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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I need to talk to my b/f about trust since I caught him texting. How do I start the convo?
Q. Around 5-6 months ago I found that my boyfriend of almost two years had been messaging other girls. Some messages were friendly however others weren't, I confronted him about it and he didn't give me a straight answer at first until I kept asking ...
A. 8 April 2015: When I want to know how my relationship is doing I ask my husband "how are WE?" which is very different from "how are you?"
you could start with "how are we?" and when he says "I'm fine" or "we're fine" you could say 'well I am not quite... (read in full...)
Does he just want sex? I'm too afraid to ask!
Q. I'm confused, I'm not sure if I'm liked as just a friend or sat not, met this guy since wen I was 18, we spoke alot and distant 4 a while till I was 21 at that age he came back, we skyped spoke about us and all , then once I asked wat he wants from ...
A. 8 April 2015: It's not complicated at all. He's a player. A sweet talker who is using you for sex.
If you stop having sex with him he will stop calling.
Since you like him more than a FWB I think it' better for you if you go NO CONTACT with him and ... (read in full...)
Husband facing unwanted divorce without communication
Q. Ok my wife and I have been married almost 6 years, we were deeply in love with one another . Then my wife got a job in another state almost a year after we were married. So I moved with her, I was arrested for a crime I did not commit, 3 years of ...
A. 8 April 2015: She has checked out of her life with you for whatever reason. I do not think it's about you.
Congrats on getting your life back together after the charges.
I would let her go and move on with your life. She may in time want to be invol... (read in full...)
I don't think he will ever change. Should I just move on once and for all?
Q. I was supposed to get married approximately a year ago, but called the wedding off about a month or so before it was supposed to happen. If I hadn't called it off, HE would have gone ahead with it, even though we were not getting along at all. I ...
A. 8 April 2015: You are correct he will NEVER change. He is not the man for you. And I think you are correct that NO CONTACT is the best way to go.
You are young enough that he's a time waster for you. Cut him loose... ... (read in full...)
My wife works with her ex and he's always calling her
Q. my wife works everyday with an x lover and he is always calling her on the phone for long conversations and she doesn't understand why this bothers me. We've been married for three yrs and it is becoming a problem so what should I do, leave or let ...
A. 8 April 2015: Do you understand why it bothers you? Have you explained to her calmly what bothers you about it?
What are the conversations about?
do you think she is emotionally cheating?... (read in full...)
I love my b/f but don't wish to have sex with him anymore
Q. Okay, so I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and I am 20 years old. He is very affectionate, caring, and I know he would do anything for me..he is my best friend. He wants to marry me. However, we argue constantly because I am not very ...
A. 8 April 2015: What you want at 15 is not what you want at 20 and what you want at 20 will not be what you want at 25...
I think you have outgrown boyfriend as a boyfriend. It's time to end it and move on to new experiences.
You can love him but not wan... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want me why shouldn't I get it else where?
Q. I'm entering the 10th year of my relationship and my sex life has been on the decline for the past four years and my bf says he doesn't know why he just hasn't got the urge and he doesn't even pleasure himself. My dilemma my sex drive is higher now ...
A. 8 April 2015: NO one should have to "report every move" or "fight to wear lipstick" neither of them is a normal way to have a relationship.
I understand staying. I stay with a man who was until 92 days ago an active alcoholic who was abusive. I didn't n... (read in full...)
How do you stay 'good friends' with someone when you really fancy each other? Would it be better to just cut all ties?
Q. This site looks great!! So glad I came across it. My question that I have is about friendship between a man and a woman. I have had an on off 'thing' with someone at distance for a few years and neither of us are quite ready for a proper ...
A. 7 April 2015: If you fancy him and keep hoping for more and are wasting your life waiting... then yes I think it's best to cut ties.
I don't see anywhere you mentioned "another woman" am I missing something?... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want me why shouldn't I get it else where?
Q. I'm entering the 10th year of my relationship and my sex life has been on the decline for the past four years and my bf says he doesn't know why he just hasn't got the urge and he doesn't even pleasure himself. My dilemma my sex drive is higher now ...
A. 7 April 2015: A man in his 30s with no drive needs to speak to his doctor. Once he determines that it's not a medical condition he can better figure out how to fix it.
you have to talk to HIM about it.
Your options are as follows.
a. stay the way you... (read in full...)
Was his threesome suggestion just an excuse to have sex with another woman? Is it wrong that I felt hurt by his actions?
Q. I agreed to a threesome with my husband and a friend. I've never been with a woman but agreed to try to please my husband. He didn't even touch me. feeling uncomfortable, i went outside. he proceeded to have sex with her. i was reduced to watching, ...
A. 7 April 2015: yes it was an excuse to have sex with another woman.
what do you think would happen if you said "now I want a MFM threesome" NO WAY JOSE is what he will say...
YOUR feelings clearly do not matter to him. YOU do not matter to him.... (read in full...)
He called me selfish. He blames me 100%. Is there anything else I can do, to try and help us find solutions, not blame?
Q. Whenever me and my boyfriend argue he always blames me for whatever problem has occurred 100% and never takes any responsibility.Though I must say we do not argue any more than any other couple I know. I used to take this that things were 100%...
A. 7 April 2015: Relationships are not 50/50 they are 100/100
so that BOTH of you are 100% responsible. It's not YOUR fault or HIS fault. IT just is.
However if he can't or won't take responsibility for his actions, then he is not mature enough to be ... (read in full...)
He has a new job and I'm worried that he'll text girls. How do I control my jealousy?
Q. So my boyfriend has just got a new job which involves working away sometimes, today is his first time working away and he is away for 4 days. I'm so happy for him that he has this new job however at the back of my mind I can't help but think he...
A. 7 April 2015: Can he only message other girls while he's away?
Of course not. He could sit on the couch next to you and be messaging other girls.
Either you trust him or you don't.
Remember that jealousy is an emotion rooted in INSECURITY. Wh... (read in full...)
He never texts me first anymore! Does he like me still?
Q. I have been seeing this man for over two months. At first, we would text all day everyday and call and video call often (him texting me first most of the time). Now it's been little over two months - he doesn't text me as often first but always...
A. 7 April 2015: I'm not sure that asking him "what's going on" is going to be of any help to you at all.
The way it works most of the time is that men start out like a ball of fire... then they crash and burn and women thinking something is wrong..get a... (read in full...)
Is he bisexual? Just a bit worried about the kinky things my BF enjoys
Q. Hi. First to give you a little background, me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 10 months, we are generally happy together, we argue like most couples but over all we get on just fine. There is just something I am a bit worried ...
A. 7 April 2015: MOST of the men I have dated over the years have liked anal play and NONE of them were gay or bisexual. They just were comfortable with me and their sexuality.
... (read in full...)
I'm ready to settle down and start a family, but she isn't.
Q. Dear All, I need some advice and help, I have got myself in to a pickle! I am a 34 year old man, I have been looking for ideal soul mate or a woman who I can start a family with, In the process I have dated quite a few. I finally moved in with ...
A. 7 April 2015: "an ideal soul mate OR a woman I can start a family with"
you make it sound like they are two different things.
So I assume that the girl you live with does not know about the girl you date. and vice versa... hmmm
if you want a ... (read in full...)
Am I trapped in this relationship with his Ex-wife a factor? Now he wants to move closer to his Ex !
Q. I will try to make this as short as possible. I am 60 yrs old, live with my boyfriend (AND his grumpy Mother) for 3 yrs...who has been divorced for over 20 years, he has a 30yr old daughter who is married with kids of her own. My boyfriend ha...
A. 7 April 2015: I would let him move and stay where you are. I like the idea of a roommate. You have some options. can you buy a condo or something and get a roommate to help with the bills?
Since you can't change HIM do you want to change YOU?
if yo... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 6 April 2015: Oh poor male Nonny, your argument makes NO sense.
"help I've fallen in love with my FWB I don't want to leave her what should I do?"
we get that all the time. we say "tell her you love her and see if she wants more"
BTW your fri... (read in full...)
How can I improve our sex life? My wife does not like to try new or different things. She is a plus size too
Q. MODNOTE: for those in other countries here is a size conversion link ADDED to this post by a Moderator http://www.usatourist.com/english/traveltips/shopping/shopping-womens-sizes.html ---------------------------------------- How do i make sex with ...
A. 6 April 2015: I had a much better sex life when i was a size 28 then I do now as a size 12/14
just saying the size is not the issue.
so she's nervous about trying something new,... define NEW
google fat sex positions... there are tons of s... (read in full...)
Am I just wasting my time hoping for a long term relationship or should I give him the space to figure out what he wants?
Q. I met a guy, who is new in the city 4 weeks ago through a dating site. He is 44 and divorced in another country nearly a year ago. On date one he told me that he wants a chance to date and meet women, but that he does not rule out a long term ...
A. 6 April 2015: "I'm not ruling out the possibility of an LTR"
is code for "No I'm not LOOKING for an LTR but if I meet 'the one' I won't say no"
BUT you are not "the one" (at least not yet) and he has every right to not call you for a weekend or not... (read in full...)
Is he trying to tell me something?
Q. After 7 yrs together my boyfriend gives me an Easter card that came as a freebie and signs it only "love" when he always signs it "love always" or "I love you". I asked him what's up with that (he knows I love cards) and he said he just liked that ...
A. 6 April 2015: Wow you are way over thinking this.
do you always look for the worst case in a situation?
... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying to talk to him or just move on?
Q. I have been talking to this guy who goes to a different school. Because of this and because we're young (can't drive) we never get to see each other we talk loads on the phone and all that but never in person. We have been "friends" for a like 5 ...
A. 6 April 2015: so you are talking... why can't you talk?
or are you thinking that talking means you are trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend...
you are correct you two should not attempt dating... but talking... I have friends I rarely see... ... (read in full...)
No contact or contact? I want to feel indifferent. I want to get over him. But is it normal to still want to be friends? Or not?
Q. My ex contacted me after a long time. He was the most serious relationship I have had and although I have moved on with my life, I have not found someone else yet. He has moved on and has a new long term girlfriend. We split because I felt h...
A. 6 April 2015: It is perfectly ok to say "no thanks just toss it away or if it's really important you can mail it to me"
but it's fine to NOT see him and NOT be friendly with him.
... (read in full...)
Should I ditch my current relationship and try being single again? Could this new guy be problem free for me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have began fighting quiet regularly over almost anything. This has made the relationship difficult, and we both have been debating going our separate ways. In the past four months a guy from work ...
A. 6 April 2015: yes I would end the current relationship and be single.
this means you don't rush directly to the "new guy"
the fact that you are crushing on the new guy and let him kiss you says that your current relationship is over and done. You have ... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 6 April 2015: Because I remember being a 16/17 yr old girl. They do not WANT FWB they want a boyfriend.
and they are going to make the sad assumption that boys think like girls do and girls will only "give it up" if they care and like/love the guy and want... (read in full...)
Text overload and being clingy may have scared him off!
Q. Hi there, I am looking for some honest advice and interested in hearing views from men as well, if possible. Basically, if a guy really genuinely likes a woman and is 'into her', during the early dating stages and she freaks him out with text ov...
A. 6 April 2015: I get it.
It took me a long time to learn this one thing.
Women need to be with a guy to feel love
Men need to be apart from a woman to feel love
It makes no sense to us but I saw how this worked when I was having an NSA/FWB with my... (read in full...)
He makes excuses to not give me his facebook password!
Q. So i've been with my boyfriend since mid November, i love him dearly but i've always had a few trust issues with him. As of lately theyve gotten really bad, he wont give me his Facebook password, uses the excuse "i change it to much, ive forgot it." ...
A. 6 April 2015: Trust is critical. what has HE Done that causes you not to trust HIM. Unless you don't trust him in general based on what OTHERS have done, then not trusting him is a sign that you need to heed.
You have been with him for 5 months and y... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to?
Q. Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to? This is how it started. I asked my bf to go to a Billy Joel concert with me, but he didn't seem to interested as his ski trip was in the same month and as of yet did not ...
A. 6 April 2015: Your question was "is it wrong?" the answer is, there is no right or wrong in this case. HE was invited or was it YOU and HIM specifically?
If you were invited and you did not go, and you did not RSVP, and he had a plus one then I see no h... (read in full...)
I want to ask my co-worker out. Should I text, call, or go up to her, discreetly, and ask her out - face to face?
Q. For the past two months I've been having fun casual conversations with a cute co-worker of mine (we luckily do not work in the same department at all, she just works on the other side of the building) and I recently asked her out for lunch and she ...
A. 6 April 2015: You work in the same place, is there a rule that co-workers can't date? IF not, stop overthinking it.
do not text.
I would prefer you to ask either in person when you see or or by phone (call after work)
if she does not answer you can ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't stop taking drugs. should I leave him?
Q. I am 25 and my partner is 30. We have been together for 8 months and have had an uneasy relationship. We love each other very much, but he takes class A drugs occasionally and I did not like this. When I came to the decision to leave him he told me ...
A. 6 April 2015: If you say yes "just this once" it will become "just the weekends" or "just when I am with my friends"
Is this a deal breaker for you? If it's a deal breaker you need to leave.
You need to learn that you have NO CONTROL over what he ... (read in full...)
Will a married man ever replace his long term mistress with the next best thing?
Q. I am here to ask a question to everyone but WITHOUT JUDGMENT or PREACHING. I know affair posts get everyone very worked up. But I am not here to be crucified. Just to get help. I want to know what you think the answer is. It will help me immensel...
A. 3 April 2015: Your fear is very valid.
He is a liar.
He is a cheater.
by cheating on his wife and lying to his wife, a woman he has been with for over 20 years he proves to you time and time again that you can't trust him that he's able to lie and pul... (read in full...)
Boyfriend keeps kicking me out and I am Pregnant
Q. I'm in need of some advice. I don't know what's going on with my life. I'm only 21 And Ive been with a older guy for the past 2 years and a half.. He has always had the control of the situation because I moved from my home town to all over with him. ...
A. 3 April 2015: You called your dad to help you figure out a way to stay with this abuser by asking for a car.
I'm betting if you were willing to leave this guy and go NO CONTACT with him that your parents might be a bit more forgiving. But do not lie to t... (read in full...)
I am his client, what are his intentions?
Q. Hi, I'm looking for advice about a man who I know professionally. Well I'm his client tbh. He is always helping me out some his job and others above and beyond. As part of his job he needs to do home visits sometimes and always comes alone but ...
A. 3 April 2015: he's about double your age and I fear he is using your inexperience to set you up for something that is not "kosher"
you say you are his client.
your neighbors/friends are also his clients and that there is STAFF.
sounds to me like he's be... (read in full...)
Why did he ask me to keep this quiet from his girlfriend?
Q. My ex has offered to lend me the money to either get a new car or repair the one I have, with the agreement that I pay it back to him without his current girlfriend knowing as she doesn't know about this money he has in savings. I'm confused as to ...
A. 3 April 2015: Is he asking you to LIE or to not mention it?
they are dating so technically his finances are his to do with as he wishes.
I have to be honest if it's a large sum and I was serious with a guy who was properly supporting his child with payme... (read in full...)
Was this military man attracted to me"
Q. Hello, i was working at beach resort, when a group of guests came i took them around the resort .There was a certain man who was asking questions and he talked to me about the lunch bill. Inside me i was attracted to the way he talked but kept it ...
A. 3 April 2015: I do not think you should start planning your first date or the wedding if that's what you are asking.
It's probable that he meant nothing by it. He just has a an easy going nature with people including strangers like you.
... (read in full...)
He inappopriately texted other girls, worried he still has something to hide
Q. My boyfriend and I went through a rough patch because i found out he was texting girls inappropriately. I decided to forgive him and he said he'd show me his phone and give me all his passwords in an effort to regain my trust. Now, at first,...
A. 3 April 2015: If he said you could see his phone and have his passwords and now he's backtracking and saying no i would assume he has something to hide.
OTOH I don't have a need to go through my husband's phone at this point and i have nothing on my phone I ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend keeps kicking me out and I am Pregnant
Q. I'm in need of some advice. I don't know what's going on with my life. I'm only 21 And Ive been with a older guy for the past 2 years and a half.. He has always had the control of the situation because I moved from my home town to all over with him. ...
A. 3 April 2015: A man that abuses you (verbal abuse or mental abuse or emotional abuse is just as much abuse as hitting you) is NOT a great man.
Just because he supports you financially he is not a great man. Stop giving an immature abusive man a pass becau... (read in full...)
Is the threat of poverty clouding my judgement?
Q. Okay, so tell me if im the crazy one. My bf and I have been living in my house with my disabled mom for a few years. Our finances combined took a tumble; I ran out of my inheritance, and he lost his job. He has stated that he will help me with the ...
A. 3 April 2015: your boyfriend is being passive aggressive in not cleaning up the room.
if the house is owned by you or your mom then you tell him "you have ONE week to clean that room up or I will do it for you" then you do it.
IN addition if he li... (read in full...)
I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Q. Why would my mother, treat me bad, just because I'm not interested in getting in the middle of my dad and my mom seperation.I've tried keeping out of there business, yet she is now threatening to tell lies about me to my boyfriend. My heart is so ...
A. 3 April 2015: This one is easy for me but then it's not my mother being foolish.
You go to the boyfriend and you say "my mom is over reacting to my being an adult and she may come to you and say things that are not true to try and HURT OUR relation... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 3 April 2015: male annon said: "If a girl is using her body as a "means to and end" then she is trying to use her body to MANIPULATE a guy into something he did not originally want. It is TAKING ADVANTAGE of his bodily cravings for sex and hoping to get him ... (read in full...)
I'd like to talk to him more, but is it worth the money?
Q. This past fall, I took a pe class and unintentionally developed a crush on one of the cute guys on the last day of class. I added him on Facebook over the winter break and messaged him once about the class. During the winter, we didn't have class ...
A. 3 April 2015: It's s swimming class which means you won't get to talk to him all that much anyway... it's a waste of time and money.
you are already friends on facebook, go ahead and message him... but I'm betting your crush is unrequited. IF he was inte... (read in full...)
He has told me he really wants to be Friends with Benefits, I don't know what I want1
Q. MOD NOTE: Previous question from same asker can be accessed here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-me-being-madly-in-love-with-him.html hi:) ( i'm a fan of himym so i'll use the names, it is not related to the personalities of the characte...
A. 2 April 2015: oh you poor horny little thing...
we are trying to help of course touching his penis (you can't even say PENIS or dick.. felt good... that's how our species procreates... if sex felt bad we wouldn't want to do it and we would die as a race. ... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 2 April 2015: But the young girls "offer their body" as a means to an end. their belief is that the boy will have sex with her and fall in love with her.
Boys who permit this belief.. "I'll respect you in the morning" "of course I love you" or any of t... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 1 April 2015: yes you do... you know what to do..
tell him to take a flying leap is what you do.
NEVER EVER settle.
young women do not need FWB. neither do young men.
IMO FWB is for old divorced folks who do not want to get involved but ha... (read in full...)
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