to about. I'm divorced and haven't had good luck with men and she has been happily married for 10 years. She and her husband are truly great people ...
A. 6 March 2017: Uhh yeah. Say NOTHING to him about it as long as she's alive!! This isn't the time to be acting on feelings! She is thinking more about being guilty and bad for leaving her husband alone after she dies, and it is highly inappropriate to consider ... (read in full...)
She has no idea her ex cheated on her often! Should I tell her?
Q. I'm in a very very sticky situation. I have 2 very close friends. 1 who is male the other is female. Both of the 2 used to date for over 4 years, they had just recently broke up about 9 months ago and I was always very close with the male. He was ...
A. 6 March 2017: I would not have recommended the letter had not the woman actively been talking about getting back with him.
Also, in part it's cowardice that kept people from otherwise spilling about this guy, as well as self-interests. "Shooting the messenge... (read in full...)
She has no idea her ex cheated on her often! Should I tell her?
Q. I'm in a very very sticky situation. I have 2 very close friends. 1 who is male the other is female. Both of the 2 used to date for over 4 years, they had just recently broke up about 9 months ago and I was always very close with the male. He was ...
A. 4 March 2017: Unfortunately, you *are* in a sticky situation because before she became your friend, you did conceal and approve of his treatment of her while they were together, or else your anonymous letter would have let her know to get away from him.
Howev... (read in full...)
I am a married woman who has sex with strangers when I travel for work!
Q. I am a married female looking for some help. This is going to sound crazy but I have always had a high sex drive. I met my husband and everything was great. We had two kids, and he is such a good man. Provides well, if I had to honestly rate hi...
A. 2 March 2017: Make no mistake, it is only a matter of time before he DOES find out, and he *will* find out. It's amazing how non-anonymous anonymous sex actually is! I don't agree with what you're doing, so I'm not going to help you hide your tracks, but they ... (read in full...)
I am a married woman who has sex with strangers when I travel for work!
Q. I am a married female looking for some help. This is going to sound crazy but I have always had a high sex drive. I met my husband and everything was great. We had two kids, and he is such a good man. Provides well, if I had to honestly rate hi...
A. 28 February 2017: Sorry, but you're having sex with everything on two legs, and you invoke his having a lunch with an ex before you married as an excuse??
You're an oathbreaker several times over! You're not just devastating him, you're devastating your children... (read in full...)
I do not enjoy being 30 pounds overweight. How do I come to terms with the fact that the medication I must take is also making it much harder to lose weight?
Q. A combination of menopause and necessary medication is making it extremely hard for me to lose weight . The medication is actually what caused the weight gain and through working with my dr I did try alternatives but nothing else seemed to work for...
A. 26 February 2017: Speaking as someone who also takes medication that can have that side effect, I can tell you that spending time with a dietitian is *the* saving grace, and has kept me in shape when other people have gained easily 100+ pounds in the same boat I am. ... (read in full...)
He looks at naked women online but said he'd leave if I posted nudes of myself!
Q. I want to post nude pics of myself on an amateur site . It excites me to imagine men getting off to pictures of my naked body . My husband is against it and says he will leave . He looks at other men's wives naked and at porn . Why is it ok for him ...
A. 21 February 2017: Actually, it's not the same thing, because you're not making the correct comparison.
The correct comparison is if you were looking at porn and he threatened to break up with you because of you getting off on other men (or women's) bodies. That's ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt my girlfriend but after 3 years I am not sure that I want to be with her
Q. How can i break up with my girlfriend? Im not sure if i even want to. We have been together for three years. We have been having problems recently. She told me she was not sure where we were going, that we were stuck in the same old patterns doing ...
A. 21 February 2017: Your feelings on this are quite correct.
She hedged her bets with you, which is a really shady and callous thing to do, to be honest. She should have broken up with you altogether instead of putting you in limbo with this "2 week break" thing de... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed and violated that he's been snooping on me on my phone! There's no reason for him to do this!
Q. I'm so angry as I write this post and a little confused. I was talking to my boyfriend of 9 years the other day and he asked me about something that happened to one of my friends that I could of swore I never told him, I brushed it off thinking...
A. 20 February 2017: Here's the thing:
I know exactly how you feel because I have been on the receiving end of snooping as well, only in my case, it was old-school pre-internet days. It was back in the days when everything was on paper and I have always been meticulo... (read in full...)
My 16 year old sister is sexually active, without birth control. Should I just come out and tell my Dad what my sister told me ?
Q. My dad is a single dad , he does a great job raising my sister and I but he's a little clueless in the age girl department. He believes everything my sister tells him. I've seen her come home drunk and convince my dad that she had food poisoni...
A. 13 February 2017: No birth control because she's afraid her dad will find out?? Not a thought about pregnancy being a much bigger neon sign. If it were my older brother, he would have probably rung my boyfriend's neck and scared him into next week, but then again, ... (read in full...)
I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?
Q. Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...
A. 5 February 2017: It's good you came here first. I know it hurts. You probably feel like there's a ripping hole straight through your gut right now. Many of us are aunts because either we ourselves or someone we love felt the same thing and we want to help others ... (read in full...)
Should I dump uni' for a small screen role?
Q. Hi everybody, I have a difficult decision to make. I am a student at uni studying accountancy. About half a year ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and was allowed to take break from my studies. I was experiencing a deep depression and took this ...
A. 30 January 2017: Is there a way you can take online courses while doing this screen role?? Many credits can be earned online. Is this an offered option at either the UNI you're attending, or a uni whose credits would transfer?... (read in full...)
Why would my co-worker buy me coffee and a muffin?
Q. Today one of my coworkers that I'm friendly with surprised me with coffee and muffin from a fast food place. I normally get to work an hour early because parking spaces are scarce--first come first serve. When I arrived, he came to my window and...
A. 30 January 2017: I feel it necessary to ask a few questions:
Most importantly - is this guy a married man??
Has he ever done this for another girl or a guy in the workplace?
A random act of kindness it very well may be, and if he's honorable, he may have d... (read in full...)
I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?
Q. I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...
A. 30 January 2017: Hmm...actually, reading your follow-up made a couple of things clear to me.
I believe that if she were to give this "maximum effort" and through hard work, and crazy determination develop a body that a Lakers cheerleader would be proud to have, yo... (read in full...)
I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my husband is causing me anxiety as he prefers drinking and socialising with his friends. I feel unsupported. How should I handle this?
Q. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and married for less than a year so we are pretty new. We are currently waiting for the D day and I'm extremely anxious as this is our first child. The problem is that he just isn't there for me. He prefers hanging out ...
A. 29 January 2017: If this is your first kid, I think he's terrified and anxious about being a dad. He may be cramming in all of this immature stuff because he thinks he's about to be imprisoned by fatherhood.
He needs to grow up. If he's blacking out all the time... (read in full...)
I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?
Q. I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...
A. 29 January 2017: What exactly happened? You've been with a girlfriend for a few years, and you're in your 30's. Did she gain weight? If so, how much did she gain, and what has caused you to get to this point?
Since you're in your 30's, are you being what you... (read in full...)
My mother in law walked in on me naked. I put some clothing on. But should I try not to be concerened? My M-in-Law wasn't bothered at all.
Q. My wife and I are currently on vacation and staying at my mother in laws house for a week. Last night my mother in law walked into my bed room as I stepped out of the the bathroom. I was completely naked. She did not seem at all bothered by ...
A. 29 January 2017: I agree with Andie here. You should talk to your wife about what happened and ask her to have a conversation with her mom about it.
If your bedroom door was closed, your MIL had no business entering it while you were in there. What would bo... (read in full...)
Suffering a workplace bully ringleader. How should I deal with this situation?
Q. Hi, this is just a work related question but it's been bugging me for a while. I feel can't speak to anyone. I have been in my role nearly a year, I love my job, get on well with all my colleagues and I am learning so much. When I started I g...
A. 28 January 2017: What do we do when we see a bully in action?
We confront him or her.
If I were in your position, I'd REPLY ALL on those emails and call her out right there for all to see and document.
You mentioned that you worried that she copies you in? ... (read in full...)
Could her actions in bathroom indicate that she cheated?
Q. My wife got really drunk last night and started a fight then went and douched her vag and left the bottle on the counter on accident. Now swears up and down she didn't cheat and says I'm in the wrong for accusing here. Any thoughts?...
A. 27 January 2017: Somewhere, I think there should be some sort of public safety announcement about douching while heavily intoxicated. You should get right on that Honeypie!
(I'm joking!)
Uhh, in all seriousness, does that happen often?? Not the douching, bu... (read in full...)
I hid a recorder and heard breathing, is he cheating or watching porn?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have a unique issue. I don't trust my husband. For varies reasons. Alot of people thought I should hire a Detective. I really don't have the money for that. A friend of mine suggested I get a voice recorder and set it in the m...
A. 27 January 2017: I've been cheated on before by a partner. Saw him making out with his ex with my own eyes when I caught him. It is a singularly horrible feeling. I cut him out of my life. He tried to apologize. He tried to make amends, but the ship had sailed. ... (read in full...)
I hid a recorder and heard breathing, is he cheating or watching porn?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have a unique issue. I don't trust my husband. For varies reasons. Alot of people thought I should hire a Detective. I really don't have the money for that. A friend of mine suggested I get a voice recorder and set it in the m...
A. 27 January 2017: You've been writing about this since 2013 three months before you married him. He was flirting with other women then, and you still went ahead and did it. But now you spend the marriage constantly snooping on his phone, constantly reviewing every ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with insensitive remarks about infertility?
Q. My husband and I had a lot of difficulty to have our baby. After years of fertility appointments, I managed to conceive naturally and we had our miracle baby. I love him more than words can say. However, I have not forgotten the pain I went through ...
A. 26 January 2017: In people I know, such as friends or family members, I tend to feel differently about insensitivity versus intentional unkindness. One is accidental and they didn't mean to be hurtful, and the other is dealt with very differently.
For someone ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My first serious girlfriend has since come out as a lesbian.
Q. I was a little bit of a late bloomer but in college I finally met a really amazing girl who became my first serious girlfriend and by that I mean that she was all my firsts: first kiss, first love, first sexual encounter. She had been with one...
A. 26 January 2017: My first love of my life, my high school sweetheart, the one I went to prom with and was best friends with came out as gay. No one would have ever known, and he gave zero indication of anything resembling a stereotype. Hell, I thought I had hit ... (read in full...)
I found out my brother has been having an affair. Should I tell his wife or keep quiet?
Q. My brother has been having an affair with a single woman who is 15 years his junior. It has been ongoing for more than 3 years. I am very close to his wife and kids and accidentally found out about it last week when he sent me a text meant for h...
A. 26 January 2017: OP, what you described in your follow up isn't unusual, and even though you characterized them as "reality", they're not. Many affairs actually last a long period of time, and yes, some do end marriages. However, ask yourself this -- why hasn't he ... (read in full...)
Why would my husband delete his porn history, when it upsets me even more than the actual porn usage?
Q. My husband deletes porn from his internet history so that it doesn't upset me. It's not that it upsets me a lot, I understand his reason for watching it is for quick release, usually his stress. And it's not ALL the time so... But I do sometimes g...
A. 26 January 2017: He deletes it for the same reason why you throw toilet paper in the toilet and flush it when you're done using it, or you wash and put away the dishes after cooking and eating off of them. Porn/masturbating fulfills a bodily function just as ... (read in full...)
I found out my brother has been having an affair. Should I tell his wife or keep quiet?
Q. My brother has been having an affair with a single woman who is 15 years his junior. It has been ongoing for more than 3 years. I am very close to his wife and kids and accidentally found out about it last week when he sent me a text meant for h...
A. 26 January 2017: Did you give your brother an ultimatum? A "you come clean to your wife or I will"?
Loyalty isn't merely to go along with whatever a sibling is doing. Sometimes, it's confronting them with the hard thing and making them better than they are. By... (read in full...)
Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...
A. 20 January 2017: Before I start, I want you to know that I'm saying what I'm saying out of a kindred view. I am a private person in real life as well, and I'm not fond of houseguests either. My husband does like to have them, though not to the degree of your ... (read in full...)
Was he wrong for hitting me or am I being dramatic?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 8months, I was pulling a silly face he didn't like and to stop me doing it he slapped my face, not hard by enough to shock me a little. He knows how I feel about face slapping (from previous bedroom antics) ...
A. 20 January 2017: OH no. You're not overreacting. You're not reacting enough.
You know how the term "Gaslighting" got its name? Because of the 1944 movie Gaslight, in which in part of the movie, the man made his wife feel like she's insane by lowering the gas ... (read in full...)
Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?
Q. I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...
A. 20 January 2017: I never said you were wrong. I haven't judged you. Whatever your intentions are or were, you picked a fight. Solving that fight means stepping into their shoes. The fact that you chose to react by becoming defensive confirms that there is truth ... (read in full...)
Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?
Q. I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...
A. 19 January 2017: What made you choose this date for your holiday? It seems a bit arbitrary that knowing your family's emphasis on stuff like this, that you chose this. You said that you had told your family about this since Christmas? You've known of your ... (read in full...)
I don't fantasize about other men so is it wrong that I feel upset that my husband uses porn?
Q. I've read a lot of information on porn use following some tension between my husband and I over his use of it . When we first married I did tell him that I was not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who used porn and he assured me he ...
A. 14 January 2017: Ahh. If you talked to him about it during the dating stage, then he is 100% in the wrong. He misrepresented himself to you. You believed that he had no use for porn. That's getting married through fraudulent means.
I know many guys have jus... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 5 months constantly mentions how good looking he is
Q. Dear Cupid, I (25 years old) have recently started going out with a 26 year old guy. He is a gentleman, treats me well, but I've noticed one red flag (or at least, I think it is a red flag) about him. He constantly mentions how good looking he ...
A. 13 January 2017: Ahh, there are two issues at play here. I don't think I've ever met a guy with this as pronounced as what you've been describing, but if I ever started dating a guy like this (which I didn't really, as these guys show off this stuff before dating) ... (read in full...)
I don't fantasize about other men so is it wrong that I feel upset that my husband uses porn?
Q. I've read a lot of information on porn use following some tension between my husband and I over his use of it . When we first married I did tell him that I was not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who used porn and he assured me he ...
A. 12 January 2017: You might have waited to long in your relationship if you waited until you were "newly married" to state your beliefs regarding porn. The best time to get that out of the way is during the "getting to know you" part of dating.
This is a big is... (read in full...)
Is it ok to masturbate?
Q. Being a sportsperson I masturbate , is it okay to do it? I have heard it decreases stamina etc..just please help ....
A. 12 January 2017: Absolutely it's okay! It actually does you good to do it! The health benefits of doing it are managing stress and depression, gives your brain healthy endorphines, it bolsters your immune system slightly but noticeably, helps you sleep better, ... (read in full...)
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