A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was dating this guy for about a year that I met at work. The question I have is and I probably already know the answer. He was seperating from his wife and also has two children with her. Why does he continue to spend time with her and of course always uses the kids to justify why. He says he would never go back to her but actions speak louder than words so I have been telling him I don't like it and how could we build a relationship if he continues to spend time with her and talks about her. This past week I told him to leave me alone because he can't have both of us. Haven't heard from him. Do you think he will call or e-mail once he gets his head out of his !!!? by the way she filed for divorce and it has become final. I have his code to his phone that he gave me and there have been messages from her telling him that she loves and will see him later on during the week. I'm so tempted to call her and rat him out because I feel for her and of course I would get some statisfaction. What do I do????? Just let it go and karma will take care of him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): I am in a similiar situation, I have been seeing a guy for a while now, he was seperated and had moved out. His wife had an affair,maybe a few affairs. She is very manipulative and uses the children, by telling them that he leaves because he doesn't want to be with them. He says it feels so right to be with his children but so wrong to be with her. But he has now moved back. We were friends before he was married now things have moved on to another level.
It hurts so much, as I have to walk away from my best friend and my lover. But I don't believe the relationship will work as she has been married before and every relationship she has had ended because she had an affair.
Men are weaker nd it must be awful to not see your children every day morning and night, I don't think I could bear it.
I hope you heal from this, but don't call her. What will be will be .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): donr call his wife. thats a nasty thing to do.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Even if the divorce is final , there is nothing to keep them from coming back together.
A divorce is just a license to remarry. The bonds between them and the children will always be there.
He gave you some good times and some bad times but you should not complain as you knew what you were getting into.
Just wipe your mouth after eating and throw away the tissue.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I have to say that I agree with the other comments and to lable that point - I am the seperated man here.I have two children and my divorce is going through. My new partner accepts I see my kids - but I have minimal contact with my ex - only ever spk about issues of concern with the kids and that rarely. Even the fact that I have baggage at all occ puts a strain as my partner took a long time to stop seeing my 'former life' as a potential threat, and I suspect there are still grains of concern as this process takes years. The fact that he has such contact and messages from his ex would seem to be a problem (unless she is vindictive and wants you to find such). My ex would have done that initially to cause problems. If you believe he has no torch for his ex and wants you then stand by him - but you must be able to believe in what you are involved in as you must accept he has children. if you cant do this or you feel that the threat is very real - then get out and stay put. DO NOT ring his ex - she dusnt give a sh*t about you or what you have to say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Your posting brings up an very important issue that many women should take note of. The issue is the misery of dating a separated man. So many women get caught up in this scenario and they complain so bitterly later. You were with a man, who still hadstrong committments and obligations to his wife and kids. This is common with separated men. And let's get this one fact straight, he was not yours to begin with, was he. Separated men are still married, when you date them. So anyway you spin this...the fact remains, he was still married to her.
Sooo..yes, calling her is a bad idea... I know she filed for divorce and it became final. But it appears, he had never fully recovered from his ex wife. Now if she's calling him now, stating that she loves him and wants to see him next week--it means they have something special together. They could be considering a reconciliation. And of course they should get back together. They have children together and those kids deserve an intact home, with a happy Mom and Dad raising them, together.
So ratting him out won't do any good. What purpose would that serve? your satisfaction? She won't care anyways. She wants her life with him back...plain and simple. You will look like a vindictive, jealous, fool. and let's face it, did you have the right, to be dating another woman's husband before the divorce became final. Walk away with some graciousness and allow them to be a family. You made the wrong choice here to get involved with this separated man. Take responsibility and accept your role in all this. Try hard to be classy, detach... heal and recover. And promise yourself, never to date a man until his divorce papers are signed and he's long over, his feelings for his ex wife. It is best to keep your dignity intact and you need to move on and finds a good, decent guy who'll make you his 'number one' girl. Say goodbye and let him go, no more contact. Keep your head high and trust that someone else better for you will come along. Believe me, that is the healthy choice
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hi,
If you contact her what do you expect her reaction to be. That she agrees he is an arsehole? She will see you as the reason her marriage failed.
You have picked a dud that's all. Move on with your life and meet someone without all the baggage. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (28 February 2008):
 It is never a good idea to get involved in someone else's relationship. You need to stay out of what ever they have. The relationship you have is with him. If you are angry with him, let him know, which I think you've done.
Do I think he'll call? Not sure. I also am not sure what is exactally going on with his ex since they are now divorced. I can tell you that last night I sat with my ex at my daughter's band concert and we had a good chat but I can't say I would leave a message on his phone telling him I love him. might say see you later this week.
I think you have said your peace and you should just let nature take it's course. Move on with your life. It doesn't seem that you can have this man 100%.
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