A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a bit of a strange question. The answer is probably as simple as I think it is, but if somebody could guide me further, it'd be great.There's this song. The first time I heard it, I loved it straight away. I listened to it over and over, I couldn't get enough of it. Unfortunately later that day, I received some bad news that a friend of mine's father collapsed and died suddenly. Naturally, I was shocked.My friend hadn't long started university, and it was universities which split us up, though we remained in contact. Around this time, I continued to listen to the song, over and over. Eventually it became that; any time I listened to the song a short time into the future, I would just think about how awful that day ended up, and how there was little I could do to console my friend being as far away as we are from eachother. She is much better now, considering, and is trying to get on with her life as a student.As for me, I'm okay, except I still can't seem to listen to that song without it reminding me of something bad. I want to enjoy it as I did that first morning I heard it, but I can't seem to. Am I forced to just stop listening to it, or is there anyway to enjoy it without thinking about the bad things which happened?I spoke to my mum about this, and she told me that she used to have the same problem. Anytime she was feeling sad when she heard a song for the first time (no matter how good it was), whenever she hears it today she'll just say "I don't like it", purely because it reminds her of a bad time.So I'm curious for the both of us! Anybody recommend anything?
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (7 March 2008):
 I think it will be easier the more you listen to it. I broke up with my first love in August 2003 and every major song that was released around that time and overplayed to hell on mtv still reminds me of it but the difference is that for a while those songs hurt and i had to turn off the tv/radio. I still remember the song that was blaring from his car the night he drove away from my house for the last time and whenever i hear it i cringe a little from the memories but it doesnt hurt like it used to.
I used to have his phone number assigned a specific message tone and ring tone so that when he called/messaged me it was a totally different tone to when anyone else did. After we broke up, the sound of that message tone would literally make me sick with grief and heartache.
But you move on in time and it gets easier. If you really like the song you should try to associate it with something positive, listen to it when you are with friends/driving/doing something you enjoy. Initially it will be hard and you will have these bad memories but in time you will be associating it with the new memories you created around it.
A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 in highschool was going through a rebellious and difficult stage, i used to listen to an album by good charlotte over and over again. recently, i listened to it again for the first time in a few years. when i first heard the songs, they conjured up the memories of those times when i used to listen to it. however, i started playing it in my car on the way to work in january and now i've come to appreciate it once again and i dont associate it with highschool anymore.
maybe, if you include your song in with some others you like and listen to it on the bus or in your car, you might eventually find that you won't associate it as acutely with those memories. however, you might not be able to enjoy it as if youve just heard it again - it won't be as suprising and original anymore, just like any other song youve listened to a few times.
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A
female
reader, sk.khaos  +, writes (7 March 2008):
You dont. People relate the music to something in their life, a break up, love, friendship, or whatever. If the song has a meaning to you, you most likely connected it to a lost love or whatever it is that it's related to. For example, me and my 1st bf (the one that stings the most) had this special song, whenever we heard it play, we'd think each other. To this day when I hear the song, it still makes my fingertips qiver, and reminds me of him. Somehow we connect those songs that touch us, to our past, present and future and there's no way to erase that.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 I am interested to hear from other people on this question as well.
My brother went through chemotherapy listening to "Fields of Gold" by Sting. He said that it still makes him feel nauseated as if he were in chemotherapy again and he can't listen to it to this day, which is so unfortunate, because it is such a wonderful song. Perhaps it served it's purpose though, because it's beauty got him through a rough time. I remember a particular song after a break-up in high school that to this day makes me sad (Roundabout by Yes) and even the smell of winter in the air for the first time on a crisp fall morning puts me right back on my front lawn, under my olive tree, being sad and 16 all over again over. I think that it's kind of the same phenomena as when people can tell you exactly where they were when JFK, Elvis or Lennon died, or when the Towers fell. Time slows down and we imprint every detail in our memory. Perhaps music pulls us in and puts us in the moment, and that is why we associate it with what is going on around us and are able to recall it so vividly. On the bright side, every time I hear "Stuck in the Middle with You", I am riding in a bright blue '69 Firebird with the top down on a glorious late summer day, staving off the beginning of another school year by escaping into the country-side, head over heels in love with the boy sitting beside me in the front seat, who I later married - so I guess the imprinting on memories associated with music can be a good thing as well! I'd love to hear if it's possible to dump the bad memory ones- however...
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Play the song when you are doing something you really enjoy. Maybe then you will start to associate the song with good memories. You'll have to do this over and over and over.
Please don't let a good song that reached into your soul become an off-limits song. Songs that move us are few and far between.
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