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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 27 May 2015: no one said i was not having orgasms. I'm just not having sex. two totally different things.... (read in full...)
Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not
Q. Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...
A. 27 May 2015: Right IF you bring it up to satisfy YOURSELF you HURT YOUR WIFE by needing to figure this out.
STOP trying to make sense of human nature... let it go and stop bringing it up.
IF my husband was this pig headed and stubborn and I kept saying "... (read in full...)
He said he can't love me because of my past, but I still love him!
Q. i am unable to get over my ex. we started dating four months ago and it was perfect.by the end of the first week itself i told him about my past, that i had lost my virginity to my ex. all he asked me was, if it was a one time mistake or more than ...
A. 27 May 2015: You can never make it work with a man who has retroactive jealousy and is so very judgmental.
It will never work. Best to let him go and move on and find a mature man who loves you for you and does not judge you for things you did before y... (read in full...)
How can I ignore their inappropriate flirting?
Q. Hello. I have a question that has been bugging me. To explain, it has something to do with a female student in my college Psychology class. I have no idea how old she is. I think she is 18 or 19 like I am. I am also female. But anyway, she and my ...
A. 27 May 2015: I am not sure what you define as inappropriate or even as flirting.
What about the interaction is so disturbing? Are they making jokes that no one else would get?
Or is it just that the class is not a cut and dried lecture that you were ex... (read in full...)
He's not texting as much as he used to!
Q. Hi, I have been dating this guy for 3 months and at the beginning of the relationship he was all over hills for me. But now I feel as if he has been apart for a little bit. I confronted him two weeks ago and he said everything was fine. But he ...
A. 27 May 2015: Pretend you are John and Abigail Adams. They spent a good deal of their marriage which was a very passionate love affair apart. they spent their time writing letters.
IN fact, their letters are very important to the history of the USA.
... (read in full...)
Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not
Q. Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...
A. 27 May 2015: OP you mean to tell me you NEVER ever have wanted to have NSA sex just for the fun of it?
You never wanted to scratch an itch?
In addition, this is all about the past... how is the present and why is figuring out the past so important?... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 27 May 2015: Well you asked me for my input... and here it is.
My ex husband left me. I did not throw him out. He wanted OUT of the marriage and this was his excuse.
The current marriage is a much better marriage.
the sex is the worst I have e... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I fought and haven't spoken in a week. We are playing the waiting game but what should I do?
Q. I have been dating my gf for over 3 years now and she accompanied me to the hospital so I could update my hospital card. She said that the office to update my card closes at 4 but when we arrived she pointed out that they close at 3. I innocently ...
A. 26 May 2015: This is clearly a mutually abusive relationship.
she abuses you and you stay with her.... then you give us YOUR POV... can we get HER POV too?
why do you stay with such an abusive (physically and mentally) abusive woman?... (read in full...)
Should I be allowed a lock on my door?
Q. Hello, opinions on my situation please. I currently live with my step mum dad and little sister. My little sister is my half sister my step mum is her mum. Ive only lived with them for a few months. I used to live with my mum other sister, I was ve...
A. 26 May 2015: I think the locked footlocker is the best idea. also perhaps a "nanny cam" to catch them.
THEN when Stepmom and half sister do what they should not... you can go do dad with PROOF....
I think that you should be entitled to have some of... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 26 May 2015: welcome to my world..... my screen name is based totally on the fact that I was married to my then husband and had met my NOW husband and I didn't know what to do and I was SO VERY confused...
... (read in full...)
Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not
Q. Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...
A. 26 May 2015: so your true issue is "Is my wife capable of lying to me?"
is that your concern?... (read in full...)
Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not
Q. Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...
A. 26 May 2015: OP, my current husband and I will be married 3 years in October. He is my 4th husband.
He is the WORST lover I have ever had. Totally. and I make no bones about it and neither does he.
And yet... he is my heart and my soul and my love... (read in full...)
He has disappeared with only a note 'I love you and want to be with you'
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, Please help, I'm going through a really tough time. My boyfriend and I have been together only four months or so, and it has been a bit of a roller coaster. It's the first time both of us have opened ourselves up to ...
A. 26 May 2015: The second you decide to move on he will be back to reel you in again... and this will go back and forth
You are together a mere 4 months and are already having problems.
talking of marriage is not a very good sign at this point it's way ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 10 years wants kids and I don't
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over ten years and everything is great - I love him and I know he loves me. But the problem is that he wants kids and I don't. We started dating when we were teenagers so it really wasn't an issue ...
A. 26 May 2015: NOT every man wants children. I have several friends that do not. My own husband never wanted children. He's ok having mine (they were grown already when we met) but he still does not get the whole "we will always be parents" thing when I want ... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 22 May 2015: As a former swinger and supporter of the poly lifestyle, I understand your feelings.
I think however that your boyfriend is being unrealistic. HE is your SECOND not your FIRST and your FIRST has final say not your second.
Tell boyfriend to... (read in full...)
Its going on 2 years, we've never met and he won't respond to my questions of "what are we"
Q. So I've been in this Long-distance "relationship" for more than over 1 yr., almost 2. I'm 21 and he's 26, we met on an app and have been talking ever since. Yes we have seen each other so there's no cat fishing here. He lives more up north and I ...
A. 22 May 2015: It's nearly two years and you have not met face to face in real life yet... that's what I got to and stopped..
this is a NON relationship.
stop calling him
stop asking him how he feels
stop asking him where you stand.
ASSUME y... (read in full...)
He says nothing is wrong but always has excuses for not contacting me
Q. I met this guy on a dating site. He texts me often and we decided to meet in real life. A few days after we've both returned to our various countries he starts to ignore me. We had so much fun times together. He's active on facebook and Whatsapp but ...
A. 22 May 2015: I'm betting that what happened was he THOUGHT you were THE ONE... then he met you and realized you are lovely but NOT his ONE...
he does not want to lose you totally as it's an ego stroke that you contact him and want him but he's NOT going to... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend have to drink every night to be happy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living in our new house for 6 months. However, he lives away Monday to Friday during the week. When he comes home he always drinks. the minimum is 3 cans if he comes home during the week, but at the weekend it's always ...
A. 22 May 2015: Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. His father is an alcoholic and there is a strong genetic link to this disease.
I strongly urge you to learn as much as you can about alcoholism and the progression of the disease. It is a progressive disease ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love someone and NEVER be jealous?
Q. Is it possible to care deeply for or even love someone and NEVER be jealous? I have always thought that being jealous meant being afraid to lose someone. That is because you love or care for them so much. And it is a feeling which overcomes us, wh...
A. 22 May 2015: To me, Jealousy is an emotion rooted totally in INSECURITY.
The jealous partner is insecure about themselves and therefore feel jealousy when their partner does things that do not focus on them.
I love my husband. I WANT to be with him. BUT... (read in full...)
Is it worth my time to keep dating a cold fish or should I move on?
Q. Hello I am an older women (OP is 66) and a widow my husband died 2 years ago and I am trying to rebuild my life somehow and have started to go out with another man who seems quite nice. The problem is he says he is a cold fish and does not believe ...
A. 21 May 2015: I think that this is more than his being a cold fish.
He has told you he doesn't do cards... if that's important to you then he's not the man for you.
IF he loves dancing and he cares for you he would WANT you to be part of his hobby... do y... (read in full...)
What does privacy in a marriage mean to you?
Q. Thinking In regards to a traditional old fashioned marriage like your grandparents had/have, what does privacy in a marriage mean to you? What is considered snooping into other peoples things? Examples? What is considered snooping as far as social...
A. 21 May 2015: IN an traditional old fashioned marriage like my grandparents, my parents and I have there are not a lot of secrets.
Bathroom time is usually private as is masturbation and shower time although he's been known to come into the bathroom when I'm... (read in full...)
Can a 62-yearold man climax twice in a day? Is this possible? The norm?
Q. Anyone know what the turnaround time is for a 62 year old man to have an orgasm? Could he have two in one day? One in the morning and one at night? Or is the recovery period longer that he must wait to go again the next day? Just curious be...
A. 21 May 2015: Depends on the man. I know for a fact at 83 my grandfather was still active.
The issue becomes more about if his DRIVE matches your drive.
If you want sex twice a day and he wants sex twice a week... or twice a month... what will you d... (read in full...)
Am I going to look back and regret settling with a guy 16 years older than me?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm hoping to gain some advice away from the judgements of my family. I met a guy through my work who asked for my number, we text for quite sometime and found we had so many similar interests and outlooks- it kind of felt like f...
A. 21 May 2015: I am very supportive of age gap relationships. If the only concern is that age gap. IN this case, the concerns are more about the person you care about.
He is abusive to strangers... he will be abusive to you worse than anything you see in p... (read in full...)
How do I get my lazy bf to clean up after him self?? Bitching hasn't helped.
Q. I've been dating my.boyfriend for over 2 years and we live together I'm 21 and he's 22. We used to have fun together, do stuff together, go everywhere together. But now all he does is sit at home stay in side and play his stupid video games. He don'...
A. 15 May 2015: You don't. You accept that he is who he is and this is the way he is.
I am like him, I don't see the mess... it drives my OCD hubby nuts. We actually had to get a maid since I won't clean to his satisfaction and he won't do it, expecting me... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being his dirty little secret!
Q. Dear cupid me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now and I still have not meet his family or his 10 year old son his wife passed away 6 months before we started dating everytime I ask him to meet his son he just tells me that he doesn't ...
A. 14 May 2015: I'm going to assume he only comes over on Friday and you have sex. IF not every week then regularly.
And you want him gone but you can't do it.
IF you have sex with him STOP having sex with him and see what happens.... (read in full...)
Do you think it is a reasonable action on my part to ask my boyfriend for a loan? I don't think I can ask anyone else
Q. I'm a young female who is currently going through a struggle financially. I had lost my job and am in the process of finding a new one. I've been in a serious relationship with a great man for over 3 years. He has a great job and does good for hi...
A. 14 May 2015: I would never ask anyone but family for a loan and even then I would have it done in writing with a payback schedule and interest (low rate)
My dad has done that for me and also for his SIL at one time.
That being said... My now husband knew... (read in full...)
When is my man likely to feel motivated enough to tell me that he loves me? what could be holding him back?
Q. When will my man say that he loves me? We've been together for 4 months. I've asked some of my girlfriends and they've said he should have said it after about 3 months. We spend every free moment we can together, we have similar interests, he al...
A. 13 May 2015: My husband said "I love you" at our wedding. first time.
I knew he loved me and he warned me he didn't say it often.
I got a copy of the book "the five languages of love" and after reading it I realized that he loved me more than any ma... (read in full...)
Why do some guys chose to ignore you rather than be upfront?
Q. (Sorry for the long post) Even when in the beginning I have repeatedly told him to be honest with me even if it hurts. Why is it now that he refuses to tell me how he still feel towards me? He said he usually gets over a girl after a week etc. but...
A. 13 May 2015: You want to know how he feels? Listen to his actions. they are screaming to you that YOU DO NOT MATTER TO HIM.
yes I'm being harsh but you need something to smack some sense into you.
IT'S OVER and he does not want anything to do with... (read in full...)
Guy from work asked me out on FB and didn't accept "no"!
Q. SORRY THIS IS LONG I AM VERY WORRIED PLEASE PLEAsE HELP ME. Need to explain.. I accepted a friend request on FB from a male work colleague. Stupid I know please dont hate on me and I shouldn't have I know, I hate myself for it!! please I'm ...
A. 13 May 2015: I think you are suffering from some level of social anxiety here. I truly believe you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
He asked. You said no. He asked again you said NO.
end of discussion.
keep it professional at the o... (read in full...)
My ex wants to be FWB. Should I?
Q. Okay so I need a bit of advice. A good friend of mine, we will call him Mark, used to date me. Another friend, we will call her Amber, decided she was going to be a not so good friend and steal him away. Mark and Amber were together for about 3 ...
A. 13 May 2015: just say NO right now... NO MORE... I can PROMISE you that you will be hurt. "It was electric" means you have feelings... and having feelings means you will want more than FWB... and you will read into every word he says and everything he does ... (read in full...)
What can I do? He's shrugged off my complaints about his online contact with his co-worker.
Q. We have been married for 13 years and we love each other and think he loves me more than I do, maybe because he is more expressive than I am. Right from the beginning the only concern I have had is his flirting nature with other women. I don't t...
A. 13 May 2015: When you say their texts are "NOT appropriate" what do you mean?
I am an outrageous flirt. I asked my husband if it bothered him and he said no. He said "you flirt like you breathe I could never ask you to stop" He gets that it's how I i... (read in full...)
I'm sticking to my guns but can anyone tell me what is meant by all of this text?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of a year have recently split up. We had an initial split up a couple of weeks back where he was speaking to another girl and went straight to her after we broke up. But then came running back to me within a week of this break ...
A. 13 May 2015: NO he was not seeking your attention or missing you... it's not about wanting you back... it's about him feeling like you broke up as friends.
let it go. if you ever run into him be polite and civil but accept that it's over as a bf/gf relati... (read in full...)
How do you act when you your boyfriend and his ex will all be at a function?
Q. In a situation where you have to spend a reasonable amount of time at a function where both your partner and his ex are present, how do you handle it? Do you act like the ex is a stranger and only talk to them if they talk to you? Do you seek them ...
A. 12 May 2015: When I run into my ex husband at our yearly events I hug him and his wife. they say hi to my hubby... we are civil and sometimes we even play games together.
Are we friendly outside of this? Not really. but we are always civil and polite. ... (read in full...)
Freelance employee- how much should he be paid?
Q. I run an IT repair business in uk, which i own. I therefore pay for all my advertiding costs for getting new business. I'm looking for a freelance engineer, to be available on an ad hoc basis, paid by the hour. I feel if i pay 25% of labour charge...
A. 12 May 2015: He is the one doing the work... If he's making less than $50 per hour as an independent contractor he's not making enough.
... (read in full...)
It's 'her way or the highway'. She doesn't respond. Yet is quick to ask a favor if she needs help. Is this 'friendship' over?
Q. I have a friend who I've known since HS. We met through another friend who neither of us keep in touch with much now. One time I canceled plans with this friend because I had a second date with a guy. She got SO mad at me- even though our plans...
A. 11 May 2015: I agree with Chi girl.
Stop being the one initiating the activity.
If she contacts you and wants to do something that you want to do and you don't have plans... say yes... otherwise say "next time"
and stop asking her to do stuff..... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me for going to a strip club
Q. My boyfriend dumped me cause I went to a strip club. He's been with friends and though he warned me he was jealous, I never knew he'd go so far. My friend took me and I had no idea we were headed there. I know I could have left but it didn't seem a ...
A. 11 May 2015: Sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to end it.
either that or he's got a huge double standard
either way I'd say "thank you" for ending it and making sure you were not with someone that can't be an adult.... (read in full...)
If he announces he just wants a romp with no sex, would that be a deal-breaker?
Q. I know there has been one or two similar posts, but I would really appreciate negative or positive reponses on the following, from females or males who have experience in this. You meet a guy you think is cute at a party, bar etc, get on really w...
A. 8 May 2015: A long time ago I had a short term relationship with a guy who was very intimate with me and performed every act for me but would never let me near him... WHILE it sounds like a dream come true to lay back and be pleasured by someone and not have ... (read in full...)
My ex makes me doubt myself and feel worthless, but I still have to see him because of our child!
Q. I have recently came out of a five year relationship and we have a child together. However we came to an arrangment of him having our child, but lately he turns up whenever he feels like it and chooses the days that suit him and not me. I don't ...
A. 8 May 2015: "I just want some advice on what to do"
ok... 1 be kind to yourself... when you are ready you will start eating better and getting some exercise and things will improve healthwise.
two... speak to an attorney and get an order for visitation... (read in full...)
Why does my ex-boyfriend think he can have it both ways?
Q. Why does my ex-boyfriend think he can have it both ways??He is still calling on occasion which after the phone calls I only feel worse and now he wants to get together for sex. I admit I was weak and suggested it and we did where I spent the night. ...
A. 8 May 2015: you give him all the power. Why?
"I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now" click and you're gone... YOU have total control but you abdicate it.
Why are you making him a gift? what do you think that will do?
why are you even taking... (read in full...)
His behavior toward my belongings was vindictive and unstable. I think I am being emotionally abused!
Q. I think I am being emotionally abused. I have been on and off again with my boyfriend of 2 years. He's acted out , mostly when drunk. I have gotten really mad, broken up with him twice, and he always begs forgiveness , promises to change and then ...
A. 8 May 2015: I see the words alcohol and drinking and his behavior is fueled by alcohol. This may mean he has an alcohol issue. Alcoholism is a progressive disease that only gets worse.
And their behavior will escalate.
My husband threw things out when ... (read in full...)
I know she loves me, but she doesn't show the affection I'd like her to!
Q. Alright, so me and my girlfriend have been going out for a little over 2 years with like 2 little breaks thrown in. Anyway the problem is that I find her to be really under affectionate. I am a very affectionate person I like the kisses and I love ...
A. 8 May 2015: she is what and who she is. Get a copy of the book "The five languages of love' or check out the website for the test to tell you how a person defines love.
I am a words person. My husband is a gifts and acts of service. I like to say ... (read in full...)
Is it sex that he's after, or am I just projecting my past experiences onto this courtship?,
Q. I had a second date with this guy I met online and he's pressuring me to invite him to my place. I don't know him, so I said no. He was very persistent, and said he's not looking for sex. Anyway, I didn't let him in, but needless to say, I didn'...
A. 7 May 2015: Your instincts are good.... if he's pressuring you for his place or yours then I'd say no.
It may be a money issue... suggest free things or dutch dates like museums or parks or coffee shops and see what happens ... (read in full...)
Is he telling lies too? He is calling me a liar about changinng my mind
Q. Okay I have a simple yet complex question. My boyfriend and I were arguing and he was calling me out for having said that I used to think my boyfriend was well endowed and once I got with him, my thoughts on that changed. Whether that makes sense or...
A. 7 May 2015: It's NEVER a good idea to compare a current beau to a former lover. Same for the men... comparisons do not hing but hurt people.
THAT being said, When you love someone they become prettier and more handsome.
The movie "Shallow H... (read in full...)
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