A
female
age
18-21,
heartbroken8183
writes:I don't know where to turn as nobody understands the pain i am feeling. I work very closely with my boyfriend, from the day we met we clicked. He is 11 years older than me, getting divorced and I fell in love with him. We have been in a relationship for two months now and we both feel so strongly for each other, he shares a house with his wife which he has moved out of, has told his friends and family that it's over between them but they are all putting so much pressure on him to get his marriage back. He tells me he has fallen out of love with her and that he loves her as he would love a sister. However I think things have hit home, he now says he is confused, not with the way he feels but with the pressure he is recieving from his wife, his family and from me. I've tried releaving the pressure from my side but I wan't changes to happen, I wan't him to get his divorce moving and I slowly wan't people knoing about us. What is the best thing for me to do? It hurts for me to walk away and also hurts for me to stay a hidden secret. Do i give him some space for a while? Do i walk away and move on? Can anyone help me as I'm being torn apart.
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divorce, fell in love, move on, moved out Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Hello. I am going through a similar thing although my man has divorced but is only just starting to grieve, two years after separating. He was so keen to get out of his marriage but the elastic has pinged him back and he has hit the wall. He left his kids and he is devastated about that and not seeing his grandchildren (whenever they come along) grow up. He had no idea he would feel this way I am sure. Unfortunately we have bought a house together and I am with my small son who has already had a very upset life and has hardly recovered from the last episode, now this.
The depression my partner has is affecting our lives every day and neither of us can do anything right. I feel very depressed myself. I trusted that this relationship would be the best of my life and it still could be but the anguish and pain about it all sometimes overwhelms me.
If I had hindsight I would not have gone ahead with living together even though I adore him.
You really need to cut out from this at the moment. He will find you when he is ready or not at all. There is no point wasting time, consider that you may be a rebound (maybe I am too!) and he will move on. Anything in the mid-ground is a waste and you can't force him to give you comitment. The more you try the less likely it will be. But he will respect you if you can be smart enough to put yourslf first. It is an attractive quality, to be discriminating. Neediness isn't.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  + ♥, writes (2 March 2008):
 The best thing to do right now would be to give him space. If you push him to prematurely get a divorce then he will only blame you for it down the road. You want him to get his divorce on his own so that he can come to you on his own.
As for wanting everyone to know about you, that isn't possible. You are the other woman much as you don't want to hear that.
Please give this man time and space to figure out what he wants in life. As I've said before, you will not have a decent relationship if he does not come to you completely on his own.
If he decides to stay with his wife, that's just the way it is. And really you need to respect his decision.
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