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My 16 year old sister is sexually active, without birth control. Should I just come out and tell my Dad what my sister told me ?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Health, Sex, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 February 2017)
A male Canada age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My dad is a single dad , he does a great job raising my sister and I but he's a little clueless in the age girl department.

He believes everything my sister tells him.

I've seen her come home drunk and convince my dad that she had food poisoning.

She's 16 her bf is 18. He's a good guy but I know what 18 year old guys are thinking about.

I found them messing around over the weekend and when I talked to my sister she said that she wasn't on birth control because she is afraid my dad will find out.

I explained to her that he will be twice as upset if he has to raise a grandchild right now.

I kinda hinted around, to my dad, that maybe he should have a talk with her and he said that she wasn't sexually active, because she told him that.

Should I just come out and tell him what she told me ? I don't want her to hate me but at the same time I don't want her to ruin her life either

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (16 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't think you should tell your Dad as she will never trust you again. Instead maybe you could step in and offer to take her to the doctor. Try and talk to her and make her see the error off her ways.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

Tell your sister to admit to you that she is choosing to get pregnant. Don't settle for any other explanation/excuse from her about what she is doing.

Saying "I'm not choosing to get pregnant, I just haven't been using BC" is like saying "I'm not choosing to get killed, I just like jumping in front of trucks in the street." When you choose to do the cause, you choose to give yourself the effect. There is nothing accidental about it. Make her admit this out loud to you.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (13 February 2017):

YouWish agony auntNo birth control because she's afraid her dad will find out?? Not a thought about pregnancy being a much bigger neon sign. If it were my older brother, he would have probably rung my boyfriend's neck and scared him into next week, but then again, my brother was *really* protective of me. He punched a guy's lights out for groping me on the bus and laughing while I yelled.

Are they using condoms?! Do they have the morning after pill? You being upset because she puts one over on your dad doesn't do anything to protect her, and unless your dream is to change your nephew or niece's diapers at 3am, which will definitely be put on you as well if you live there, you need to put an end to this.

One thing - your dad isn't as naive as you think. My younger brother did the exact same thing your sister did, and even though my mom and dad went along with his "food poisoning" or "stomach bug" issue, they weren't fooled for one second. Someone who is drunk SMELLS like you shouldn't light a match around them for fear they'll burst into flames due to the alcohol coming from their sweat glands.

But your sister is immature. You're not much further along, and you need to decide whether what motivates you is your anger that your sister gets away with stuff, or if it's a desire not to see her destroy her life by pregnancy and alcoholism.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 February 2017):

Here's two things that are very important in this situation. You have to maintain the confidence and trust of your sister; and you've got to get your dad out of La-La land regarding your younger sister's lying and bad behavior.

He can't be an effective parent if he can't face reality and deal with teenage-issues that can turn his and your sister's life upside-down. Getting angry at your sister after the fact is just stupid. It wouldn't be entirely her fault if she got into trouble. She's just a kid!

Parents are not the enemy!

It's better to be on your dad's bad-side; than withhold information regarding your sister's irresponsible actions that he could have prevented, or at least monitored.

You know, parents are supposed to have some say about who their kids date; if they are incapable of financially supporting themselves. Or, can't make a decision without parental-consent. He works hard enough caring for and supporting the two of you. All he needs is another kid that isn't even his own. How can a 16 year-old and an 18 year-old afford to care for a kid without help? What if the boy disappears and leaves her pregnant? Or the worst case scenario, HIV-positive!

I wouldn't advise you to do anything without your dad's knowledge or required parental-consent; because you would be taking your sister's safety and welfare into your own hands, when that is his job. I guarantee you would create fury you wouldn't want to deal with when he finds that out. She would then begin to manipulate you to get her way. You and your dad would both be at fault, if she gets herself into trouble.

She's still just a kid. She's not fully responsible for her bad choices and lack of judgment. That's why she has a dad and an older brother. Her mother isn't there anymore.

There isn't much that you can do about a 16 year-old girl who is sexually-active and dating an older boy. You can advise her to use condoms (and provide them) and tell her eventually your father will be told about her drinking; and having sex, if she continues lying and drinking.

Remind her about all the possible STD's: chlamydia, human papilloma virus/genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, and Herpes II. Since she wants to be so grown-up, and may not be practicing safe-sex! Forget about birth-control!

You might also have a talk with her boyfriend. That is, if you're not intimidated by him. That's your sister he's messing with, man-up and protect her.

All I can say is, if your dad finds out and you knew; he's going to be upset with you. Your dad has to get his head out of the clouds, and not wait until you have a pregnant sister to then decide to go lunatic all over the place. Who's to blame if he played dumb for daddy's little girl?

As an older brother you are responsible for protecting your sister, and keeping your dad informed when she's going wild. You'll regret it when you see her struggling as a single mother, under-educated; while that 18 year-old flies off into oblivion.

There's too much assumption you can't just speak straight-up to your father; and keeping secrets from him is how things go wrong without his experience and guidance. He's not stupid, nor is he a naive as you portray him in your post. You just don't want to rat-out your sister. You will be sorry!

Your sister needs birth-control. She may be with a guy with too much influence over her actions. Your dad is going to be the last one to find-out if she ends-up pregnant, or with an STD. You could have prevented it all before it happened; if you weren't afraid to face your own dad, or too busy protecting your sister from the wrong guy.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (13 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntChiGirl's right. Tell her that birth control can control periods, so she can tell your dad that. Her boyfriend should also be using condoms.

Don't tell him unless she refuses to get on birth control, then tell her she or you have to tell him because asking for contraception is much better than confessing pregnancy.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (13 February 2017):

chigirl agony auntIf I were you I'd try the friendly approach and figure out how she can get birth control without your dad finding out.

Since you're a guy you probably don't know this, but you can inform your sister that a VERY common way for girls to get birth control with their parents approval, without having any mentioning of sex, is to bring up that it helps regulate the period and it helps against menstrual pains. She can tell her dad that she's suffering from menstrual pains, and that she wants to talk to a doctor about trying birth control pills to help with regulating her period and lessening the pains. If he googles it, it's widely know to be of great help against menstrual pains. And sometimes against acne also. So, then she'd get to go to the doctors and could have her birth control laying around the house too, without daddy having to know that his little girl isn't so little any more.

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