A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently split up with my partner of 7 years. I've kept myself busy with preparations of my sons wedding in 2 weeks.It has stopped me from mourning my loss, and helped me fight the tears and pain that are tearing me up inside. I loved my partner of 7 years, so deeply in every way.Unfortunately he did not feel the same.These past few weeks have been quite stressful as things are not as they should be. I have held it together for the sake of my children and the forthcoming wedding. Today all hell broke loose. This was due to the fact that i informed my son that i had invited a certain person to the evening reception. Also that I had previously been given 12 invitations from the son in question to invite any friends of my own choosing. The people i invited were a select few of good character and always available to give me a helping hand if needed.my son suddenly turned angry and told me that i had no rights inviting this person and they was not allowed to come. i asked him what this person had done to upset him. he could not answer. By this time i had grown angry myself, as this was the behaviour of a young child not a near married man. Many words were exchanged between myself and my son and i told him to leave my home. On this he told me to drop dead and left.Within 15 min of his departure i received through my mailbox the invitation i had previously given to my guest my son had gone round to their premises hurled abuse and demanded back the invitation. my son has failed to realise that the disrespect and disregards he has shown towards myself and his siblings this last year has taken its toll on me for the very last time. i wont be attending his wedding to stand there with a false smile pretending im happy about having to find hundreds of pounds at the last minuate after being lied to, about the cars,beauticians etc all booked and paid for and humiliated by my own child.no mother should be treated in such a way am i in the wrong for this decision i have taken
View related questions:
married man, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Thanks everyone who has provided an answer,but my son has shown alot of disrespect to not only myself but also to his siblings he deliberately failed to inform his brother about his stag night arrangements,left another brother waiting only to learn they had set off without him,fell out with another brother as he could not get time off work at short notice and then accuses them of letting him down and if that was not enough choose the top hats and tails without discussing what colour etc with neither myself or his 6 brothers yet i am expected to pay for what he ordered for his wedding,his day yet i am expected to stand back and let him pick and choose which my friends are good enough to attend,he has even failed to inform his fathers family about his wedding which is totaly wrong as far as i am concerned but he thinks he is in the right and as you have all said it is his wedding but my expence
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I would have cleared everything before sending out invites. Did you invite this mystery person,knowing he wouldnt be happy about it? Is there any connection or history with your past partner,son and the mystery guest? Is your son your past partners too?or are all these seperate issues? Somewhere along the line,there is something you have chosen not to say.He said you had no rights inviting the person and turned angry,which sounds like you knew exactly how he may feel. You do need to relise its his wedding and they are actualy his guests,not yours.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Chalk it up to stress,his for the upcoming wedding and yours for your break up. Some times a minor disagreement that normally would be settled in a matter of seconds gets blown over any proportion and causes unnecessary mayhem- just because of nerves, and it sounds this is one of those times.
If I got it right ,you had already used your allottment of invitations and this was a last moment extra one ? VERY annoying, I am not surprised that your son got mad. Or, if instead, this person was already included in the 12, still it's always good rule to run the guest list by the groom and bride, and if they veto someone- hey it's THEIR day , they don't even have to justify themselves.
So, from this point of view, you were wrong, you should not even have tried imposing your guest against your son's will.
Of course he was even wronger, mostly because you don't berate and verbally abuse your mom ever,no matter what's the reason, and secundarily because that thing he did of going
around disinviting your guests it's so rude that's even sort of funny... but, let's say you are even, 1-1. Now the game can restart all over, and both of you play by the rules please :) Just relax.. and enjoy the wedding.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I got married 23 years ago this November, to this day, I still remember how much it hurt that my parents didn't come. If your son doesn't want someone at his wedding whoever they are, then it is his choice. Go, smile and mean it.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 July 2011):
 It is difficult to help you here when we dont know why your son doesnt like the person you invited, and why you have only invited this person last minute? Surely the wedding has been planned for a while and you sent out the invitations some time ago? Why have you only invited this person now you have broken up with your partner? It all sounds very strange to me, there must be something going on here that you are not telling us.
But anyay - it is your son's wedding, and he doesnt want this person at his wedding - that is perfectly reasonable. It is his day, not yours so if he doesnt like a certain person then he is clearly going to be upset that you would invite someone he doesnt want to be at his wedding. You should have consulted him first before you sent out any of these 12 invites, yes he said you could invite 12 people of your own choice but it still would have been polite to run your choices past your son and his fiance to ensure they are happy. It is their big day and they only want people who they care about to attend, now your son should have told you why he has a problem with this particular person but still, he is well within his rights to get upset if you invite someone he doesnt want to attend.
I think you need to hurry up and sort this out with your son - apologise for inviting this person, explain you had no idea he had a problem with this person and if you had known you would not have done it. Tell him that you dont want to have this tension between you before the wedding and you want to make things right so you can all enjoy the day. Hopefully because you have held out the olive branch he will apolgise too for the harsh words he said, and everything will be fine.
Missing the wedding is not an option, you cant not see your son get married purely because of a disagreement over an invite, that is so petty and hardly worth getting upset over. I'm sure if you talk to your son you can sort it out and still enjoy the day.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Your family is going through a great deal of stress at the moment. Even the happiest of weddings creates stress in the planning stages. And your break-up on top of that -- I can imagine how hard it's been to keep it together under those circumstances. When we're stressed, and when things have boiled over, we don't always make the best decisions. I would suggest, then, that you take some time to cool off before you commit to a particular course of action.
You haven't given us any detail about the guest you invited, but for some reason there's bad blood between them and your son. Assuming this reaction is out of character for your son, the conflict between them is something you'll want to get to the bottom of. If there's a serious wrong in the past, it's understandable that your son wouldn't want the person at his wedding. On the other hand, if your son is just hot-headed, and perhaps reacting to the stress himself, perhaps he'll cool off and apologize.
I agree that what you've described is inappropriate behaviour. But not attending your son's wedding will likely lead to a breach that could last years, or forever. I would think that that's a step you would want to consider very, very carefully.
...............................
A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I don't think you should miss out on your son's wedding just because of one misunderstanding. Kids and parents don't always see eye to eye and that's one of those times. So go to the wedding. As for the guests, I'm not sure what I should tell you. It's his wedding and his day, but you deserve to bring who you like. Maybe another aunt can help you with that part. But don't miss out on something that you may never have the chance to see again. Be there and ease some of his stress. Hope I helped somewhat.
...............................
|
