| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, i am very confused about my GF's somewhat slutty past because on 1 hand it makes me angry, disgusted, i judge her for it and dont want to be with her but on the other hand it turns me on that she has been a slut in the past!She has slept with about 15 guys before me but the thing that most makes me not want to be with her is the fact she has had a threesome with 2 guys but at the same time the though of her letting herself get used by 2 guys turns me on..... A LOT (i feel like a weirdo).BTW i trust her very much, i know she wouldn't cheat on me, she is funny and caring, we have LOADS in common and we both love each other very much.I am a very secure confident person and iv slept with 10 people but no threesomes.So my questions are.....What do i do? What should i do?Why does it disgust me but at the same time turn me on?????HELP i love her but i cant be with her at the moment because her past disgust me, even though it turns me on!Any advice welcome thx.P.S telling me to just deal with it isnt good enough, i cant, i need to know how too.
View related questions:
her past, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 This comes up often here. Yes, being told 'the past is the past' does nothing for you. Neither, however, will 'thinking about it'. What's happening to you isn't a rational thing, it's an emotional one. That's why you can have two conflicting thoughts at the same time: because your emotions (unlike your rationality) don't play by the same rules, and can be contractictory. Various simple 'logical' arguments that people give you won't work, unfortunately.
Anger is often a cover for more complex emotions. We don't want to face what we're really thinking and feeling, so we get angry about it. Commonly the most powerful emotion is jealousy: the condition you find yourself in is sometimes referred to as 'retroactive jealousy'. Jealousy can make you angry, but it can also make you obsessive: over-thinking and over-scrutinizing your girlfriend and her past. This can put a huge pressure on her and your relationship.
Have you read some of the previous answers about this? If you check my post history you'll find various responses, plus I recommend looking at the history of troubledtoomuch. Here are a few posts in particular:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-cope-with-my-husbands-reaction.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Hi
Leave her alone, to get a man who excepts her for her.
Your confusion is possibly truth about it turning you on...and your own denial of truth.
Did you ask for this truth, then not like to hear it?
You don't sound very confident to me, or you would not concern yourself with her past...
via ccon dios.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt dosnt help if im told to jst let the past be the past!
Perhaps if i understood why this turns me on as well as disgust me it might help me get over it!
Should i tell her it turns me on??????
I already told her it disgusted me.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jagz901  +, writes (6 April 2009):
Yesterday is History, tomorrow is a Mystery. Today is a Gift and that's why its called 'Present'. Make the most of it!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Her past was yesterday. You are looking at tomorrow. Stop looking at the past and enjoy making new memories. As for what she did in her past, if you really think about it, she was only being human and enjoying all she could. If you had the chance to be in a threesome with two girls, I really don't think you would pass that up. Stop dwelling on the past and concentrate on the future.
If you do the math, she only had 5 more partners than you did.
...............................
|
