A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:has my partner really changed? we have known each other since he was married 6 years ago. i was also friends with his wife at the time. they split up on several occasions and this resulted in me and him sleeping together. i concieved a baby but was not 100% sure he was the father.he told me he had the snip...then i had my son (when he was 7 months old he was bk with his wife at the time, they looked after him, still unsure whether he was dad or not. wife didnt have a clue until ppl started saying my son looked like her husband) we denied any possible way cos i didnt want any hassle. so i got with someone else and he was still with wife at the time. then he texted me saying he had loved me since that moment we slept together.anyway i said i wasnt interested..and to cut a long story short when my son was 3 we got together properly. he moved in (his wife thought he was here as he told her i supposedly told him i slept with him and had his kid..making out he was innocent but standing by his son which was obvious by this point.) he carried this on until i said i was not going to be the other woman after about a month. he told her they had finished and i got the blame as u can imagine...wasnt his fault..just me! after this she found out my address and startd sitting in neighbours houses watching us,he had to talk to her etc and even her mum came to my house telling him to get in her car for a drive. this was dec and jan..the following feb he was admitted to hospital and had to have emergency surgery, day before i found out i was pregnant with his child again, but whilst i was gettin my kids looked after and running around like a headess chicken letting his family and my family know he was ok i found something out. i got his old phone out the cupboard to use as mine had packed up..and found messages and calls to each other, with him saying 'wheres my kisses, and i love u' from 6 wks before i confronted him and he said it was to sweeten her up to stop her coming to mine. in fact this was the evening i was upstairs in bed crying after an argument and he was obviously down her texting and laughing! makes me feel sick.anyway they cheated on each other through their ten yr marriage (most of the ppl he slept with i knew and still haunts me now he did get divorced after this hooha but she says malicious things on facebook occasionally and i struggle to trust him. tears my skull apart..now i cant help but hink he is always up to something as he done this from under my nose. his phone is never nearby so i cant check please please help me what should i do, some might think karma but i have never cheated on anyone and him and his ex wife were as bad as each other. always a volatile two xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): you abused your friendship with his wife, you slept with her husband and you had the audacity to have her take care of your kid. you just can't see the errors of your ways can you. you were manipulative, shady, immoral and did not have good character. and you man was just the same. from the two of you, which one has really amended their ways?he obviously did not. in fact yo have the evidence and guess what, you deserve everything that is coming to you. i actually pity your kids but then maybe one day you will actually wise up and stop being this amoral person you have turned out to be.your lies ans deceit has gotten the better of you. you sowed lies, deceit , betrayal, pain and you are getting this back tenfold.not a nice place to be. you know he is cheating.just as he cheated on his wife. doesn't feel good. does it?
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 So the wife cheated on him while you were out with her...You went into this tryst knowing that? Was this some sort of a revenge against something you reviled in her? Did your witnessing these events make it easier and did it in your mind justify your subsequent actions? Did you see this as perfectly acceptable behavior?Something to ponder
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i can understand that i was the 'other woman' but be reminded they had split up for several months. and she is just as bad as him as she cheated many times too. so in my eyes they were as bad as each other. the reason i have asked for help, your previous experiences etc as i know my poor kids dont need this. i have done everything to protect them from these insecurities as i tend to talk to him through text or have a word with him when they are in bed asleep. i know i have to accept some blame but as said many a times i dont have sympathy for her as at least when i slept with him he was seperated from her. when she used to cheat non stop on nights out with me before any of this! i put my hands up for getting involved yes. but getting to the point...is it best to finish with him as i dont trust him? or do i stay try and trust and have my kids daddy there? thanks
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (8 May 2009):
What do you expect?
You knew he was married and also a friend of the wife, and you still spread your legs for him...HORRIBLE!
and now you wonder why he may or may not be cheating on you.
are you really that surprised?
Hey just think of what the person who gets cheated on feels...not a good feeling is it.
See, all that time you said his wife was watching you harassing you?
Thats generally the typical reaction people have when they are cheated on. They get real upset and they want to lash out. Being you are half to blame, it is quite understandable.
And you cheated with him. Karma is real my dear. I think maybe you should understand when you get involved with married people in the first place there are consequences.
If you think I am trying to hurt you I am not. I call it as I see it. Rather than tell you what you WANT to hear, I tell people such as yourself what you NEED to hear.
I am simply trying to make you see by your writing that you accept no blame in any of this, and you are too self absorbed to fathom the hurt that you helped to cause.
It does'nt matter whether he and his wife were volatile, you were friends with her and you still boinked her husband. she has every right to hate you. See the way I see it, the wife is making you feel some of this pain.
Realize that he will never truly leave her, because she seemingly has accepted him back to some extent.
Which leaves you with the shit end of the stick. Im sorry your children have to be subjected to this. Ironic that any sentence about what this will do to your children was missing from your presentation? because even at this late date its all about you.
Basically you will always be the other woman in this relationship.
Accept that and move on for the sake of your children.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 May 2009):
 It is common-sense if this man cheated on his wife with you, and whoever else may have come along during his marriage, then he is capable of doing it again, and again, and again...it honestly sounds like a saga befitting of the 'lovely' Jeremy Kyle show! When he argues with you he nurses his ego with his ex and whoever else happens to be willing.
I feel sorry for the children stuck in the middle of this mess to be honest. In my mind it is so much worse when there are children at home - they pick up on your distress and learn some bad lessons about how to have relationships in adulthood. This honestly sounds like a horrible, paranoid situation for you to be in at the moment - reading facebook comments by his ex, finding messages on his phone etc...I would say you need to focus on the real villain here. It is not his ex-wife, whether she cheated on him or not is irrelevant - he cheated on her with her 'friend' and fathered children during that time. If she really is stalking you from neighbours houses then it is probably because he has been sending her mixed messages over the years and has driven the poor woman round the bend! This is not a healthy relationship to be in for you. No-one can tell you if or when he going to cheat on you - although his past behaviour is telling - but it is obvious that you cannot live your life hoping to check up on his phone to verify your relationship status. You don't trust him and I think you have just cause! If I started doing that to my husband then I would think it time to pack my bags and leave regardless of what I discovered on his phone.
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