A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I spent an evening with friends last weekend. We each had a fair amount to drink during the evening. Anyway, my bf was talking to his mate about a trip we were arranging with some of my mates, and my bf called me by another girl’s name. I had had a few drinks so was quite merry so part of me thinks that I may have misheard but I am convinced he called me by another girl’s name. His friend didn’t correct my bf which again makes me think that i misheard, but his friend wasn’t really with it at the time anyway. I am not sure whether to confront my boyfriend or give him the benefit of the doubt. How do I approach him about my concerns? I have not heard him mention this girl’s name before. I don’t really feel there is anything to be gained by confronting him because I am sure most boyfriends are going to deny they did that to avoid confrontation. Likewise, though I don’t want him to get away with it if he did mention another girl’s name. I am also concerned that my bf would get defensive. I have spoken to some people to ask what they think I should do. In fact, my Mum says Dad has got her name mixed up before and in fact I have witnessed him getting names muddled up.This has all come at the wrong time really. The other weekend I was convinced my bf was having an affair. I based this on the fact that we spent an evening with friends and he was checking his phone all the time, or disappearing to the loo for long periods of time. His mobile was then down over the following 3 days. His mobile then went down again a few weekends later for 3 days. He has explained everything that has happended regarding his phone to my parents (I wasn’t in at the time). I think the only place he stores my telephone numbers is on his phone so when it went down he had no way of contacting me. I will be hugely unimpressed if he has lied to my parents. Also, very often when I ask if he has done anything nice over the weekend he won’t answer. He says he has had a very possessive ex gf and he needs his space which I fully appreciate, but I don’t feel like I am getting to know him when he puts up these walls.The weird thing is in some ways I feel like things are going really well and he seems to be getting more serious with me (taking me on holiday, arranging for our parents to meet...). There are no concrete signs that he is having an affair. I can be highly neurotic, as my Mum would happily vouch for and my parents think I am trying to convince myself he is having an affair. I have been really working myself into a state about this and wonder if part of the problem is me. I seem to have a real problem with relationships and tend to sabotage them after a while. However, I have never had this feeling with my previous partners. I am really confused!!!
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affair, ex girlfriend, on holiday, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Thank you all for your advice. I think I will let it go this once and if he does it again then I think it may be time for a discussion.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 If the waters in the lake are calm ,
do not throw pebbles into it.
For the ripples it caused ,
can rock your boat.
If yours is a leaky boat,
it may cause it to sink.
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A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Really don't seem like a problem to me. I've called people by the wrong name before, totally unintentional. Probably wasn't even thinking about the other person. Space can be a good thing, especially after it seems like he was smothered by his ex. The phone thing is the only thing weird I see. But, he could be telling the truth. I think it's best to wait it out awhile.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): im neurotic too i can make something out of nothing, it drives my boyfriend round the bend at times, but its not good and i'm trying to deal with that by showing trust instead of judgement, be patient with your boyfriend mine was the same never told me where he was who he was with who was texting or calling him and he even didn't call for a few days at a time but because i let him live how he wanted to he started to gain my trust and when it was right for him he'd tell me his plans and who with and even who was calling and texting, i only told him once and very firmly " i don't tolerate cheating you wouldn't want to be cheated on either " then leave him be his own person, we've been together ever since,[nearly 3yrs] and he includes me in every thing now he doesn't even like going on holiday with out me! don't reuin what you have, build up your self-esteem and confidence that is what is causing your insecurities and don't drink too excessively no your limits good luck!
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I think you should let it go. My ex-husband introduced me at his 10 year reunion with another name. He was sooo sorry that I actually felt worse for him than me. Let it go. Now if it happens again, you should probably have a discussion.
As for where he goes and what he does when he is not with you, it is up to him to either tell you or not. As he has said, he had a non-trusting girl friend prior and doesn't really want that again. Don't go there.
Enjoy what you have as it seems like it's pretty good. Unless you have solid concrete evidence of an affair, don't make one out of the circumstantial wanderings of your mind and some unexplained phone downtime.
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