A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry, this may be a bit long.I have been talking to my boyfriend online for two and a half years, and we have been together for one year. I truly enjoy his company and love nothing better then spending time with him.We broke up awhile ago because the distance between us was driving me crazy, and I couldn't take it because visiting each other seemed impossible. (He is in Europe)Unfortunately, I was so upset over the breakup that I ended up telling my mother, who I am not close too. She was startled, as she had never heard me discuss boys before because I am very private. She didnt even think I was "at that stage yet" (I am 19). She did not like the online aspect at all, and told me it was good I broke up with him because I needed someone who was older and wiser than me for a boyfriend. Then she tried to make me promise that I would never meet him behind her back.My boyfriend ended up talking to his mother. She was very supportive of him flying to see me, and we ended up getting back together.I havent told my parents.He is finally able to visit me, and I am overjoyed. I know that deep down, when I finally get to meet him in person, I will know wether this is the relationship for me or not. But if I dont, I will never stop asking "what if...?" Right now, I see it as the one for me.I am taking all the proper precautions--meeting him in public, telling friends where I am and who I am meeting, and have verified his identity many times, have him on facebook, webcam, etc etc.But I hate the idea of lying to my parents. Telling them Im not meeting anyone (which they still partly assume, because not telling them about him for two years apparently broke their trust in me)Yet if I do tell them he is coming, they would be furious and most likely stop me from going to see him.I don't know what to do. I have one chance and I dont want to lose it. Do I risk seeing him without telling them? I'm worried they may not let me go "out" at the last minute for random reasons, and mess up all our plans.Advice is appreciated.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Personally I think by the time you're 19 you should have a bit more separation from your parents. If you are concerned that they'll interfere, and you're otherwise taking the appropriate precautions you've described, then don't tell them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): He would stay for several days in a hotel. I agree honesty is good, but what I see their reaction being very angry that I disobeyed them, and simply not allowing me to leave the house/refusing to even speak with him.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I think you should be honest, and tell them long before he comes. If you're 19, you're old enough to think and do for yourself. Your parents really shouldn't be controlling your actions, even if you live under the same roof. Yes, living under the same roof does mean you do obey their house rules, but they shouldn't be so controlling as to who you date, or what time you come home etc.
I am in the same situation as you, except my mother knows my partner and she has spoken to him over webcam. She at first was hesitant of him coming here. But after speaking to him, she agreed that he can stay with us while he's here (wooo).
Where would your boyfriend stay if he did come visit you? How long would it be for? I don't think keeping his visit a secret from them is a good idea, honesty is always the best policy. If they see you being honest and responsible about this, their trust in you might strengthen a bit.
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