A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. Have a question that I hope some of you can help me with. Should I continue to see and talk to my ex? Its not all the time, every now and then. Sometimes we will meet out for dinner, or spend the day together. Sometimes, I am alright with it. Other times, Its hard and it hurts alot. We were together for a long time, and would be lying if did not say that at times I do miss her. I want to move on but its been hard to let go. I spent a big part of my life with her and when a chance comes to see her or hear from her, I jump at it. If anyone has any ideas, I would be grateful.
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hi
Could be just that she was embarassed? Didn't really know how to come across? If it was a long relationship, i doubt very much she wouldn't be pleased to see you deep down, even if just a curiosity thing! But a friend would be someone you can talk to about your problems, even if you dont speak to each other from one month to the next. You never completely lose touch? Ive got a mate like that from school years, and we will never lose touch completely, but are both busy and dont live round the corner from each other, so only really catch up once every few months in emails or txt and see each other in person maye twice a year.
C xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate- New question: What do you consider a friend? To everyone that responded to this, thank you. Your thoughts were very helpful. I asked that question a little more than a month ago, and now I can respond back to what has happened since. A mutial friend of ours had come home last weekend. She had invited me over, and told me my ex was there also. I did not think much of it. I had not heard from her in a while. I get there, say hello, after that not much of anything. She hardly talked to me. So, does that sound like a friend? It was a very long relationship, and I probably will not forget it. But, why say one thing and mean another? I guess I am still torn on what to do. Anyone and everyone thoughts would be helpful. Thanks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):
Depending on the situation. I have two exes on both end of the spectrum. One was really not a nice person and DEFINITELY we're not friends, although I still see her mom sometimes after church. Another one was broken up by circumstances (she had to leave the country after her graduation/visa expired).
Regardless of the situation, I know that at least you shouldn't be talking about them to your new friend (opposite sex) who you're hanging out with.
I hung out with somebody for about two and a half months and throughout those periods (we went out almost every week or at least talk/email once a week)...I'd say more than 50% of our conversation involved her exes and other guys who she hung out with. Granted I was attracted to her, but I just think it's just insensitive and it's making me feel like she's trying to just recruit as many men as she can to get as much attention as she can and I'm just one of the poor saps who happened to respond to her calls.
I told her finally that we shouldn't even hang out or keep contact anymore, that didn't go well. Fortunately she is moving to a different state, so this is working out well. So I just played along when she said she wanted to be friends but I'm using this opportunity to repair my own thinking and move on to bigger and better things.
It's not that I don't want to be friends, but there is that gut feeling in me keeps questioning her sincerity in wanting to stay 'friends'..otherwise, I would've really be ok in keeping intouch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Hi hun, I agree with hlskitten, you've gotta decide whether it's better to be friends than nothing at all. Believe me, things will get easier, maybe one day you'll be glad you didn't completely cut her out of your life. Good luck, all the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Certainly wish I had the answer, but unfortunately after 21 years of marriage and seven yrs. apart we both want to reconcile but I know we can't get along, as much as we love each other, the hurtful comments still continue to slip out.IS It possible to just be friends?
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A
female
reader, emsy0002005 +, writes (25 February 2008):
im goin through the same thing and i want my ex to be friends and find every silly excuse to be near him but the more i see him the harder it is my advise is break all contact work through ur feelings for her and try to move on never go back always go forward
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 If you find it enjoyable and pleasurable , then by all means do so. But you should only treat her as a friend and do not have too high an expectations of her or you will be dejected and unhappy.
You should let go of the past and do not go back in time.Live in the present .
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A
female
reader, CaliGurl +, writes (25 February 2008):
I agree with Dearkelja, it unfortunately seems that you should not speak to or see her for a while, at least until you find yourself thinking of her much less (which will mean you are over her). It kills me to tell you this because I am going through the same thing right now with my ex-boyfriend! Same thing..we dated for a long time (six years) and now we are friends, but its sooo hard. So I totally know how you feel! You know what to do, but you just need the strength to make the huge step and try to not have contact with her, even if she tries to contact you (which is even harder to resist, I know). The key is to try and maintain that strength so that we don't give into the temptation of making contact. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (25 February 2008):
 I think the fact that it hurts you sometimes means that you are not completely over her, which I think you know. In order to get past this, you need to make a complete break and stop seeing her at least for awhile. You could look her up late when you aren't feeling so attached and vulnerable. It might actually be fun for you then.
Your visits with her are also not allowing you to move on to meet someone new as you keep going through this cycle of missing/wanting her when you see her.
Take some time for yourself and work through the hurt of this relationship and then go out and find someone new. It will be hard at first but it will be one big wound that will heal, not like the wound that keeps festering and not closing.
I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you heal fast.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 February 2008):
Hi
Why not keep her as a friend if you get on so well like that?
If its really too painful then maybe best not, but i dont see whats so bad about having exes as friends personally.
Depends how painful it is, if you are holding out for a reconciliation, might not be the best move! But only you know the answer to that.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, laura listenes  +, writes (25 February 2008):
I think you still have strong feelings for her. The best thing to do is be honest with yourself.Tell her how you feel,if the feeling is mutual you will gain from this losing nothing.You must communicate your feelings with her to understand how the future may go.
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