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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is he telling lies too? He is calling me a liar about changinng my mind
Q. Okay I have a simple yet complex question. My boyfriend and I were arguing and he was calling me out for having said that I used to think my boyfriend was well endowed and once I got with him, my thoughts on that changed. Whether that makes sense or...
A. 7 May 2015: It's NEVER a good idea to compare a current beau to a former lover. Same for the men... comparisons do not hing but hurt people.
THAT being said, When you love someone they become prettier and more handsome.
The movie "Shallow H... (read in full...)
Why is she contacting me again? What is she trying to achieve?
Q. In my freshman year of college, I befriended a girl who I thought was a cool person. However, as we grew closer, I realized she was not a very cool person. She's a manipulative, selfish, immature, clingy/needy, bitch. She's told me some of the thin...
A. 7 May 2015: She has her reasons for what she does... we don't know what they are... the truth is HER reasons don't matter.
YOU did the right thing. you blocked her.
however, instead of saying "busy at work" you should have said "you are bugging me ... (read in full...)
How else could I have handled this situation? Am I wrong to be upset at his behaviour?
Q. I met my husband and child at a restaurant (took separate cars due to a reason) I parked my car then got out and looked around to see where they were. I waited for a while then called him asking where they were. He tells me they are inside t...
A. 7 May 2015: "I politely said..."
perhaps YOUR interpretation of polite vs his interpretation is different?
I can't see why this caused such an issue.. perhaps something else is being masked by this?... (read in full...)
He smothers me and I no longer feel butterflies when we talk. Is it time to end this LDR?
Q. So,this guy and I had been dating off and on for a few years now. We recently got back together, though I think it was out of pity for him. He's very clingy, and he smothers me a bit. We're in a long distance relationship, so we don't talk as much ...
A. 5 May 2015: Yep end it.
and remember, just because a phone rings does not mean you have to answer it.... (read in full...)
My parents struggled. Do I have the right to be resentful towards my parents? Or am I being ungrateful?
Q. I don't want this to come off as me being ungrateful or spoiled but I've always had problems and issues with money. Let me explain a little further. I grew up in poverty and it was that way my entire life. It never bothered me until I became a...
A. 5 May 2015: It sounds to me like your parents have addictions if they would rather shop and gamble than pay bills.
People with addictions are doing the best they can with the tools they have at the time.
It does no good for you to be angry and resentful of... (read in full...)
I'm pissed that I told my BF I missed him in a text and he did not bother to reply back!I'm pissed that I told my BF I missed him in a text and he did not bother to reply back!
Q. Why does it bother me so much that I sent my boyfriend a text saying "Have a good night. Miss you." And nothing. No response. No "I miss you too." It was five hours ago. He was out with his family for dinner and texted me to touch base. I texted ...
A. 4 May 2015: Once I sent a text to my husband in AUGUST. I did not hear back from him as is common as he hates texting. I blew it off.
In NOVEMBER I was standing next to him and he got a text. He opened his phone and it was the text I had sent him IN ... (read in full...)
Why are (many) women disgusted by sexual interest from an older man?
Q. At work, I have been told by young girls that some of the older "gentlemen" touch them and make passes at them (ignoring the illegal aspect, some reason why they don't officially complain), and these girls have complained to me about it, also saying ...
A. 4 May 2015: It's not that the morals and principles have flown out the window... it's that he works very hard to not offend them or be involved with them so He is SAFE...
also if he's very attractive that does not hurt either.
As a 55yr old woman w... (read in full...)
Help needed for a lonely stoner couple desperate to change
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have lived together for 3. I moved away from my hometown to live with him in a little village in the countryside. Up until last year we were in a terrible place, both miserable chronic weed addicts ...
A. 4 May 2015: If you want to quit smoking pot then you have to suffer the withdrawal of it. You will be cranky, irritable, you may have sleep issues. You may find that you are using pot to self-medicate for other issues, so I suggest a visit to a doctor for a ... (read in full...)
Did he blame me unjustly when I was just trying to comfort him and do what seemed right, at the time?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, My boyfriends grandfather whom he was really close to passed away a couple of weeks ago, his grandfather really loved me, and i loved him a lot too. I was really sad hearing about him. He was in the hospital for a couple of ...
A. 4 May 2015: I once had a boyfriend who had a terrible car accident. He totaled his Lotus. And I was supposed to be with him when the accident happened but I could NOT get away.
The T-bar from the car when through the passenger seat headrest. I would ha... (read in full...)
Does he love me or is staying married taking the easy way out?
Q. My husband and I seperated mainly due to growing apart over the years. We were more like buddies and although we had a solid sex life , he was always using porn behind my back when we had agreed this would not be part of relationship and he would ...
A. 4 May 2015: I sense that you no longer love your husband and want out but don't want to be the one to end it. Too Bad.
You want out, then end the marriage. If you want more than he can give you then end the marriage.
If you want a man who does not ... (read in full...)
What should I do about this so called 'friend'?
Q. Ok basically I thought I was close to my work colleague, I treated her like best my friend, she even came to my wedding. She helped me through a really bad time in my life many years ago too and she has also helped me to move house. Then I got pre...
A. 4 May 2015: She's very passive aggressive isn't she?
I personally would not "end the relationship" formally but I would in my head. I would just stop contacting her, calling her texting her...
I would unfriend on social media. I would go abo... (read in full...)
I've repeatedly asked him whether he wants to break up but he says he doesn't. Yet he's cold to me and unaffectionate.
Q. I'm 31. I met my present fiancé about four years ago and we've been in a committed long distance relationship. He's 48 and twice divorced previously. We've always got along well. Needless to say, I love him very deeply. Over the past three weeks...
A. 4 May 2015: What HE wants is not the issue.
IF you are unhappy then what do YOU want.
If he's not treating you the way you want to be treated then by all means ending it seems like the best idea.
You can't change anyone....... (read in full...)
Is it normal for me to feel turned off by my bfs porn use? The porn is always portrayed with younger women
Q. Is it normal for me to feel turned off by my bfs porn use? Knowing that he is watching and getting off to younger women who nearly always look perfect seems to affect my sex drive with him and I can't seem to feel sexy . I am a healthy woman in...
A. 4 May 2015: there are men out there that choose not to use porn.
If his porn use bothers you then you have every right to end the relationship and find someone who does not use porn that bothers you.... (read in full...)
Would I be better returning to my own place? Why are my parents subjecting me to this? Will it get better?
Q. Six months ago, my parents offered me their apartment for 2 years until they decide to retire and move into it. The expectations are that I have to pay my bills and the rent is free. The reason why they offered me this is so that I can rent out my ...
A. 4 May 2015: Why are they doing it? Because you are permitting it and living in a home they own rent free. They currently feel they have the right to control your actions in the home they own.
will it get better? probably not
should I just pack my thi... (read in full...)
Should I stay away from my ex-emotional affair partner, even if I think he needs help?
Q. I have no contact for 4 months with the guy I had an "emotional affair" with. It's been close to a year now since it happened. I still hear about him because we have common friends. I tried to cut them off too for self-preservation but they've ...
A. 4 May 2015: You can't fix him. Stop letting him have real estate in your head. He's not worth your energy.
If it's over it's over and he is making his choices based on his own reasons. Nothing you can say or do will fix it.
If your mutual friends ... (read in full...)
He just just sits there steaming. Why doesn't my husband of ten years accept that sometimes people do want to give me a compliment?
Q. I was wondering if anyone could help....my husband of 10 years hates when people compliment me. If we go anywhere and someone tells me I'm pretty he cringes. I always respond with a nice thank you. He just just sits there steaming. Why?? ...
A. 4 May 2015: Is your husband insecure?
Does he compliment you?
Maybe he's afraid he's not a good husband and you will leave him for greener pastures.... (read in full...)
I would like to have a real future with him. He is married and he and I had a relationship earlier. Am I hoping for too much?
Q. I have had an affair with a guy for about three years and I ended it when I realised he was not going to leave his wife. We have been on friendly terms ever since. Now, 4 years later I am going trough a really,really rough time and he helps me ...
A. 4 May 2015: If after 3 years together he did not leave his wife for you he's not going to do it now.
and even if he did... every time he was out of your sight or on his phone and not sharing won't you think he's with some other woman?
After all he li... (read in full...)
Despite the difficulties I still love her. But what to do? My daughter thinks that I should ask her to leave
Q. My partner is causing me concern in that she does the complete opposite of what is asked of her, when we got together she was very quiet and then after a couple of weeks she started talking to me with rude words. I told her that I dont take this typ...
A. 4 May 2015: By all means send her home. She is not your problem and she is making you crazy.
she does not want to be with you why would you even consider her your partner?
your daughter is right.. time to end the fake relationship.... (read in full...)
The smell of smokers is a turn-off for me. Was it wrong of me to reject her? What else could I do?
Q. I am a guy who doesn't seem to have problems attracting girls. I can't stand girls when they are drunk or smokers, also both because of the smell. The drunk ones are not an issue, as I tell them that when we meet, she should refrain from drinkin...
A. 4 May 2015: If you dont' want to date a smoker and she's a smoker then no you were not wrong to say "i'm sorry but I choose not to date someone who smokes" and end it there.
if she gets insulted it's because she's mad at herself.
You did nothing... (read in full...)
How can I get my 17 year old girlfriend to quit using drugs? How can I convince her that she shouldn't need multiple partners? People tell me to break up with her.
Q. Hello DC! I'm in a bit of a pickle right now with my girlfriend... My current girlfriend and I (let's call her A) have been dating off and on for about three months. I wish I could be consistent, but I caught her cheating with several boys the...
A. 4 May 2015: I am married to an alcoholic. It's a very hard thing for those of us who love addicts to get but the ONLY way to help them is to help ourselves.
and the way we help ourselves is to set boundaries and take care of ourselves and let our loved on... (read in full...)
I love her a lot. But Is it normal that my girlfriend will only have sex with her clothes on?
Q. Is it normal that my girlfriend will only have sex with her clothes on? I love my girlfriend and love our intimate times but she doesn't want to get naked for sex, she only feels comfortable while clothed. She has always struggled with her weigh...
A. 4 May 2015: I have been known at times to be more comfortable wearing a cami or nightie for sex when I'm not feeling good about my body.
what happens when you try to touch her through the clothes?
have you told her you love her and want to see her nake... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid? Or does my 55 year old Girlfriend have too many traits and behaviors of a chronic cheater?
Q. I'm 44 male and left my wife for a 55 year old hot lady. I've been married since 18 and rarely cheated, whereas she's been married 3 times and has 4 kids from 3 different men. She's cheated on all of them, been promiscuous, often having sex same ...
A. 4 May 2015: I am a 55 yr old hot lady myself. I am married. I love to get my hair and nails done. I love to go shopping and buy new clothes and all the fun stuff.
I have had more than 100 partners. Male and female. I have had partners with large pe... (read in full...)
My concern is that he's rather stingy and that after almost 2 years he's not ready for being together in person. Advice?
Q. I've been in a Long Distance Relationship for almost two years. My boyfriend is a six hour flight away and I fly to see him once a month, duration of stay is 4-7 days each visit. During the time that we've been together, he has only visited three ...
A. 1 May 2015: STOP going to see him. Make him come to you.
Stop taking time off from work Make him do it.
You have handed him yourself on a silver platter.
You are rowing the relationship boat and he';s just laying back floating along with ... (read in full...)
Would it be cruel to leave him. Or could it do him some good? I'm terrified of what'll happen if he continues like this.
Q. I'm between a rock and a hard place and I really need some advice. My boyfriend has always smoked weed. At first it was just once or twice a month when he would hang out with a particular friend. I didn't like it but he never did it in front of m...
A. 1 May 2015: There is no cruel or not cruel here. There is you taking care of you and him taking care of him.
YOU taking care of YOU MAY impact on him. It may not. You don't do what you need to do FOR him. YOU do what you need to do for yourself.
If yo... (read in full...)
He's been selective, about what he says, when he's communicates with me. Should I just end my relationship with him?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We met on a dating website and chatted online for about 4 months before meeting. We then, or so I thought, had a good relationship seeing each other every weekend, chatting during the week. In ot...
A. 29 April 2015: yes move out. "I was selective with what I told you" is a nice way to say "I lie when it benefits me"
he's not trustworthy.... (read in full...)
Do you think we will work out?
Q. I recently met this guy online. He seems like an honest decent man. We have been talking to each other for only 2-3 days but I think I already have a huge crush on him. Well I think he likes me too; he'd like to say something more about him when I ...
A. 29 April 2015: have you ever had a relationship in real life?
You don't KNOW this guy... you are infatuated with the IDEA of what you THINK he can be. YOU are not even infatuated with HIM as you barely know him.
DO not stop living your life where y... (read in full...)
She calls me her daughter but charges me $US 500 per month to live with her. Is that too much?
Q. Im 19 year old, I live with my ex guardian. I have been living with Her since I was 16 year old when I dad passed. She increased my monthly payment to $500 a month for staying there. I used to pay $300 before. She calls me her daughter but why do I...
A. 29 April 2015: What will rent somewhere else run you? What will the utilities cost.
Around here 500 dollars a month for room and board is reasonable. it seems to matter where you live however.
why not live somewhere else with a few roommates?... (read in full...)
He has the stamina. But why can't I achieve an orgasm with my Bf? Do I need to see a Doctor?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we are very close and he knows me well. However, during sex I just don't seem to get an orgasm. He'll thrust and continue until he ejaculates and then bam, he's done. He can last for over an hour befo...
A. 29 April 2015: MOST women do NOT orgasm from penetration. He can thrust from here till the cows come home but it's the same as if you played with his scrotum and testicles and expected him to orgasm from that.
A woman's orgasms come from stimulation ... (read in full...)
I agreed he can come back only if he promised to make a doctors appointment for some help, am I making the right decision?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 months has finally admitted he has a drinking problem and needs help. He's changed a little since he met me he use to drink everyday but now it's weekend benders. At first it wasn't a problem as we were just having fun but as time ...
A. 29 April 2015: Here I come to save the day…. (no not really) but this is RIGHT up my current alley.
YOU can’t fix him. You can’t make him want anything. My spouse is sober since January 5th. He goes to rehab and alcoholics anonymous meetings. I go to ... (read in full...)
How can I politely deal with people who offer their advice on whether we are having a boy or a girl?
Q. Ok, so my fiance I have been thrilled to be expecting our first child. We dont want to find out what we are having because I cant wait for that moment when the doc says "its a..." when it is born, but I have had a lot of people who dont seem to get ...
A. 28 April 2015: Having had my babies before we were able to know what sex they were, the standard "I don't care as long as it's healthy" works for me.
... (read in full...)
Is this verbal abuse? Are we just not right for each other?
Q. I am on the fence about the man I have been in a relationship with for 2 years. I don’t know whether I am wanting to get out of the relationship too soon or if am avoiding the warning signs of what could be verbal abuse. Background Sto...
A. 28 April 2015: didn't even have to read the details...
since you asked for advice... LEAVE. LEAVE NOW and do not look back.
His behavior will escalate and he will hit you... don't wait for that...... (read in full...)
My husband has gotten verbally abusive again - how do I help him stop?
Q. My husband has gotten verbally abusive again, even though things were getting better on that front for years. How do I help him to stop? (not so )Short intro: We've been together for almost 20 years. At the beginning things were OK. But as we finis...
A. 28 April 2015: I hear you. And I felt the same way but Al-anon taught me that to detach with anger would leave ME angry and hurting and to detach with love was best FOR ME.
the fact that it impacts positively ON HIM is a bonus.... (read in full...)
Follow up to previous post: How should I act when he comes home?
Q. hi all. Following my previous post where basically my bf of three months went to india- sister's wedding and his cousin's wedding. Also his parents live there. Even though he had said not to msg as his sisters will be near him etc, i found it ...
A. 27 April 2015: Be glad you only spent 3 months with him. thanks for the update and I'm sorry you are hurting.... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong? Or was it just insensitive of her? She hasn’t been there for me once over the situation, did I just expect too much?
Q. Last year I found out my father wasn’t mine and my twin’s dad, but he was our elder sister’s father. Since this has come out we have had a strained relationship, mainly through her not understanding or being there for me. After months of struggle...
A. 27 April 2015: IF you said "you're dad's favorite you're his" then yeah... you need to say "sorry I lashed out at you"
YOU have no clue who dad's favorite is. Both my kids think they are my favorite.... (read in full...)
I don't want this to happen in real life. But am I normal to have these secret fantasies about my wife?
Q. I have a wife and am happily married but during my own time I'm constantly fantasizing about her having sex with other men, particularly big black men. It turns me on thinking that she is enjoying/ pleased more especially as they have a bigger p...
A. 27 April 2015: I can assure you that you are totally normal.
... (read in full...)
I love him so much. But when he's been drinking he says nasty things and is argumentative. Why is trying to ruin our relationship?
Q. My partner is for the most part a very loving kind man who says he adores me and I am his world. However he likes to drink on his nights off work (he works nights) and when he has had too much to drink sometimes he can lose his temper big time. I...
A. 27 April 2015: If he can't control himself when he drinks and he continues to drink I would class him as an alcoholic.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and his behavior will only get worse as time goes on.
YOU can't fix him at all. All you can do is ... (read in full...)
How can I convince myself that this is my mind playing games? Or is my FWB interested in another?
Q. My FWB and I have being seeing each other for a year now. I'm Starting to fall for him and I ADORE him. I don't know if he feels the same but I'm too scared to tell him how I feel. For a while I've always had issues with jealousy and recently he...
A. 27 April 2015: when my husband was accused of doing drugs in rehab (and he was not) he did not get angry. the rehab called me and said "he didn't get angry, this is not a typical reaction so we assume the test was wrong (it was)
You MUST tell him how you ... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong? Or was it just insensitive of her? She hasn’t been there for me once over the situation, did I just expect too much?
Q. Last year I found out my father wasn’t mine and my twin’s dad, but he was our elder sister’s father. Since this has come out we have had a strained relationship, mainly through her not understanding or being there for me. After months of struggle...
A. 27 April 2015: Oh yes we have favorites. Any parent that says they don't lies. BUT we don't tell our children.
I used to say to my kids when I put them to bed 'you are my favorite [insert child's name]. this worked great with my older son who is special ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong make up an alternative story for officials about how we met? She is my fiancée and we met via webcam. She was a webcam model.
Q. I met a woman. She was a webcam model. We fell in love, got engaged, and now are planning weddings. She is from Russia, me USA. We applied for fiancé visa and have the interview next week in Moscow. They will also ask us how we met, but we ar...
A. 27 April 2015: I work for the government. NEVER lie to us. NEVER EVER. we will find out and the punishment is worse than the truth ever will be.... (read in full...)
Are my large breasts an impediment to finding and dating a guy? I feel my breasts are a turn-off.
Q. I have large breasts ,( an e cup )and have been single a while now . It seems to me that men don't like big breasts and actually find them a turn off. I am beginning to feel insecure and think no man will ever want me as every guy I talk to or re...
A. 27 April 2015: I have a friend who is a GG. she's a bit on the heavy side but it's mostly her boobs.
Her husband refers to them publicly as MAGNIFICENT. She wont' get a reduction because she is afraid of surgery.
IF your current bf does not like large ... (read in full...)
My husband has gotten verbally abusive again - how do I help him stop?
Q. My husband has gotten verbally abusive again, even though things were getting better on that front for years. How do I help him to stop? (not so )Short intro: We've been together for almost 20 years. At the beginning things were OK. But as we finis...
A. 27 April 2015: My husband is in recovery from alcohol since January 5th. He still behaves badly but we have learned a lot of good coping techniques.
One is "detach with love" this means I do not hold a grudge or a resentment or anger.
WHEN he calls... (read in full...)
Follow up to previous post: How should I act when he comes home?
Q. hi all. Following my previous post where basically my bf of three months went to india- sister's wedding and his cousin's wedding. Also his parents live there. Even though he had said not to msg as his sisters will be near him etc, i found it ...
A. 12 January 2015: he's been gone for 23 days... just over 3 weeks... not a lifetime... (sorry I'm looking at 90 days apart from my husband right now)
and at only 3 months dating it's not a long time so I think that you should
a. wait to hear from him
b. le... (read in full...)
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