A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Thinking In regards to a traditional old fashioned marriage like your grandparents had/have, what does privacy in a marriage mean to you?What is considered snooping into other peoples things? Examples?What is considered snooping as far as social media is concerned? Bank accounts if not shared?What if one spouse after decades of wedded bliss all of a sudden starts bringing up privacy concerns?What do you make of this cupid?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 May 2015):
 I agree that privacy is going to the bathroom by yourself with the door closed.
Privacy is RESPECT for each other as an INDIVIDUAL. We have each other's passwords to EVERYTHING, but that doesn't MEAN I go through his things. I don't snoop his Facebook or e-mail. He doesn't go through my e-mail either. I do NOT believe SNOOPING prevents a "cheater" from cheating, or a DUMB person from doing DUMB things.
I DO understand why there can be times when a partner acts odd and it results in snooping, though I'm more of a fan of JUST asking and gauging the reactions.
He has a box with old photographs, I have a box with old photographs, I don't go through his without an invitation and he doesn't go through mine without one either. THOSE boxes are "private" in a sense.
As for finances? Well, we share. We can both look at the account and make changes, but we DO talk big purchases before spending money. We BOTH sit down and budget together.
My parents had 3 accounts. My Dad's, my Mom's and a shared. The "shared" paid all the bill. My Mom would put half the money for the bills in there, my Dad the other half. What they had left in their accounts, was "theirs".
What if the spouse brought up privacy issues, you ask?
I would sit down and talk to figure out exactly WHAT he means by that.
If he FEELS like you go through his things (phone for instance) out of some "control issue" or "mistrust - it NEEDS to be discussed.
What has changed recently that privacy is now a subject in your marriage?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 May 2015):
 IN an traditional old fashioned marriage like my grandparents, my parents and I have there are not a lot of secrets.
Bathroom time is usually private as is masturbation and shower time although he's been known to come into the bathroom when I'm showering.
I go out with my friends without him and do not discuss everything we talked about.
we both know each others passwords but don't check up on each other as we have trust. Neither of us password protect our phones.
My money is his money and his money is mine... joint accounts and spending all the way.
If all was open and now all is not open, then something has changed and possibly not for the better...
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 May 2015):
You don't have a "privacy" issue...you have a "trust" issue.
Privacy in a marriage is being along in your bedroom, and you don't want anyone else to know what you are doing.
Snooping is a lack of trust in someone. Which leads to insecurities.
If one of you is have a private time outside of the marriage, then it a "cheating" issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): What if one spouse after decades of wedded bliss all of a sudden starts bringing up privacy concerns?
Yes what about that?
What is snooping in a marriage?
I didn't know that their was such a thing??!?!?
I mean If I con't to bring up cheating over and over and snoop and look into things over and over and over and hire a P.I.
I could see where that would be a problem of paranoia …..maybe... but
as another reviewer said privacy is the bathroom door being shut….. or private fantasy about the gardener that I would never act out in real life.
Other than that I don't see privacy and marriage as being simultaneous.
When one starts putting up walls and talks about privacy that a red flag is raised yes or no?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 May 2015):
 Can you be specific as to the bringing up privacy? I have no problem answering the esoteric or general question, but something tells me that there's a specific issue that would help you more in the answer.
So, what behavior has changed in your husband?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 Privacy to me means a closed bathroom door is sacred ground.
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