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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is this acceptable? Recently started dating but he wants that fact to remain a secret.
Q. We recently started dating and he told me he wants us to stay a secret. My family knows but he is afraid his conservative dad will be upset with him. I know I need to wait to see if this relationship is going anywhere but is this a red flag? Should ...
A. 14 July 2015: Is son the same age as you?
Is father paying the bills?
how long have you been together?... (read in full...)
How can I determine and confirm if he just wants sex?
Q. I met a guy online and we talked for a few weeks before having our first date today at a coffee shop. We had a lot in common and he said very sweet things to me, which made me think he liked me. He knew that I was a virgin and that I had never...
A. 14 July 2015: He is NOT serious. A man who is serious about you would not take you to his car to make out.
He would not cop a feel on a first date.
there is NO way to make out on a first date and keep it classy.... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable? Recently started dating but he wants that fact to remain a secret.
Q. We recently started dating and he told me he wants us to stay a secret. My family knows but he is afraid his conservative dad will be upset with him. I know I need to wait to see if this relationship is going anywhere but is this a red flag? Should ...
A. 14 July 2015: why would his conservative dad be upset about you? or is he not permitted to date?
how long has it been and what is he afraid of?
see a lot depends.
6 weeks of dating is different than 6 months
if it's been a long time and the man ... (read in full...)
I know he doesn't want to be with me, I don't necessarily want him but I don't want to be used!
Q. I have recently met a man but I am struggling with how I feel. Basically he is one of those people who gets with a lot of women and is very casual, and seems somewhat hung up over his ex-girlfriend. He says things like 'It would work now but he's ...
A. 13 July 2015: well if you want to not be affected by him then you need to go 100% no contact with him and get on with your life.
It will hurt for a few week but guess what better to hurt on YOUR timetable vs his...he will leave you in the dust when he meets so... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend allowing his parents to control his life?
Q. So...I met this guy online about 7 months ago. We hit it off as soon as we met in person about a month later, and the rest has been history, except for a few insecurities that I am starting to have. He's my age (24..25 this year), and is gr...
A. 13 July 2015: You are not wrong to feel anyway you want.
IF this is what he wants and what he thinks is the best and is workable, then you have to accept it.
He may very well come and visit you regularly. And he may feel the need to transition to "t... (read in full...)
Girl I've been seeing for 9 months is on a holiday with girlfriends. What can I do to keep my mind off her ?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a quick question. The girl I've been seeing for about 9 months has gone on holiday today with 3 other single friends (a few of them are meeting people too) but what I want to know is how I can not be wondering what she's ...
A. 10 July 2015: well if you don't think she's going to do anything to jeopardize the relationship why is it so bad to think about her?
assume she's out and about and having fun and get on with your life while she's gone... see friends you have not seen. catch u... (read in full...)
He (A) treats me right but there is another guy (B) I like more. What can I do, seeing B is not interested?
Q. So i have been seeing this guy for about two months now and he is really nice he treats me right and even gets a little jealous when i talk to other men which i find really cute but the problem is i really like someone else and i dont know what to ...
A. 9 July 2015: If it feels like you always are wanted by the one you don't want and the one you want does not want you... hang in there eventually it will synch.
In this case, you need to end it with the guy you are seeing for several reasons.
His jealousy ... (read in full...)
We live together. But she goes to visit her Mom at weekends. Why do I miss her so much over the weekend?
Q. I am 25. I been with my girl friend for four years. We live in the Same house but she goes to see her mom every weekend and when she leaves I get sad. I feel like i want to cry and I don't want to go out side. I don't know what that is, but I neve...
A. 8 July 2015: why does she go to see her mom EVERY weekend... is it one night or two?
is her mom alone?
is her mom ill?
are you ever invited?
have you talked to her about it? told her how you feel?
it's normal to miss someone when they are... (read in full...)
Was he trying to make me jealous?
Q. This guy and started talking we went out a few times he always text me first . And I will text him every once in awhile but he was being shady so I just gave up completely on him I really liked him and I wanted to move on because he's an asshole. So ...
A. 8 July 2015: nope he was checking to see if you maybe wanted to let him stick it in you... men don't try to make girls jealous for the most part.
young men think with their little head more than their big one.
good for blocking him that's what... (read in full...)
Am I terrible for thinking about other men?
Q. Hi guys I am a happily married 31 year old woman, i have been with my husband for 10 years and feel like our relationship couldnt get any stronger. However, i spend more and more time fantastizing about other men, about the romance, about t...
A. 8 July 2015: sounds to me like marriage has gotten common place and stale and boring... nothing unusual for folks.
you want a hot night of romance and being pounded and WANTED not "did you pay the electric bill and what's for dinner?"
Would having a ... (read in full...)
Do other people get so tired of being oppressed for so long that one day they just snap like I did?
Q. Over the Fourth of July my boyfriend got mad at me because he thought my American shorts I wanted to wear were too slutty so I didn't wear them but I could tell it kind of made him in a bad mood for awhile. We went to a park to watch fireworks with ...
A. 8 July 2015: Honeypie has excellent advice...
what is it you are asking?
I would not have changed my shorts. I would have worn them and hiked them up even higher... and added a skimpy top and CFM shoes.
I would be looking for a place to move ... (read in full...)
We've been talking for 8 months and still no sex!
Q. I need help..Ive been talking to this girl for about almost 8 months and we havent had sex yet. She telling me to wait and I'll ask for it when i want too. Im really into this girl, always bring her out, pay, buy surprise gifts and love talking to ...
A. 8 July 2015: OP thanks for the follow up "I guess I won't bring it up anymore" sounds like a great idea.
She KNOWS you want sex. there is no need to keep reminding her about it.
If you stop talking about it and start just enjoying her on the leve... (read in full...)
How do I keep myself from getting attached to my female FWB?
Q. Hi Guys, Please can you advise me how to not get so attached to a girl that I'm being casual with? We speak everyday, but I want to just keep it to fwb only. Thank you ...
A. 8 July 2015: stop planning.
you "both agreed a relationship won't work"
but you don't know that.
the fact that you ask, means to me that you have in some way considered it as an option.
I had a great LDR/NSA/FWB relationship.... we fel... (read in full...)
Why my ex remodel the house exactly as I'd always wanted, but he never did it until after I left him?
Q. I got divorce last year, it was my idea. My ex didn't take it well and basically dragged me trough hell with himself. I see him regularly because we have a 7 years old daughter. He is still hurt and he and his family did their best to destroy me a...
A. 2 July 2015: now you know why you divorced him.
... (read in full...)
Long distance lover suddenly acts weirdly
Q. I love a woman in a long distance relationship. we met once in my country. everything was ok for last three years, until from recent times she started to behave weirdly. ok so the basic problem is, i cannot have sex with her while we met for just ...
A. 2 July 2015: she is married. that alone makes it not a relationship worth pursuing.
you should tell her to contact you after she divorces her spouse.... (read in full...)
How can swingers so easily have sex with someone they don't love?
Q. I hope this doesn't sound silly. I'm just curious. I know there are people that enjoy sex without love and those that can enjoy sex ONLY with love...or at least feelings for their partner. I'm just curious about swingers. Do you think they can ...
A. 2 July 2015: Nope almost all the long term swingers I know
a. don't have children
b. are old enough to be grandparents
trust me swinging is not for the young.... (read in full...)
I've looked forward all year to going into the ocean but because of recent shark attacks my mother is forbidding it!
Q. This isn't exactly about a romantic relationship,but I'm really hurting and hope you will please help me. It's hurting me a lot. I've got a dilemna. I'm from the coast, and the ocean was always a big part of our lifestyle, and I never had any ...
A. 2 July 2015: there have been SEVEN nearly fatal shark attacks on the NC beach this year alone. way more than usual. i would not want my family or friends to go in the water this year either.
while i agree with your mother, if you are the age you say you are ... (read in full...)
Cheating online boyfriend
Q. I met a guy on a dating site in another state in July 2012 who lived on the other side of the country. Well After September and talking everyday on the phone we said we'd be exclusive and 'date'. We chatted and talked everyday on the phone, sent ...
A. 1 July 2015: You cut your losses and run.
IF you want to have an LDR then you have to meet early on. AND you have to be able to see each other regularly.
AND you have to have plans to END the distance.
You call a man you never met face to face y... (read in full...)
How can swingers so easily have sex with someone they don't love?
Q. I hope this doesn't sound silly. I'm just curious. I know there are people that enjoy sex without love and those that can enjoy sex ONLY with love...or at least feelings for their partner. I'm just curious about swingers. Do you think they can ...
A. 1 July 2015: Thanks for the GREAT question. It's always fun to talk about my former life when folks here often have to GUESS about things.
I was a swinger. I met my current husband when I was married to my last husband. I was able to handle swinging, my... (read in full...)
Have I read it wrong in her interest in me?
Q. Hey guys. I'll try and make this as short as possible. I went on a date with a girl I met on tinder the other night. It was my first ever date so I don't really have anything to compare it to, but it seemed to go reasonably well. It was a bit odd...
A. 30 June 2015: I realize lots of people text all the time. I have one or two friends i do it with but never for something critical.
Like ASKING a girl on a DATE.
last year in August I sent my husband a text. Had it been something like "hey wanna go hang o... (read in full...)
Sick of ex's older wife
Q. I have a son who is 6 years old and my ex currently has more custody than I do, I get him every other weekend. My problem is I'm so sick of my ex's wife and really don't want her around my son. For starters she's 46 years old, 10 years older than ...
A. 30 June 2015: OP I am a mother. I was a non-custodial mother for many years. My children's step mother raised them with their dad and I saw them on alternate weekends.
I am also 13 years OLDER than my current spouse.
YOU are way out of line... in fact ... (read in full...)
He's kind of a jerk but the man I think I deserve at this stage in my life. Is it wrong to think that way?
Q. For five months I've known him and we've argued more than I have through any previous relationship! He's stubborn and selfish with anger issues-he knows this. I'm secretive, vindictive and have issues I haven't yet dealt with...my first boyfriend ...
A. 30 June 2015: NO ONE DESERVES to be treated badly.
IF he is an asshole, then he's an asshole. IF you think that's all you DESERVE I suggest you get into some therapy to work through your lack of self-esteem.... (read in full...)
How can someone be so casually intimate?
Q. I'm seeing a girl at the moment on a casual basis, whenever were together she's very touchy feely, loves kissing and hugging me and falling asleep on me and all that kind of thing, but insists she doesn't want anythjng serious. I'm a little c...
A. 29 June 2015: so maybe it's time to have "the talk" and re-evaluate where you two are and what you both want... things change after a while and maybe they've changed.... (read in full...)
I didn't care for g/f getting heavier but suddenly our sex life has become awesome. Have I conditioned myself to like her body?
Q. Hi. I'm in a bit of a strange place with my love life and wondered what people thought. I've been with my girlfriend for coming up to six years now, 3 of which we have lived together. I used to absolutely love her slim, toned figure but after we ...
A. 29 June 2015: how about you love HER and the wrapping does not change HER.
suggestion... give her some spending cash to splurge on some new clothes that fit well... if you can afford it. No strings attached... well fitting clothes make a huge differe... (read in full...)
I thought an older guy would know what he wants but he's sending missed signals
Q. Is he interested or just playing games! I recently decided to join a online dating site! I met a older guy, he is 51 and I am 40. We first met for coffee, we chatted for a few hours and all went well! He was consistent in his persist with r...
A. 29 June 2015: OH he knows what he wants alright... and it's not what you want.
He wants to get laid.
a guy that calls at 7 pm on a saturday night and for a second date invites you over to give him a massage... has ONE thing on his mind...
the fa... (read in full...)
What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship?
Q. What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship? Call me old fashioned here - but from a woman's point of view - I cannot see how she can get anything from FWB without having some sort of feelings for...
A. 26 June 2015: I am sure that there is attraction between them but I can't speak for others. I will say that when I first saw my now husband I said "he's cute i"m putting him on my to-do list"
are you trying to figure out if someone could like you more th... (read in full...)
A friends with benefits confusion...
Q. This guy and I have been having sex for almost 6-8 months now. Obviously staying within a "friends with benefits" boundary. I have developed Feelings and I am starting to like him., I am not going to tell him seeing I will be moving far away soon. ...
A. 26 June 2015: Well it happened for me.
My now husband and I were LDR/NSA originally. He was to be boy toy, my second partner... he thought it was wonderful till he fell in love with me....
I think a lot of what allowed it is that I was not local and ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again? How do I make it clear it's temporary help?
Q. I recently started dating a guy, i really like a lot. He has been laid off of his job. Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again? I dont make a lot of money but i live comfortably. If i do this how can i make sure he...
A. 26 June 2015: Since you recently started dating him I advise you to not give him a penny...
Any time i have "lent" money to a "friend"
a. i never see the money again
b. the friendship ends.
I also want to advise you to stop doing his laundry and cl... (read in full...)
What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship?
Q. What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship? Call me old fashioned here - but from a woman's point of view - I cannot see how she can get anything from FWB without having some sort of feelings for...
A. 26 June 2015: To me there is a big difference between "fuck buddies" and FWB. The key is that FWB are FRIENDS... and you do things together other than just sex.
"Fuck buddies" get together on a regular basis for just sex.. no dinner, no movie, nothing ... (read in full...)
He's amicably seperated but procrastinates about divorce
Q. I am in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend has been seperated and not living with his wife for five years, they have no kids. We have been dating for 3 and a half years. My boyfriend and his ex are friends and as a child of divorced parents ...
A. 26 June 2015: When my first husband and I separated, we agreed not to divorce until we had been legally married for ten years so that I as a stay at home mom could eventually apply for his Social Security in case I didn't remarry later on. He agreed and that ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife?
Q. Should I leave my wife? I have always trusted her, but because she had gone out one night about 5 years ago and returned home at 4:30 in the morning, I had started to have concerns. That night, I was supposed to pick her up at 11:00. I had cal...
A. 24 June 2015: It seems to me that even if she was telling the truth (which I doubt she is) that you don't trust her. Trust is the most important thing.
IF you want to ATTEMPT to save the marriage (you both have to WANT to btw) then I suggest you tell her tha... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with?
Q. Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with? The thing is - he was lovely to start with, in the beginning, but then we fell out and split up due to his continual flirting with other women on FB. I called him a pl...
A. 24 June 2015: Perhaps he is being "nasty" to you in the hopes that you will "take the hint" and leave him alone?
it was a fling...it's over it's done... why are you letting him take up space in your head.
what's your true hope for this?... (read in full...)
Why would he discuss plans and say he loves me, yet soon after he blocked me?
Q. Why did he want something serious and then disappear and block me? I met this guy online. We hit it off and had an instant connection. After talking for a month, we met in person. He met my friends and hung out with us a few times. We connected an...
A. 24 June 2015: OP, it's not necessarily anything BAD per se. At least not in the traditional sense. AND it's NOT personal. HIS bad behavior is NOT a reflection on you.
IN the long run, you should be grateful he blocked you so that you know what you are deal... (read in full...)
Why would he discuss plans and say he loves me, yet soon after he blocked me?
Q. Why did he want something serious and then disappear and block me? I met this guy online. We hit it off and had an instant connection. After talking for a month, we met in person. He met my friends and hung out with us a few times. We connected an...
A. 24 June 2015: Why he would do it I am not sure... the fact that he did it at all is the problem.
if he runs from conflict or anything that makes him uncomfortable then he's not going to be a good long term partner.
if he's doing it to play games h... (read in full...)
Is my behaviour really irrational, in the circumstances?
Q. hi, I am little confused with my boyfriends actions lately he thinks I am making a big deal out of nothing but I think it hurts me somewhere! Let me give you 2 instances Yesterday I asked his help to write a formal letter this was for my littl...
A. 24 June 2015: is there a reason you didn't or can't say "hey when will you help me with this letter?" and
"so how'd the conversation with your BF go?"
i think you maybe expect things from him he's not aware are expected of him. ... (read in full...)
My Bf is happy to spend and hour or two with me and that's it. I want to spend more time with him. Is my request to him unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend got mad at me because i've been asking for more time with him. He finds time for everything else then I get an hour here and there. He said he cant keep arguing about this and now won't answer my calls. What do I do? We've been to...
A. 23 June 2015: you leave.
you want time. He does not want to give time.
stop calling him.
stop asking to see him.
stop being available to see him when he asks or wants unless it's an activity (NOT SEX) that you want to do like going out to a movie... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who was missing one of their hands?
Q. My continued dating adventures have recently led me to confront this issue. Would you date someone who was missing one of their hands, and why or why not? I'm interested in all perspectives. ...
A. 23 June 2015: I can't see any reason not to as long as they meet all the other criteria I have. TWO matching limbs is not part of my criteria but
intelligence
sense of humor
kindness
generosity
those are the things that would have me determine if a per... (read in full...)
How to turn down dates?
Q. So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem! I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just...
A. 23 June 2015: "Hey do you wanna... [insert activity ]???"
'No thank you" is enough.
if you want to add that you are flattered that's fine.
but I agree that saying "maybe later" when you have no intent to go out with them is wrong.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been talking about a "two-year itch" and I'm worried he's had enough of me!
Q. Please help, im feeling really lost and starting to doubt myself. So been with my o/h for two years, prior to getting together we had been really close friends for about 13 years. We had been amazing for a while, but for about 6 months he has been ...
A. 23 June 2015: OP your update says Nothing to address anything other than the bad care that your boyfriend's child is getting. How does her mothering have anything to do with your relationship?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been talking about a "two-year itch" and I'm worried he's had enough of me!
Q. Please help, im feeling really lost and starting to doubt myself. So been with my o/h for two years, prior to getting together we had been really close friends for about 13 years. We had been amazing for a while, but for about 6 months he has been ...
A. 22 June 2015: He has a history of cheating.
do you trust him? if not, then you will never be happy in this relationship.
2 yr itch? does not exist. even the 7 yr itch is a bit of a fallacy...
he gives you foot rubs
you have sex
he compliments ... (read in full...)
He promised me he'd stop saving inappropriate pictures, but I caught him again and have threatened to move out! Is he being disrespectful?
Q. My man and I live together and have had a long term relationship. He started viewing nsfw pictures and saving them to his computer from a social site we both belong to. He promised he would stop but I found out he is doing it again. Sometimes ...
A. 22 June 2015: It's not that you are being insecure or that he's being disrespectful...it's that you two have different ideas of what is acceptable in a relationship.
You can't control what another person does on their own time.
IF you told him you would m... (read in full...)
I don't want things to get uncomfortable at work, but could she be indicating that she likes me?
Q. I have this coworker, She have a BF who lives in New Jersey and we live in Texas and work at a restaurant together. She's sarcastic to me, sometimes laughs at my jokes, we hung out once at my house before work just watched tv for 30mins Tod...
A. 22 June 2015: Do NOT tell her preemptively. IF she makes a pass at you then you say "sorry I don't date co-workers" and that's that.
but do not make the assumption that she wants to hook up.... (read in full...)
I don't want things to get uncomfortable at work, but could she be indicating that she likes me?
Q. I have this coworker, She have a BF who lives in New Jersey and we live in Texas and work at a restaurant together. She's sarcastic to me, sometimes laughs at my jokes, we hung out once at my house before work just watched tv for 30mins Tod...
A. 22 June 2015: So because her boyfriend is not local you think she's interested?
Just because a couple is not living together does not mean that their relationship does not deserve respect.
She sounds like a friendly co-worker and nothing more to me. ... (read in full...)
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